Andrina

The bad thing about dating a coworker is that there's a chance it will be short-lived, and then you have the awkward tension of having to see an ex at work every day. We can't know if she's a touchy feely type with many or not, or only does this with you and is interested. Go by what you want and ask her to join you to do something outside of work if you're willing to risk what's in the above paragraph. Overthinking, indecisiveness, and waiting for signs from the heavens will have life passing you by. If she's not interested, you can mentally move on. No biggie.

Your guardian angel made sure you saw this, but you ignored the warning and legally tied yourself to a dirtbag. Learn from this and know that a person's ethics are their ethics. Who cares if he said he would cut this girl off? Didn't his character, shown through his words, make you see him as ugly and blackhearted? Mistakes to forgive are minor things like forgetting once that it's your turn to do the laundry. Poor ethics are egregious and not something to let slide. I agree you should get an annulment. I'm sorry you've been betrayed like this.

This is always about a guy trying to avoid severe drama from the lady in the present. He feels like saying this will lessen the blow and let him exit without an emotional meltdown from his ex, allowing him to slither away in a more mellow fashion. Don't buy it. Though you're too close to the situation to realize it, one day you will be so happy he freed you to find someone who will be crazy about you.

So sorry this sad time has come. You gave her the best life possible. And now you will give her the gift of peace in being there to ease her over the rainbow bridge.

Read articles about toxic partners and you will see your situation in them. Here's one excerpt: Signs of controlling behavior include: Telling you what's right Threatening to out you Needing to know everything you do and who you're with Trying to manage your money Secluding you from loved ones or always being present when you are with others Acting like you don't know what you're talking about Requiring access to your personal devices such as phone or email accounts Breaking up several times means the relationship isn't right for you. When you think about a future with him, do you feel a warm, fuzzy feeling in your heart, or do you feel like a ton of bricks is laying on your chest? It has to be the bricks or you're severely in denial. The right partner will positively expand your life, not make it smaller. In isolating you, he is making your cage smaller and smaller. You're holding the key to escape. I suggest you enlist the help of your parents and to be strong yourself. There will be no gradual exit to this bondage. You have to make a clean exit and make your walls strong so he can't get to you physically or emotionally. You have to go no contact, and you might even have to temporarily retreat to a place where he can't find you if he tries to track you down. Abusers like this don't give up easily. He already worn you down twice after breakups. You need to have a new strategy this time but it will be worth it. Envision your life with him timing how long it takes you to get groceries. He will dictate how you dress. You won't have happy holiday gatherings because he sees your family as enemies. He will hire a detective to prove you're cheating. He will put a tracker on your car. Get out now before you've been fully zombified. Good luck and keep us updated.

Usually there are so many clubs available at UNI that you could join. See which one strikes your interest. But from what you've written, I'd change your mindset in this case to just enjoying a group of people in an interesting social environment--a good way to enjoy the minimal leisure time you have. Sometimes friendships take years of exposure to each other before a closer friendship evolves. Sometimes people click right away. You need to be realistic that instant friendships are more rare. If you're too intense and thirsty to make a friend, you will scare him/her away just as you would with a gf, going too fast. What I get from what you're writing is first and foremost in a friendship you want a shoulder to lean on. Someone to help you through problems. Most people initially think of new friendships as a source of good company to enjoy a meal with and to chat about common interests. Later, if you've developed a strong bond, it's good to have a sympathetic ear, but if you find yourself friendless, it could be that you overdo that need for a person to cry about your problems to. You might start a study group for people in your major. I went back to college to get a B.A. in my late twenties. A group of us oldies in my major, about 8 of us decided to form a study group and would meet at each others homes and shared notes, etc. and had discussions about the professors' lectures. Even if no lasting friendships form, there is still quality to short-term connections such as this. Seems as though your mind could use some expanding. That's why the expression exists of "thinking outside of the box." Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

If you might leave school due to mental health issues, you're really not in a good place to date at the moment. You should really also being thinking about the traits in a guy you want to date in the future. You're already in a graduate program. He still lives with family and isn't financially sound. Being young, you might have a "love conquers all" mentality, but as you get more life experience, you will know that isn't true. You should be looking at how well a partner can contribute to a household--good work ethic. After one or two dates, if a person fades away without further word, it's ethically okay. But IMO, he spent an entire weekend with you. Even if you two aren't exclusive, he should have had the decency to explain why he would no longer be in contact. I know I would've done so in the same situation. I don't know why you would want further contact with someone who treated you like this. You have the rest of your life to find a partner. Now is the time to set up your career by finishing your education. I'd make that your goal without dealing with the stress new relationships often bring. If you are convincing yourself you'll leave school for your mental health, but in the back of your mind it's really that you want to move back by him, thinking it will be fairytale romance, you are making a huge mistake.

