coolchick

Tramatized soul, i completely relate to the feelings that you have just now. The feeling that there is nothing to get out of bed for, the emptiness without your ex and the fantasy in which way he will come back to you. Ive been there and done that, and guess what? I needed a slap!! ](*,) Last year, my ex ended it with me after 4 and a half years together. I was devastated, kept texting him and begging him to come back, that i would do anything to change the way i was for him to love me the way he used to. I cant believe how low i let myself go. Looking back now, i cant believe i did it. He's only one person in this whole planet, someone who i would have done anything for yet he didnt give a s***. Then something hit me, id been letting my university work slip, had to take time off work coz i couldnt face thinking about anything other than him, what right did he have to take all my hard earned work away from me while he walked about all happy?? So i decided, i was going to motivate myself, do anything i could to take my mind off him, went to the gym and listened to bouncy happy music whilst working away! I spoiled myself a little by buying some nice new items for my wardrobe, went out and had drinks with friends leaving my mobile at home so that i wasnt even tempted to call or text my ex! Then i decided to go away for a nice couple of weeks to a hot country with my friends. Thats something you should do too!! Get yourself a good new job, give it your everything and make money so that you can spoil yourself! You deserve to think about YOU first. As each day passes, you'll think to yourself, "oh...i havent thought about him atall today" and give yourself a smile That day came for me, and it will for you too xx

To be honest, if the relationship has only been over a short period of time it wont work very well unless both of you have absolutely no feelings for each other. I was with my ex for 5 years and we broke up last year for 6 months, got back together and split again in march. I have tried to be friends with him but for some reason he is nice to me one day, maybe even two but then he turns right nasty again. Its been like this since the split and is never consistant. Ive decided to give up now, there's no point in being friends. Friends are people you enjoy spending time with and learn from. If ex's are people you still love or ones who cant be civil to you then whats the point? You wont want to see them move on as it'll only make you upset, and if their horrible to you then that'll make you upset too. Do you really want to be upset all the time?

Maybe he wants to have his cake and eat it? Still hung up on his ex and trying to get her to like him but its not working. Then when the girl he was seeing is maybe going to go out with someone else he feels threatened coz there's no one around to like him anymore. Have you ever heard of people who constantly complain that they have an admirer and say that they dont want to be with them, only to find that when their admirer moves on to someone else they get really jealous and upset? Think about it before you make a mistake with this ex boyfriend x

How long have you been feeling like this for? Ive just been reading your last posts and their all very much about your girlfriend, except nothing about not feeling the same way about her anymore or hints of heading towards falling out of love with her. You mention a lot about your conversations with your girlfriend about dreams, her mother etc...it sounds as though you both are very close, but what i dont understand is that there sounds like no indication that you have fallen out of love with, certainly not until this new girl has appeared on the scene. I hope you dont take this the wrong way but are you feeling that the grass is greener on the other side? x

I know....what i meant by liked was that i didnt feel threatened by her which is strange because most people are of their boyfriends ex's, especially their first loves. But i always make an effort and say hello etc. The reason i say that she would love to see this insecurity is that she is the type of girl who would get a big head over it and think that im jealous of her which i am most definitely not! I just feel as though she is being really disrespectful and hurtful to post such a thing especially when everyone looks at it

Thank you so much RayKay for your reply. I know that i should ignore this and that it was innocent as it was when they were young. I just feel so hurt that he has her profile on his friends list when it says something like that will be looking at his profile, go into her's then read something like that "he'll always have a special place in my heart". If it just said first love i would be totally fine...i understand that its special for a girl but its really hurting that it stares me in the face in black and white. I would never say or do something like that, especially when i know that the lad has a serious girlfriend of 4 years and are trying to work hard on patching up unsteady ground. This has been just like another stone hit at me and i feel so sick inside

