Andrina

For your own good, it's time for an ultimatum, because yes, you are accepting it when you continue on with him and has no plans of stopping. He's said as much, telling you he does it 'cause he misses you. You told him you were upset about the situation and instead of coming to a consensus that would make you both happy, his words state his are the only feelings that are important. When a partner is regularly upsetting you, it means he's not the right man for you. And the good never overrides a dealbreaker bad like this. Mature, mentally healthy people know that their partner has more than one priority in life. Sounds like you make plenty of time for him in your life. In person, when you're not rushed, I'd have one more discussion with him explaining that you have segments of time devoted to each of your priorities, and that there are two ways the recent problem can be handled. He can text you and say, "When you have time, I'd like to talk, so please call when you get a break." Or, he can call, but not reply in anger when you don't pick up. That when you are done with homework or speaking to family or a friend, you'll get back to him. Make it clear that his behavior is causing you to question the health of the relationship, and that you're not willing to accept this behavior any longer. When a person asks for something reasonable, a partner who actually cares will want to please her and change for the good of the relationship. If he is selfish and sticks to his guns, you have to realize he really doesn't love you as he should, despite the fact you assumed he did because of his other positive traits. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Before you're exclusive, you have to assume someone might be going on first meets and/or a few dates with multiple people. But that's locally, when a person is getting to gradually know who will be the keeper. When you're speaking of someone coming in from long distance for an extended visit with intensive time together, and likely leading to intimacy, that's a whole different ball game, and a dealbreaker for most with standards other than having a FWB. Simply tell him you've decided an LDR is not for you and then block and delete.

Why are you entering the most difficult way of dating--long distance? Perhaps he prefers that so he can keep many LDRs going at once without anybody finding out, but he's probably dumb enough to not have considered that social media will ruin his plan.

He likes the ego boost that you have a crush on him. It feels good to have a fan. People who are like this lack kindness, not caring that they are keeping a fish wriggling on a line that they never intend to reel in.

You would still probably jump at going out with him again if he asks, so you're not recognizing the red flags everyone is posting here: When someone starts off immediately with excuses, they are warning you because it's their weird ethics. Because they reel you in with their good looks and then when you are giving them what they want--attention and/or intimacy, and then you want to go to the next level, they can say: "I told you what my deal is." When someone can't date at a normal pace, they are not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. Forget that slow crap. It's just as bad as too fast. Normal is not boring. It's healthy. And don't go to someone's home until you know enough about the person to safely presume your well-being. People who have chemistry might also let their willpower slide and have sex too soon when you're in the privacy of a home. Date smarter and keep at least the first 3 dates in public. Only date men who makes it crystal clear he's really into you. If not, he's a waste of your time Don't give someone like this the benefit of the doubt. If he was clear to you right away he's not ready to date, he had no business being on a dating site. If he wanted a pen pal, there are sites for that. He knows exactly what he's doing and no, he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Ha ha, My mother always called me a tomboy, so that's funny my writings come off as a feminine energy. It's usually better to stick to one genre as a writer to create a brand, but I get too bored doing that. All of my manuscripts are in the process of editing as I've learned so much over the years, so I'm having to fix them all. I'm also in a critique group with other writers. I have an editor from Wild Rose Press interested in my time travel romance but she wanted particular edits to it that I'm working on and I will resubmit in March. I have another romance novel with a little bit of magical realism, a novel of suspense about people surviving alligator attacks, a novella that's paranormal, and a short story involving a ghost who is a flapper. I love magical and paranormal elements in stories as an escape from the drama of real life.

I've probably been on about a dozen years at the time I met my present husband. I believe I once read another poster saying she needed a different outlet after she no longer needed online dating, and that was my case as well. Although, I do also write novels as a hobby, but my brain needs breaks from that. I do not log in while at work. I go onto this forum on days off or after work, since my husband arrives home several hours after I do. Like many, I've been mistreated during certain periods of my life, and have made plenty of mistakes of my own, so if I can save someone else from staying subjected to abuse and avoid the mistakes I've made, then at least I'm contributing something worthwhile to the world. I've also held a sense of accomplishment at work in the agriculture field, and have done a lot of interesting things during my lifetime like helping to rehabilitate a manatee. My username stems from a mythological mermaid.

