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leah_mac

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Everything posted by leah_mac

  1. leah_mac
    i know i should stay.. but if my parents gave me like 300 a month or maybe less.. and i had a job where'd i get 400 a month and an aparment would only cist 375 a month,.. and thats everything included.. and i would still go to school.. cuz i can juts get the bus.. in the end id end up having extra money for food and stuff too.. do you think if i told someone how much i thought about it and worked everthing out they'd change.. i just reallly need to get out of here.. all my parents do is bring me down.. and i just can't take it anymore.. ive tried to kill myslef because i hate it here so much.. and i cant even do that.. i just cant do anything anymore.. and my grades are dropping like crazy beacsue im stupid and always crying cuz my parents are drunk or screaming at me.. i thik im ready to move out thoe.. i can give myself a better life than what my parents are giving me
  2. leah_mac
    last year i went to the consuler about everyhting and child services got involed.. it was a mess and tore our family apart.. i have my own consuler now.. only because im not aloud to be in school without one.. the school thinks i inflict cutting and encourage others to do it.. which i promise i dont.. that would be a sick thing to do.. but i cut because of my home.. ive had 5 consulers now..and none of them have gotten me outta the house.. they think its just me and are putting me on anti-depressants. So this is what ive tried so far.. is there something im not doing? or am i over reacting? *leah_mac*
  3. leah_mac
    the reason i want to move out is because there is abuse in the house.. my older sister had a place to go when she wanted to move out.. she went with my grandparents but they love below me now.. my aunt takes me in a lot.. but i dont want her to have to do that anymore.. she has her own kid and they have problems and they don't need mine.. so if i had my own place i wouldnt have to go to her place when my parents were drinking or whatever. I dont mean to be ungreatful or anything but ive had enough of my parents and have given them many chances, but my dad keeps hitting me and my mom keeps drinking.. im sorry for anyone who thought i was being selfsih er w/e i should ahve explained the situation better *leah_mac*
  4. leah_mac
    Hi, I am 15 and as all teenagers I hate where I live. I was wondering if I wanted to move out when i was 16, would my parents have to give me money every month? And I'd have to get their permission, right? Someone please write me back with these answers=) *leah_mac*
  5. leah_mac
    awsome poem!..im sorry about your realitionship too=( get well soon!
  6. leah_mac
    i reallyyyy like it.. it is depressing... but i like those type of poems.. they actually help me.. to know that other people feel the way i do.. anyways .. i love it=D
  7. leah_mac
    hmm it took me a sec to get it too.. but after i got it i relized what it meant and stuff.. its really good.. awsome job=)
  8. leah_mac
    woWw thatS reaLly gooD.. iF thaTs whaT youR feeLinG noWw.. i nO whaT youR going througH..anywayS gOod jOb..
  9. leah_mac
    thatS preTty gooD i muSt sayY!! gooD joB anD kEep wrItinGg!=)
  10. leah_mac
    yes i feel that way.. like i want revenge.. but no matter what you do its not going to make them come back.. and theres no reason to make him feel bad about it.. i mean theres pricks out there and we should be strong and take them.. one by one.. thats makes us stonger.. and gains more respect from guys.. cuz they see that.. and we cant get revenge on every guy thaty made us sad.. or heart broken.. two wrongs dont make a right.. i hate to say that but its true
  11. leah_mac
    thanx alot.. im gunna start takin self defense classes too=).. well im tellin child services there comin to my house in about a week
  12. leah_mac
    well i think i can move in with my sister but she doesnt have much money.. so i dont know how she would support me.. plus her b/f is there and he doesnt even have a job.. do my parents have to give me money cause im so young?.. and i have told childrens aid and childrens services my principals and my gudaince counciler.. i think they think i do it for attention.. so i need to approach this in a way so it makes it look like i really need it.. and going to childrens services well i dont know.. i just dont want to do this whole thing wrong.. cuz if my dad found out i went back to child's services and they told me to go home or something.. im sacred of what he'd do or even my mom.. and i cant live with my grandparents because they live with me.. and my aunt lives close by me.. although she doesnt have much money either and she has a daughter my age.. and all my other relitives are at least a 3 hour drive.. i just wanna know if i should go back to childrens aid?.. would it look like im only doing it for attention?..thanx for the advice up above=)
  13. leah_mac
