Andrina

When a person is a stranger, you have to set up your own plan, considering all possibilities, of how things could pan out. I guess you've never watched any of the reality murder-mystery shows to scare you off entering a stranger's home. My thoughts? Is knocking boots with a stranger worth risking your safety and life? And why didn't you delete and block his number after he plopped you like a bag of trash onto the cold street?

Wow. Dating is supposed to be about fun, enjoyable companionship. This is the opposite. The third degree. Crying. Punishment. Sounds as fun as being held captive by an enemy and tortured. I'd be like, "Uh, yeah. Nope. I'm am so out of here."

No, you shouldn't have to pay the price for a crime you didn't commit. I don't think he'll be able to change on a dime, but before throwing in the towel, which you should do, I'd tell him something like: I don't find your jokes funny about me and other men. And I'm surrounded by men at work, the grocery store, and restaurants. I can and will talk to them, and am never inappropriate. Every time you speak to me about other men, it eats away at the good part of our relationship like a cancer. You will stop, or I'm walking away. Yes, it's an ultimatum. If he can't agree to be who a healthy partner is, that's his choice and he can deal with the consequences. I had a friend who married a guy like this, and she couldn't even bring him to her retirement party, because she thought he'd blow when she hugged any of the male employees, as one might at these sorts of events. Ridiculous. They are now divorced, but for other reasons as well. Take care and let us know how it goes.

What to blame yourself for, in order to gain life lessons, yet certainly not to save a toxic relationship? Here it goes: Walk away as soon as you find out someone is taken. There are NO exceptions. NONE. A mature and ethically sound person ends one relationship before beginning another. When you are in a relationship, don't communicate with other men you've been intimate with. It's disrespectful to your partner and bad for your primary relationship. Don't make major decisions like moving in with someone until engaging in local, regular dating experiences for at least a good year. During that time, you will learn a lot, and see if there are any skeletons in the closet. Going from seeing each other about 4 times in 10 years, to living together, was too much too soon. Not that it would work out in this case, regardless. At every single point on this journey, you took a wrong turn, so it is not surprising you didn't end up at your expected destination. Go back home. Learn from your mistakes, while staying alone, because you need time to reflect, and especially build your self esteem. If you don't, you will repeat the same mistakes with a different toxic man. Until you think this relationship wasn't worth saving, don't date, as you're still not able to detect toxicity. When you are ready, stick to local dating so you can really get to know a man in all the important ways, and you won't have to uproot your life.

How old are you? How did you two meet? How far in distance do you live? Do you take turns visiting each other, or is it one-sided? Do you spend days together at one of your homes? When do you two plan to close the distance, or has this not been discussed? Do you have the same dating/relationship/life goals? You both sound immature and clueless about how to go about what to discuss and what not to discuss. It's important at the beginning to find out about, in general, what a person's dating/relationship history has been. But to get into details about it, and to regularly bring the subject up, is not wise. As you see, you start picturing what you don't want to imagine. Don't ask what you don't want to know. If a partner starts blurting about the past, tell them you no longer want to hear about an ex, and would rather talk about the present and future of the relationship that now matters: yours and his. If you do this, mentally start over again and see if you can go the distance. If you do, you'll look back at this time as totally frivolous and not worth the anxiety. LDRs usually only succeed if a firm foundation has already been established before the long distance happens. Sounds like your foundation has begun on sea sand, so no wonder your castle is toppling already.

This is a game. With a person who is right for you, you don't have to play games. With a person who is right for you, the interest from both sides will be crystal clear. You asked her out twice after the first date and she NEVER suggested an alternate date. Her texting is not asking you out. The ball is in her court. And don't keep harping on her one ask after two rejections at the beginning. You are grasping for straws there that that meant serious interest. The right relationship will progress and not regress. This has regressed. You are operating from a position of passivity and walking on eggshells. What would I do in your shoes? If you want to ignore the signs of her low interest and give it one last shot, the next time she texts, actually call her and say: How's it going? (She replies) I want to go see the new Spiderman movie Friday or Saturday. Would you like to go? If she is busy and doesn't suggest an alternate date, I'd say: Okay. I'm really looking to date someone who's available a few times a week, and after two months of texting with you, I see this isn't going to happen, so I think it's best we stop texting. Don't let people keep you on a line they never reel in. You're in charge of your life, and you need to be active in making it go the way you want it to. Cut the losers loose to free you for the woman who will be crazy about you, and there won't be any guessing involved.

