AmikeA

I just don't get it. I always give off that "friend vibe". Its probably not something anyone here can even help me with, becuase its my personality, adn it would be impossible to pick it out. I treat girls with respect, I dont use corny lines on them, im honest, I compliment them, I am funny, and charming, and all around a great guy. Somehow this lands me in the friend zone every single time. I see the way alot of guys treat girls...it disgusts me... and girls fall all over them for it. It makes NO sense to me. Someone help me here, I have even considered changing myself... but I know thats a mistake. If I feel treating girls a certian way is wrong.. forcing myself to so it will only make me miserable. Perhapse I am just destined to have droves of best friends, but never find love.

I am just looking for understanding at this point. I know what I want for myself... but this just keeps nagging at me. I hate not being able to understand situations...call it a personal flaw. It eats away at me. She was also surprised that I was more into the relationship than her, even though she led me to believe she had stronger feelings than she did (or the complete opposite of that..argh). Again it just bothers me, as we were good friends for a couple years before this, and I certainly didn't expect this from her. I would like to regain the friendship eventually.. but i need to understand ...for myself.

OK where to begin... Gf dumped me 3 weeks ago now, saying she just didnt have stong enough feelings to continue. A few days later I received an email explaining how it wasn't that she didn't have strong enough feelings, but the complete opposite, and she wasn't ready for it right now etc etc. The next day she comes over after work and convinces me to take her back.. saying shes sorry she was just scared. A little over a week later she dumps me AGAIN, saying again that her feelings are not strong enough. I gave it a few days and contacted her, asking her to be truthful about everything. She told me she isnt in a position where she wants a boyfriend..shes very busy and is overwhelmed. And frankly that her feelings for me are gone. Does this make sense to anyone?

WOW I am in nearly the same situation man....its crazy. What I have decided to do, is to keep her at a distance for a while. I can't let go of her friendship.....well I dont want to. But I cant keep it while feeling like I do, or wondering how she does. She said alot of the same things to me as this girl did to you...it hurt when she began acting liek she never had feelings for me. It hurt alot. But I finally confronted her about it and she was finally honest, it made things easier. She doesn't want anyhting more than friendship with me now... and even that is up in the air in my opinion.... because she hurt me and should have more respect for my feelings if she values my friendship. I am dead tired, but will respond more in depth tomorrow. Goodluck.

only problem is we work together... every weekend. But aside from that...

hahaha, quite the discussion has taken place. Well we tlaked tonight, and I got alot off my chest. Basically she now understands that I need time. We also decided that when I am ready to be friends, that we sit down and talk about what we want from the friendship. We were friends for 2 years prior to dateing, being able to keep her in my life is important to me.

ok... I need advice. My GF dumped me yesterday..at work on sunday she seemed very distant, and would barely talk to me. Monday we met for lunch and she wouldn't even look at me. I asked her "ok, whats wrong" and she began to explain how she has so much on her plate right now, and she cant balance it all anymore. (which is very true) So basically we have broken up because she deosnt have time for our relationship... a fair reason. The part that gets me... that I cant understand is that she does not want to try this again. I told her we can pull back and just be friends until she gets things sorted out, that I would eb there etc, and she would ahve none of it. She said she couldnt even ahve that right now, that she needs to be completely alone. BUT... She wants/needs to stay friends with me. I tod ehr im not sure, that I cant just put my feelings aside and be friends, if i know there will never be a chance for us again. Because we never really had a relationship problem.. just a timing problem I would always be wondering what could have been. To be honest,I connected with this girl in a way that I havent been able to with anyone else, and although we were only together for a few months, I have very strong feelings for her, she made me (and told me that I made her) happier than I have ever been in my life. I dont understand why sh wouldnt want that again.