    all my life i have been having trouble with my dad.. he used to beat me and my sister until we were almost unconcoius..and when my sister finally moved out i got the full blow of it.. my mom was always too drunk to do anything.. or if she did try to help he would threaten to hit her.. and everytime it happened my mom would come in my room and tell me it would get better.. she said that when i was 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.11.12.13 and finally i realized i didnt have to take it.. i thought i was soo stupid for always beliving her.. but i just couldnt handel it anymore.. so i threated my dad i would call childrens aid if he laid one more finger on me.. hes still throws things at me or throes me up aginst walls but never actually hits me.. but the other day my mom said that if i didnt lose the attitude that she would hit me herself and if my father was there would tell him to do it... and that was about 3 days ago.. i think there tired of having me in the house.. cuz im deprssed and cut and smoke and lots of stuff.. i went to my gudaince couincler about it at school.. so now childrens aid is involed... but my mom warned me to tell them everything was fine or id be sorry.. i have talked to my parents about the way i feel countless times.. could someone please give me advice on what to do without causing the rest of my family too much greif.. and o yeah my dad was at anger management.. and it didnt work so thats no good.. anyways id appricate anything..please write me something.. byes
  14. leah_mac
    wow u are a real inspiration thats awsome your going back and cleaning up your life feel good with yourself.. and im gunna give that book a go.. thanx fer telling ppl that feeling good about your self in the inside is eventually going to happen=)
  15. leah_mac
    well i do give them sugesstions.. its almost like they want to have problems.. but its bad for me cuz i deal with other ppl before me.. like i cant be okay and not depressed when my friends are too.. i even went to a shrink for it.. and she couldnt get thru to me.. but then i dont no how to tell them how i feel.. cuz about.. 11 of them are like this..and all talk to me.. thanx for the idea tho
  16. leah_mac
    wow thats really really good.. im impressed..lol
  17. leah_mac
    well it depends.. if she was your first love then you probally wont get over her.. thats what people say anyways.. u always have an empty spot from your first love.. if she wasnt then its all about time.. time is the best and longest cure.. theres so much healing to do no wonder it takes so long.. i no youve bin waiting a long time now.. but theres nothing anyone can do or say to help you.. thats why people dont see the meaning in love.. it hurts so much and sometimes never goes away.. but if youve bin getting better over the last 2 weeks.. and its only bin 3 weeks give it another month to be safe.. if u dont get over her by then.. then well im sorry to say you probally wont.. but maybe you guys will get back toghter too.. talk to her.. im not sure how old you are.. so if your a lot older than me..lol.. then you could have a positive future with her and you shouldnt let that go..your thinking about her now because you guys must have so many memories over the last year and a half.. good and bad.. poerty does help as well.. but i find it makes me worse at the same time.. i get all my feelings out.. but then it makes me think more.. anyways theres not really anything else that i can say.. sorry i cant help with this.. good luck.. heal soon
  18. leah_mac
    if allan is the only person that can make u smile then why would u punish him by ending your life.. im seeing a 'shrink' now too and it sucks because i have to have complete trust in sumone i have only met for the first time.. and at first i felt worse.. but i feel better now.. and one thing i found that really helps is writing everything down.. every feeling u had that whole day and why.. it will take strength to write it and youll probally cry (depending on whats type of day u had) but ull feel alot off ur chest afterwards.. i have tried to kill myslef 6 times before.. but i either got scared and stopped in the middle if it or didnt cut deep in enough er only passed out and woke up like 8 hours later.. but i felt that is was the right thing.. and i new no one would care.. but my friends saw my cuts they talked to my parents and now im getting help and going on anti-depresants.. i felt stupid because i couldnt get threw deprssion by myslef or even end my own life..then what could i accomplish??.. im already accomplishing alot.. im living no matter how hard it got i lived.. i see no point in it.. but im doin it for other ppl.. sucide is the most selfish thing u can do.. leaving this pain filled world.. and leaving others with the pain of this life while ur death..im glad your thinking on the bright side.. on how seeing a shrink could make it better.. but remember the first few times u go u dont think its helping.. after a few meetings it does help..
