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spinstermanquee

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spinstermanquee last won the day on April 16 2023

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  1. wow. just wow. are you sure this is accurate? she sounds like a professional lady or sugar baby not a doctor.
  2. It's been 18 years since I joined this forum - originally for parenting advice. I've gotten so much out of it, not just from posting, but also from reading about other people's lives. There are certain "pillars" of the forum that I admire, trust, and follow - and the folks whose advice doesn't resonate with me, I feel free to ignore (like a few pillars mention above). Tufntender, this is a great place to solicit advice and supplement any support system you may already have in place! Now... here are some hugs (((( )))) LOL
  3. Captain, he's not into you. He is blocking any kind of further "integration" Your own counsel has already alerted you and you seem pretty intuitive. Please respond accordingly and don't waste any more time on this dude. Hearts and hugs.
  4. kim, please don't let the nattering nabobs of negativism impact your participation in the forum. We are all rooting for you
  5. No because any normal sane person who loves the mother/parent/child/family/fiancee wouldn't specify something like that. You give the money, carte blanche, because you know they will do the right thing. Take care of their family. Past, present, and future. Kind of adult-like...
  6. Before our wedding my father gave me a check. I just threw it in the "pot o money" to cover expenses. Throughout our early stages of marriage/career, my father would give me "lucky money" envelopes. My husband never felt excluded because my dad gave me money, why would he? At the end of the day it benefits us both. I'm a little mystified why this is upsetting for you. You weren't even there to hear whatever she said about "spending it on the wedding," is it possible you and/or your fiance might have misreported/misread/misunderstood? If you marry, she is going to be an unavoidable part of your life, I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt and a more tender and open stance from you. If you cannot tolerate her now, it will only get worse in the future. Please stop mining for poison, I beg you... because it's going to hurt everyone in this triad.
  7. Dear Sonic, this is EXACTLY what you can do. With the right guided therapy, meditation, hypnosis, or visualization. That boy is still inside you, and still accessible, you don't need a time machine. Hugs to you in your journey... (((( ))))
  8. Rainbow, one night out dancing with my girlfriends there was this group of friends - one of whom was a guy bopping/grooving to the music in his wheelchair on the side of the dance floor. I asked him to dance, and next thing I know he was popping wheelies and spinning like a pro dancer out on the floor all the while staying on his mark. He had the MOVES. I think I was romantically interested in someone else at the time, so no followup, but a good time was had by all. Obviously I still have a fond memory 25+ years later 😉 The worst thing that could happen is you decide he's not for you. The best? That you continue that chemistry and see where it leads... <3<3<3 Please keep us updated.
  9. even, sorry to hear about your situation. I am a little shocked a parent would thrust their youngster out into the world without resources (money, car, apartment) or at bare minimum some heavy training/coaching in the major life skills of how to provide oneself food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. IMHO, a parent's role is also help you figure out where your talents and passions in life could carve out a career and/or course of study to lead to a (hopefully fulfilling) career. Now, you don't have much detail in your post so she may have taught you those things already and I'm making huge assumptions. Please correct me in that case 🙂 I brought my daughter up to be independent and responsible - I made sure she had age-appropriate experience with employment, earning, saving, checking accounts/balancing, credit cards, cell phones, monthly bill paying BEFORE she left the home at 18 to go off to college. Throughout her growing up, we cooked together, shopped for food and clothing together, took care of pets and plants, cleaned (she had daily small chores), did laundry, sewed a button or hemmed a trouser, changed a tire, hung a picture and blinds, worked power tools, unclogged a drain, reset a fuse. I showed her how to haggle in a flea market/marketplace for best price. We took the city bus together on dry runs to her schools if she was out of the school busing district. When driving time came I taught her how to drive both automatic and stick shift vehicles. Rather than wondering if what you found out is true, I would sit down with your mom and ask her if that's her intention... and if she does want you to move