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  1. I've been dating this guy for two and a half months. We've made it official and had the boyfriend girlfriend talk. I've noticed that he has suddenly stopped talking about wanting me, or anything sexual and he's stopped telling me he wants to see me. He used to say he wanted to see me all of the time. Even if he wasn't being entirely serious, it was a cute way to flirt and show interest. We saw each other once or twice a week for the most part. There was one week where he hinted at us getting together but never asked. I finally told him I was trying to finalize my weekend plans and asked if we were going to hang out. He told me he had half a plan to see me. I felt disrespected by that but I just told him I would hang out with my friend instead. He was supportive of that decision. I told him later that I felt disrespected by this "half plan". Then about two weeks ago we went out with my friends and he and I were intimate that night and morning, Thursday and Friday. Then he left for a trip to see his friends a few hours away. He came back Sunday severely hung over as expected... but he really didn't seem to want to see me. I made a quick exit. There was a half hearted hug that I attributed to the hangover. So I gave him space. He knew I was off Monday and he didn't have work the next two weeks. He didn't try to make plans with me and he didn't buy plane tickets for an upcoming wedding he said he would buy before his trip and send me details. Wednesday came around and I told him I was worried he didn't really want me to go. He said he forgot. He lives in walking distance from a bunch of bars and he went out Mon and Tue. Told me met some cool people. Wed he got excited to hear that I was at his fave bar and said he was sorry he couldn't make it because he was streaming. Odd because I didn't invite him lol. Four days, and he didn't try to make plans to see me. Then Thursday he got sick. Then Monday rolled around and he finally bought the plane tickets and sent me a pic of one ticket without a name on it. He hammered out details with me. He's still feeling sick but much better; worried he's contagious. But he has only talked about how he really wants to go out again. He hasn't said he misses me, he hasn't said he wants to see me, no plans, no sweet talk. It's been two weeks. I told him it made me feel like he's losing interest but I wasn't sure if it was my anxiety. He asked if he was doing something wrong. I said no but told him his sudden lack of affection concerned me. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something isn't right and I don't know if I'm overreacting. Am I just traumatized and hypervigilant or is this something I should be concerned about?
  2. Ok so let me start from the beginning. I hate online dating but decided to give it a shot and met this guy. We hit it off and went on multiple dates after and eventually became “official” We continued to go out on a few more dates and I eventually sent the weekend at his house. Everything seemed normal and he seemed really into me as I am him. During the weekend I was over there he would talk about next time we went to x city we could go to xyz place and do whatever. he had previously told me his job would pick up. He’s an engineer and is working on a solar panel project. Everything was good until a couple days after I left his place he only started texting around 1-2 times a day and showed little interest in going to do anything with me. Thought the whole thing he is telling me about everything that is having to be done at work and apologised once for not texting as much but it still feels weird. When he does text he’ll ask me questions about stuff that’s going on in my life or simply how my day was. i understand his job can get to be a lot but it was just such a sharp contrast from the way he was damn near begging to go out with me several times a week after he got off work and on the weekends. that contrast is why I need to know if I’m just in my head and overreacting or not
  3. I'm worried I might be rebounding... My ex and I broke up and I started seeing this guy at work shortly after who I was never really attracted to but had always really liked me and is super kind and sweet but not the typical guy I date and wanted to see. He likes me a lot. I think about my ex everyday still and we had a very connected albeit rocky relationship... I was talking to my ex alot still and sleeping with him when I was starting to date this new guy. I had also hooked up with my exes best friend right after we broke up and he forgave and tried to move forward, but he works a long way away and I was still hanging out with this new guy alot. I had told me ex to come and visit and we hooked up... but things got messy because I hooked up with the new guy when my ex was in town... I told my ex I hooked up with him and he finally had enough I guess, told me to tell this new guy what had been going on between the two of us... or he was going to do it himself. I had rejected this new guy once when I was starting to hook up with my exes best friend.... and then I had to tell him that I had been hooking up with my ex when we were first starting to date. I'm also the first girlfriend he has ever had. The new guy has forgiven me and we are now dating.... but I still think about my ex everyday. Mostly I am just curious... Do you guys think I'm in a rebound relationship? Has anyone ever had any good experiences with rebounds?
