Andrina

If she comes by to chat, once it goes beyond normal, brief co-worker chit-chat, tell her in a nice way you have to get back to work. If she asks questions about your personal life, just say you like to keep your work life separate from your personal life, or stick to vanilla things you'd tell any co-worker. If she was so blatant as to ask you out, you can just say you have rules against dating co-workers, as well as not being comfortable with big age gaps.

Since your inhibitions are lowered with alcohol, and you behave inappropriately, you will have to stop drinking if you're going to retain any sort of healthy relationship. If you're serious about staying with your bf, you will have to tell him this plan so he knows you are making this major lifestyle change for your own good, and his. And then, with time and improvements, this event will blow over. P.S. It's not too fun to be sober around a bunch of drunks, so you might start looking at other fun activities you can do with another couple or a group of friends. And if that's all your friends do, it's time to make new ones. I know my social activities changed after I met the man who would become my husband.

Since everyone has already given good advice about business, I'll mention one thing about romance. My husband is a really great partner, but when we first started dating, there was a flaw on just this one occasion, and he was teachable. We went to an amusement park, and he, I guess, had a tradition of walking really fast to the next ride to get in line. So he'd be far ahead and then wait for me, but I was still annoyed he hadn't slowed to my past. I believe I did things and acted in the perfect way. With a mellow tone, I said, "I'll tell you what, why don't we just meet at the end of the day at six o'clock at the exit, because as fast as you're walking and with this crowd, we're bound to lose each other." He said, "No, no. I'll slow down." And he did. This told him that he would lose my company if he didn't make changes to benefit us as a couple. Normally, he's great, so this action was in the minority. Partners will think more highly of you when you have standards and don't act like a doormat. And you can ask for things without blaming and being belligerent. If I'd said: "You're walking too fast and it's pissing me off." That would've ruined our mood for the day. Instead, we enjoyed the rest of the day. Remember that people pleasers always get themselves in messes. Either it's screwing yourself, or screwing someone else when you're pleasing someone who has a low priority request over someone else who should be a higher priority to you at that moment. Good luck.

It's a ridiculous notion that a partner needs to know everything that's going on in your mind. A hard lesson that you won't be able to bounce back from in this situation. That's okay. Most people go through many, many relationships before finding their lifetime partner. It's likely this relationship would have ended anyway, especially as you're still enjoying your roving eye. You might have mentioned this crush as subconsciously, you might have wanted to sabotage the relationship as you're really not ready to be exclusive with anyone yet at this young age. You have a faulty concept of "truth." Instead of divulging a brief crush, what you could have done is redirected your thoughts, time, and emotional energy into your girlfriend. Similarly, if your gf had told you, "There's a guy in my class who I've thought is so wonderful that if I weren't dating you, I'd go for him." Would you like to hear that? Do you really think that's necessary info you HAVE to know and that she's mandated by your rules to tell you? If you think that, every relationship you have is doomed to failure. Time for you to reevaluate your ideas for your own good.

You can't see the forest for the trees. You have him on some pedestal when here he is, knocking boots with you after you cried when he told you he wouldn't be in a romantic relationship with you. How is that being a kind, caring, loving person? He took advantage of you to get what he wanted, and could've cared less how hurtful that action would be to you. It's common for people to have these extremely close male/female friendships when young. Most of these, though, have an expiration date. Because when one gets in a serious relationship, the new partner isn't too happy about their significant other being besties with someone of the opposite sex. It's just a different dynamic, and when you add in the close friend having a crush, it's an inappropriate situation. Relationships can't work when two people have different goals. You want him as a bf and he doesn't want that situation. If he was seriously into you, he'd explain that he wanted you to be patient while he mourned the relationship, AND totally stop communicating with and seeing his ex. This hasn't happened. What would I do in your shoes? I'd tell him: For my own good, I'm going no contact with you. If you ever decide you would like to date me, you can contact me, and if I'm still single, we'll do just that. If you choose to remain friends because you want him in your life in any capacity, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. Your gut will continue to be in knots, and great guys who would actually want to date you will pass you by while you're staring weepy-eyed at someone who is just not that into you. This is a learning experience, so make sure you learn from it so you don't repeat those mistakes. Take care.

