Andrina

I don't get why you've given her a card and cake when every year she doesn't mention your birthday the week earlier. Why didn't you just go along with the way she does (or rather doesn't do) things and follow her lead? When she asked you out to celebrate for hers, you could just join the fun without a card or cake. I'm assuming she's otherwise an ideal friend, since you haven't mentioned anything else that annoys you, so let that quirk slide. Sometimes it's a good thing to adapt to someone's differences. Not everyone can be your twin in how they behave, and friends sometimes do disappoint. People are complex. As long as the bad doesn't outweigh the good overall, you should be flexible.

Not all friendships are meant to last forever. The friendship no longer works for either of you. Wrap up the business deal if possible and invest time in friendships that are satisfying.

Are you even sure this was your ex and not some weird scam? You can never be too cautious with all of the impostor scams going on nowadays. E-mails, phone numbers, and Facebook messages are often hijacked.

Who cares what he thinks if you block him? He didn't care enough about you to stay and work on problems versus bailing. It's not petty. It's empowering and will make him lose his ability to intrude on your life. Believe me, you don't want to begin feeling better and getting to a point of not thinking of him daily, when all of a sudden your phone pings because he's having a dry spell, or a girl just dumped him and he's feeling sorry for himself and reaches out to someone who he thinks is a fan. Don't let him use you like this. Don't let him stir up all those emotions in you that you'd worked so hard to move on from. Also tell your friends that even if he reaches out to them and speaks about you, that you don't want to hear about it. You can do this. Have faith in yourself. Take care.

Do you really think she's a quality person, speaking to a guy who is crushing on her about her bf problems and in a weird way, flirting with you? If she'd do that to him, she'd do the same to you if you were dating and arguing. Your crush is clouding your judgment about her. Never put yourself on ice for anyone. The right person is ready and free the same moment you are.

I can't fathom why your title is Planning Alone Time. After you've typed everything you've typed--spelled out all of that emotional abuse you're subjected to--I would have assumed your title might be "Why did I stay even one second longer after the first red flag?" You need to plan permanent space away from him/her/them, and ASAP.

Often, opposites attract, but one has to be okay with, or even like those differences. Communication hasn't worked, so it means neither is willing to compromise, because comprising is too big of an ask in this situation. I'm assuming you're young, as your partner is in university. Just curious if it's your intent to always keep a separate home even after years with a serious partner, or not? There are people who do this, so it's not unheard of. It's just that it will make your dating pool smaller if you explain this is how you intend to conduct your life, which is something important they should know. People can carve out private spaces in their homes, and often do. Or maybe they go outside the home for this, to type stories or read at the library or a cafe, bicycle, hike, etc. Just something to think about for a future, serious relationship. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. Every relationship takes effort and the wrinkles need ironing out, but in your case, it seems that you're both regularly more upset than satisfied, so it's best to bail before you waste any more time.

You've practiced negative self-talk for so long you're going to have to retrain your brain to regularly practice positive self-talk. Ever hear of self-fulfilling prophecies? There were times I did this in the past and learned to totally change my thought processes for the better. Read some articles about this and begin today to practice this learnable behavior. One book that helped me do this was The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Take care.

In this case, this saying definitely is great advice: When the past comes calling, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.

Sorry to hear that. Just know it's often normal to long for a previous home after moving. And as a glimmer of hope, it often takes a few years to get into the groove of a new place.

Sounds like she's doing more of the same. Her pattern. Knowing your friend would pass this info along. I'd tell your friend that if she says anything more about you, that you'd rather not know. Why let her intrude on your closure?

Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list and stick to it. A wise dealbreaker is that when someone doesn't share your dating/relationship/life goals, you say goodbye. Because yes, it takes dating a boatload of people before finding one who matches you in all the major ways. If you waste long periods on people who don't match you, Mr. Right will walk right by and you won't even have noticed because you're pouring all your time and emotional energy into someone who's just not that into you. What do you think a future date will think when you're friends with someone you wanted more from? Best to let that friendship go. If you're not meeting the right sort of men, change up the ways you normally meet them. Seek alternate opportunities. Good luck.

