Andrina

With more dating experiences under your belt, you will find that when a person truly cares, he will communicate and ask for improvements and wait and see if improvement happens. He just won't bail (except, of course, if it's a dealbreaker like abuse). You will also learn that once a guy bails so easily, when you get back together, he will repeat that pattern, as the man who treated you like a yo-yo did. No surprise to anyone not close to the situation, like you. Guess what prevents closure? Looking at old photos and texts from him. Writing a whole wall of text about him. Counting the days to his birthday and typing out a special message to him, and waiting for his "thank you." He's chosen to not be your boyfriend. Don't let him send you back to square one in the healing process every time he communicates with you. Don't allow yourself to prevent your own closure by staying text buddies with him and holding out false hope. Believe me, ripping the band-aid off now and letting the healing to happen without interruption is the best way to go. Because believe me, when he gets a new gf, and he will, you won't only be shoved to the back burner. You'll be shoved clean off the stove. Take your power into your own hands, and don't let life just happen to you. Block his number, delete his photos and texts, and it's guaranteed that with each day that passes, you will get closer to the days you will no longer think of him on a daily basis. You'll see with clearer vision that your fate belongs with someone who will want you around forever. Take care.

So happy everything went well with your daughter's birth. Congrats on the new little one, born in the spring, a great time for new beginnings. You've come up with a good plan for the stepfather's visit. You're not alone in dealing with clueless jerks. My husband's stepfather is one as well, and I'm always stressed the 2 or 3 times we have to see him during the year. Good luck!

Only you know what your contentment level is while spending time with him on a regular basis. I'd say if you're at an 85 percent, that's realistic and worth continuing on with him. If it's less, where you're more regularly bored, frustrated, etc. in his company, then it's time to free him to be with someone who he's more compatible with and vice versa.

You have two choices. Meet for a cheap first meet, meaning don't spend more than the cost of a drink and spend no more than 2 hours with her, even if having a good time. If nothing else, you might have a strange or funny story to tell a buddy later. Or, you can decide to call off the date because you two are on way too different ends of the spectrum as far as how to interact before a first meet. You've already built up bitterness, and caused her to question the appropriateness of your behavior, so it's not off to a good start.

Keep things professional, which means not getting together after work, not engaging in personal communication in social media and in person. Not stopping by each other's desks for personal chats and going to lunch. It could be that he senses you find him attractive and that's why he's looking. Why do you keep looking at him to see if he's noticing you? Get in your work experience, and if you feel like he's making you uncomfortable by his presence, apply for work elsewhere. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable at work. When you meet a cute guy your age to date, the excitement of having an attractive boss should fade. There's usually attractive people no matter where you work, but putting up emotional barriers on your brain is within your power.

Sounds like you're the sole source, or close to it, of your mother's only social outlet. If she can't understand you don't owe her monthly visitations just because you're her daughter, you will have to erect those boundaries, and too bad if she doesn't like it. Getting together with family should be mutual enjoyment, not a cringing obligation. This pattern that's been set up is too much. You definitely need to lessen how many times you get together during the year. And I don't know if you're dating anyone or not, but if having a partner is a plan for your future, think about how this once a month obligation will affect a romance. I know if when I'd been dating my husband, if his mother was visiting a whole weekend every single month, I'd reconsider continuing on with him, knowing the pattern would likely continue. This is too much of a parent not letting her adult child lead a more independent life. I was even smart enough to break up with a guy I'd dated as a teen for 2 years because I could see his mother was just like yours. She used emotional blackmail, and I wasn't willing to see a future with him knowing she'd be overly involved in our lives if we married. There are plenty of books about establishing relationship boundaries. I'd highly suggest reading one or more of them. Good luck.

Wow, your self-worth is in the gutter for staying, even for a second, after she said this. Be alone, work on your self-esteem, and don't date until it's where it should be. Otherwise you will continue to be prey to predators in the dating world.

Make this your new mantra. It's totally fine to have marriage and kids as an end goal, but when this is on your mind during the date, a woman will sense this vibe from you that you're sizing her up for this role, even if it's unspoken. Go into the date with the goal of enjoying some time with another and getting to know interesting things about her, and sharing interesting things about yourself. That's it. If the chemistry is there and she's enjoyed your company, maybe you'll get another date. But don't bombard her with texts in between dates. Show clear interest without being over-the-top. If you get to a third date and things are progressing, you can certainly ask what a woman's dating/relationship goals are. And that would be so that you won't waste anymore time with her if her goals don't match yours. It doesn't mean that if you both have the same goals that you will now be each others future. It would mean that you will have a wait-and-see attitude, because the beginning is never reality. You have to get past the honeymoon person to begin to see who the real person is. And of course, you normally have to date a boatload of people before finding a good match. It's realistic so don't think what's happening to you is abnormal. As others have said, make sure you have a fulfilling life besides dating, as a woman doesn't want to be the sole center of your social life and the only source of your happiness.

