Andrina

Now you know all the facets of the price you have to pay to be intertwined in his life. Doesn't sound like he's capable of change so you either continue on because the benefit outweighs the strife, or extricate yourself and learn to live without his resources/benefits.

Well, the talk got you the answer you needed so you can emotionally move on. But I can't figure out why you would text about something so important. I believe texts should be for sweet little things like: Can't wait to see you Friday. Or logistics: I'm waiting in front of the restaurant. Important topics should be saved for in person, and 2nd best, a phone call. Is this a lack of confidence on your part that you resorted to text? I'm sorry it didn't work out how you wanted. But when you meet someone who is excited about you and wants to talk to you everyday instead of every 3 days, you will then be happy the lady from the past didn't work out.

Well-to-do people can be cheapskates. Is she one? Is she so boring or clueless she can't come up with an idea to suggest for an outing? Is she unaware couples need to give equal effort? I've always been the sort to operate in thirds. Sometimes I pay, and sometimes I suggest going dutch, besides him paying. Don't let her hotness cloud red flags. Perhaps you want to avoid that issue since you didn't respond to those comments.

Why not ask, "What's the dating style you're comfortable with? Multi-dating or focusing on one person?" I've gotten the feedback I needed when I was in the dating world to know whether to keep dating a guy or not. If we were on totally different pages, I bailed. And I mean at that point of where I was considering being intimate. I was fine with briefly multi-dating, meaning one or two dates where there was no kissing or more. It's okay to have standards and to do what's comfortable for you. When I dated my husband, he matched me in his dating style, and it was very telling of one major compatibility we shared, and translated to other areas as well.

I'd be more concerned that after about 5 or 6 weeks, that you've been doing all the planning and paying. Even if a woman has a small budget, she should be doing some planning, and making some effort, like a lost-cost picnic in a park, or treating for ice-cream, or cooking you a meal. What's up with that?

He is wanting more from you emotionally than you can deliver, and he lashed out in anger because he's hurt. He desired something one would expect from a full-fledged partner. He received a text that slapped the reality into his face that his fantasy cannot transform into what he really wants. End the friendship now. Your ego boost from his crush isn't worth the abuse he gives, nor the barrier he places for your success with any future bf. Do you really think a guy you start dating will stick around when he finds out you hang out with a guy who has a crush on you? Not all friendships are meant to last forever. This one definitely fits into that category.

Is a woman who is a regular at a bar, and seems close to the bartender, someone a person whose attempting a lifetime of sobriety an optimum person to date?

Because of number 3, I'd definitely break up. After being with someone for 2 years, that's time enough to know if you're really desiring to spend a lifetime with someone. You should have established compatibilities in ethics and life goals, chemistry, and if you truly enjoy each others companionship. His voicing what he said in that last paragraph is nonsense. Of course, you can't guarantee a relationships success. But you take what has happened over the years as a good sign your partner will continue to make the same effort for a lifetime of happiness. He's using a barrier to prevent moving on to the next expected stage in a successful union, so basically if you stay, don't wait around hoping to move from the bottom rung of the ladder. And the view is much better at the top. That said, if you did go to Canada, don't expect to easily get a job there. Unless it's a case like your bf's, other countries try to save jobs for their own citizens. I know, because I was once a Navy wife. Although Puerto Rico is an American territory, it was well known that Navy spouses were limited to getting jobs on the base. So unless your bf is earning oodles of money and wouldn't care if he had to support you in Canada, then yes, you could have fun and explore a new country like having an extended vacation. You've had some relationship experiences to now tuck under your belt and learn from, so that you can choose a better partner in your future. Good luck.

