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  1. I have been dating a girl for about half a year, and lately I have been wondering whether the relationship between us is healthy and if it should go on. The reasons why I think I should breakup are: 1. I feel that I am attracted to other girls more than to her 2. We don't have enough things in common. We like different music\series\movies\food\books\... We also have different taste in things. 3. We have different lifestyles, I am an engineer, I like to read books, learn things, I always look for ways to improve my life and have a better future. and she spends most of her time with friends, or watching TV, or just spending time doing nothing at home. 4. Sometimes I feel she is needy The reasons why I think I should keep the relationship: 1. She is really a very good person, she cares about me, and loves me too much 2. I feel she is very loyal to me On one hand, I feel I should breakup, on the other hand, I am afraid to regret this. I would appreciate any advice you can give. Thanks
  2. Me (f/25) & my partner (m/34)have been together 3 years, for those 3 years I've used the contraceptive implant, which I've also been on since 15 (started to ease heavy aunt flow), so 10 years now. Early on in our relationship, I told him exactly what I'm looking for & want, which is to eventually settle down and have children. He knew this, has always been aware & has said he wants the same, eventually. We said we'd see how things go between us and perhaps in 3 years (when implant runs out) we can see where we are & if we should start trying for a baby. All along since then, I've stated I respect his wishes he only wants to try when he's ready and we're ready. But I also asked him to respect my wishes in that when it does run out, I'd like to be off contraception & kinda return to normal/natural. Not to trap him or accidentally fall pregnant, because there are other forms of protection?... So now it's running out (next month) & we've been talking about it for a few months now. I've told him I don't want to be on anything anymore & my reasons why. When he brings it up, I stand by what I've said because I firmly believe my body, my choice. I get he is involved and should have a choice, which he does..in the form of protection, but won't wear one.. He makes the point we're not ready for a baby right now or soon and I totally agree and understand that. We've recently moved into separate places, I'm in a flat & he's sharing with a friend, we've signed 2 year leases. He still wants to be able to do fun things together without the commitment of a baby & so do I, I'm willing to wait & be careful but now he's saying we won't be able to get intimate because of the risk which sucks. Maybe selfishly I feel like if I was to fall pregnant, I know I'd be ok and be able to do it but I'm still happy to wait til we're ready just not on contraception?! AITA?
  3. Sorry first time adding a question. My bf and I have been together for around 10 years. He pays for his phone bill, rent, the insurance ect, (our shared car we have 2). I pay for my half so that's even. He works in landscaping, (we used to work together before I got a different job) I work from home. He pays for groceries, which is roughly 300 a month sometimes less. Never more. Because I work from home I do the cooking and cleaning, organizing, well everything. He has two chores. Cat litter and clean the shower ( I end up cleaning shower) and have bad allergies when I end up doing the litter. He always throws in my face that he pays for groceries. So I offer to pay half which I'd have no problem. But he refuses because if I'm paying half he has to pull his share around the house. It then turns into a huge fight how I'm always home and that I shouldn't be complaining. I feel like a maid, a cook, a mother, banker. When I say something it's always you ask to much/I'm trying to relax, SOMETHING. I'm tired of always asking him to pull his share. Our storage unit, and insurance comes off my card. He owes me about 3000. Then says its because I don't help that's why he owes me so much. I've done everything but pay myself what he owes me. Like I'm tired. And to anyone who asks if I talked to him about this it's either he says I'll try better or its i dont do things cause you “nag” or you want to much and ALWAYS fights, then brings up things, when I say stay on topic because deal with one issue at a time, he just keeps going making me out to be a bad guy. So I feel like it's me. And finally after all these years I need someone opinion. :/
  4. Hi! So I've just completed an internship at a company. I think I did a decent job and was well-liked among colleagues and customers. During this internship, I developed a friendship with a colleague and we flirted a bit. On my last day, she told me she would miss me but unfortunately I forgot to ask for any kind of contact details. She even said (jokingly) she would try to find out my number from the company's system which I should have probably taken as a hint. I think I would deeply regret if I never met this person again but I am now faced with the following dilemma: Her work email is the only way I have of getting in touch with them. On a scale of 1-10, how creepy/wrong would it be to contact her on her work email? It also doesn't help the situation that I am leaving the country in a few weeks. Any advice is appreciated, I'm really not sure what to do here.