Her brain won't be fully mature in the decision-making area for another 3 years. That's clear because instead of her realizing she should have ended things with you the second she learned of what should be a dealbreaker, she clings onto immediate gratification and blocks the future from her mind. Do her a favor and be the one to end things yourself. Also be cognizant that on average the bigger the age gap, the larger risk of relationship failure.

Just for reason number 1, you should end things. There will always be some people who are more attractive than your partner. But for people who are in love, this is a non-issue. Your reasons to keep the relationship are not relevant. You think you'll never again date a woman capable of being loyal, is a decent person, and will care about you? That's ridiculous. You don't value who she is because of her interests or lack of them. Let her go so each of you can find someone more compatible. And of course she will be upset but you will be doing her a favor, even if she doesn't realize it.

Develop a weekly/monthly planner. Plan out your activities in advance. Since you have a full life of work, school, and dating, limit seeing a guy to twice a week. Fill in slots for timelines for work, studying, lunch with a friend, pampering alone-time. You have to work to keep a roof over your head. Education is important to provide career happiness and the financial lifestyle you desire. Those things can't be shoved aside for more-than-is-needed boyfriend time. I keep a calendar to keep track of everything. It'll be helpful for you to organize yourself in this way, and you will likely feel more in control when you see everything in writing and stick to the plan you've set for yourself.

Since you say he doesn't have much money, he splurged this one time for a trip, but probably realizes doing this regularly isn't doable so he doesn't want to waste any more time. You two did something that's also not the norm in local dating at such an early stage, which is spending 24 hours together. That's one of the cons of LDRs. You're sort of forced to spend too much time together too soon. Though you enjoyed, he might've thought it was too much in the end. Since you can now see that sometimes a short time guy might end up being who you want as a longterm guy, maybe you should hold off on being intimate until you've known a guy a little longer. It's a better way to see if you really want to continue spending time with a guy versus the biological bonding with a guy that can happen because of hormones released in a woman when she's intimate with a guy. I wouldn't tie myself to a long distance guy when you will be surrounded by numerous local single guys your age. Good luck.

Just because you answered one way with days you were free, doesn't mean that another person will respond exactly the same way. Just say, "I'd like to take you to this new restaurant I've been wanting to try on Friday night." If he already has plans, but was interested in seeing you again, he should then give you alternate days he is free. If he doesn't give an alternate day and you never hear from him again, you can move on. If he says that's a good plan and he's available, then there's your positive message. Be direct to avoid being left up in the air.

If you were in a LTR while spending time with someone who had a crush on you, you and your "friend" were both in the wrong. You were crossing boundaries with your bf and your friend was crossing boundaries by pursuing and kissing a taken woman. A guy who pursues a taken woman usually never wants longterm. He likes the fact the woman is involved with another man so he doesn't have to put in the effort a serious relationship would require. So it's no surprise things turned out the way they did. This "friendship" can't last a lifetime like it could've if it was always a platonic relationship. His new gf won't want you around and communicating with him. Your new love interest will make a quick exit when he finds out you're hanging out with an ex FWB whom you wanted more from. Go no contact to put an end to this dead end.