Assuming you're 30ish as well, then this mustn't be your first rodeo. Why can't you see she likes attention but just isn't that into you? It doesn't matter who you're interacting with--friend, potential gf, relative--if a person doesn't make an equal effort to be in your life, and in a way that's satisfactory, you stop making effort. When she said she was too ill to go out with you, you should have left the ball in her court and said, "Okay,I hope you feel better soon." No need to say "Call me when you feel better and we can set up plans." Believe me, if I couldn't accept a guy's invitation because of illness, I would definitely be asking him out as soon as I felt better if I was into him. No need to prod me and I wouldn't be sitting around assuming he would double-ask. I wouldn't let the opportunity of having a great guy slip through my fingers. When this hasn't happened in your case, it's obvious she's only using you for an ego boost. Her good looks have apparently caused you to have brain fog. As you should see now, cutting off contact the first time was the right decision. The saying fits here: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Things to find out about someone before moving in together, which he wanted to do do in two months time, which would be 4 months of knowing each other in 3D: If he takes care of you well when you're sick. If he has the capability of being faithful, and has good ethics in other areas as well. That he has no skeletons in the closet that are dealbreakers. That he's financially responsible. That he makes you feel like you're a priority. That he has a healthy balance of what he devotes his time and energy into. Those are things it usually takes a good year to know. If you're feeling rushed by him, it's no wonder. With his timeline, you'd be off birth control around next Valentine's Day. I'm sure your gut roils thinking of that prospect and for good reason. It's normally a good idea to be a married couple for a good while before bringing a child into the world. The couple needs to have built a strong bond first to be able to handle all the stress of having a child. Because children are wonderful, but it's also stressful when your time is altered longterm to devote it to someone totally dependent on you. Children are expensive. They cry. They often get sick since they haven't built their immunities. Seeking proper care outside of the home for them is so stressful, entrusting your child to someone else. A couple's possible differences in childrearing. And the list goes on. I wouldn't even bother meeting with him again. He's at a 100 percent determination to start a family in a year, and you're at 50 percent for an undetermined date. He bailed instead of further in-depth discussions. To me, space never resolves anything. If someone needs space from me like I'm toxic fumes, I slam the door shut and am totally done. IMO, two people need to match in all the major ways in present time. Time invested should never be a consideration when deciding to move forward with someone, and at any rate, your time together is really a blink of an eye in the span of things.

It's so common for exes to reach out like this. Just about every guy I dated did this whether I broke up with him or he did the deed. These jerks don't care they are intruding into your life when you have, or should have, moved on. As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

So basically, she will be staying with him for another 3 years, and you and him will be six years together with no progression as in moving in together or marriage? Or you will live together but there will be two queens in the hive, which never works. Speaking for myself, I don't like total immersion in family such as in these circumstances. You should always look at the present--how the dynamic is now, and not expect any differently for the future. Because his helping her in numerous ways, financially and otherwise, might never end. He doesn't seem to mind that you're upset with the changes. Speak up for yourself, and see what happens. If your needs aren't being met, perhaps you should see this as a sign you two need to go your separate ways.

It's no wonder there's a lot of stress right now. On paper, one would think this should be a romantic Hollywood movie where the star-crossed lovers have finally closed the distance. In reality, it's far more stressful for both parties versus people who date locally. You're likely anxious that if it doesn't work out, he's moved all this way for you, uprooted from his home and job, and having to start a new job, which is usually stressful. You will feel guilty if it doesn't work out. He's strapped financially and has likely left a support system he's used to having locally in his daily life. And he's stressed since if this doesn't work, he has to uproot again and return to his own country, where he will feel embarrassed explaining about the failed attempt at a new life with someone he thought would be his forever partner. I do think you're wise in living apart so you can learn about each other in 3D, which is far different, of course, than cyberspace. Perhaps he feels like he's left up in the air for timelines, and you're too vague in your answers. You might've been too restrictive in your limitations in how often you see each other, and too slow of a progression in growing in that area. Has he made his own friends in the area? Do you do group activities with friends or double date? More info about what you each do separately, and things you do with each other, might help us to give you more advice. Good luck.