  19. leah_mac
    well u r very lucky if u have never felt that way.. because i think about it at least once a day.. sometimes killing yourself seems like the only option.. because when your depressed your mind closes off right options.. it actually makes u think depressing things.. thats why depression is so hard to get over.. u have to take control back and be stonger than u ever have been..ive wanted to kill myself because i really see no point in life.. we live and die go threw heartbreak death love pain.. for what..nothing..i just think life is stupid.. the only reason im here is because of friends.. if i didnt have them i woudlnt be here.. im 100% sure.. there would be no point.. cuz then id have nohting..if u have any more qusetions u can ask mee=)
  20. leah_mac
    you should really stop taking pills.. i used to becuase it was hard to fall asleep.. because depression includes bad sleeping habits, but takin pills only makes u more depressed..andn it sucks when u rely on them..and if u tried to kill urself and it didnt work.. then u werent meant to go.. if u were meant to go that way you would have. and working in a grave yard.. theres nothing wrong with that..but do u really want that situation truned around.. your the one in the ground.. and someone else is up above working..appricate that your living no matter whats happening.. life has up and downs.. what makes u a stonger person is gettin threw the downs.. be strong and get threw this.. because if u do.. ull look back on it and be proud u lived threw ur toughest phase in life.
  21. leah_mac
    i no what you mean.. me and this guy were goin out for a long time.. and i really loved him.. even tho im young.. i really did..and now were only friends.. and all he does is make me feel horrilbe.. but i thihk i need him.. cuz he helped me threw alot of things.. but he only helped me threw things that he caused.. he caused most of my problems.. and im ending that friendship as well.. i dont need him..im glad sumone else nos what i mean=)..enough is enough
  22. leah_mac
    keep takin the tests.. 3 days in between take about 4 i no thats actually over board.. but its not like theres a problem taking extra percaution.. this is exaclty what my frind did... she had one positive and 3 negative.. so it varied more negative.. well i dunno if that will help or not.. anyways..
  23. leah_mac
    my best friend has a brother that she has never met.. her mom gave him up for adoption, hes around 23 now.. and has no idea who his birth mother is.. but hey have lots of ppl looking for him.. ill look into it more and find out exactly how they did it.. and what they had to do..and tell tou once i do..it mite take a few days cuz shes gone away.. but if any of the repliesthat youve already gotten have worked msg me just so i no if ur probalem is already fixed..
  24. leah_mac
    u say u feel that is ur only control.. then how come u cant stop.. it has control over you.. and it has control over me too.. it took me a long time to admit that tho.. but ever since i have things have bin gettin better.. im seeing sumone and my friends are helping me.. and ive bin doin it for almost 3 years,, and ill use anythign i can find.. so i no wat u mean there... i have about.. 100 scars from cutting.. thigh ankels hips arms.. everywhere..so u should get help.. espically since youve bin doin it for a while.. if u ever wanna talk more about this.. ask me a question on ur topic or pm mee
  25. leah_mac
    well ive got alot of problems.. and that sucks but wat hurts more is seeing frinds have problems... alot of my firnds r fighing.. cutting depressed.. thing no one cares fer them.. and i talk to all of themm.. and let them no im always there for them.. and no matter wat there like.. i have no friends.. and thre talkin rite to me.. i dunno if that means they dun think of me as a friend.. but anways if anyone had any ideas on how i could try and help them and get the msg out better that im there for them.. plz reply soon.. one of my friends has cut a vain in her wrist and bin sent to the hospital.. only cuz her mom walked in.. i really dun want that to happen again.. and no one be there..thanx
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