Look up and read articles on emotional affairs. That's what you're doing. It's your responsibility to place social barriers on yourself at work. It's not anything goes. I'm sure your wife would be against you confiding in a pretty employee and meeting with her after work, even if no kissing or flirting is going on. This is crossing relationship boundaries. Think of your wife as a being in the room wherever you are, and if you wouldn't behave in a certain way while she's there, then don't do it when she's not around either. It's called being a decent partner. You will have to change your behavior at work as well as at home. If that female co-worker starts asking about your problems at home or tells you hers, tell her you made a mistake and find it best to keep personal problems out of the workplace. For the good of your marriage, read books and articles on adding a spark back into your relationship, and reestablishing an emotional connection.

Then don't let that happen. Be proactive. Text him, because he doesn't deserve more, that you will be going no contact for closure. And don't even wait for his reply. Block his number. And then you will really start the process you will have to go through--the various stages. The mourning stage will include sadness, and then the anger will begin to override that. And then you will begin to think of him less and less until you reach the point where you will no longer think of him daily. To reach this goal, you will have to go no contact, because every time you communicate, it will be pulling the scab off the wound, and you will have to start the process all over again. That happened to me with a one year relationship I was in, with someone wrong for me. Nine months after he broke up with me, I met my future husband, who I appreciated all the more since he was a million times better than Mr. Wrong. Take care and pamper yourself. It's the year of the tiger, so start acting strong like one.

Unfortunately, sometimes animals aren't as expressive in exhibiting pain as humans are. It's a big worry that they suffer without us knowing. I'm very sad for your situation, which I will eventually have to deal with as well with my two cats. And have dealt with with former canine pets. Here is something I found on in an article on the Internet. Take care. BEHAVIOUR SIGNS OF A CAT IN PAIN Reduced appetite. Lethargy. Decreased interest in positive things like playing, social interaction and exploring outside. Being withdrawn and hiding away. Appearing lame and experiencing increased sensitivity to touch in specific areas of their body. Reduction in movement and activity. Changes in behavioural patterns. For example, your cat may start to avoid doing things that they either know or think will cause them pain. They may no longer jump up onto beds or other raised surfaces due to the expectation that this will hurt. Poor mood and temperament; increased irritability. Vocalisation e.g. frequent unpleasant or urgent sounding meowing, groaning, hissing, growling. When in pain, your cat may actively or passively avoid being handled by either moving away from people or behaving aggressively when approached or touched. Decreased grooming in general or increased grooming but to a particular area (potentially leading to bald patches and/or sore skin).

I really only read the beginning. The fact alone that he bailed instead of remaining a couple while attempting to improve things, not that he was worthy of you, shows he doesn't care about you. People who break up and need breaks are willing to lose you forever. When you get time and distance away from this mess, you will realize he did you a favor by breaking up. Go no contact. Be alone a good long while and work on your self esteem so that you won't attract, nor be attracted to, emotionally abusive men. Take care.

Are you in an apartment lease together, or otherwise? How old are your children? Is your family local to you and do they have involvement with your kids? Do you have any friends with kids who are your kids' ages? What are your business hours and is it a thriving business? Getting those answers will help for some of the answers. In any case, making steps to dissolve the relationship will be doing something proactive in that direction for now. If he's on any of your credit cards or bank accounts, remove him. Like others have suggested, speak to a lawyer. It's good you haven't married, because in some countries like the U.S., if you've been married 10 or more years, your spouse is entitled to half of your retirement savings and pension. When you get to the point of separating from him, I'd suggest that you and he meet with a mediator, and/or family counselor specifically to discuss how to co-parent without emotionally abusing children. If he hears this from a skilled professional, perhaps he'll think about how what he'd done in the past, and might do in the future to manipulate you, would be harming the children. You shouldn't stay with someone just out of pity. He doesn't pity you for living an unfulfilled life. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

In case you're not aware, using estradiol vaginal cream (hormone estrogen) a few times a week on days you're NOT intimate (not edible), helps somewhat with dryness. You can speak to the gynecologist about a prescription. Does not have the higher risk of cancer that pills or patches in hormone therapy do. The estrogen in vaginal cream stays in the vaginal tissue and doesn't enter the blood stream like pills or patches. Good luck!

