AmikeA

Ok so I was going out for my best frineds birthday lastnigth and my ex happened to be there. At first I thought it was all a bad idea and that we sghouldn't be seeing each other yet. Well we ended up STUCK in the same car for like 2 hours. Nothing bad happened, just it was very awkward and very tense. So here is where I am now, I feel we need alot more time apart before we can be around one another as friends. Should I call her and tell her last nigth cannot happen again, that we need time apart for this to work? Or should I just stop talking too her altogether and hope she understands? My main worry is she will think im ignoring her because im mad that she was there last night, I feel like I should explain things too her.

Anything where oyu guys can get to know each other more. You can actually start to talk about some more personal stuff.

it depends on the girl. My ex woud hug all her good friends, guys included. It never bothered me because she meant nothing bad by it.

Its so weird how someone can both make you the happiest you have ever been, but also make you hurt more than you thought possible. I think the best thing to do is try to move on with your life. Its really hard to meet someone new but that isnt nessisarily the answer. Keep yourself busy and your mind will be too. The less you think about your ex he faster the hurting goes away.

Man its not worth it, think about it. Do you really want to put yourself through all that? Think of how much it would hurt knowing she is with him when she is not with you. I say tell her to decide on just one. Either way you are better off.

I know why I go... to meet girls. But why do girls go? I mean some go for that reason, but what are some other reasons girls would goto clubs? They love dancing? A good time out with their friends?

The most important thing is too be yourself, don't try to be a different person, but of course remember your manners etc... The only way to really get to know someone is to be yourself, do not pretend to be into things she is, you can still be very interested when she is talking about them and ask her all about them. Lets say she loves snowboarding more than anything, and you have never snowboarded. Dont act like you have because she will eventually find out, instead ask her all about it and dont pretend to be interested in it but actually be interested in it.

OK i finally talked to her and I feel so much better know. I got to appoligise for the way I reacted to what she told me. I told her I realise now that this is for the best. Then I suggested that we just be friends, but to keep things from getting weird we limit contact with each other. I also appoligised for telling her at first that it would be impossible for us to remain friends, she told me that when I said that it really hurt her. I also said that when she is ready to try a relationship again I will try to be there, but can't guarantee anything. And that even if our feelings for eachother change we will always have the friendship. I really feel so much better now. I am glad with the way things are now. Maybe one day things will work out for us, but for now I have gained a friend.

I suggest talking with him about it. Ask exactly what he is looking for in a relationship before this goes any further, I really wish I had done that with my ex before it got so serious. But we live and we earn right. If you guys arn't on the same page You have to think about if you really want to start a relationship with this person if it cannot be.

It sounds to me like your father really needs you know. If you can handle it I suggest you visit him as much as possible, let him know there ae people waiting for him to get out and that you havent forgotten about him. When I was 12 my father went to jail for 2 years. It was the hardest 2 years of my life by far, to have your father taken away at such a crutial time in your life hurts alot. Luckely I had some positive male figures in my life at this time and was able to make it through ok. I can still remember how much it hurt to talk to my dad on the phone once a week knowing I wouldt be able too see him for x amount of time. And how angry I was at my mother when she would no longer accept his long distance call becasue we could not afford them. IT took me so long to have a good relationship with him again, I would say in the last couple years things have improved very much. But it took damn near 6 years.

The thing is we talked about how I would feel if she was seeing other people. She told me that most likely wouldn't be an issue. I know we can't really control when/if we fall for someone, and that may happen to her or me. But I keep telling myself exactly what she told me, She ended this for the best of the relationship. If we had kept it going we would have ended up hating each other. She really has no time for a relationship right now and has some growing to do before she is. Again I am willing to wait for this to happen. There IS a future here, we just have to wait until she is ready for one. As much as it may hurt me to do so I am willing to give that a try. Anything is better than not having her in my life at all. And if she were to meet someone else in the meantime, there are two was it could go. If she was truly happy with a new person than I could be happy for her and let go. But if she met someone that treated her badley I think it would drive me insane, on the other hand that situation might remind her of how special out relationship was.

I think probably the best way of going about this is to lay down some ground rules, Limiting contact is a very good idea. I think hanging out like twice a month should be good, we could even hang out with other friends at first as we do have mutual friends. Also limiting frequency and length of phonecalls will be key. I have no reason to believe she is not being honest with me, one of the best things about our relationship was the honesty we had and our ability to talk things out, if she needs time away from a relationship situation I can deal with that. In reality I think that would be best for me right now as well. I always felt during our relationship that if things had gone differently at the beginning that we could have been best friends instead of a couple.

