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soufree

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  1. There's this guy who has kind of been casually in my life for the past 2 or so years. At first he was pursuing me but I was kind of mentally elsewhere so wasn't giving him much attention. We hung out a few times and he kissed me once and it was very sweet but then he went away for a while and covid happened so I didn't see him for several months. During covid we would go for walks together and sit outside often. I started having feelings for him but was existing another relationship so it was confusing. However it was kind of perfect in that we weren't at all physically involved (pandemic) but I could spend a lot of time with him while also figuring out my other relationship. Ultimately I ended my long term relationship and I started hooking up with him right before the summer started. It wasn't smooth. I didn't expect it to be so awkward going from not at all being physical to being able to touch one another but it was odd and I was kind of in an odd place emotionally just having existed a long term relationship. I ended up moving away for the summer (only about an hour or so) and planned to move across the country at the end of the summer. We saw each other occasionally but not much and it was hard for me. I eventually told him I wanted more from the relationship and he said he wasn't willing to put in more effort when it was so difficult and we had such limited time together. We hung out a few times after that. I was still very into him and wanted to be around him and he invited me to a few parties at his house and would randomly ask me to do things. I really tried to always go, even though we weren't hooking up, because I just genuinely enjoy spending time with him. Towards the end of the summer he came out to visit me just for a few hours one morning. It was fairly awkward but eventually we kind of got back into the swing of it and had this really beautiful morning together. We didn't hook up but we just kind of held each other for a long time and swam in a river and laughed. He said it was one of the best days he had in a long time. I gave him a poem I wrote about him but he left fairly abruptly once we got back to my house. I ended up not moving away and moved back to the city just a few blocks away from him. He invited me to oddly intimate things (dinner at his house, camping, etc) but I wasn't able to do any of them. Eventually I ran into him and invited him over. We had dinner and he was distant. It was very strange. I was under the impression he wanted to resume our relationship based off of when he visited me but he just left after we ate dinner. As he was eating I tried to ask him what was going on and he basically said in the summer we decided not to date because I were leaving and I didn't leave but he still don't want to date. And I said that's fine Im not sure I want to date either. I then explained why I didn't want to date (wanting to set up a life independent of a relationship since I ended up staying in the same place- really wanting to focus on being happy and making friends etc.). I asked him why he didn't want to date and he said because he didn't have romantic feelings for me. I was fairly put off by that and kind of surprised but we did end up hooking up. He asked me if I was sure he wasn't going to hurt me and I said it was fine. And it really was fine. It was really nice & I saw him a few days later & it was fine but he was again fairly distant. I tried to kiss him goodbye and he didn't seem comfortable with it. So I tried to back off a little bit. A week or so later I asked him to go to a walk and he said sure but then never answered me asking when. It's now 2 months later or so. I don't know how I feel about it. I was surprisingly sad about it and fairly confused. But just started to feel okay about it recently and then of course he texted me last night asking how i was. He immediately dove into it, saying he didn't mean to ghost me but casually hooking up just doesn't work for him but he'd like to catch up. I said okay, Im happy to be his friend and like I wish he hadn't ghosted me but I understand I may have not given him the space to feel comfortable communicating with me or whatever and he said "yeah I just felt like I needed to have a bit of time to sort out thoughts and feelings." but he wants to meet up now. I want him bizarrely badly. I think we are great together and I want to respect his wishes obviously, I just feel like he never gave us a chance. But i am so confused at to what to expect when we see each other next. Am I just delusional? Is it unreasonable to try and understand why someone doesn't want to be with you? How do you handle this?
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