I never recommend being with someone who doesn't stay the course the managing their mental health. In what you write, I don't see love, and you're lacking in her eyes. There's a great quote from the movie Juno, when the father tells his teen daughter when they are talking about her dating life: "The right person is still gonna think the sun shines out of your ass." After going no contact, it'll likely take 4 to 6 months for you to stop thinking of her daily. Start today. A new year, a new beginning, freeing you to be able to eventually find someone who matches that quote.

So he was normal in one way, leaving early when the person he was on a date with was being rude, paying attention to her phone and showing no interest in him. And now you're perplexed he left early and think of it as some huge mystery? If you're having such a dry spell that you start be curious about stalkers, who sneak in through the back door after you've blocked, maybe look at your own behavior in why you're not attracting mentally healthy men, or why maybe those men have asked you out but then made a quick exit. Even if you're not interested in a person, it's crappy to be rude about it. Get through a date showing a person respect regardless, and then be gentle but firm about not accepting another date.

I'd say something like: Hi, I've been wondering how you've been doing since college. Any chance you'd like to meet up for coffee? You'll immediately or soon find out all you'll need to know: if he's single or not, interested or not.

I don't understand what is satisfying to you about this relationship. I have a feeling he only says he won't have intercourse before marriage because he doesn't want you to know that a real live woman won't do it for him, since his go-to way of a turn on is porn. Not uncommon when someone watches this much porn. It actually changes the neurons of the brain. He likely just likes female companionship, and yes, will continue on just as he is now. I can't even imagine stomaching being with a guy who masturbates to that extent. My advice? Go solo. Enjoy your freedom for now. Make female friends. Start a new hobby. Work on an education and/or a good career path so you never have to rely on a man financially. When you get to a good place personally, and with some more life experience under your belt, you will likely be better at choosing a better man. Good luck and let us know how it goes. You deserve better. Don't settle.

Yeah, my husband tells me briefly about work, and even if I'm not really interested, I make sure to look at his face while he's telling me, to be present and respectful, showing that I'm listening. But if the stories went on too long, I'd probably try to say in a lighthearted manner something like: Okay, we let each other know how our workdays went. I kind of want to get into home mode now. Lets decide on: something fun to do on our next day off/what groceries we want to get to plan our menu for the week/this is the interesting story I read on the Internet/this movie looks like it would be good to watch, etc.

Try to live in the present and have a realistic wait and see attitude. Unfortunately, nobody has a crystal ball to appease your nerves. I'm in my 2nd marriage, and my husband and I were full on from the beginning, and we've been happily married 10 years. I hope you can see nothing but green flags continue to wave. Just always know you're resilient and will handle whatever happens. And similar to your situation, with a very small age gap, my husband is 3 years younger. Have fun!

If that's your biggest problem in life, your life must be golden, otherwise. Either people have had no other partners or they have. What matters is who your forever love is. If you're imagining two teens fumbling around with their first kissing experiences and humping in the back seat, yeah, your brain needs an overhaul. you can actually retrain your brain on what thoughts you're thinking. Your train's definitely been derailed, but the good news is, you can get it back on the right track if you really want to. Start reading books on positive thinking, changing the reel so it's beneficial to you, instead of self-sabotaging. Therapy is another tool. Try both so you don't lose the woman I'm assuming has been faithful and a good partner to you all these years. Believe me, if you make yourself single or cause her to dump you because of your unreasonable thoughts and behavior, dating is not for the weak of heart, and good luck finding someone who has never dated anyone before you.

That's when you see if a person has a good heart and cares the way they should--during the tough times like when you are sick or injured. That event was actually fortuitous because it prevented you from wasting any more time on a man who could only be counted on in the good times, but not the bad. Start changing your mindset about him, and realize the breakup was for the best because why would you wanted someone you can't count on when you really need him? And that him showing his true colors frees you to eventually be single when someone worthy of you comes along. Good luck in your healing process.

After a whole year with someone, if he wasn't 100 percent confident in a future with me, I'd be one to let him go. Usually people determine the spark when they meet, and then see over time if they match in all the major ways. If the spark has waned for him, then he was high on a new relationship, but then everything combined wasn't enough for sustenance. Or maybe, the spark was never strong and he convinced himself to try longer because he saw you are a wonderful person. IMO, you'd do yourself a disservice if you don't hold out for the guy who is crazy about you and stays the course.