He's toxic, calling you a horrible name and saying he hates you, etc. My husband's never once said anything about all the family photos from my first marriage in countless albums. Grown kids sometimes take a while to be on their own and having space in their new homes for those momentos. I've given my daughters some photos, but am still trying to sort them into new albums of what I want to keep and what I want to give to them. You should feel anxious spending one more second with the jerk, not about getting rid of him or the albums. Sounds like your self-worth needs boosting, because I have a feeling this wasn't the first time his true, ugly nature hasn't reared its ugly head, and subconsciously you thought this man was all you deserve in life. Believe me, you can do far better.

Yes, learn from your mistakes. If her family couldn't afford rent, she could've lived with them or gotten a job, besides going to school, to afford what she needed. And learn that a partner should lift you up in spirit, and if they don't, it's time to bail ASAP. Do you think you'll be able to better recognize red flags sooner after this experience? Look at the bright side that you'll be better prepared next time to know what you don't want and go for what you do want. If you just blame her without recognizing you made an expensive mistake that also mentally drained you, you won't grow as a human being. Take care.

You falsely frame your passive-agressive comments as jokes when you were really giving your husband a dig at decisions made with contractors. He acted just as poorly with his dig. You came to a consensus about the vacation, so push all the negativity aside and go on the vacation with a good mindset. Don't punish him by being moody. Start now by researching your itinerary for the vacay, and be excited about discussing those plans with him. Ask him which souvenir he wants while on the trip--your treat. We can't always act as one would think Mr. Rogers would when faced with family issues. But to lessen the frequency of poor communication, I recommend you purchase, or get from the library, books on couples communication and take turns reading each other chapters. Make a goal of a chapter a day. One good one is Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Because right now, the poor skills you both possess will cause so much bitterness in the marriage that it will end. Also, make sure you're keeping an emotional connection strong with your husband. Read some articles on how to do that. Life is difficult, so man yourself with as many tools as possible.

Instead of thinking of it as a void, why not think of it as a very normal goal of wanting a companion to enjoy life with? The secret is to quickly cut loose people who don't share that goal of doing that very thing with you. That guy is the equivalent of a virtual pen pal. Therefore, he should have been cut off 3 to 4 weeks after no date was suggested. Because all that time and emotional energy you're pouring into a nowhere man is time you could have invested in your goal. I didn't do everything right in my dating experiences when I was single, but that is one I did do right--releasing the minnows to keep my sights on the big catch. I suggest getting out into the world in ways you haven't before. I tried so many things, not knowing which one would pan out, but even in some activities, even if I didn't find a partner, I still had fun with those activities. I took group swing dance lessons with a dance that followed. I went to meet up.com group get-togethers for singles in my age group. And I did OLD, and yes, there are plenty of guys there that just wanted hookups, but others were like me really wanting a companion, but of course, the chemistry wasn't always there for one or both of us. Ultimately, I did find my husband through OLD. I see it as having to sift through tons of beach sand to find the treasure. Since the process takes time, that's one thing you can do starting right now--blocking people who are wasting your time and distracting you from your goal. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Ethically, he lies, verbally abuses, and uses other people for his own needs and could care less about their feelings. From what's been said, that other woman didn't think she was just a fling until told after the fact. You did everything so right at first. Taking him back was totally wrong. This is toxicity. He's the opposite of an ideal partner. You're going places in this world with a good education under your belt. Free yourself so that one day you can accept into your one precious life, someone actually worthy of your wonderful self.

I wouldn't go if not specifically invited by him. Since you are social media friends, messaging him your condolences and saying a kind word about his mother is enough.

