patientlips

All -- Thank you for your thoughtful responses. It's good to know I was imagining he liked me. Maybe it was just wishful thinking that someone as kind and considerate as him could be attracted to me. Now I have to work on getting over the total humiliation over embarassing myself by giving him a gift! He must think I'm such a loser. Oh well.

Two years ago, a policeman helped me (a female) escape a scary domestic abuse situation. While he was very hands-on during my case (providing me guidance, following up with me, and checking in on me), we stopped communicating once he had provided all the assistance he could with my situation. I rebuilt my life and moved onward. I would often think of him with great gratitude for his support, nothing more. Two months ago, the officer randomly showed up at my door. He said he had missed hearing from me and wanted to know how I was doing. He said he had been passing by my home weekly for the past two years, to make sure I was safe. (I had been stalked and he had promised to look out for me so I found this touching, not creepy.) We had an extremely pleasant chat, catching up on our lives since then, for maybe 20 minutes. It was very personal with lots of smiles and laughter -- not like serious police business. He said to contact him anytime, and that was that. Or so I thought for maybe a minute. When I closed the door, I realized -- suddenly -- that I had felt really ridiculously happy to see him. Like ... over the moon happy. My heart felt huge in my chest. I was probably grinning like a total dork for hours. And just like that ... I had my first crush as a middle-aged woman who pretty much promised herself to never feel anything for a man again. (I went through a scary hell trying to break up with my abusive ex.) So after about a month of daydreaming about him, I worked up the courage to call him. I wanted to see him again so badly, this policeman whose laughter was like the chorus of a thousand angels and whose smile was more exquisite than the most beautiful sunrise. He agreed to meet up and when we did, I was so nervous I couldn't even look at him. I just blushed and looked at the ground. I felt like I was 14 again and trying to talk to a guy for the first time ever. But nonetheless I managed to profusely thank him for helping me those years ago, and I gave him a little heart-shaped stone I had and told him he had a piece of my heart forever. He said he loved it and seemed touched and not scared or grossed out by me. Then, because he was working, he got called away. He said he had to go. He looked at me and said: "That's it?" I may have nodded dumbly because I was so overwhelmed by him. We hugged and he surprised me and gave me a lingering kiss on my cheek. As I turned to walk away, he said: "Stay out of trouble, ok?" I looked back and smiled at him and said, "I promise." Looking at him finally, it felt like my heart was going to explode. That was a month ago. I have heard nothing from him since, but he crosses my mind daily. My question is this: Could it be possible that he likes me, too? Or am I just reading too far into professional kindness? Am I just an abused and used-up woman just desperate for a man to treat her kindly and gently and looking for meaning and connection where there is none?