If I'd been a friend of hers, I would've given her the very advice she's decided on. She does not a have a cold heart. Male/female extremely close friendships like this usually always have an expiration date for good reason. With all that time and energy poured into unrequited love, it prevents the person from bonding with a prospective partner. When she gets a bf, if you two stayed friends, it wouldn't be wise for her to hang out with a guy she wanted more from. I know I would end things with a guy if I found out he was hanging out with a "best friend" he had wanted to be his girlfriend. I know it's hard to lose a fan and confidante. It's reality though, that not every friendship you have will last a lifetime. That's the very reason I've never once called anyone my best friend, even though I have a few friends I've retained friendships with since I was 12 and 14 years old. How to move on? Never keep all your eggs in one basket. Keep up effort with more than one friend, develop a new hobby so you can hang out with people with the same interests, and in that way, if one person orbits away from you, there'll always be others around to meet your social needs. She wouldn't think of it as doing something to you. She thinks of it as having her own back, because she should. She's seeking happiness and this is how she will achieve it.

What's your life been like during the last four years besides having a boyfriend? What are the other areas of your life you put time and energy into? What were the differences that got in the way of a happy relationship? I don't really agree with that. Sometimes bitterness eats away at love, and what you felt at the beginning isn't what you always end up with. Sometimes, even if the person becomes who you wanted all along, it's too late. You're not going to be able to move on until you go no contact. You're keeping him in your life right now. I always think that if a person cared enough, they'd communicate and work on problems together. Apparently, he stopped caring and most on again off again relationships mean a couple isn't meant for one another. Take care. Most of us have suffered through breakups. Tell yourself you're resilient, sort of faking it until it becomes a reality, and one day you will not think of him on a daily basis.

Instead of overwhelming yourself, list your goals in order of priority. You don't have to accomplish everything at once. The first priority should be your health, so work on that first. It's okay to be a caring person, but not to your own detriment. Your bf is a grown man. If he can't live independently, that's his problem that he's created. He'll be upset with the breakup? People get broken up with regularly. It's part of life. You shouldn't be a sacrificial lamb and live an unhappy life because you refuse to breakup with someone you don't want to be with. If he has to live in a shelter until he straightens out his life, so be it. When you don't enable a person, believe me, he will find a way to make more money, or take advantage of another unsuspecting naive woman and schmooze his way into shacking up with her. You should give him a time period to move out. Enlist the help of someone in your family you can count on to be able to help in this matter. Once he's gone, don't expect your life to change overnight. Be realistic of how long it will take for you to achieve the life you want. Setting small goals for yourself, and achieving them, will give you the confidence to take on bigger things. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Who you are attracted to is inherent in you. It's nothing you can control. Same thing with what makes you uncomfortable in a relationship. I would also not be comfortable with my man having a female best friend. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me, and it doesn't mean someone else who has the opposite opinion is misguided. You do you and tell him, "This relationship isn't working for me." And then go no contact. When a relationship is regularly upsetting to you, it's not the right match. Don't let a man whose known you for mere months tell you what you are and that you're to eat his garbage and enjoy it. The secret to successful dating is to cut the losers loose as soon as you see he's one, freeing you to be available for someone who actually deserves you.

It sounds like you're way over the top with smothering him with work visits, texts, calls, and daily contact. No wonder he never initiates. You never give him a chance. And no wonder he takes a long time to text back. It sounds like he needs time to study, work, and spend time with family and friends and doesn't want to engage in back and forth constant texting. He might not voice his discontent with being young and inexperienced, but don't be surprised if one day he tries to fade away or totally breaks up with you. Give yourself a healthy balance in life like he's trying to do for himself. A confident girl who has a lot of things going on in her life besides having a bf is always a lot more attractive to a guy versus one who clings to him like she's a barnacle and he's the rock. Believe me, he's praying for a big wave to knock that barnacle off. When I was a teen, I saw my bf at the most, twice a week. Give him some time to miss you. Give him the opportunity to look forward to a weekly date. When you do engage in hobbies, school clubs, and time with friends, you'll actually have something interesting to talk about when you do see him. Gauge his interest by giving him the opportunity to reach out first. If he never does and lets you fade away, wouldn't you rather know that now instead of wasting anymore time on him? Because some guys are too cowardly to break up but will be happy with less drama if he's allowed to fade away. Most young relationships don't last a long time because people don't want to settle down with someone so seriously, and want more than one dating experience before deciding on a lifetime partner. Think about developing support systems so that when a breakup happens, you have other fulfilling things going on in your life. Good luck and let us know if changing your behavior for the better improves your relationship and your outlook.