She has been inappropriate in keeping her friendship with you alive, with her being taken, and the sentiments you wrote to her. If her man read that, he'd be upset. If you wouldn't say something in particular like that message to a person with their partner present, it's wrong. And she's wrong to not cut you off for 2 reasons: One, that she's doing wrong by her man. Two, that freeing you would be what's better for you so you can emotionally move on. I immediately deleted an old guy friend from my teen years on Facebook when he messaged me a flirty message when he knew I was married. I would hope my partner would do the same when faced with the same situation. In your shoes, I'd write her a note explaining that you've enjoyed the friendship, but it will now be a hindrance in a future romance that you enter into. If I were your gf and you were communicating with this other woman you wanted so much more from, I'd run to the nearest exit out of your life. You only have so much time and energy to pour out to a special someone, and doing so with the wrong person will leave you just as you are now. Alone and in pain. Send that message. Ask her that she respect your wishes and stop messaging you. And then block her and delete all your old photos. Many friendships have expiration dates, and this watershed moment is telling you this is the prime time to put an end to this one. Take care.

Perhaps he thinks he has a shot at your cousin, now. You probably overlooked the jerky side of him because you loved him, since he was flirting with your cousin. Well, now you know the real him. By the cruel way he broke up. By his insensitive actions since. He absolutely did you a favor by breaking up. Now you're free to find a decent man when you're ready. And if your cousin allows him to follow her, know that she isn't the person you thought she was either. Hopefully, she won't be another person who fails you.

People have dating styles/goals, and if someone doesn't match you in that way, move on. I was never okay multi-dating when it got to the point of kissing and more. If a guy didn't match me in that way, I cut bait and made myself free to date someone who liked to do things the same as me. Never stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Never stay in a situation whereas you have to hope for the best for the future when the present isn't how you'd like things. You have one life on planet Earth and you're letting someone else call all the shots? What happened to you that you think you have to accept breadcrumbs and don't deserve a feast?

She's too high of a risk for your heart. A plain mess. You need to set the boundary to only speak of your shared parenting duties. Make it clear you two will NEVER get back together, so you won't be engaging in conversations with her about any relationship topics regarding you or the other men in her life. If she tries, cut her short. "I told you only to speak to me about the children. If this conversation isn't about them, I need to go." Or, just hang up the phone. You can't control other people but you can control your reactions to them, which will hopefully teach them how to treat you.

If you can't close the distance within a year, LDRs rarely work, and especially when there already hasn't been a strong foundation built beforehand. Really, at the time you asked for that meet up and she said she had a work dinner, that was when you should have realized the ball was then in her court to suggest when she wanted to meet. It's a great way to gauge a new partner's interest or lack of interest. And if week after week went without any mention of a get together by her, you set a personal deadline and decide the person doesn't meet your companionship needs. I think it was rude of you to text her when you knew she was eating dinner with someone--an intrusion. From what you said, asking her if she was seeing someone else, I would've read between the lines and saw the text as: "Remember me? They guy you're dating? So I hope you're doing what you've said and meeting with a woman and not doing something you shouldn't be doing." I'm sure it was also a real turn-off for her to be asked if she was cheating, assuming you're exclusive, because of your mental gymnastics of reading into her communication about the dinner and also how you grilled her about the details. Perhaps she was vague because she thought you would "surprise" her by showing up at the restaurant. An hour and a half really is a hardship. Perhaps it didn't seem that way during the beginning highs of the relationship, but out of that period, it grows to be overwhelming. If you visited Italy, Japan, Vermont, Texas, you could likely find one or more women who would "catch your eye" and whom you'd share chemistry with. It doesn't mean you should date them when you're just visiting and don't live there. This is the same situation. I also limited myself to a 45 minute drive when I did OLD. My ending comment? Don't cross an ocean for someone who won't even leap over a puddle for you.

It looks as though Elvis has been reincarnated as a woman and has left the building.

Who are these women? Strangers? Co-workers? A harem of female friends? Is this voyeurism and a hobby of his to search for attractive women to follow, or is this a handful of females that he's known through normal everyday life like through work or a hobby?

What's on people's minds are what they speak about. Wouldn't those things be important to him and something he would find an interest in speaking about? Sounds like you're nervous because you really want this to work out. That's a normal feeling when a relationship is new and you really like the guy. Try to enjoy the present without projecting to the future. Have a wait-and-see attitude and all will be revealed over time.