I am going to start this by saying I am crazy about this girl. None else has ever made me feel like this, or made me want to work so hard to make it...work. However, she makes me crazy. She cannot make up her damn mind. I have known her for a couple years, and always thought she was special, but it was never the right time. During the summer we began to hang out more frequently and exclusivly. Things developed and soon we had feelings for each other. But she was not ready. We agreed to keep hanging out as friends and see what happened. We goto the same college so distance during school wouldnt be a problem, however course loads, conflicting scheduals etc could have been. However things seemed to work out well, and we grew closer and closer, until we began seeing each other. As things developed we had in depth conversations along the way, so we knew where we both stood, and how we felt etc. We have develped a connection that I have with nobody else. I can talk to this girl about anything, any problems i have, any problems she has, and problems we have as a couple are easily resolved before they become anyhting to worry about. I have been understanding and patient and have let her basically go at her own pace. Knowing that she is the one who wasn't ready, I thought letter her make relationship decisions was the best move. But she is SO unsure of what she wants. With any other girl I would ahve given up loooong ago, but somthing keeps telling me to hold on, to be there, to basically put up with her But I am at my wits end with all of this. All I want is to be with her, but she is still reluctant to go into this. I wait because what we have, when we have it, I wouldnt trade for anyhting else, and it seems worth it. But I think I might just lose my mind here lol. I am not sure what kind of advice im looking for here exacttly, perhapse just a good vent is all I needed... can anyone relate to this?

*update* its been nearly 2 weeks since i posted the original thread. I decide to let things happen on their own, not to force anything. Anyhow after hangingh out a few more times thigs got closer and closer, until last night. We were watching a movie, and got pretty close, so i kissed her. We kissed a few times, and held each other for a while, then started to talk about what exactly is going on between us etc etc. However her ride arrived and she had to leave, so we are to resume the conversation today. It seems as if things might work out for the better here, but im not throwing all my dice in just yet.

I have been hanging out closely with this girl for about a month now. We have known each otehr for a couple years, but were never really close like we are now. Anyhow, once we began hanging out more closely she began sending me signs, signs that would lead anyone to believe there was more behind this. One day I asked her what was going on between us, and she told me she simply enjoyed hanging out with me, I was fun to be around etc, she was only looking for a friendship. Fair enough I think, except these signs do not stop, they actually become much stronger. She reciently was on vacation, the last thing she did before leaving was text message me saying goodbye, while on vacation she emailed me every day asking how things weer and telling me how much fun she was having, on her way home she text messaged me telling me she would be back in so many hours, and asking if we could hang out today. Just before she left we were at a party and there was some intence flirting, we almost...almost kissed.. but it was interrupted. However we were both pretty drunk so I cant look too much into this. Eitehr way, how am I supposed to look at this situation.

Sorry, let me rephrase that LOL Im not talking about brushing past people on the street/ in a bar, in a more intimate (for lack of a better word) setting. Looking at a book for example, if I were reading a book and showed a girl a certian page, and she leaned in to lookm, but in doing pushed her breasts into my shoulder, leg, arm, whatever, is it likely this was done on purpose? Haha, perhapse this is an impossible question to answer, its probably entirely contextual.

Her being in a group isnt nessisarily a bad thing, ideally someone you know would be part of the group, and you could easily be introduced to her. It would be an easy ice breaker. Another thng alot of guys do not seem to realise is girls notice how you interact with others. Your genuine personality shines though when you are not trying so hard to impress someone.

Perhapse this is a silly question, but its somethig I have always wondered and kinda a strange thing to bring up, even around my female friends. Ladies, how aware are you of your breasts? Meaning when you lean into someone, or push against them? Is it all about the situation? Could it go either way? If it seems to be in a flirtatious manner is it probably intended that way? etc etc...

I could honestly go either way with this. To me right now its nothing more than a friendship, if she wanted something more I would consider giving it a go, after talking some things over of course. However if shes just looking for a friendship I have no problem with that either. I just dont like being left in the dark wondering whats going on. I certainly dont jump at ever oppertunity to be with her, she invited me clubbing on the weekend and I said no, basically because I didn't know what to expect from it and didn't want to give/go in with the wrong idea. I also do not want to jeopardize a friendship by bringing the whole "mixed signals" topic up again. Especially so early. Part of me thinks that she does indeed want something more, but is afraid because she ended the relationship a couple of years ago. She may be embarrassed or just very hesitant about her feelings.... I dunno thats the best theory I have