Since you have a suspicious mind, I'd suggest not being friends with significant others on social media so you can avoid seeing whose photos he likes. Something you should know: There is no need to be a detective to either confirm someone's cheating ways or to appease yourself that nothing is going on at the moment. Secrets always have a way of coming out. No need to pry. And If you don't want someone to assume the worst of you rather than see you as innocent unless something happens to prove otherwise, then don't make a partner pay for the crime he never committed. When I met my husband, he was cheated on twice by the two main longterm partners he'd had. He also had a mother who was narcissist, plus turned a blind eye to emotional and physical abuse committed by his father onto him and his siblings. Yet, he never once assumed I'd cheat. If I said I had dinner plans with a girl friend, he said "Have a good time" and meant it. When he couldn't go on a trip with me because he'd just started a new job, I went with a girl friend. He called me daily, saying he missed and loved me and detailed my car while I was gone. Not once did he ever wonder or ask if I was really going out to dinner to meet a man or that I would have a girls gone wild trip. You can retrain your brain to think positive thoughts, and now that you understand the psychology of why you might have behaved in certain ways, put a plan in place to change that dynamic. You take chances on people who lack red flags and that's the only control you have. If a breakup happens, oh well. Teach yourself that you will survive and be just fine. You won't crumble to the ground and stay there. There are no guarantees in life. Just be the best gf you can be, choose a partner who shares your ethics and dating goals, and hope for the best. When you have a fulfilling life besides having a partner, a breakup will be upsetting but not as devastating as it would be if he was the sole center of your universe.

Make sure you get a restraining order as well, especially for your child. He might try to see her after the divorce.

The groom is your best friend so you should be able to talk to him about anything. If I'm paying for a plane ticket and lodging, you can be sure I'd insist on being a part of that planning. Even if I wasn't paying, I'd want a say-so to make sure I was in a safe part of town and all those other important details. Four people are going and all four of you should have made those decisions together.

That's fluffy wording, changing the past in your mind, whereas all your loved ones clearly saw he was abusive and mentally off. How do you know this? Obsessive people have a habit of quickly finding their next prey. If you're keeping tabs on him through friends, or looking at his social media, stop that destructive behavior. Apparently, you've never learned to think and behave independently. It's time to learn who you are, and what you want, as a solo person. You also need to read books and articles on improving your self esteem, because it's lacking if you think a possessive person who would jump off a cliff if you said so is normal and desirable. Hopefully, your life experiences and maturing brain will be more helpful in the future, so that you can make more intelligent decisions regarding one of the most important decisions of your life. If I were you, I'd divorce and not even consider dating for a good year, or even more. Don't be dependent on having a partner at this point in your life, because you have too much work to do on yourself first.

I'd explain that driving 8 hours in a day will prevent you from getting 8 hours of work done on your house. And that after driving the initial 4 hours, you won't have any energy left for doing any unpacking on that day. Perhaps, so she can feel needed, start calling her to ask on her advice about things you'd be okay with either way, i.e., "What color scheme should I use for the day care? Should I hang the family portrait in the living room or the entryway? What cleaning product do you use for XYZ?" I'd go with what causes less aggravation. To me, that'd be briefly listening to her gripe that she's not getting her way, and then tell her you have to to go and unpack the dishes, and hang up. Why have you seen her weekly when you're busy setting up a new home?

Diane Russell’s 1984 random survey of 930 adult women in San Francisco. This study found that: ... 17% or one of approximately every six women who had a stepfather as a principal figure in her childhood years, was sexually abused by him. The comparable figures for biological fathers were 2% or one out of approximately 40 women. It doesn't matter if your daughter doesn't mind his inappropriate behavior. She lacks the reasoning skills of an adult. You have to protect her above all else, including the expense of your marriage. This is crossing boundaries and abuse, even if he hasn't touched her. Even if he chose to now abide by your rules, as for me, I would immediately begin divorce proceedings, because what I knew was going on in his brain, being too overly involved with her, would churn my stomach. And then I'd meet with a psychological professional, tell him/her what may have happened, so that your daughter could be brought in and questioned by a psychologist to make sure any damage done to her mentally and possibly physically can be addressed. You might not know how to appropriately question her, where a skilled person will know how to go about it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Not until you're many, many months into dating should you confess "feelings." You simply ask someone on a date after reading signals she might say "yes." As for this girl, she likes the ego boost you have a crush on her. It's nice to have a fan. But she just doesn't see you as more than a friend. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Two people sharing chemistry doesn't always happen. You can't be everyone's cup of tea. I did online dating and sometimes the guy never asked me out after an initial meet. Some did ask again but I wasn't interested. There were some where we did both share chemistry, but then after 2 or 3 dates, found that our personalities clashed or our dating goals didn't align. It's more rare for the magic to happen, and people often have to have numerous dating experiences, so accept that's the norm versus meeting "the one" as a teen. You're going to have to work on your self esteem for relationship success. You should get to the mindset that any woman would be lucky to have you versus that someone is out of you're league and that you're ugly. Confidence is the biggest attractor. If you don't like yourself, others will sense this about you and wonder, "He doesn't value himself, so does it mean there really is something wrong about him I should be cautious about?" Read some books and articles on boosting your self-esteem, always keeps up with friends and hobbies besides having a love interest, and don't date until you know you'll be fine if a break up happens. Think of it as having a fulfilling love you want to share with someone versus a person "making" you happy. Because nobody can do that. You've labeled yourself as shy but you're really going to have to challenge yourself and get out into the world more rather than staying behind the false safety of a computer screen. With practice, your social skills should improve. Good luck.