Very sorry to hear such a beloved member of your family has passed. My prayers are with you all.

There must be several holiday events happening in your town. Why not suggest one of those?

You're going to have to delete those photos and stop that behavior that's keeping you stuck at a dead-end. You're keeping her in your life by immersing yourself in looking at those photos. You can change the way you think with proper training. Since you see her in passing, start thinking of her as just another classmate. It is possible to stop having a crush on someone. She's just another pretty girl among many. When she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, she was softening the blow instead of coming straight out to say she's just not that into you. There isn't just one person in the world you can feel chemistry for. There isn't just one person who you will have things in common with. You have to keep moving on until you find a woman who is as crazy about you as you are of her. But when you keep your foot in the back door, it's impossible to open the front door to those possibilities.

When is the last time you've spoken to her, seen her, looked at photos of her/social media?

With time and distance, she will become a memory you rarely think about. I've had plenty of unrequited love interests, especially when I was a teen. Just know it's a normal part of life. It was unclear if you actually did stay friends, but I don't recommend that since you two have different goals and you can't properly bond with a gf when you're communicating with another girl you badly wanted to date. And for the future, if you are single once again and interested in someone, never confess feelings when you've never even had one date. Asking someone out is "showing" interest, which doesn't need mushy words. Save that for many months later after dating for a while and the crush is progressing to a newer, more serious level.

Keep on sifting through the sand before finding the treasure. I know I had to do that. Did some things wrong and some things right along the way. Cut bait as soon as they don't match you in important things like not communicating with exes. Not every person does this. I don't, and found a man who doesn't. I used to have a friend who always dated men who came her way and she was never proactive in her own search. She's 50 now and to my knowledge, still hasn't had one successful longterm relationship. Step up your game and get out into the world more to meet more singles in your age group. I know myself it can be like a part-time job because I've lived it. I tried many venues. Dance lessons. Meetup. com groups. OLD. The effort eventually paid off. Good luck.

One compartment of your heart does have limits. There's space for friends, families, pets which can hold a lot and can expand. There's a difference with the part saved for a romantic partner. When it's filled up with an unrequited love, there's absolutely no room for a partner who'd actually be crazy about you if you had room for her. Opportunities lost on someone unattainable and inappropriate. Stop wasting your time pouring your thoughts and emotional energy into an unethical flirt who doesn't care that you're frustrated with false notions she's on the verge of starting something with you. Life experience is hard on the heart, but it will make you wiser and helps you to make better decisions when choosing who is a good risk in the area of romance. Take care.

Here's the secret to relationship happiness: Choose someone who doesn't make you severely uncomfortable with their behavior. Don't expect someone to change how they roll just because you don't like it. Date a woman you like exactly how she is. And I don't mean that a person can be perfect. But you have to recognize minor flaws versus dealbreakers. Why does she bring up a longterm ex, and flaunts the fact she stays in touch and will be hanging out with him and not you on her birthday? She's testing you to see if you're that passive and desperate to put up with all of her BS. As for me, I wouldn't be trying to figure out the psyche of a person who said this to me. Why would I waste one more second of my time with an assumed serious love interest who told me they'd be spending this very special occasion with an ex-lover versus me? This alone should be a dealbreaker by itself for any person of self-worth.

I'm assuming she was the one who broke up with you. In my opinion, a person who breaks up doesn't care enough. If they did, they would stick around after communicating what improvements they wanted and work through issues together, while still being a couple. (This doesn't include dealbreakers like abuse, etc. Or giving a person a chance to improve and nothing happens over time). I believe in guardian angels, and that they make sure you find out about what you need to know. Your fantasy of who she is and what would happen didn't match the reality. Of course it's upsetting, but this will eventually pass. On the positive side, you are free to eventually date again to find the woman who will be crazy about you and will want to be your forever, and the feeling will be mutual. Take care.