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@itsallgrand @smackie9 she will become a very higher earner(doctor) in about a year or two. She has another job right now but does blow through all the money. But her income will likely triple when she does become a doctor. Why I really wonder if this should be a concern. @boltnrun she actually does pay for things. I do pay overall for more. But I also make significantly more than her for right now. But she picks up occasional non-expensive dinners. Yes, previous marriage she said there were money issues. But she told me she left for that and he hid that smoked weed all day and apparently he would say things to her (like youre a complete b****). Things I would just never do!

@Batya33 first thank you for sharing your experience. I am similar to you that I work hard because I wanted to improve my career, be comfortable and work with some really talented people. However, I know what its like to struggle as I did not grow up with much. But that time I think has allowed me to stay humble and also realize i dont need to spend $$$$ on stuff to be happy. But as you said, for people who are important, I figure it out and make time. You might be right about her character or might be wrong. Although we talked every day and had some deep conversations, I think you can only know someone so well in 3 months. Certainly the person who refused to talk to me about this or stood me up was not the person who I thought I was falling for. But that also might just be her way of coping too. Overall, the comments here have made me feel a little better and thank you all for that. It still really hurts and feel like my time with her was cut short. i think I just need to remind myself that the right person for me would have talked about this/we would have communicated better. However, there are definitely learnings and take aways from this and I hope in future I can apply those be a better partner for next person.

@rainbowsandroses thank you very much for this message.

@Batya33 thanks. I wasnt too worried about income and agree with your statements. As for your last part, it would have been much better response. I think end of day this is going to just be a painful lesson. I think both of us in relationship in some way did not communicate well. Mine on my response and how I felt. On her side, I had no idea until later how much impact this had on her. Everything seemed fine in the moment.

@Wiseman2 agree on your first part. I said in previous part how someone spends their money is no issue to me. But understand what you are saying.

@LotusBlack yes this thread went in many different directions and long now. But what I said before, I thought I was reflecting the same thing and said it in a warm and loving way. Yes, I realize now that there were better responses as you said. But its what I first said right away. In hindsight, it would have been better for me to take even a second before speaking. Because I did care about her in that way. @Wiseman2 Yes I agree this is likely the main reason this ended. Whether it was the sole reason or opened the door to have her reconsider things I dont know but not sure how much it matters. I have actually entered therapy because I feel how I expressed myself ended a relationship I really cared for. That is heartbreaking and I dont want to repeat this again. @spinstermanquee yes thats correct but I also live in expensive city so its not hard to do that if you order a bunch. @Kwothe28 yes she lives above her income right now, but she will be doctor in a year so basically her income will likely meet her lifestyle. Or she will find someone who will help her do that

No. She is definitely a spender and doesnt save. I definitely save a good portion of my income but also spend on things. But nowhere near what she spends on. For example, she has a perfectly good couch, but wanted to buy a new one for 6k because it looked nicer. Which is just crazy to me. Or would spend 250-300 getting dinner by herself. Or just other things like that which seems a bit excessive to me.

No she finished up school and just has residency left. Yes, the spending was on back of my mind, but with combined incomes I dont think we would have had to worry to much about that and why it was less of a concern of mine at the time.

That was the thing that baffled me the most. Why talk to me what you want to do in March for your birthday? Why introduce me to you 6 yr old nephew after that exchange happened. Then why reengange with me, talk with me for 4 days then ghost. Just doesnt make sense and felt like getting broke up with all over again But I agree, I dont know and who knows whats actually going on and feel like I have already driven myself crazy with guilt trying to figure it out haha

I know what you are saying. But she is studying to become a doctor. I think with combined income, wouldnt have had much issue worrying about those things. I might be very naive with that statement! And she told me that as a passing thought but never actually asked me to do that. Honestly, doing something like that would never even register in my mind!

@Batya33 not especially. But in fairness to her, those things never came up too much. Maybe those were subtle hints she was giving. If so I missed them. But she often paid for things as well. And we did enjoy each others company. It certainly was not at all focused on material things. The only difference, she was much more liberal about spending and throwing around money. She would spend lavishly on dinners with her friends/by herself and had been to all the trendy restaurants. She would often buy new clothes all the time. But that was with her money, and i have no issues with what someone wants to do with their own money. I am not a penny pincher or cheap but I dont spend nearly the amount of money that she does But I think its partly how we were raised too. I didnt have a bunch of money growing up but have been successful now in my career. But I think that past keeps me a little grounded. She told me growing up she never had to worry about anything and was spoiled growing up as a kid. And she is used to getting what she wants. The only time I saw any issue was once when we were going to her favorite restaurant. Its a trendy place and need reservations. For whatever reason, something happened when she made it and they didnt have it when we showed up She got very upset and was barely speaking. I quickly found another place to go to that was near (not as trendy/fancy but good). She said at first she was upset at me because I didnt offer them money to sit us. But she realized that it was not my fault so didnt say anything. She got out of the mood she was in by the end of the meal. I think that was the only time I ever saw anything that I would consider warning.

@MrMan1983 its possible. I recall in the beginning of relationship her friends said why is he not giving you money or expensive gifts. And that American men are selfish (I live in Miami, I am a minority here). She told me this and defended me to the friends. I also know one of her friends almost divorced her husband because she wasnt getting expensive handbags and jewlery anymore even though she didnt have to work, had a live in maid and a high rise apartment, everything paid for. But she convinced the friend to stay with the husband Could someone else come along who was going to give money and shower her with gifts and she left? I guess its possible. But fairness to her she seemed different than that and was willing to pay for items on her own as well and split dinners. She was becoming a doctor and had a job unlike some of the friends who didnt. But maybe this whole exchange led her to open the gate to this too. To your last point, I just dont know because she never talked to me about this.

@yogacat that post is unaffiliated with me. Seems like a separate item. yes as I was falling in love with her. I felt I was reciprocating the same thing she said. Also I feel my actions were backing things up. But I know she is not a mind reader either.

divorce was finalized earlier this year. they separated a little more than a year ago

@Tinydance its possible. Her parents divorced when she was young. She also got divorced after a marriage of year and half. But she also initiated that divorce. She said she learned more about her ex-husband when they were married that she wasnt aware of. She didnt live with him prior to getting married. So I dont think necessarily abandonment from that. But she did tell me stories from her ex husband how he was more verbally abusive to her (granted I am only getting her side of story but I believed her).