Suggestions: Make a chore list. Either a permanent one or a rotating one. Maybe you'll both feel calmer if you've worked on one you both think is fair, and that it's clear, in writing, for the week showing who is doing what. Take turns reading a chapter a day aloud to each other from a book about couples communication. One good one is Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Dogs need meat in their diet. If the kibble has meat, meat meal or a meat byproduct listed as the first ingredient, then it's a good dog food. Changing a dogs diet will often result in stomach upset. That's why when you are changing to a different brand, it must be done in a gradual manner. Tell him you want to set up a couples rule that you don't call each other names. Explain how it will gradually kill any love that exists. There are ways to solve problems without belittling, which will also be explained in one of those couples communication books you buy or get from the library. If he cares about you like you think he does, he will work with you on these issues. If he doesn't, do you really think the fact that you love him is a good reason to stay? If you do, it's because the decision making area of your brain won't be fully formed until you're about 25. Please listen to people who've lived much longer on the planet when we say you're better off untangling yourself from a person you're crossing an ocean for when he won't even jump over a puddle for you.

Ever hear of guys with normal hobbies like in sports, the arts, etc.? This activity of his would gross me out. Perhaps you haven't had enough dating experience to know this is not normal nor conducive to a healthy relationship. If it were me, I'd throw up, wave bye-bye, and date a guy who doesn't make my gut twist.

His lack of boundaries with his mother makes for a regularly unsatisfying life for you. Please don't make the mistake of hoping for change as in the above quote. What you see is what you get, and you'd be extremely naive to think he will change in a major way, no matter the changed circumstances of marriage and children. If you had to deal with this like once a year, if she was long distance etc. and visited briefly, I'd say it'd be doable. But these are daily/weekly/non-stop occurrences. I don't care how kind he is to you, or how good looking and all his other good traits. His negatives should be a dealbreaker for any woman with self-worth. Don't sacrifice your happiness for someone who is a Mama's boy. Even as a teen, I was smart enough to dump one of them, knowing what a miserable life I would have with his Mommy calling all the shots and overriding my opinion.

The thing you look at with a guy is: Do we have the same dating/non-dating/romance/life goals. People with contrasting goals won't work, so cut him off to find someone who matches exactly what you want. It doesn't matter if you share chemistry, which isn't something you choose. It's basic biology. It can't be taken by itself to guide you. So he's saying: I don't want a relationship which equals--non-commital sex. I don't need to text or call or set up another date or sexual experience ever again with that woman. I can go to a bar tonight to hook up with another lady. There are no rules of what I should do because I owe nobody anything. I'm not exclusive with anyone. If it's okay to share the gift of your body with him and have no expectations, then go for it. If your goals are different than his, hold out for who YOU want. The fact that you care what he thinks is a sign you might not be up for a one and done, or regular sex without ties.

I don't see the cons you mentioned as dealbreakers. He's not into texting or social media. So what? It's better than a guy constantly doing that. Sounds like he prefers "in person" stuff. I think it's usually better to take a risk even if it doesn't pan out versus living inside some safe bubble where you're yearning and guessing and going nowhere. If one of you gets into a serious relationship, your friendship will change anyway, so no need of fearing change in that area. For the good of your main relationships, your friendship will likely move from one-on-one time to solely group activities. The closeness you have now will fade to a level that's healthy in regards to your maintaining a good relationship with your significant other. What would I do in your shoes? I'd say: We get along so well. What would you think of us going on a date-date? And then just listen. If he comes up with any excuse, you will have your answer. And so what if you experience a short period of awkwardness. If he's a true friend, that will pass over time. The alternative is to let an opportunity that could change the course of your life, and hopefully for the better, though there are no guarantees. I did once work with a woman who had the same situation and she married her friend. They were happily married and had a son. So it can and has happened. Good luck and let us know how it goes.