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Autonomous

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  1. thanks for your reply, but here is something to add. his family stays in UAE but is originally from India only. Staying there for work purposes. He is the only male member in his family, his dad passed away and since then he is taking care of them. He has a traumatic family. one sis is bringing 2 children alone and staying with her mother in the UAE. and another one came to the UK. He said he is from a family where people by default considered a male member should first think about their unmarried/unstable sisters first and then think about himself. Very beginning he said if his family knows that he has a gf, they will start making mind that he is living his life selfishly and not bothering about his sisters. I never lived or coped with this kind of family situation so it's new to me. Coming down to arrange marriage and all, not really that is the case as far as I know him. his family is actually not thinking about him (though it's a very hard statement), they are just thinking about their own sake and he understood but couldn't oppose it. He can not even share his inner feeling with anyone without me. And here I get stuck, I know he has a complex life .because he has 3 sis, one is unhappily married to India, one is divorced and cheated on by her husband and raising two children on her own. and another was is here in the UK who is aged enough to get married but couldn't find the right match for her and she is overly self-obsessed. I kind of get badly stuck with emotional love and ignorant. I am living my worst time. he could not commit anything until his younger sister gets married and she is looking for her prince since 2016. I am living in a spider nest tbh.
  2. yes he does. I did not ask him but i would prefer to ask, i am sure he will not give me a straight answer. I do try to understand his restriction but i don't know how do i hide my own expectation.
  3. Shall I give him more time? Becausese I just met his sis one time and thereafter forcing him to expose me who I am originally wouldn't be too fast ?
  4. Of course not willing to stay for 5min only. I want to get settled completely with him socially. But he never answers me, I asked very upfront questions even when we were in a good mood still he barely answered. I don't want to.force him but don't I have the right to know what is my future with him? When I asked he replied who else I have, of course we will stay together.
  5. No, and as I mentioned I am from the same cultural background. But yes my family is more broad minded than his.
  6. Yes 100%/his sister and there is no doubt. I can not accept it that's why I am looking for a solution.
  7. Honestly speaking, as I mentioned he spent max his time with me when his sis is not around him. and then the situation, is like what's wrong with me, he spent a lot of time with me and I am not dealing correctly and making unnecessarily complexity. Kinda insecurity.
  8. Hi my virtual confessor, I am truly upset and worried about my current situation. I love my boyfriend unconditionally he is everything to me. By nature, he is honest and busy in his life with his family and job. We were together for the past 3 years but we have our place to live separately. I took a place near to him, he owns his one and I am rented similar to him. We both are financially independent completely. I bear my 100% cost by me and he does the same for him. We both are working from home and have similar cultural backgrounds. Everything is pretty much the same. Now you may think that if everything is so picture perfect then why she is here? Since we met, he was living alone here in the UK and I too. His family is based in the UAE, mine is also from India. We had an amazing time, especially since we stayed strong together during our bad times. Now his sister came to the UK in Feb and since I started feeling different. I know living alone and living with family is different and I admit that or at least I try. First of all his family is very conservative, he could not introduce me as his girlfriend to his sister because it may create some extra complexity. Sounds weird but that's his point. Now his sister come over every weekend and sometimes on weekdays too. I stayed at mine so no issue. Initially, he did not give any time and stayed completely devoted to his sister but after that, he tried to find 5 minutes to jump over me for a cup of tea and leave. Which is not enough for me but still trying to accept it with a big heart. He again back to normal when his sis was gone and he started making me feel special as if I am the only one. I tried to talk to him and never gets an answer why he keeps me a secret from his family. I tried to step back and he understood and convinced me by saying that "do not ever think that I would ever betray you just be with me" And again I fell for him as I do. We share the same ritual and we had a big day in our religion where we celebrate Eid worldwide with family and friends. After three months he finally meets his sister to me but that was my initiative to stay together and not feel alone here when everyone else is with family. I invited both to. my place for lunch and tried to behave neutrally as his sister doesn't know about us and first time meeting as a friend. He bought her too. my place she is nice and Jolly. His behaviour was surprisingly absurd to me during the time. He came to my place and just only focused on his sister though I tried my level best to make her feel comfortable. He was talking chatting making fun only with his sister. I felt neglected but behaved nicely till they were at my place. Once they left he texted me back with a big thank you for my gesture and said his sister liked me very much. I appreciate his message but said what I felt. he did not answer me directly and tried to cover it with health excuses which were not convincing. He said he will come back to have dinner with me once he dropped his sister, back at her uni (it's a long way 2hrs)but later he texted me to join them at the ice cream parlour. I said first no as I felt unwanted but then did not want to make it complicated so I joined them. As usual, his sis and I were talking and he was again talking to his sis and just replying to whatever force talk I was doing. He started talking about what he is gonna make a plan for his sister's birthday. His sister came to the UK 2days before my birthday that's why he just came to have dinner with me and didn't spend much time. Anyway, that's not the concern. I don't know what should I do, whenever I asked clear questions regarding ourselves he never answers me straight he always has left it to our luck more like"if we are meant to stay forever, we will" but that's not very rational or practical to me. His sister has 4 months' holiday and she will move to him completely, and when she is with him, he meets me for a very small time and keep on saying she is alone I have to go. She is at my age 1/year younger than me. She is like to finish her studies in dec and after that 2years she is gonna stay here probably with him only. They have their plans and she is making her future and he is helping and nurturing her to shape her career. I am. confused about what I am gonna do, where I am. How long do I need to act I am just a friend. And after all this behaviour when he comes back and started talking to me. like before I feel different. I don't understand how to react, because 2days back this guy didn't even hold my hand, nor sit beside me. in front of his sis and now he is hugging and laughing. I can't be so flexible with my behaviour. His distance behaviour stuck back in my mind and it's creating a problem in our relationship. I do not cope with dual reactions. Please suggest what shall I suppose to make it work. I love him and leaving him would be heartbroken. He became a part of me but also this is not what I want from my partner. What I want is for my partner also prioritise me as I do for him. Am I doing anything wrong or thinking negative? Share your thoughts to help me release some burden from me Thank you
  9. I am a bit confused about the current situation. I and my boyfriend are together for around 3 years. But we do stay in different places (20 minutes walk) He owns a 2 bed flat and I rent to a similar kind of property. we both are working from Monday to Friday (Work from home). We are dead busy on weekdays and have only gotten weekends to spend together. Either I visited his place or he used to come to mine to spend nice weekends. now his sister who is my age moved into his place to continue her second master's. She is not employed and is completely dependent on his brother. My boyfriend even paid for her uni fees and accommodation too. She stays in uni for only 3 days ( as per her class schedule )and comes back to his place every weekend and some weekdays too. my boyfriend is a very nice guy but extremely carried out by his family, I do love him a lot and respect his family values too. his sister is not a UK resident, she left her job in Dubai and come back to the UK to make her future. Now, what shall I do? When she is around we can't even do video calls or free talks. I asked my boyfriend nicely how do we plan our weekends now? he said nothing to worry about he will find some weekends to manage without her. Now he is very optimistic about her sister that she is not gonna stay forever, but she has a different mindset. She will get a post-work visa for 2 years after completing her studies in Jan 2023 and going to stay with him and that's what his family also wants. what I am going to do? I chose a place which is more expensive but just wanted to stay near to him, now he is completely occupied with her and expecting me to be happy with whatever is going on without any future thoughts. I don't wanna be a jealous girl but avoiding everything is also doest seems nicer to me either. Nowadays he comes to my place for a quick hug or wave and left in 5 minutes as his sister can not leave alone to an empty flat. I completely stopped going to his place because it looks different to me. Is there anything I need to be worried about?
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