If you end up being similar to me, it usually took me 4 to 6 months to stop thinking of an ex daily and to emotionally move on. I once had an experience that wasn't exactly like yours, but was similar in that I was not a priority and he lied in major ways on several occasions. Even though in our year together, he stressed me outs so much that I literally got hives on one occasion, I still wanted him back. At the time, I thought my self esteem was healthy, but after time and distance away from the wrong guy, I couldn't believe how I'd stayed that long and wanted him back. I realized my self worth was really low for accepting such an unworthy partner. When he texted 4 months later, with my new self realization and being in a new and better headspace, I didn't give him the time of day. On the positive side, there are good things that will come of this. You now know better what you want in a life partner and if you're smart, will accept no less. You are now free to meet someone who shares your ethics, life goals, and a woman who will meet all of your main needs. And, you will appreciate your new love all the more, knowing the flip side of that coin. That happened to me. No matter if you acted distant. If she wasn't happy with you for that, a decent woman would end the relationship, not engage in flirting and exchanging numbers with another man. Those are her ethics which aren't likely to change. Let time and distance do its work and envision next spring, when it will be time for new beginnings and your brain will be thinking with far better clarity.

Sounds like you two are a mismatch in communicating, or one or both of you are lacking in those skills. There are many books on the market to help you improve on this. Buy one, such as Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and take turns reading a chapter out loud to each other over a period of time.

While deciding whether you will stay with him or not, for now, you should sit down with him and come up with a weekly duty schedule and post it on the refrigerator. Word this request in a way to show how it will lessen the family stress. That each person will know what's expected instead of leaving it up in the air of whose turn it is to plan dinner, etc. I'd also mention how much your son misses you both during the day while he is in daycare, and how playing with him, reading him a book, making bath time fun by playing along with him with bath toys etc. in the evening is something your son will always remember and appreciate. Make sure and notice the good things and mention them, i.e., "Wow, our little boy's eyes totally lit up when you were down on the floor playing cars with him." Be complimentary when he's the one who cooked. The best way to change someone else's behavior is to change your own. It's strange to think about, but eliciting the wanted behavior from a human is the same as training a dog. Reward good behavior and that behavior will be repeated. Make sure you have regular date nights/days to stay emotionally connected. Was he a good partner to you before your child was born? Did his fair share of chores? Took good care of you when you were sick? Came to your aid in an emergency? Made you a priority? Trying to figure out what he's been like before becoming a father to get a better sense of your relationship.

This relationship could have ended far sooner than it had, wasting less of your time, if you would've just let him fade away, which he clearly wanted to do. You were the one feeding that train all the coal. Ever hear of letting a person make an equal effort to gauge their continuing interest or lack of it? You called and he didn't answer, so then you texted. It's like you're clueless about reading people's behavior and can't take a hint. As for him, cowards don't want to deal with drama if he has to do the breaking up, and hopes his poor behavior will make you do the deed so that it was your choice. Although you have some self worth, since you're not willing to not take him back, but it does need to be padded quite a bit. Why do you think a man who gets drunk every weekend and spends a lot of money on narcotics is a prize to win over and be your life partner? Even with life stressors, which I doubt were even genuine though you never even questioned that, a person usually wants the support of their exclusive partner and would make time for a daily phone call. I know if I had to go out of town to handle family issues, hearing my partners voice and discussing my day would be something I'd look forward to. Do yourself a favor in the future and give a guy a chance to give equal effort without you doing all the asking, calling, texting in duplicate and triplicate. And if he doesn't, there is no need to delve into the whys and go into deep discussions. You give it a mental deadline and if he doesn't come through, you simply say, "This relationship isn't working for me."