Hey everyone, a couple of months ago i got back together with my ex who i was with for nearly 4 years. Im trying so hard to forget the past, and just move on with our lives. Its been very difficult because during the 6 month split we were both with other people. My boyfriend and i have struggled hard through this and knew that it wouldnt be easy just picking up where we left off. The thing is tho, we have finally come to terms that we've been with other people and trying not to let it upset us anymore and try to forget about it. Well, just the other night i was browsing about a website where people have profiles and pics etc. I looked at one of my boyfriend's friends who is actually is ex from years ago. I liked this girl and am always friendly and talk to her whenever i see her. But just the other night, i noticed she has a folder on her pics saying "my favourite boys". It has a recent picture of my boyfriend in it and below it says " my first love *smiles* he'll always have a special place in my heart x"........... I cant tell you how much this hurt and gutted me Like someone shoving a knife right through my stomach. Its been playing in my mind since yesterday and i cant forget about it. It hurts so much that everyone is looking at that and making little comments about him I dont want to tell my boyfriend because it'll just start an argument between us and there would be no point because it is nothing to do with him, its not his fault she put it there. I dont want to say anything to her either because she'll just go back to my boyfriend and tell him how jealous and insecure i am and she would love it probably. I know i should ignore it but it'll remain on that site with people talking about it...its been there for months but the first time i have came accross it. Could anyone give me any advise please? My stomach is in knots sick with how inconsiderate she is

hey AC874 i sent you a private message x

If you have already told her how you feel and she has blantantly said she's not interested then im afraid its time to stop hurting yourself Ive been down that road far too many times. I myself was with my boyfriend for 4 years and he decided to leave out of the blue. Each time i told him how much i loved him and wanted him back, that i would do and change anything to have him back in my arms again, he told me that he didnt love me anymore and wasnt interested I cant tell you how much that hurt, and to believe that i kept doing that to myself for 6 long months is scary. I dont know how i coped. If she's the one who ended it and you've already told her how you feel then the ball is now is her court. You have to leave her alone now. If she changes her mind or in any way wants back together then she knows how to get in contact. Please, anytime you feel like contacting her just switch off your phone and come on here. I can garuntee you that each time you text and you either get ignored or have yet another earful about how much she doesnt want you, you will just be causing yourself ten times more pain and it'll remain that way until you learn your lesson. Good luck and remember to come on here and post however many times you need. God knows i did! x

Im sorry but ive been in a similar position like that. My boyfriend didnt cheat thank god but he left me out of the blue then before i knew it he had another girlfriend. It lasted 2 months while i suffered the most pain i have ever known and then the girl cheated on him. Guess who he came running back to? Yup, me. And silly me because i loved him still so much took him back. I can tell you right now that the relationship WILL NOT BE EASY. Its going to be sooo hard but this will test how much you really want to be with him. I still feel anger just now as i felt so stupid. As if he just casted me aside while he went away and had his fun, then when it didnt work out he just came back to me again coz i was an easy option. You have to ask yourself why you cheated on him, why you wanted this other person back, then as soon as the other guy isnt interested you just go running back to your previous boyfriend. Is it because you cant go without having a boyfriend and need to feel loved? or do you actually truly care about this guy? You need to ask you yourself deep down these questions because the road in front of you wont be easy. Dont put you or him through any more pain that you already have if the answer to the question is the first one. Good luck x

I understand that you have deep feelings for this girl but im sorry...you only have yourself to blame for getting yourself in that situation When you found out she had a boyfriend, especially as long as 5 years, you should have backed off immediately!! She keeps telling you that she's going to end it with him but has never "got round to it?" If she truly didnt want to be with him and wanted you then there would be no triangle that your talking about. You say that you love this girl and you feel depressed when she's with her boyfriend.....well imagine this girl was your girl...yours only and had been for the most part of your life and you loved her so much (its obvious her boyfriend loves her if he's stayed in the relationship for 5 years). How would you feel if you found out that she was sleeping around on you? Bringing a man back to the same bed and having sex with him just like you do? You could only imagine the pain...but the sad thing is....your the cause of it. Your the one who's going to anger this man and perhaps even be the one alone and hurt. You have to seriously consider what you've got yourself into and what your doing. This girl is having her cake and eating it...having sex with you then when its time for her boyfriend to see her she kicks you to the kirb and sleeps with him aswell. Who's to say that if you start going out with her she wont do the same to you and you wont have a clue about it. Id advise to steer clear of this whole situation until the girl decides who she wants in her life properly. Good luck x