From the outside looking in, you probably view her as out of your league in looks, and to orbit around her beauty, fantasizing, is better than nothing. As soon as you find out that your relationship goals don't match, you move away from that situation to find a woman who is free to date you. She is not free to date you because you don't match what she has in mind. You shouldn't be friends because you would want more if given the chance. Staying friends will prevent you from dating another, because women are usually quite intuitive, and she will know you have a crush on your "friend." It's time for a life makeover. Get serious about what you want and run your life wisely to achieve your goals. P.S. I find it rude that you're questioning her on if she pays those men for rides. It's really none of your business.

Accept that people are curious, but be realistic that you can never fully know what goes on in another's mind, so let it go. Yeah, you really don't an ex who dumped you 20 years ago as a "friend." It's not like it'll be a buddy situation where you go do fun things together. And you admit to butterflies, so it's best not to open this can of worms. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. If you were dating a man, would you like to find out that he'd searched high and low for an ex's number and told her she was one of his favorite people? This guy isn't even worth the finger power to type out, "Have a great day." I'd block him and deal with making your present life what you want it to be. Don't let the past drag you backwards.

In the first sentence you're reasoning with yourself about why you should go, and then refuting it with a "but." After 3 and a half years together, if he were right for you, there wouldn't be these major weighing of options on the scales. You'd be 100 percent confident of moving forward with him. This is a watershed moment for you, graduating from college, and a common time to really think about if what's going on in the present will transfer seamlessly into the future. He's not the only man capable of being compatible with you in the ways you desire. And it's better to find a man without issues involving abusiveness, versus waiting around to see if someone will make good on improving their behavior. Sometimes it's too little too late, even if they do improve. Might be why you feel "empty." Sounds like a fresh start is what you desire. Congrats on your upcoming graduation!

What country do you live in that you would be penniless and homeless if you divorce? What happened to the money from the sale of your house? Do you have savings and retirement funds? How old are your children now? Do you rent or own? Did you move into her house?

Yes, you're in a full blown emotional affair, just as harmful as a physical affair--not that her marriage is worth salvaging. Even so, it doesn't mean that you should continue. She's still a married woman, so this bond you have with her is preventing you from opportunities to date single women. Because if I started dating a man and noticed how he kept getting calls from a damsel in distress, I'd be darting for the nearest exit. And you yourself have only a limited supply of time and energy to pour into someone, so if it's going to a dead end, that leaves you alone without a companion to enjoy all the niceties of life with. She was in the wrong to make you her confidant, when there is chemistry between you two. Those are the co-workers, if one or both are taken, that you have to be very careful about keeping boundaries with--the very people you don't exchange numbers with, go to lunch with, and stop at each others desks for long chats. Like others have said, and to add to that, you need to have one last heart-to-heart with her and give her those resources. Besides doing that, I'd tell her how you two being so involved with each other is negatively affecting you, and that you need to go back to being just co-workers for the good of both of you. I know it's embarrassing and hard, but necessary. Please be aware that I've heard of several criminal cases where the woman manipulates a love interest to kill a supposed abusive husband. This probably isn't the case, but one can't be too careful in these crazy times. And of course, her husband could come after you. She's a grown woman and if she has chosen not to confide in a gf or female relative instead of you, if she's chosen not to divorce, if she's chosen not to seek a woman's shelter, then that's her poor decisions and she will have to live with the consequences. When people start draining you emotionally, keeping you sucked inside their toxic swamp with them, it's time to leave for your own sanity.

Well, nothing can change the past, but the good thing is you've learned an important life lesson so you can improve on how you'll operate your life moving forward. Cutting all communication with him will eventually ensure closure. With time and distance, you won't feel so crappy anymore, nor think of him on a daily basis. There's no fast forwarding the grieving stages, but in the meantime you can pamper yourself with things you enjoy doing. And also a good way to take your mind off your own problems is to volunteer, helping someone less fortunate than you. It's a good way to feel good about yourself again. You're not the only person who's ever made mistakes in life, so give yourself a break.

It seems likes she's chomping at the bit to get out of this relationship, although for whatever reason, hasn't done the breaking up. People are complex. Some are too cowardly too break up and start treating their partner like crap, hoping he/she will pull the plug. People who are serious about keeping a lifetime partner don't continually threaten kicking out a person. If she was mature and just trying to build the best life possible with her man, she would've said something like: "Can we have a two hour period phone-free while we're eating dinner and watching our favorite show together?" Many couples after a year of dating sometimes make plans of living together. It seems strange that this opportunity wasn't taken to take your relationship to the next level, although I can see that you two shouldn't be doing this. Like another poster said, perhaps you're too close to the situation to see what everyone from the outside looking in can see: The love and respect required for a satisfying lifetime relationship is severely lacking. If this what you think you deserve, you don't think very highly of yourself.

Only you can decide if their company at their vacation home is worth the cost of boarding your dog. If you can't afford it, then their's your answer. If you'd rather spend vacation money on doing something where your dog can be with you, do that instead. On a side note, my brother was invited to spend the weekend at a friend's home and his two dogs were welcome. In the middle of the night, his dog had diarrhea all over their brand new expensive Burberry carpet. My brother had to spend over a thousand dollars to replace the bedroom carpet. Just because an animal is well behaved doesn't mean a disaster like this won't happen, so always consider if you can afford unexpected home expenses when accepting an invitation.