I simply cannot figure this situation out. A few months ago my ex began working with me. Everything was going swell, it wasn't weird, and we were interacting like nothing ever happened between us. Then a few weeks ago I invited her to a party I was having... and things seemed to change. She became very flirty at work, and invited herself to go shopping with me for the party. She even asked if she could show up a few hours early, because she wasn't coming with anyone. Nothing happened at the party, well nothing serious, but from what im told we were with each otehr the entire night. She kept making excused to hang out with me, just to come over and watch tv, or even to come with me for a haircut. It got to the point where people at work noticed we were acting different around one another and I had several people ask me what was going on. I became cautious and straight up asked her what her intentions were. She said she just had fun hanging out with me, and said she was sorry if I had gotten the wrong idea or if she was sending the wrong signs. No biggie, we are both on the same page now I think, I have no problem being friends. However her signals did not stop, and if anyhtig became more apparent. She began calling me on her breaks, and text messaging me multiple times a day. My shift got changed at work and with it my social likfe became muddled, when Itold her of my boreing week she suggested we hang out. I suggested a movie, because I have been trying to see clerks 2 for a couple weeks now to no avail. However she had not seen the first and asked if she could come over and watch it a couple days beforehand. Keeing in mind she said she just wanted a friend to ahng out with, I had no intention of "making a move" on her. During the movie I sat on the opposite end of the loveseat, she turned herself sideways so her legs would make contact with my side. I ignored it, not wanting to take it the wrong way. Afterwards we played some videogames and she began flirting by hitting me when I was winning etc... Again I ignored it, not wanting to take it the wrong way. The night ended normally, but 10 mins after leaving my house she sent me a text message telling me how much fun she had and sayting she couldt wait to hang out thursady (today) Now I am left wondering what exactly is going on here, she is obviously sending me signs, wither intentionally or not, but she strongly denied she was looking for anythign more than friendship. I am going out with her in a couple hours and am left very, very confused. I have no problems just being friends with this girl, but it would be nice to know what exactly she is doing. Any takes on this?

So I dated this girl for a couple months 2 years ago. For the most part we have stayed in contact online since it ended. During the last 6 months or so we have barely talked at all. In January I got a new job at a store one of her friends works at, and lately she has started coming into the store from time to time in the last couple months. Since then we have started talking alot online, and a couple weeks ago she invited me to her birthday party. I didn't end up going because I wasn't sure what exactly she meant with the invitation, and didnt want to misinturpret. So then last week we saw each other socially (initiated by her) for the first time in a year or so. We hung out for a few hours, nothig especially exciting, talked, laughed,watched some tv. There were no clear signs from her so I was still left confused. When we were watching tv we saw a few minutes of a movie that looked pretty good. The next day at work her friend knew we had hung out the night before. A couple days later she mentioned how she would really like to see the rest of the movie, I invited her over to watch it sometime, and she said it would eb a good idea. Now I am left wondering exactly what is going on. I dont want to make a move and go past the friend zone, plus I don't know if I really want to. But I am also unsure of what she wants. Any advice?

I find it near impossible to meet girls at clubs. I love the music etc but find that the noise keeps me from striking up pretty much any conversation without yelling in a girls ear. Without conversation I feel like I am going in blind. I just plain do not know what to do, I feel like a jerk if I just start dancing with a girl without saying anything. And most of the time it ends badly.

Lets start with some background. Broke up with this girl when school started in sepeember. I took it kinda hard but delt with it through friends and these forums (thanks). Although I know NC is important we have mutual friends etc so NC was nearly impossible. We continued to talk once a week give or take, but it was always on AIM. Eventually as always happens feelings faded and I (we) went out with other people etc etc. A few weeks ago she began messaging me daily and we would chat for hours, this began with her asking me something very personal about a girl I met earlier this year. These messages continued always initiated by her and she even made it a point to tell me she had been going through our old message history reminesing on old times. This last friday she messaged me talking about how she had nothing to do etc etc, basically tying to get me to ask her if she wanted to do something. I held strong though and played dumb just being friendly as usual, not wanting to look to far into things or take them the wrong way. On saturday she messaged me again this time after some dancing around again asking me to hang out that night. I asked her if it was just hanging out or more than that and she got all nervous/giggly and awkwardly said just hanging out. I went into the night out with the midset of a friend, we had a great time and there was much conversation and alot of laughs, I however noticed her being generally close to me when we were walking etc. Now every part of me thinks this was more than just hanging out to her...thats the feeling I gor from the beginning of it. But I am terrified of taking it the wrong way or hopeing for something that just isnt there. I also dont know if I want her back, I certainly dont want to rush into things with her again just so we can break up in september. I have become more than confised with this whole situation, I know actually coming out and asking her about her feelings etc would bea mistake but really dont know what to do.

