Hi everyone. I am 34F and my boss is 57M. My boss (let’s call him L) was once a colleague at a different job we both worked at. He eventually left to focus on his own company which he has owned for decades and I did some side work for him for extra money. A year ago I left my job and went to go work for his company full time.
When we were both working at the first place, my husband cheated and left me. L was a big help to me and constantly checked on me to make sure I was ok. He would often sit in my office and talk for a long time. When he left the company we rarely saw one another but we did have a group text going with us and another colleague. So we kept in constant communication.
Since I have started working for him things are a little different. I don’t really have much work to do so when I go to the office he spends all day talking to me. Most of the other employees work from home or are in other states, so often it’s just the two of us. We have lunch together and then talk some more and go home. He will then do his work from home. I am frustrated because I need to feel useful at work so I have brought up to him many times that I don’t have enough work and I feel useless and I would like to do more. He keeps telling me I’m overthinking it and that hiring me was the best decision he has ever made.
He constantly tells me I am his second priority after his daughter (she’s 15). He has a wife. He has always complained about things she does. She recently randomly came to the office twice to spend the day. On those days he did not talk with me and just did work. Over lunch on those days she asked me about my dating life (I am not seeing anyone) and asked about a man who works at the next office who seemed interested when he came over to drop off mail that was erroneously given to him. When she asked me if he was married I said I didn’t know since I wasn’t interested and she said “well you don’t want a married man do you” to which I told her absolutely not, I just wasn’t interested so I didn’t make it a priority to find out.
L has said throughout the years he would never get a divorce because of what his father did to his mother and that if he ever got divorced he would need to be with someone who knew his daughter and who knew that his daughter would always come first. He now has me getting involved in his daughter’s life, helping with homework, going to lunch etc. He recently told me two stories that he told me he has never told another person not even his wife. They weren’t extraordinary stories so it was weird that he would keep it from his wife.
Regardless, I’m starting to feel like I was hired to be a full time friend and not an employee. He pays me extraordinarily generously. This bothers me, I feel like I need to earn my salary. At my previous job I was an expert in my field, I liked feeling useful. Does this sound like an emotional affair on his part? And how can I approach it considering he is my boss and I need this job until I find another? I have started working from home when I can, but it makes me anxious to do so because I know he wants me there. He will say to me "are you coming to the office tomorrow?" and I feel obligated to say yes.
I will say I don’t think I’m his type physically. His wife is very petite and I’m curvy, so perhaps that helps in him actually not being interested, or perhaps that's wishful thinking on my part.