It's always best to see if everything fits in the present versus only be satisfied if things will change in a major way in the future. Hoping things will improve in the future means the relationship isn't the right one for you. She's plain rude to suggest an expensive restaurant when it's already established you will be paying. Blowing hot and cold usually means a person just isn't that into you. And if you're fearful of bring up your wishes, that you'll scare her away, that's a clear sign you're dealing with a relationship that has a foundation of sea sand. But you're in that rose-colored glasses, hormone driven honeymoon stage so it's predictable you've come up with a theory that suits you. Of why she's hopefully, temporarily, Miss Party Girl. You're foolish to assume. It's always wiser to think, "What I see is what I get." And to think, if everything stays just as it is now, year after year, will I be okay with that?

She might have been okay as a friend, but she's crap as far as dating potential. She likes the fact you have a crush which is good for her ego, but she's just not that into you. That "going slow" you spoke of is total nonsense. In your case it meant you were F buddies. Dating in the good old fashioned "normal pace" works. Try that next time. You need to let your chemistry for her not cloud your brain at what is factual. She's rude to constantly be paying attention to someone else when she's in your company. You felt like she was forced to be with you when you were hanging out. And now you ask what your next step should be if she calls? Do you also enjoying chewing glass? Now that you've crossed that boundary of sleeping with a friend, for your future success in romance, she can no longer be your friend. A new love interest will make a fast exit from your life when she finds out you communicate with and hang out with this woman you slept with. In my opinion, from what I've read about her, this is no loss.

Your self esteem is in the gutter. A man who regularly ignores you and has the poor ethics to cheat is all you think you deserve. You can just as easily find a man to love who has good ethics and treats you like the special person you are, but you keep yourself chained to smelly garbage. Make yourself single. Work on your self-esteem with therapy or at the very least, by reading books and articles on how to achieve this and do the work. Only then will you be ready to date in a way that benefits you.

Actually, I said this for long distance online dating. You are local to her so if the both of you saw real potential, this would be progressing, not regressing. When a couple is mutually interested, there will be one or two dates planned per week. It doesn't matter what her excuses are, and whether they are lies or not. This stranger is no longer your concern. Don't let your chemistry for her cloud your good sense. Don't waste any more time on her. Hold out for the woman who can't wait to see you every week, and puts in equal effort.

Of course everyone is different in the time it takes to stop thinking of an ex daily and mourning that loss. I'd assume she needs at least 4 to 6 months to go through this process. That's not really long in the scheme of things. So in the meantime, get on with the life you've been living before re-establishing the friendship with her. Don't overdo it with the daily communication or get togethers. Don't say things you'd say to a partner because you're not in a romance with her. Don't assume anything. Maybe you'll eventually date again and maybe you won't. Only time will tell. On the other hand, if she doesn't express interest in dating you after 6 months, I wouldn't put yourself on ice for someone who might like the ego boost that you like her, but is really not that into you. If this doesn't eventually move into romance, you should realize that friendships like this have to end. It won't be fair to your future partner that you communicate and hang out with someone you wanted as a gf. And pouring your emotional time and energy into a friend you have a crush on, and she doesn't feel the same will prevent you from bonding with a woman who'd be happy to date you if you weren't so busy pining away for another.

This could be true, though she might not consciously think about it in those terms. For people with low self-worth, normalcy (a guy treating her right) might seem "off" to them. Whereas, dysfunction seems normal. Best not to give whatever her deal is any more of your brain space. You usually have to date a boat load of people to find a good match. I know that happened to me. Her exit frees you to be available to date someone who will appreciate you for exactly who you are.

To me, there's something severely wrong with a parent who barely has anything to do with their child. I can't figure out why that wouldn't have been a dealbreaker in itself to you. Doesn't that show you a lot about a person?

G shouldn't be dating anyone while trying to kick addictions. It's one of the pieces of wisdom when is in AA, and battling narcotics addiction--not to take on anything new during the first year of attempting sobriety such as getting a new puppy, starting a new romance, moving into a new place. You've regularly seen him drunk since you mention that he always gets depressed while drinking. He has a drinking problem which should be a dealbreaker for you, and especially the fact that it's greatly impacting his life. He has to rely on other people for rides. You yourself have an issue with alcohol if you've crashed on the couch and have other people speak of carrying you to a bed. Like you don't even have use of your faculties. You and your group of friends can't even do an activity like bowling without drinking? You've surrounded yourself with people who focus on alcohol way too much. Moving out of youthful experimentation and partying days has to happen at some point. As you can see, alcohol isn't the fun, magical elixir to make one's life better. I have many relatives and friends who claim to be a million times happier now that they've completed many years of sobriety. And your friend "S"? He doesn't sound like any prize, boinking women willy-nilly. Your chemistry with him is biological. Start using your brain on more decent people to be friends with. And your continued crush is preventing you from bonding with someone who is good boyfriend material. I'd distance myself from this crowd you've established yourself with and break up with the drunk. They all sound like they've pickled their brains and will be stuck in a vat of alcohol, drowning in a wasted life.