  4. Here is a bit of background: I'm dating this guy, let's call him "C", for two months. I have some previous posts about him if anyone is interested. If you don't have time to read those, here is a brief background. We met on a paid dating website a few months ago. I'm 36 and he's 30 and we both rent and live alone. C used to work as a contractor at a few different schools as an IT tech for eight years but six months ago he got a job with a computer company assembling computers. He actually only moved out of home for the first time in his life six months ago as well. I left home when I was 23. We spoke online here and there and then video called and after that talked every day for a week and a bit. Basically all our relationship has either been in a very strict COVID lockdown where you're not allowed to leave the house except for food and medical, or just with a lot of COVID restrictions. I realise we haven't been dating long but I actually began to like C a lot right from the start and I know I've fallen in love with him. I have often felt bad anxiety at the start of relationships in the past but this time it's been much worse. I'm not sure if it's because of the trauma from my previous ex where I was engaged to him and planned the wedding, but he had bad mental health, anger and drug issues and he ruined everything. Also since COVID started I suffered quite badly mentally. I'm not trying to complain because I know it's been horrific for everyone. In my case, I'm a super social and outgoing person but because I live alone and my job was cancelled for six months, we had a six month very hard lockdown where you don't go out and I was alone 24/7. This was last year and as I live alone and no pets, it was just me. I spoke to my friends and family online and on video calls but the situation affected me horribly. I began to feel depressed and anxious, have insomnia and my drinking escalated. I do see a therapist and have continued my therapy with her but only in video calls the last 1.5 years. I felt anxious about dating C basically from the start but now the anxiety got worse. I want to mention also that is a really nice guy but he's not outgoing and he never really went out. His main hobby is video games and especially online gaming with his online friends. I think it was due to the fact he never really went out and was shy that he'd never dated anyone before me and he was a virgin at 30. I was a bit nervous about that aspect at first but it turned out to be no problem, especially not sexually. Everything has been fine there lol Anyway due to the lockdown and nothing else going on I've basically been at C's place all the time. He really wants me to be here all the time. Maybe normally I wouldn't be because I would be working more and seeing my friends and family. I haven't really been able to do that though and at times my shifts at work had been cut down. So I actually have nothing going on and I also much preferred to spend my time with C rather than be alone like last year. The law in my state is that in COVID quarantine you can't meet anyone, but you can be with your intimate partner. I had mentioned to C that I'm not really happy in the apartment/unit I live in. It actually belongs to my parents and it's not a bad place, but it's not great either. The units are old (built in the 60's) and there is very bad planning and acoustics. I share my bedroom wall with two neighbours and I literally hear everything. Especially the people sharing one wall are very loud. They stay up very late at night and they always slam their front door loud and my bedroom window is very close. I can't say anything to them because it's just really bad acoustics and not their fault as such. They're just talking and doing things in their own place, but I hear it all. Also all my street is is units and apartments and there are so many people and very crowded and loud. C said to me that I can move in with him and he mentioned it a few times. He's renting a very nice three bedroom house with a huge backyard. It's further out of the city but it's a quieter area and where he lives is especially really quiet and right next to a nice nature reserve. C also said he's going to get a dog and I also really love dogs. Anyway then began talking about all these things like me moving in and getting a dog and I began to think that maybe it's not such a bad idea. I completely realise it's too fast but being in and out of lockdown constantly just means I'm just sitting home alone. And I don't actually get much peace and quiet because of all the neighbours also being home 24/7 and it's very noisy. The issue is my anxiety has become very bad. I literally feel like paralysed with anxiety where my body just locks up. And I keep thinking paranoid thoughts a lot like that Chris isn't really into me as a person and that he just wanted to have any girlfriend because he's never had one before. And things like that he cares more about playing video games than me. Which actually logically doesn't seem true because he hasn't played video games all the time with me being over, but only some