Your ethics and your decision-making skills suck, so you're not going to be successful in any relationship until you improve in both of those areas. With all the people in the world, why would you do something so hurtful as to diddle with an ex's best friend? Would you not have minded if your ex hooked up with your best friend? If you were supposed to be exclusive with this new guy, you cheated on him? Are you okay if a guy cheats on you? How about treating people how you would like to be treated? You can't go wrong with that. Apparently, you haven't seen any of those love triangle murder mysteries on Dateline or 48 Hours Mystery. You're playing with fire, here. Don't start anything new until making a clean break. Yeah, you need to stay alone and reflect on how to be a decent person in order to attract decent men. That guy you're dating now has really low self-esteem to put up with this toxic nonsense. Free him because you're just not that into him and he deserves someone who is, and who will be faithful to him.

To supplement your income and perhaps have enough money to hire a consultant for tips on the business side, you could look into running brief photography classes. I once took one that was a 6 or 8 week class meeting once a week. The teacher would bring us on field trips to photograph carousels, fountains, a bike race, etc., to learn about lenses, metering, panning, etc. People like family photos set in unusual settings like a field of sunflowers or a local waterfall. Sometimes you have to pay the owner of something like a sunflower field to do business there, but could set prices that you would still profit from. Ask if you can post their photos on your website to attract customers. Sounds like you have tunnel vision and need to start thinking outside of the box. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

The only thing now to do is learn that you can't treat a person like a yo-yo. Letting go, drawing back in, over and over. A person is not a toy. It's possible she told you about the drunk one-night stand to punish you, since ethically, she didn't have to breathe a word about it. Go no contact so you can begin to move on.

She is far from shy. And she most likely knows you're into her, even if those words haven't come out of your mouth this time around. After several months of this, a woman who is not shy, after several months, wouldn't certainly addressed the topic of dating if she was truly interested. Just because you don't believe she wants attention, doesn't mean that's the case. You're grasping for straws when looking for signals she's into you, and only wanting to see the best in your crush. People who run hot and cold just aren't into you. Hold out for the one who is crystal clear. That's where you'll find relationship success. And as said by another poster, don't continue with this touchy -feely stuff. That prevents you from bonding with a better prospect, and also scare prospects away who see you engaging in this behavior with another woman. Don't do one-on-one stuff with her anymore, and if you can't start thinking of her as just another buddy in the group, lessen your group activities and do stuff with your guy friends without her.

If he's that good looking and charming, if he'd wanted a longterm girlfriend, after all his options and takers, he would already be in a relationship. And if you've seen particular women you assume he's hooking up, if you did that, other's on campus would know the same of you. I probably wouldn't want that info out there if there was actually another, better candidate for dating on campus, yet he's turned off because you were just one among the harem for Mr. Popular. Actually, I set my sights on someone similar when I was in community college, although I didn't see signs he was sleeping with anyone. I went and sat by him in the one class we shared at the beginning of the semester. He talked to me first, and we became classroom friends. I did offer to give him a ride and dropped him off at his apartment one day because I was going to my friends house and it was on the way. But when he never asked me out over time, I lost interest. He tried to ask for a ride a few more times but I wasn't going to my friends house those days and felt like he was using me, so I let him fade away. Even if you did date him, it's extremely doubtful he's going to be a stop sign up when other women come to flirt. Do you really want to deal with this when there are so many other guys around to date without this issue?

If I were you, I'd ask for a meeting with him and discuss your interest in that higher position when it becomes available. People can't read your mind, and he might start considering the possibility if it hasn't dawned on him without that discussion. As for the successes, my aunt was around your age when she went to nursing school after being a stay at home mother to four children. She loved her career in that field until retirement.

Always be your genuine self and if you lose someone because of that, he wasn't the right person for you anyway. I know how tough being apart is, since I was once a Navy wife, and in my current job, I've twice had to be away from home for a four week period. It's unfair to him if you can't give a timeframe of how long you will be apart and have that info be up in the air. You leaving might cause him resentment and you sticking around for his goals when yours won't be met will cause you to be resentful. Either you break up, or see if you're both willing to put in the work to keep the relationship strong during a LDR. Nobody said life was easy. I feel for you and wish you the best no matter what happens.