Hey, your story is getting like the way mine used to be by the minute! I wanted my ex back soo much despite him leaving for no reason and treating me like crap. I guess you want what you cant have. When he found out that the girl he was seeing was cheating on him, he came running straight back to me. I imagined this in my head so many times, never thought my dream would ever come true, but when he eventually did, i felt nothing but anger. Anger that he thought he could just drop me when he wanted to and when he got bored decided to come back again. Things might be different for you so i cant really advise you not to give your ex another go but i know that when i did, the only thing i thought about when i spent time with him was all the hurt he put me through and how easily he walked back into my life. If you truly love your ex, tell him that you are willing to start seeing him again to get to know who is he again, as the person who left you was not the man you loved and trusted. Keep seeing the other guy that your dating just now aswell and keep your options open. You dont need to tell either man what your doing as your not involved in a serious relationship with either of them. That means your ex can prove that you can rely on him, but if he starts to show his true colours again you can tell him to get lost and you can make an effort with the other guy. Good luck!

Your doing him a much bigger favour by ending things with him now and give him time to get over you than to expand your relationship with him and get him paraniod that you dont want to be with him anymore. I know its soo hard...but i had to do it and once its done you can walk away and deal with it. I put myself in my ex's shoes when i did that. I imagined what it would be like to really really like someone but know in your heart that they grudged texting or speaking to you on the phone never mind meet up with you. Its so painful to be paranoid that the person might not love you. If you tell him then it means he is being told the truth, wether its hurtful or not, but it means that in time he can learn to accept it and move on with his life. Your just prolonging the pain for both of you by keeping the relationship going. Once its done, you'll feel a huge weight off your shoulder. Dont care about what he might tell other people. Its going to be obvious that he's hurt due to you ending things with him and people will take what he says with a pinch of salt and think less of him. Good luck girl x

Hey everyone, I havent posted on here as a new topic for a long while. I found this site in about april time and from then on i posted regularly to get help and support from everyone on here after my boyfriend of 4 years ended things out of the blue. Today i decided to look back at all my posts from the start. I always remembered the hurt he put me through but reading it again has made me a little angry. He did so many things to me, treated me so badly but yet i was posting on here saying how much i needed him and wanted him back. With the clouds away from my eyes and the pain eased away, i am slightly angry at myself for letting him treat me so awful but yet i was the one asking what i could do to get him back and texting and calling him asking to meet up. Why did i degrade myself so badly? What did i want a man back who left me at the flick of a switch and enjoyed the torture he put me through just to give himself an ego boost? Now i can only learn from that experience and know that no man will ever be treating me that way and the result being me begging him back! For everyone on here posting that has just gone through a bad breakup...please remember that you are a person aswell...a good person who deserves love and devotion. There are so many people out there who are waiting to find someone and treat them the best they can. Why are we wasting our time on people who look down on us and enjoy seeing us in pain so that it makes them feel amazing about themselves? Devote time to yourself, give your heart a break from crying and just go out and enjoy what the world has to offer! The world aint about needing someone in your life...its about having someone in it who will treat you the best they possibly can! x

You bet it will! I know its sad etc but honestly the reaction you get back is unbelievable. I did that. My ex starting seeing someone straight after we broke up and i just cried and cried about it. What i did was put a pic of me and a guy that i met on holiday that my ex had never seen before and put it on my msn profile and changed my status to long term relationship. I sure as hell got a lot of texts and phone calls from him asking who the guy was! I would recommend you putting maybe a website on...have you ever heard of link removed Thats a great site, you can put on a profile, pictures and tell all your friends about it. Your ex will then see all these pics of guys and time will tell what his reaction is! Although i have to warn you tho, he might get angry and do the same thing and it would just hurt you, thats the consequences of trying to hurt someone as much as they hurt you, they might decide to hurt you even more for revenge Pm me anytime to let me know what you decided to do! x

You know exactly what you have to do. Get out of there! Just like you did with your ex boyfriend. If he does this now then whats your future going to be like? A punchbag who is right under his thumb and probably brags about it to his pals that your "stupid". The only thing stupid about you is that you are still with this guy. Get away from the whole group of people related to these two. You made a mistake by getting involved with his friend, now you have to get clear air and concentrate on yourself and do whatever and whenever you want without the fear of being punched. If you stay with him then im sorry, but you are stupid and proving to him and everyone else that you are.