You really need to change the reel that goes on inside your head. People are not "horrible" for ending contact in a dating situation, nor any other situation like a friendship that one has outgrown. You're back in the dating scene, so you'll have to get used to either you pulling the plug or the guy pulling the plug. It's necessary while looking for the keeper. And the fact he texts all day yet isn't chomping at the bit to see you, and especially how he's only mustered booty invites where you have to spend a lot of gas money going to his place, should make this extremely easy for you. After you send a text like: I'm seeking something different in a relationship, so it's best we go no contact. I wish you the best. And then either block him, or look at his response. If it's arguing the point, don't even respond. Just block. Be strong for yourself. Your mind will then be free to bond with someone else when that time comes to pass. Good luck!

I'm glad you will ending this charade. He is communicating with you because it's an ego boost for him that you have a crush on him. That's the total extent of it. I've briefly been in your shoes a few times before realizing this and then making a clean exit. I hope you won't be entertaining friendship with him. You should go no contact now, because believe me, when he eventually finds someone he wants to date, he won't even want to be friends, and hurt you all over again. Make a clean break now so you can devote your time to activities and people that are good for your soul.

Is your fiancé overly involved with her parents and values their opinion over yours? If so, she will always be a childish person, someone who's been emotionally manipulated to robotically do as her parents wish or suffer the consequences. And if so, you should walk away now as hoping for change and a different dynamic isn't going to happen in this lifetime. What do you think makes your fiancee a good lifetime partner? What are her good traits? What are the negative ones. Some things to think about besides this one issue.

He is so clearly lukewarm. I've never known anyone who had success when a potential dating partner acted like this. I believe what I've read is that your optimum dating situation is to date for a goal of longterm. He says he doesn't know what he wants. When two people's dating goals don't match, it's a mismatch. As others have said, a guy who is crazy about you will be wanting to impress you and putting in some good effort and totally wanting to regularly see you in person. When my husband and I met for the first time, he asked me out for the next day. During the next two months, he bought me a stuffed tiger, a dozen roses, and a romantic card. I was the first to suggest sex, and he told me was patient in case I really wanted to wait longer. Hold out for a guy who makes it crystal clear how into you he is. I feel you're settling, and you subconsciously might feel like you don't deserve anybody better. Believe that you do so you can instead indulge in a decadent shake. Pour that sour milk down the drain.

It doesn't matter what the reason for him not wanting intimacy with you is, except for the fact that in the worst case scenario, as mentioned, he could do harm to your child. And for that possibility alone, you cannot give him time to improve. Tell him the relationship isn't working for you. If he had a key, change the locks. If he insists on staying in contact for the good of the child, and that he argues he's a father figure, tell him no, that's not happening. Regardless, block him as a contact. In the future, don't introduce a child to a man until you know the relationship is leading to longterm, and that isn't known until well after the honeymoon period. As you can see, men entering a child's life and then quickly leaving can be upsetting if they've developed a bond. If you can't hire a babysitter or trade babysitting hours with another mom, it's best to wait until you have more time to fit dating into your life. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

In 2 and a half months, you will be moving to a new duty station. If she'd been game, why would you tie yourself in a LDR that would not have worked out anyway, since you two wouldn't have had time to establish a concrete foundation? Especially since she's only 22 and her brain won't even have reached full maturation in the decision making part of the brain. This doesn't happen until age 25. Do you really think a pretty 22 year old, surrounded by numerous, handsome military men in her new location, will forsake dating them for someone she can only see on video chats? I'd suggest concentrating on your training and seek dating opportunities after you're all set up in your new location. It's only been a few months since your longterm relationship ended. Better if you fully mourn and heal from that, and only then will you be able to fully give your heart to someone else. It's not really fair to seek a woman as a Band-Aid for your heart right now. Take care.

You must've read the story about Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. The first chair's too hard. The second chair is too soft. The third is just right. Those men aren't your only options in the world. Yes, the second man is better than than the ex, but you're lacking chemistry with him and that should be a must-have. And the fact that you're settling for either of them means you need to be alone and figure out who you are WITHOUT a man. And do that for a good long time, like a year. You won't be ready to date until you're joyous in a solo life, ready to share your passions with someone--versus finding fulfillment in life that you think will come from a man. While you're seeing what life is like solo, you will have to cut the ties, going no contact, with men who aren't right for you. Stop using them as ego boosters, ways to pass time, or whatever you believe you seek from their attention. When you get some time and distance away from both, you should be able to see the situation with clearer vision. Also, make yourself financially independent because you never want to rely on a man for this, and be stuck with him, unable to financially extricate yourself.