of the time. And I played some online games with my friends too. I realise gaming is his hobby and without lockdown I would pursue what I want too, such as go out with friends. I don't understand what's causing such strong anxiety but it's really taking over. I'm not sure if maybe I subconsciously don't really want to rush the relationship. But at the same time it's true that I don't want to stay in my apartment and I've actually been thinking that for the past couple of years. I was even considering moving out to the countryside because I wanted some peace and quiet and to rent an actual house with a garden. And maybe get a dog myself even. The past couple of weeks I've been feeling weird and confused about my relationship with C. I'm not sure if it's spending all our time just with each other due to COVID quarantine, but I'm starting to see some things about him that I'm not sure about. I think some posters here pointed out that C and I are very different. I think I'm starting to really see that. C told me that when he was about 13 years old, his father suspected he might have ADHD or something, so he had all these different testing done. Apparently they didn't find anything like ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorder. But they did find that C has an auditory processing disorder. The way he explained it to me is that if he's out in public and there's background noise, he can't make out what people are saying to him that he's having a conversation with. He said it starts to make him annoyed that he can't "hear" people. What I've gathered is that all his life he very barely went out and him and his friends just spent time at home video gaming. He has only two real life friends and doesn't see them much because they're in serious relationships. The rest of the time he games all the time with some friends he's known for 10+ years, but never met them because they're online friends. Most of our relationship has been in very strict COVID lockdown, but a few weeks ago restrictions eased off. I said that it would be really nice to go on am actual date and to go to the local shopping centre/mall for a meal and maybe to see a movie at the cinema. So we went there and went to a couple of shops quickly but unfortunately it was really crowded everywhere due to lockdown having just eased off. I could see that C wasn't enjoying it and he said he was getting annoyed that he can't hear me. So I said we should leave but that I'd like to get a coffee just at the small local shops near his house. So we went there and I bought us the drinks and asked if I can try his milkshake. I only took one sip and suggested we sit down on a bench and enjoy our drinks. He said no, we need to leave because we had "things to do". We actually had nothing to do and the shops were quiet. Then C told me that he just gets over being at the shops and just wants to go. Don't get me wrong, I know he's a guy and I don't expect him to go on a shopping spree or something. I just thought it'd be nice to go on a date, or go SOMEWHERE and I was pretty disappointed. This kind of thing also happened another time when we tried to go to the shops for me to get a takeaway coffee. Another thing is that early on in dating, C asked me if I'd like to meet his Mum and his best friend and best friend's girlfriend, so I did and I spent a lot of time with them. Due to lockdown I've been playing online video games with my friends. I asked C every time if he'd like to join us, and he always declined. But yet he has asked me if I'd play online games with him and his online friends and I said that I would. That made me feel like he doesn't want to make any effort to be part of my life, even though he actually loves online gaming. He also said to me that he wouldn't want to go to any parties or events with me, but that he thinks it's really important for us to still have our friends and that I should see my friends. C said to me that he used to have really bad insomnia and he would get very irritable, but now the insomnia is better. Last week C was in a horrible mood all week and grumpy and snappy and would just shut down. The back story is that he used to work for an electronics company casually for eight years as an IT support tech in schools. That company treated him really bad and he wanted a full-time job. So six months ago he got a job with a computer company where he assembles computers from scratch. From everything he's told me, they really underpay the staff. He said that when he was getting the job, the old manager there said he'd been on three months' probation but after that he'd get a "good" pay rise. So ever since I'd been dating him he kept talking about that pay rise. He was annoyed because it turned out to be probation was actually six months, not three. He was also on bare minimum legal wage, only $21 per hour. Last week C began to act irritable even before he'd found anything out about the pay rise. Then it turned out the pay rise was only $23 per hour. He was not moved up to a higher pay tier because he wasn't meeting the company's KPI's in regards to how many computers