  5. Hello! Here is my story: I had my first time with my boyfriend a long time ago, but it wasn't the way I wanted it to be. I felt pressured to do it because he wouldn't stop asking every night I stayed over or just other nights when we were texting he would bring it up and even if I explain to him he was still trying to convince me with his explanations. Sometimes he asked a few times a night and often he touched me down there and even if I removed his hand he would put it back there. I really wasn't ready for a step like that yet and as a girl I wanted it to be special and romantic if it happens. One night he asked again and I said yes because I thought that maybe I will never get ready if I wait and I just should do it. Plus the romantic things happen only in movies so I shouldn't expect something like that in real life and also I won't feel guilty for saying "no" every time and be scared that he will eventually leave. So it happened. It has been a lot of time since then and I had really burried these moments of our first time and the previous times I got touched but recently they are starting to resurface and I don't know why. I get that all that happened already happened and I can't change any of it, it's my own fault and I should move on but I seem to not be able to do it. I don't know if I'm disappointed that he never made sure I was sure because if he asked I was definitely going to say no. Or maybe that he never made sure I was feeling okey since I told him I was hurting a lot and him just saying it's normal. Even when we had a problem and I said that we should try another time my words were never heard and that hurts. And all the times I had to go through the touching when I just wanted to cuddle. Everytime I went over I felt like he was inviting me just for these things and not because of just spending some time with me. All that keeps me up some nights and I don't even have the desire to do anything intimate with him now. I don't want to talk to him about it because I have told him once some months ago that I wish he understood me when I told him I wasn't ready and he said sorry so I don't want to bring it up again. Since our first time our relationship became a lot stronger and even thought our sex life isn't that great he doesn't touch me if I say that I don't feel it right now and he even says he isn't inviting me over just because he expects us to do something but because he wants to spend time with me and that's why I'm so confused about my feelings right now. I just don't know what to do and I would appreciate any advice.
  6. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  7. Let me preface by saying if you’re going to insult me or be condescending, pls save it. I’m only looking for a response that is respectful. I’ve lived with my bf for a year. We dated about 6-7 months before moving in. He is almost 40 years old and since we started seeing eachother, he’s had a string of promiscuous and flat out nasty 20-somethings on his Facebook. Mind you, I don’t just say that because of the age. I mean half naked, overly sexually charged nonsense all up and down his news feed. The type of stuff you would see on back page. I know because one of them added me as soon as she knew about me. Never introduced herself, just to be nosey. But I got a glimpse of this person and how she carried herself. Others had public pages that I looked at. He also has regular female friends on it, I never have had a problem with that. I’m not crazy, but I demand respect from a partner and I feel that keeping females like that in close proximity is really only for one reason. I’ve been through the ringer with social media cheaters and just cheaters period and I’ve made it known that to me, that’s inappropriate and I’m not okay with it. Long story short, there is one female that he just can’t seem to let go of. His story of how the two are aquatinted has changed a couple of times, and he also told me the pair went out to lunch before we started dating. One minute she’s just a friend of a friend, the next, she’s his friend and I just don’t want him to have any female friends and he takes jabs at me for being insecure. I get the feeling he has been romantically interested in this girl and doesn’t tell me the truth. One time he thought I went into his computer and was reading their conversations and almost blew the roof off the apartment. I didn’t, of course. On top of that, I’m concerned because I feel like we are co-existing. He spends all of his time on social media. (I’m talking rolls over in the morning and gets the phone, to is up to all hours of the night on it) I’m at the point where I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship. Of course when I try to have a real discussion about any of this with him he gets on edge and starts screaming at me. Is there anyone who can see where I’m coming from with my concerns? I’ve posted on other forums and I’m always made out to be in the wrong.