Wanting to know this is not being needy. The issue is not to waste time on someone if their dating goals don't match yours. When I was single and did OLD, I rejected meeting with one guy because after speaking on the phone, I found out he had his 5 year old son every single weekend and every Wednesday. This was the opposite of the ideal for me. I stopped dating one guy because when I asked him his dating style, I found out it took him a really long time to decide who he would exclusively date while multi-dating. Once I get to the point of kissing someone, I prefer focusing on one person and prefer someone who does the same, so he did not match me. You're not being needy. In fact, you would be an intelligent person for asking so that you're not investing your precious time and emotional energy into someone who doesn't want the same as you. On the other hand, if he claims to want the same as you, you can move forward in the same direction with a wait-and-see attitude. There are no guarantees, but being alert to what you're observing, and what your gut tells you, will help you decide if a person is a good risk for your heart or not.

Why would asking someone out on a date be pushy? He's asked you out. That shows interest, same as a positive text such as: Hope you're having a great day. But people do work and/or might be in college, so they might not be able to respond immediately, or might not be the type who are tethered to their phones. If you scare someone away by acting exactly as you want to, he wasn't the right one for you, anyway.

I'd say: I'd love to see you. What did you have in mind? And if it's to his house, say, "Actually, this (name activity) is something that sounds like a lot of fun. How about that?" If he agrees, see if he spends the day enjoying his time with you. If he asks about your life and doesn't want to just make out and speak of sex. It can be nerve-wracking to date because you end up having to be vulnerable, not knowing if you're opening up to the right person. You're doing the right thing by observing his behavior, getting to know what he's about, before giving the gift of your body--something not be taken lightly.

As SherrySher suggested, if I were you, I'd invite him on a daytime activity that doesn't involve drinking, like going to a Farmer's Market, local festival, hiking in a park, going to an art museum, etc. A guy who is looking for longterm will be wanting to get to know everything about you and being patient about intimacy. Either on that date or the next, there is nothing wrong with finding out what his dating/life goals are. I did ask guys I'd been on several dates with something like: So what is your dating style? Do you like to multi-date or do you like to focus on one person at a time? Are you looking for short term or long term? And then just listen. Of course, some people lie, but hopefully you're intuitive and can see if he sounds genuine or not. If his dating style matches yours, great. If not, as handsome as he is, tell him you have different goals and so you two will have to go your separate ways. As for your confidence, work on self-love, or you will attract predators. You've been right not to be intimate before being comfortable doing so. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I know that my activities changed from when I was single, to being in a serious, exclusive relationship. I don't care if my husband goes to a bar a few times a year with a buddy, but I would not have continued to date him if he did this as regularly as it sounds like your gf does. Most people who care about the health of their relationship won't do anything that would compromise the sanctity of that union. Atop those existing red flags, the fact that this group has people of both genders since her brother attends and you haven't been invited, is really alarming. What doesn't she want you to see? I have a feeling that she's finding it hard to fully leave the single life, and the excitement of attention from other men. Perhaps consider she's not ready to act like she should in an exclusive relationship. Don't let time invested and the love you feel override your gut. When your gut is regularly roiling, it means the relationship isn't the right one for you. I, myself, prefer that my partner have hobbies that don't involve drinking and being around vulgar people. Was that the sort of ideal partner you envisioned when you thought about who "the one" would be?

Over my lifetime, I've found you can find someone you have chemistry with in no matter what locale you're in. It happened to me, but I never attempted to make something permanent from these temporary crushes. Because long distance usually only works if there's already a solid foundation, whereas a person joins the military, or has to go away for college or work, and there's a date in place where the couple will close that distance. The trouble with your situation is that it's not the normal pace of dating, and 4 or 5 days together 24/7 at this early stage is way too much. And I don't know if he made any of the effort going your way or not. If not, make sure in the future, even in local dating, that you're letting the guy put in equal effort to gauge his true interest, or lack of. Someone visiting for half a week, who you barely know, can begin to feel smothering. Perhaps it could have affected his feelings, or perhaps it was irrelevant, but it doesn't matter know. Yes, in your shoes, I'd never continue to communicate with someone who said he lacked a spark. He knew that telling you this could have a severe, negative impact for a point of no return, and was okay with that. Hold out for someone who is crazy about you. Take care.

If he's the one asking you out once a week, maybe that's all he can afford if he's paying for your dinners. What is stopping you from asking him out midweek and paying for him? You say you always let him text first. Why don't you do it once in a while instead of it being one-sided?