he made. He'd already been telling me that he's struggling financially and starting to run out of savings. So all of last week after he'd found out about the pay rise thing, he'd been acting moody, irritable, snappy and short with me. I was trying to be supportive but he was very closed off and unfriendly. He said he wasn't trying to do it deliberately and he didn't mean it, but yet continued to act like this. The thing was that this may sound bad, but I didn't really feel sorry for him. The reason being is that he'd been at that company for six months and he'd never actually asked at any point how much the pay rise actually was. The company didn't actually lie to him because they said after six months he'd get a pay rise, which he did. And to be fair I only get a $1 or $2 pay rise PER YEAR, but I actually make $40 an hour. Another thing is that right from the start I'd noticed that C has something wrong with his memory. It's not completely bad but he often keeps telling me exactly the same things and the same stories and he doesn't seem to remember that he'd already told me all that before. It's even to the point where he told me a few times what his favourite movie is and if I'd seen it. I said I hadn't but he still asked me another few times if I'd seen it. One time we watched a movie and later he said to me: "This movie is good" but in a way like he was recommending it or something and almost sounded like he didn't remember that we'd watched it. I wasn't sure though if he really didn't remember or he was just commenting that the movie is good. He said insomnia makes his memory bad but this seems a bit extreme. Another thing is he really wants a dog and we're going to look at a dog tomorrow. On the animal shelter's website it said "adoption pending" because basically he told them he definitely wants to get this dog. It's his life but my only concern is that he'd already told me that he's struggling financially before, and this is WITHOUT supporting a large dog. He did apply for another well paid job but there's not a guarantee he'll actually get the job. I'm not sure how to feel about all this... I'm also really second guessing myself. I'm 36 and I've been in a few serious relationships but they were all only 1.5 - 2 years long. They were mostly all ended by me except one. I really want to get married and have a family and to be honest finding someone hadn't been going well. C wants marriage and kids too and he's talking about our future a lot. But I'm just not sure whether we're actually too different? I was just thinking that maybe him not wanting to go out isn't a big issue because I'm older now and I don't really want to go to parties and bars and things like that anyway. I am VERY outgoing though and I love going on dates, like dinner, movies, events. I was also thinking that having kids involves responsibilities like taking them out to lots of places, kids' parties, dance classes, so on and so on. I'm worried that all that will fall solely to me because he can't handle/doesn't want to go out. Also I understand that you can't have everything in common with a partner and it's good to have your own life too. But is it too much of me to expect my partner to be more part of my life? Like to try to get to know my friends and go out with me to things at least sometimes?
  5. Where do I even begin..okay so my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now, and we’re expecting our first baby together in feb. He already has a child from a pervious relationship, and they haven’t been together for about 4-5yrs now. The child’s mother is in a committed relationship herself, when she found out I was pregnant it seemed to break her heart, just completely devastated..he then through text said to her “you think I wanted this..my own sister doesn’t even know about it”. Even though my getting pregnant was completely intentional. But him saying that makes me question everything. We currently live at his mothers, and plan on moving out together very soon. A week ago her and her current boyfriend were going through it and he told her through text again that “He was sorry he knows how that feels, blah blah blah, and he feels like him and I are just roommates and there are no feelings or connections”. I confronted him about it and started to pack my things to leave and told him “if he wants to be with her then he should be I understand they have a child together and were once a family so I wouldn’t blame him for wanting that back”. He told me that he wanted us, his child and our baby to be a family and that he didn’t want to be with her. So of course I stayed and that was the end of it. I asked why he would even say something like that? And if he meant it. He said he didn’t mean it and didn’t know why he said it. But I know it’s bull***. I just don’t know what to make of the situation. I’m scared to bring it up again. But were getting our on home together and I’m just really scared I’m making a huge mistake and I don’t want to look or feel anymore stupid then I do now. I just need advice.
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