I understand how you feel about the insecurity. Sometimes we can let it eat away at us so much and constantly be in our minds that we unleash the anger out on the person we love the most. When your feeling so much hurt and fear its hard to step back and look at things with a clear head. How do you feel about this girl you are with now? If its nothing serious then perhaps you could end it with this girl and sort out your feelings. You were hurt that the girl you were with was going to leave you for someone else. Please dont do this to your current girlfriend. End it with her first so that you can sort out how you feel and work out your insecurities. How long has it been since you last contacted your ex? You could maybe message her and start off a casual conversation and then if she's responding, you could ask to meet up with her for a coffee and just explain to her how insecure you were. Just talk it over to get everything off your chest. This way, you can find out how serious your ex is with her current boyfriend. If she isnt serious with him then she may see that you have changed and realise that you made serious mistakes the last time you were together. You have to prepare that she may not want you back but at least you can put everything to bed and move on with your life. Making sure that with your next girlfriend, you will love and trust her and not make the same mistakes you did before. Good luck!

Dont be hurt by people on here, we are here to all be honest and upfront with each other, wether that be good or bad...we all joined here to talk to each other and get the advice that we ask for. Your post passes you as being shallow simply because of the descriptions you made of your boyfriends as "below" you. That is where the title shallow would have been thought of, not because of your personality as none of us know what personality you have. Back to the topic tho, your mum dying is not means as an EXCUSE, so please dont think that its nothing important or related to the way you feel. It'll be a huge reason for your fear of someone you love leaving you. That way, if you chose someone that is not as good looking as you, then, in your own head, have eliminated one way of them possibly leaving you. Would you agree?

Whats the therapist saying? Its obviously nothing to do with the past boyfriends and the way they were treating you, because you say you picked these men because you were insecure. Have you found out any possible reasons in your therapy that have helped you find out this? Thats where your problem lies..it could have been anything to do with childhood experiences....things to look deeply at and find out if your reacting to things in a way because of a fear of something that might happen to you that perhaps happened to someone close to you. As soon as you start from the source, thats when you can start to rebuild your relationships with people and stop living in fear

Thats the first sign....knowing that you are doing it and admitting that it is wrong to think about other people that way...have you ever analysed your previous experiences with either family or friends and find out why you think your boyfriends will leave you if they realise that they are good looking or potentially in your words "equal" to you? There is definatley something underlying that you have to think about deeply to find out why your insecure?

And im sorry to say, but i agree with volution...you do seem quite shallow 0X No one is "below" another person....

Im sorry...but i dont really understand what your saying? Your pointing out your current boyfriends faults, and wont tell him he looks good because that means he's "one up on you"? I cant say for certain if it is love like your asking as there's more to love than just looks and physical attraction to another person. You sound very insecure in the way that you have always chosen men "below" you so that you know they wont leave you. Now that you have someone who is at the same level as you say, you dont want to tell him because it means he might realise it and leave you. This is not healthy whatsoever! How can you possibly have a happy relationship when you wont compliment or say nice things to your boyfriend in the fear that he realises he's a nice guy and can get a nice girl? You were right before, he probably does already know he's good looking and a nice lad, but he has still chosen you anyways. Just enjoy what you have together, give him your love and attention and pay him some compliments just as a woman would like to have some from her boyfriend. You cant keep living just now and wondering if he'll leave it the future, that way you'll never have a happy relationship or get over your insecurites. Good luck!

What did he say?!!!!

No it wont be a game he's playing...just him wanting to maybe be on his own and enjoy the non commited side of things? I know that sometimes there are points in my life where i just dont want to be attached to someone. Not having to deal with trying to make them happy and concentrate a bit of myself. I know it sounds selfish but some people do just want their own space to do their own thing sometimes. You should give him this and then see if he comes back in his own time. What age are you both may i ask?

im so sorry to hear the pain you are going through, the realisation of when a relationship is over is always the worst part. Im sorry but i think i have to be upfront and honest with you here. You have to move on with your life. I can imagine that you have hurt this man more than you could possible know. Although ending the relationship was maybe for reasons that were good, you still went out with someone straight away after 4 years together. Ive been in his shoes and i cant tell you the pain that i went through. He ended it and i accepted that..but what hurt the most was him being with someone else so soon. Your ex must have finally gotten over what had happened to him and found happiness with someone else. Please dont ruin this for him. If you love him you will want to see him happy. Dont mess with his head and give him doubts in his mind again. If he wants you back, let him do it in his own time if the relationship with his current girlfriend doesnt work out. In the meantime, keep yourself active and try to do activities that'll take your mind off him. Good luck! x