When you act like a quivering violet, afraid to address what you want and settling for crumbs, predators can sniff out easy prey from miles away. If you want to attract, and be attracted to decent men, you will have to be very clearcut with yourself, and a new dating prospect, on your dating/relationship goals. As for me, when I dated, when it got to the point where kissing and more would be involved, I did not like to multi-date, and I preferred someone who shared that dating style. It doesn't mean others are wrong in alternative dating styles, but I know myself, and I chose to do what made me comfortable. Why sacrifice for your needs for anybody? Why settle in the one precious life you have on this planet? There are no do-overs. When you first start dating someone, by date three you should be finding out what a person's dating/relationship goals are, and if they don't match yours, cut them off and continue your search. I'd tell this man who is totally clear that he's just not that into you that the relationship isn't working for you, and you will have to go no contact. Do not stay tethered to a former FWB because it will ruin things with a future bf who will not trust that your heart is free and clear to bond with him. This should be a learning experience of what you DON'T want in life. When you meet someone who is crazy about you, you will shake your head at why you were ever with that user, and will appreciate the right one that much more. Take care.

She thinks you're a liar and she's already calling the shots. You're not even exclusive so I can't even imagine what you have in store when she takes full possession.

That faulty kind of thinking is the opposite of self-care. You've known someone 8 weeks and now you're tethered to them for a lifetime because you get out-of-the-blue texts from him now and then? Yeah, you will definitely not be rude, but you will be plain dumb to not block someone who is crystal clear he's just not that into you. Your reasoning is you trying to convince yourself to stay attached to him since you're having a dry spell and he's better than no one. If he needs a shoulder to cry on, he can rely on family and friends for that. You don't owe him anything and rudeness is not accurate at all for this situation. You have consistently reached out to him on back to back occasions and probably triple times without any mutual effort on his part. The true way to gauge a person's mutual interest is to let them make the effort at least half of the time at the beginning, so you're not wasting time into someone who is just going along for an effortless ride since he has nothing better to do at the time. When he rejected an outing you suggested, you should have sat back and given him the opportunity to ask you to do something. And if he didn't within a reasonable timeframe, like a week, then the next time he texted with blather and no invitation to go on a date, that's when you should have said, "This isn't working for me. I'm looking for someone to regularly date so it's best we are no longer in contact. I hope the best for you." And then you block. The longer you waste on Nowhere Men, the longer you will be alone as single men who would've wanted to date you can't get your attention 'cause you're in the house staring at a computer or your phone with someone who regularly ignores you. And staying "friends" with someone who isn't even a friend to you will drive away dating prospects. Because friends have to make an equal effort, just like romantic partners do. Start dating more wisely and you will find better success.

Something I learned from reading The Key by Rhonda Byrne--positive self-talk. Instead of thinking what's in the bubble, you could have thought, "I'm so happy for her. One day, that's going to be me." Think about what your facial expressions look like with these opposing thoughts. Think about the aura you're exuding. Which do you think others will gravitate to? Believe me, even if you don't voice what you're thinking, people can sense the vibe you're putting out to the world.

People not happy in their present look to their past to seek it there, but it's a faulty way of thinking. Work on re-establishing your emotional connection with your husband. Make sure you have regular date night/days of fun with him, and keep the intimacy fresh by picking out new stuff at a couples store and reading articles for new ideas. Have regular solo time, such as your husband being the parent to watch the children so you can have time with a hobby, or going to dinner, etc. with a girlfriend. Do not stay in contact with the ex. That's not conducive to a healthy marriage. Besides, the ex is a mentally disturbed person so if you'd want to be around a person like that for one more second in your life, you likely subconsciously think very poorly of yourself, and dysfunction somehow feels right to you versus normalcy. Maybe if you work on your self-love, you will begin to see things in a different way.

Read some articles on sex trafficking.

What does he do for a living? Does he put any money in a retirement fund and does he have enough money in savings for an emergency? Does he ever do anything fun with friends beside drinking? Often opposites attract, which can be good in some areas, but can also be bad such as in this case. When you are both in a mellow mood, you really need to sit down with him and explain that any reoccurring argument that never gets settled will build bitterness in a relationship. Come to a consensus with him on the limit that could be spent per each of these outings without comprising retirement and emergency funds, plus perhaps some money toward any mini vacation that would be fun to plan together.

He didn't ask you out after 2 weeks of chatting, and then the blocking. If something seems fishy, take it as a good time to bail. Don't give strangers the benefit of the doubt. That's being a doormat. It's a different story with someone you know well, to hear them out when something strange happens. Online dating is tough. Have you ever thought of supplementing OLD with meet up.com groups?

I know what I would do, and have done in that situation, and if my partner wouldn't do the same, he's not compatible with me and my relationship boundaries. For instance, I accepted a social media friend's request from a former group friend I had when we were teens. He PM'd me inappropriate flirtatious messages, knowing I was married. I immediately deleted him as a friend. Your bf should have ended that friendship immediately. He values the attention and ego boost more than respecting you and doing whatever it takes at all costs to maintain a healthy relationship with you.