I don't like to think you owe a friend anything. She did something nice for you in the past because your friendship was satisfying at the time. Friendships often evolve and just because someone supported you in the past, if a present day friendship isn't beneficial to you, you don't need to pay a hefty price now for what you perceive as a past debt. Why did she say she couldn't count on you--the reason she ended things? Were her expectations unreasonable? Without knowing more, I don't know whether or not you should hear her out over coffee. I would probably guard my heart. Perhaps she's driven away other friends with too high expectations. If you do go for coffee, it doesn't mean you have to sign a promise to be friends forever and get together regularly. I only had one close friend drift away after she got a boyfriend and didn't make time for friends. I took her back after he ended things with her when she wrote me a letter saying she'd made a mistake. Our friendship really didn't thrive after that. Just like in seeing past patterns of romantic partners/exes, she might repeat the pattern again and dump you all over again when you don't meet her expectations. Without further info, that's all I have for now.

Can you give some more examples of what you perceive as him being a little jealous? How long have you been dating? What's his life like besides dating you? Does he hang out with guy friends and has a fulfilling life outside of being with you, or not? What did he tell you about his past relationship history? Does he grill you about your past romances and wants more details than normal, or not?

Whether or not you both go to sleep at the same time, it would probably make you feel more bonded if you spend a brief amount of time laying together in bed to chat and caress each other or hug. Maybe that's what you're missing. And then you can go to the other bedroom. I wear earplugs called Hearos that work well. If the noise is still outrageous, I ask him to go sleep in the extra room. The nose strips don't work on him. He would never use a CPAP. It helps now that we are on the same sleep schedule which wasn't the case for many years, so I don't usually hear him snore when we fall asleep at the same time.

This is a ridiculous notion. You're 22. People in every decade, including their 70s, 80, and 90s can, and have, found life partners. It's also ridiculous that you would find it healthy to love someone less than you've loved a broken man. You think you'd be doing a guy a favor by being with him even though you're settling, and he doesn't have your full heart? Believe me, no guy wants any part of that. And a man can't make you happy. Your goal should be to learn being happy solo, and wanting to share that happiness with a man who is just as whole in mind and spirit. And then you can enjoy a happy life together, pampering each other and being good lifetime companions to each other. You've got a lot of work to do on yourself. Don't rush into romance until that's completed. You have plenty of time much later when your mindset has improved on how to date wisely.

Please stay alone until you do value yourself. Read books and even get therapy if possible on how to get a healthy self esteem. If you don't, you will continue to select and attract inappropriate men. Subconsciously, we choose who we think we deserve in life. You chose to be neglected because you don't think you're worthy of anything more. The psyche is complex. A woman who has a healthy self esteem will make a quick exit when her major needs aren't being met. Nagging, begging, voicing upsetting concerns on a regular basis never happens--is never necessary when you're in the right relationship with someone who makes you a priority. He never wanted longterm. He could clearly see he'd get what he wanted from you with minuscule effort from himself, and then when what he wanted was overridden by the price of you complaining, he bailed. As Dr. Phil says, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. The guy has a pattern of bailing. At least 3 times in a 12 month period. The guy verbally abused you and neglected you. This would happen in the future as well. At a period in life when I thought I'd boosted my self esteem, I really hadn't. I also spent a year with someone who didn't value me and he broke up with me. I, too, was devastated and begged for 2nd chance. It took me at least a good 4 months of mourning. And when he did text at that point, I'd had enough time and distance away to shake my head at why I'd stayed and why I'd wanted him back. When he texted, I think he was feeling sorry for himself because he was supposedly sick with the flu. I felt empowered to let him know I'd moved on and had no interest in speaking to him again. His text did set me back to square one in healing and stirred up extreme emotions. Don't let your ex bring up all that in you again. Block him from calling you to bring on your closure for a quicker healing process. If you learn from this, it's not all in vain. Vow to never again put more effort than you get. Vow to never be with anyone who strikes fear in you that he will leave you for shallow nonsense. Make a dealbreaker list and a must have list and stick to it. The man I met 10 months after this break up became my wonderful husband who does make me a priority. Today is his birthday but I feel like I got the present I deserved in life.