out, then you will need to spring into action to plan how you are going to support yourself. Investigate available resources for homeless, employment opportunities, room rentals, live in au pair, house-sitting. You didn't say if you are going to graduate high school or not but if you do move out then you don't have to be home schooled any more right? When I was a youngster there was a high school equivalency exam one could take called the GED. There was a low cost 6-week study program at the local library followed by the exam. I passed it and freed myself from (IMO) the tedium of high school so I could hit the road and experience real life before I started college. A good friend of mine went to Europe while in high school and lived with a family, he watched the 2 kids, taught them English, and received a weekly stipend. He had his own room in their home and they fed him. He didn't have to do housework beyond taking care of his own quarters. He didn't have to cook. So if you are going to be homeless do the homework now and start lining up resources. Make a list of ALL possibilities, even if you don't like the sound of them at first - don't evaluate anything until your list is exhaustive, THEN start evaluating (this is called brainstorming and it's a good way to problem solve when you're not sure what to do next). Good luck even! Hugs to you (((( ))))
  10. Patientlips, I have been quite fortunate in my life to have been "rescued" from some dicey situations by someone. I totally get the "transference" aspect of you getting a little crush. Sometimes people develop crushes on their doctors, firemen, hair stylists, grocery baggers, etc. after an experience leaves them bonded/with history. When you get a glimpse of the inside of the person. Regarding the spectrum of "winner to loser" which seems to meet your metric, I would probably place you around 80% winner. No one is a loser for accepting help from others. It's part of being a smart human, to know when you need help, part of being an even smarter one is to ask for it! PS - I am sure he appreciated the gift and how lovely of you to proffer it
  11. That is quite telling... if you are going to listen to words, also listen to what is *not* said
  12. Patientlips, I am so happy you got out of that situation. And so happy that the kind policeperson helped you and even followed up. I actually teared up over your story, it gives me so much joy to hear about kindness between humans and folks going above and beyond in their job duties. Hate and strife are broadcast daily in our radar and I personally crave more of these stories. To paraphrase catfeeder, feelings you haven't had in a while are awakening. YAY! You now have a new baseline of how you want to be treated. I hope you will accept no less than the level of kindness and care demonstrated by the policeman from any person, and most especially from a romantic partner. Patientlips 2.0 will never accept abuse again! Hugs (((( ))))
  13. Hi Alex, someone here mentioned the book "Red Flags: How to Spot Frenemies, Underminers, and Toxic People in Your Life." (by Wendy Patrick in case you are interested) I was intrigued, so I bought it and am currently reading it. In the section called "Shopping While You are Hungry" on page 21, an excerpt: "If you go to the grocery store while you are hungry, your cart will likely include items that look really good, although you know they are bad for you. That is why candy and soda are displayed right next to the register. People who relationship-shop out of desperation are prone to making the same bad choice. This can happen because the fear of being single causes people to lower their standards and settle for less, believing that any relationship is better than being alone. Once involved, the fear of being single causes people to lower their standards within relationships in order to maintain them." This morning I picked up the book, read that, and wanted to share it with YOU, Alex. The above two paragraphs sum up what the majority of the folks here are expressing. I hope you will release this one back into the wild because having no guy is better than being some guy's plan Z, he only shows up when he has nothing better to do. I might be just a stranger on the internet but it still stings to know one of my sisters is being treated like dirt. Girl, I beg you, claim your worth!!!
  14. Oh my, he dangles those breadcrumbs. Just a reminder, breadcrumbs are not filling and relationship breadcrumbs do not satisfy a thirsty and hungry lass 🙂
  15. Spot on, one of my mantras! Keep listening to that inner voice, that's what we are taught with each small step towards our independence, each time we claim our agency. This is what we CRAVE especially when we grow up with a strong sense of right and wrong but didn't yet learn or didn't have models to learn how to protect / enforce it for ourselves (due to the be a nice girl, don't make waves messages).
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