hedgehog56

I'm not understanding the resentment decades later. The past is in the past and who our partners were before doesn't translate to who they are now. If your wife loves you, isn't that all that matters? Out of all her past relationships, she fell for the guy next door. So congratulations on that! A therapist helps immensely for self-esteem. It doesn't hurt to communicate this to your wife either. Is there something new you both can do and find a way to reconnect?

I appreciate all of your feedback and for being so respectful! I didn't realize I'd get so many responses off one nagging thought in the back of my mind. 🙂 There's a lot that can't be mentioned just via a forum post without me going into gross detail and if I can converse with every one of you I would. There is so much more to our relationship than our jobs and he understands that - I've been lucky to share my days with him and leftovers on our couch talking about nothing in particular still feels like a date night. I wouldn't say he goes into quote-for-quote detail on his job (I think he realizes when I zone out), just that I don't care what dead body he stumbled upon or how many rollovers he responded to. Whether he's chatty Kathy or decompresses, I understand the importance of not walking away. We've reasoned that my more technical job is a topic people don't fully understand and therefore segue into his job. Well, I'm not chatty Kathy in our relationship so I can attest to not showing as much passion. I'm switching into a more dynamic career that he's probably more excited about than I am and I know he'll support me every step of the way. I love your suggestions on getting the most exciting details and his feelings throughout the day and will try pushing towards that.

He's also just a big storyteller/sharer, so I'm not sure if that also is a decompression method or just who he is.

Thank you for the personal anecdote. I love that, the highlight reel. I wouldn't even say that I'm worried because I trust his decisions and that he's got trusted contacts to call me should something happen to him. He also knows that I'm sick of the tales, more so when that's all our friends at a party want to talk to him about. We've been together close to 3 years. I've been on ride alongs with him and we both have a dark, cynical sense of humor. He may have his guard up but I think we're more comfortable than not.

I appreciate your replies! I think I just need more assurance than anything that I don't have to care about his job. I fully understand it might be a way for him to decompress, although I'm not entirely certain if that is the case (as you mentioned suggesting clarify that). He's my more sensitive half (surprisingly with this job!!) and I need to work on the "gently" telling him I'm uninterested without him taking offense 🙂 As much as I like to hear the how he's doing, he uses that to dive iinto calls that don't necessarily affect his wellbeing during the day. I have abruptly tried changing the subject before but working on trying to be a little more natural.

The weather quote was more of an analogy for something other than work 🙂 By this, I mean let's talk about the pets, weekend plans, video games, etc.

My boyfriend is a cop and loves his job. He's an amazing human being and great police officer. I feel like while everyone is so fascinated by his stories, I just don't care. Ilove him for who he is and did not fall in love with him because of his profession. Every evening when he's home he goes into endless detail about the calls he received, which to me, is the same stuff, different day. As much as I am pro-law enforcement, I just don't care to hear these stories and figure I'll hear all about it at the next social gathering. On the reverse, his eyes also glaze over when I talk about the details of my everyday desk job so I keep that limited myself. I will always support his career and will listen to him talk about the weather all day, I just don't care about the police work. Am I a bad girlfriend for not caring for his day to day stories? Is it okay to not care about your partner's job when everything else about him/her you love?