I dont know, I though what she said to me over and I really feel the same way, I even remember bringing it up before. I think keeping a friendship is going to help me out alot here. My main problem with being friends with an ex is not being able to cope with their eventual dating. That is not going to be an issue here. We both have so much going on in our ives that a realtionship would just suffer, that doesn't mean we have to hide from each other, just that we won't be able to deal with comittment at the present. We both still have strong feelings for eachother, its just that a relationship is impossible at this time. I am not going to kid myself into thinking I can win her back or anything because this truly is for the best. When/If she is ready to try again I will try to be there, until that time I can put my feelings on the backburner and worry about other stuff going on in my life. Eventually my feelings may fade, and that is fine too. At least I will have gained a friend out of this whole thing.

Ok so some people ay or may not have read my other post, it doesnt matter. I recently went through a break up which was very hard on me, not because bad stuff happened. But because of the way things ended. She feels she is not ready for a relationship and has more growing up to do before she is. I was a dick and told her it wouldn't be possible for us to be friends, mostly because I was angry at the way she felt. I have come to realise that there is a future here and that I truly care for this girl. I am willing to wait for her too be ready for a relationship and then try this again. In the meantime I wan't too stay close friends with her and be there for her when/if she needs me. I feel I am doing the right thing because the more I think of this the better I feel about the whole situation. This seems so right too me and I only hope she feels the same way. She told me she didn't want me to miss out on other opertunities while waiting for her to be ready, but I feel I really finally found someone special and there are little odds of finding another person like this in the next year or so. So am I thinking straight finally or just fooling myself into having false hope to stop the pain? That is the question I have been asking myself and again I truly believe this is the right decision for me.

ok here is an update..... Its only been like 12 hours since my last post but I seem to have had a complete emotional turnaround. I have decided to become friends with her. I was so unfair in my thinking. I was blameing her and feeling so much anger towards her for what happened and wasn't considering her side of this. She is still very special too me and I wan't her to stay in my life in at least some way, I am willing to wait for her to be ready for a real relationship and until then I feel I can stay friends with her, and if someday she is ready then we can try again. I know I am probably breaking like every breakup rule but I really don't care anymore. The NC stuff might work for most breakups but I feel this one is much different.

its ok i currently hate girls

wow this is very much like my current situation. My ex is too busy with other stuff to have a relationship, and I don't feel it would be fair to myself or her to just be friends because I would always have the same feelings for her. unfortunately I can offer no useful advice for you, I am dealing with this myself and wish I had some sort of an idea of what to do. Dispite what most people on these boards seem to say, my personal rule is to be honest with yourself and youe ex. If you genuinly feel the need to talk to them I asy why not, as long as its not just you begging them to change their mind and come back. Just a friendly call asking how things are going etc...

i am 21 and had the same problem. What I did was take a driving course. It only cost me $350 and I learned so much from it. I have so much more confidence now and am just waiting for my in car lessons to begin so I can show teach what i learned

well too late dude, I finally gave in and sent her an email. I just had to get this stuff out, last nighg was the worst I have had yet. I don;t think I made a mistake though, i left so much unsaid and just cant leave it like that. You guys be the judge.

Against all better judgment I dated a girl a few years younger than me. I have never done this before, and it seems like I had good reason. Our relationship was going perfectly, I really feel ilke I was falling in or was in love with this girl. Being around her everything seemed so much better, just talking to her brightened my day. I have never had a relationship go so well, or felt so strongly for someone, I have thought I was in love before but this was/is much different. But she decided she is not ready for a relationship, and there is absolutly nothing that we can do about it. She still has strong feelings for me, she just can't handle a relationship right now, she has so much going on in her life. Now where does this leave me? I can't change the way I feel about her, and the feelings will not go away. Because of the way we broke up I can't see myself moving on for a while, I relly don't want this relationship to end. I think that is the problem. If I can't accept that fact how can I possibly move on. When we actually broke up I wen't numb, I didn't know what to feel and was speachless, I left so much unsaid. Its been about a week now and the feeling snuck up on me, I have had time to think about how I really feel. I wake up a few times in the middle of the night thinking about her, I really need more closure in this. Is it wise for me too call her and talk about how I feel? I am afraid it will make things worse for me, and I don't want to put her through more pain than she must be going through already. I feel like it is selfish of her to just end it like that, but its also selfish of me to not think about what she must be going through. You can probably tell I am really confused about all this. I don't know how to feel or react to anything. Some advice would be VERY helpful.