Jeeze , I only get more confused the more I think about this. Last check me ex wasn't ready for a relationship, as far as I can tell nothing in her life has changed that would allow a relationship to be possible. I am just going to assume she only wants to be friends, if she wants more i will let her bring it up etc.. Although we would have to have a long talk before I would give her another chance,

A few months ago my gf dumped me, it took me a while to get over it but I'm feeling really well now. I have actually met a couple potentials in the last couple weeks. So this week my ex messaged me out of nowhere, and has for the past 4 days in a row, thing is I have only talked to her a couple times since she dumped me and they were both to help me get closure. She has never initiated contact. Now out of nowhere she does, and has for the last four days straight. We havent talked about "us" at all, just small talk and alot of joking around. Actually the conversations are reminding me of the ones we had when we first met, before there was anything between us. I don't know whats shes up too, perhapse she wants to be friends, but perhapse there is more too it.

Dude you are 14? And your upset you dont have a beard? Damn over hormmoned chicken these kids are eating. I cant grow a full beard yet and im 21. I have these bald patches Anyway I wouldn't worry too much about size, in reality by the time a girl you actually care about gets down there she will probably like you enough to not be upset by size. And if not your better off without someone like that. I was always worried during my youth because im not circumsized. I was afraid girls would be disgusted or whatever. I soon realised they didnt really care. Its not about whats down there as much as who its attached to. oh yea here is something I always wondered. Is the 5-6 " average measured pre or post erection? I have no idea as I havent had the "luxary" of seeing many penises in my life

Yea I kinda think I should just let her make these mistakes for herself, but another part of me wants to try to help her. Although I no longer love her I still care about her and dont want to see anything bad happen too her.

SO im feeling MUCH better about my ex and such lately. But I don't know where to go from here. I didn't talk to her for a while and she eventaully called me. That was the point when I knew I had healed, when i talked to her and my feelings didn't all flood back. I think something that really helps with healing is getting your confidence back. After a few weeks of mopeing around I realised there was no reason for me too be. One of my good female friends sat me down and told me any girl would be lucky to have a guy like me, and that most were looking for one. This really helped me get back on my feet, and when I eventually did talk to my ex about things this was reinforced. But to say I am fuly healed would be a lie. I still have little interest in girls, i have met a few but really nothing became of it. I am having trouble putting the right amount of effort into woeing someone. I just am not interested right now. I suppose this is due to many things and will pass in time. Also I am kinda worried about my ex, it seems she has been doing alot of drinking and is doing at least some drugs now. I am worried about her but don't know if I can or should talk too her about it. I somehow feel it would be inapropriate for me to confront her about this, or that she may take it the wrong way. I have even considered talking to her parents about it. Help me out guys I dont know how to handle this.

I went through some very simiar stuff at your age. My mom moved us in with her boyfriend, everything started out peachy. Then he started working less and less and drinking more. The biggest problem was my mom worked afternoons so it was me my brother and my mom's boyfriend alone every night. I can't even begin to explain the verbal abuse I went through for the better part of a year. Although luckely he was a coward and I knew his words were empty, they still effected me. But somehow I made it through all that ok and I believe I am a stronger person for it. I was luckey and had friends whon would help me out when I needed to get away, and eventually my mom realised I was telling the truth and we got out of that situation. My advice is just shut out all the negatives that are thrown at you by him. (Unless there is a real threat of physical harm too you, then seek further help) They are most likely the words of a coward who cares very little for himself. Causing conflict with him will only make things worse for you, just ignore ignore ignore. And if things get too be too much leave for a while, hang out with some friends, go for a walk, anything that gets you away from your troubles.

I delt with this alot through highschool, there are a couple things you could do to help yourself along. First get her number, it means alot less to ask for someones number who you already know, you can then call her and get to know her more. Making it easier to interact with her. If you don't just want to straight up ask for her number you can think of a legitmate excuse eg: when you talk to her at your work ask her a question about homework, but while she is explaining it think of something that cant wait such as "oh no my boss doesnt want me talking to friends at work" and ask her if she can explain it over the phone. Just if you get her number this way, make sure you go beyond talking about just homework on the phone. Hopefully after talking to her you will have a better idea of what she thinks of you (although it seems too me like she is interested). This will make asking her out in person a whole lot easier. Don't ask her out over the phone, trust me its better if you do in person. You can however let her know you like her over the phone, her reaction again will only make it easier for you to ask her out.