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Sherlock51

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  1. Hi, I am a 17 year old guy. Since ninth grade, I have been in love with this amazing beautiful girl who is way out of my league. I met her by chance and we became friends. She is really nice to me and we used to talk everyday for a couple of minutes since we didn't really get many opportunities to talk(she is always hanging with her friends and never alone) and she used to wave me goodbye everyday. She knew I loved her but she didn't really say anything about whether she liked me of not. I guess I was okay with it cuz uncertainty is better than rejection. So last year during the pandemic, we were just chatting on a zoom class when she confessed my love for me and said she really likes me but was afraid to tell me. We had a really amazing conversation, we discussed what we liked and we wanted to do in the future. Basically it was the best moment of my life. Some details are kind of blurry from this day and I unfortunately didn't take any screenshots. I don't have any mobile of my own. I use my mom's and she is really conservative about these things. So I couldn't let her know I had a huge crush on a girl. This is the major communication gap between me and that girl. I can't chat with her cuz my mom will see and can't talk cuz I really don't have any privacy. So two months later I finally got the opportunity to have a long conversation with her and I told her that even though we don't talk or meet in person, I love her. She didn't remember what had happened two months ago(it might have been an honest mistake, she is really stressed due to studies). So after a few seconds she remembered and then spoke in a sad tone that she is sorry that she said those things about loving me and she doesn't want to lose a friend. It felt like a black hole was sucking me when she said those words and I felt real sad after ending the call. I felt a little angry and regretfully cursed her. I felt guilty later on and still kept hope about our relationship. One thing to note about me is that I am an maladaptive daydreamer which means I am an escapist and I often just imagine fantasies in my head. I am imagined my whole life with her. I have imaginary sweet conversations with her, I imagine I am making out with her, I imagine she is giving me a shoulder to cry and all that corny stuff. So I still didn't give up cuz I was hopeful that there is some love between us. When I wished her happy new year, she said she hopes we meet soon. When we went to in person school, she was again nice with me but didn't really do anything out of ordinary to suggest she loved me. In July 2021, when my birthday came, she unexpectedly remembered it and gave me a really thoughtful message and told me that she wishes to "be in touch with me forever" and wished me "love"(the word love was specifically underlined). That made me really happy and reignited my hopes. Later she sent me a funny meme/joke about secret conversations that lovers have and I said in an casual way, "remember that we do the same thing" and she replied with yes and a laughing emoji. Remember that we don't really chat about common stuff. I am really shy and get scared talking to her. We just talk about school and normal homework stuff that I help her with. One day when we were alone going to home after school, she was waiting for her father to pick her up and asked me I wanted a ride home since it is really far away and she said this way I could also meet her father(don't know what she meant by that) I was suprised and happy and politely declined. So I finally gave myself an ultimatum and convinced myself that I would confess my feelings to her directly and get rid of this confusion. I haven't found her alone yet since a bunch of boys just swarm over her every single moment thinking they have a chance. We just had a extremely brief conversation yesterday where she just asked me how I scored and then went to her friends. So my question is this, is she a good friend and I am misinterpreting the signals or she really loves me??? Why all the contradictory signals. Acting nice on texting but not even talking to me in school. I am just an insecure ugly kid, should I even bother asking her out? I hope you will help me out
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