Bz77

It is probably best I don't do anything. I don't want to regret reaching out, it will probably make me feel worse unless he misses me or wants to get back together after his PhD. I wouldn't know how to cope with feeling worse. I wish it was easier to move on, especially as the relationship wasn't that great towards the end.

That's something that worries me a lot. I want to move on but I have been finding everything so difficult

I don't think he worries about losing me to someone else, maybe it is because I made his ego so big that he doesn't think I could find someone better than him. When he broke up with me, I asked him if he would care if I date someone else/don't wait for him to finish his PhD, he said if I find someone better than him, he will be happy for me and he would have been happy if I found someone better than him even whilst we were together. I know it is the end, I don't understand why it is still so hard for me to accept it, maybe the breakup would have been easier if I wasn't convinced that I was going to spend the rest of my life with my ex. I am still in denial at times. I struggle to accept that I may never speak or see him again. I am happy that it all worked out for you. Did you ever think your ex partner/current partner was going to reach out to you?

I have been cleaning too and focusing on my work and studies a lot more than I used to. It has helped as I am not as stressed about work but I can't stop thinking about the break up when I am not doing anything, so I have't been able to rest or sleep much

It's been 2 months, I hope they fade soon

The advice my therapists have been giving me has not been that helpful and has been making me more confused at times. One of them asked why am I not reaching out to him if I think that would help me move on, it doesn't matter if I don't get a response as that'll confirm that I should move on. This was said 2 weeks ago and I have been unable to stop thinking about it since. I know getting back together is not going to make me feel better as things will not be good if we got back together right now, the break up was complicated, I am desperate for a final chat. I want to hear this is really the end and we will not speak or see each other ever again. I will wish him all the best, probably be sad for a few days then I will move on. I know I won't feel anxious anymore over the break up. The anxiety of not knowing if he is going to reach out to me in 2/3 months is what's making me suffer the most. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore but I still force myself to see my friends as much as possible.

I see my friends most days. I took a few days off last week and visited a friend who lives a few hours away for a few friends. I have been spending a lot of time with my family too but nothing seems to be helping me, I can’t stop thinking about the break up even when I am spending time with other people, which is making me feel worse because I don’t like I’m being a good company

I’m seeing 2 therapists at the moment.

Every time I had felt anxious about something, the only way I have stopped the anxiety is if I have done something about it/talked to my ex partner about it etc, which I know is not normal. I really wish I could let things go and not worry so much. This is the first time I have felt anxiety over one thing (the cause of the break up, what I should have done differently, the what ifs etc) for this long, I have been obsessively thinking about it for 2 months. Contacting him is my choice and I know it is best I don't contact him at all. It just sucks a lot because I miss him more and more each day as he is forgetting about me. I wish I didn't care about this anymore. Even the pain of the break up seems one sided. I don't know how I am going to move on when I still feel like this after 2 months.

I am getting the help I need but I am still finding it so hard to deal with has happened, I can't stop missing my ex and feeling sad about the relationship ending

I am not sure why I feel this way. Being single reminds me that my previous relationships haven't worked out which makes me think my future relationships may not work out no matter how hard I try to make the relationship work. I know this may not be the case with the right person but I thought my ex partner was the right person. If i unable to move on, I will not be able to find a partner in the future. It has been two months since I have been with my ex boyfriend and the pain of the breakup hasn't got easier. I know the way I got treated was unfair at times but this doesn't make me miss my ex less. I made mistakes too, I could have handled things better, I could have been more understanding at times. I keep remembering the good times, he was one of my best friends and I miss him a lot. I dream about him every night which makes things harder. I feel stuck. A part of thinks the only way I can eventually move on and keep my sanity is if I speak to him for a final time but I am scared he may not respond to me and I am gonna feel worse than I already do.

Thank you for this. I need to learn to identify when it is time to walk away from a relationship and be better at choosing a partner. I don't want to do anything to make someone love me, love can't be forced, I want someone to love me without having any expectations from me. I will continue having therapy even if I think it is not helping me much right now. I could find a better therapist in the future if the one I am working with is not helpful. I need to remind myself that things have changed a lot since I was younger, I don't need to worry about being lonely and maybe being alone isn't always that bad.

Thank you for the advice. I need to spend some time figuring out what I really want in a relationship, maybe make a list of the things I want and what I can and can't compromise on. I told him my mum was there for me when he ignored me for a week, after dumping me over the phone. He immediately said "I wouldn't want to worry that my wife is going to die if I leave her for a week, especially if her mum is not there to support her". I don't my future husband to disappear for a week without saying anything to me. I don't want kids until I am feeling much better and I want my career sorted out first. I can't even look after myself properly now. You are right. I wanted him to make the effort to drive to me, I wanted to dress up and go on date nights, I wanted him to at least book a table for my birthday, I wanted to call every few days in a long distance relationship, I wanted him to make plans too, I wanted him to be thoughtful like I was and I wanted him to compromise for me sometimes. There are so many things I wanted but I was afraid to be assertive and tell him about my needs in a relationship as he told me a few times I constantly ask him to do more for me and I put too much pressure on him, he would tell me he is working hard now so we can have a good future together. I am studying and working full time but I still wanted to have a good time and enjoy life together before marriage and children. The moment I had a serious chat with him and told him I am unhappy and want to call each other more regularly and see each other more often, he said I am putting too much pressure on him and he broke up with me.

I moved countries when I was 11, at the time it seemed impossible to learn a new language or to make friends/ find a partner in the future. I believed I am going to be lonely for the rest of my life and I accepted this. I have made a lot of friends now but it seems like the idea of not being able to find partner and being alone for the rest of my life still worries me. A lot of my friends are in relationships, some are married, some have children, and I worry that I am never gonna find someone or be in a healthy relationship.

I think he was emotionally unavailable with most people, I never saw him really be there for anyone, if I am in a happy marriage then I guess this would not be the case, both people would make plans. I still wanted to go on dates, explore cities near us etc, the last time he had booked a table for us to go on a date was before he made me his girlfriend. But we would spontaneously go out for lunch or drinks if we were already out. We were in lockdown for the first 5 month's of our relationship, we spent a lot of time indoors which wasn't too bad. I wanted date nights after lockdown, I don't know if this is a lot to ask for.