  8. I'm 34 (M) and she 27 (F). Thank you for taking the time to read this. I've found myself in this strange predicament. I met Alex (fake name) at work 2 years ago. Over time we developed a close friendship. My previous GF of 6 years had just dumped me, so I wasn't in a great state of mind. Early on, I had no intentions of anything more than friendship with Alex. We would go on daily walks during lunch time at work, and would occasionally hang out at a local bar after hours. A month or so into our friendship (late 2019) we decided to catch a movie then head to a bar afterwards. After a few drinks, we started making out. It got pretty hot and heavy, but didn't go past making out that night. Over the course of the next couple months, this happened a couple more times (never escalating beyond kissing), until one night when I mentioned that I think I'm interested in something more. She told me that she obviously liked me but feared a relationship with a co-worker could get complicated and she didn't want to go down that route. I respected it. A couple of weeks later, the pandemic happens and she leaves her apartment to quarantine with her parents (about 150mi away). We both lose our jobs because of the pandemic. We still kept in touch, texting nearly everyday. Fast forward to August 2020. She tells me she's coming back for a week to pack up her stuff and move out of her apartment. She is planning on returning early next year but since her lease was up, she felt it was wasteful keeping the apartment. Anyways, we plan on meeting up. Once she comes back, we hang out every night she is here. Nothing physical happens until night 3 when we finally slept together. I spent the next 2 nights there with her. It was enjoyable, and I felt we might be building something. She returns home to her parents place, and we continue to text daily. She invited me down to spend a week there at the end of September. It was a good time. We didn't sleep together as she was apprehensive about her parents being there. The relationship was still physical though, even if somewhat undefined. Months go by, still texting quite often. I spend the winter months in Florida, so we didn't see eachother again until 2 weeks ago when she returns. She invites me over once she moves back. I'm not sure what to expect since it had been 7 months since we'd seen eachother and we really didn't discuss what had happened the previous summer/fall. It wasn't quite taboo but it just wasn't something we talked about. Anyways, I visit her and we spend a fun night having drinks and catching up, but nothing physical happens. I got the sense there was still something there. Even tho there were no romantic moves made, there was still a lot of consensual touching, hand on the back, touching of the shoulders, going both ways. Also, before I visited she, somewhat strangely, asks me not to tell her mother I'd be visiting. Now I occasionally texted with her mother, and by occasionally, I mean once every few months. It's usually just a check-in to see how she's doing as she was quite nervous about Covid. I asked Alex why it was important that I not mention my visit to her mom (not that I had any intention of doing so). She responds by saying "I dunno, it's just something I don't want to have to talk to my mom about. It's not something you talk to your mother about." I took that to mean that something would happen that night. It didn't. After leaving I was upset with myself for not making a move. On to the inflection point. I visit her yesterday. We plan to spend the day together, explore her new neighborhood, get some dinner, etc. As the day progresses, nothing has happened. Towards the end of the night, she tells me she's getting quite tired and is ready to call it a night. It's at this point (perhaps buoyed by some liquid courage) that I decide to broach the elephant in the room. I use that precise language. I tell her that I wanted to address what had happened last summer, and wonder if that's something that was just a one off thing. She says back to me, with a frustrated tone, that it was and that she told me that (she didn't). Then she proceeds to insinuate that the only reason I wanted to hang out with her was to have sex. It definitely wasn't, and I tell her that it's because I genuinely like her. She gets more impatient and says "well, I don't like you." She then tells me to leave. I leave. I've texted her a couple times and called a couple times since. I told her, via text, that it wasn't my intention to make her uncomfortable in her own home. I just wanted to get it out there how I felt. I reiterated that I have actual feelings for and it wasn't just about sex for me. She has not reached out to me, and I'm not sure if she plans to. I'd really appreciate your feedback/advice. I'm just genuinely perplexed by the whole situation. She absolutely knew I had feelings for her. I never hid that from her and yet I was met with such a hostile reaction. I can handle rejection, but I don't think I've ever misread a situation to this extent. Or did I? Thanks
  9. So, I (19F) started dating my boyfriend (19M) in January of this year. This is my first relationship and this is his third. He broke up with his most recent high school girlfriend due to distance and going in different directions for college, etc. (college stuff) in September 2020. Him and his girlfriend dated for a little over a year. I can’t stop thinking about his ex and I’m trying to stop. He’s even reassured me and I trust him, but it doesn’t help that they still kinda stay in contact and have the same friends lol :/. However, whenever I was stalking his Instagram (which I know we all have done before!), I noticed a picture where she was wearing his chain when they were dating. This made me uncomfortable because it made me feel like it was a hand-me-down and kind of not as special. I expressed this to him and told him I appreciated it, but it made me feel weird. Am I overreacting or is that completely rational and normal? I feel naked without it now and I liked having something to help me remind of him since we are now long distance for summer. Also, since i’m planning on giving it back to him when I go visit in a couple weeks (unless someone on here tells me i should keep it), I want to put a charm or something on it with my name on it to remind him of me, but again, the ex have him something to put on his chain when they were together... is that me just being silly? Please help!!!
  10. My husband (32M) and I (29F) dated long distance for 2 years, and finally got married this past September during COVID. He is an Alberta native, and I a Virginia native. I know I love my husband, because there are things I do and sacrifices I’ve made that I wouldn’t do for anyone else! He makes me feel loved, sexy, and very comfortable. But... I have some reservations. Within the past 8 months, I’ve moved from America to western Canada to be with my husband. He works in the oil sands, where his work schedule requires him to be away from me every other week for a whole week. So I technically see him every other week. The week that I’m home, I’m miserable and super depressed. As a natural extrovert, trying to assimilate into a new country during COVID has been hell. I know no one here and we’ve pretty much been on lockdown since I’ve been here. But despite this hardship, I try my best to keep busy & use that time to do things to make my husband’s life easier for when he returns. While he’s away, we speak on the phone maybe about 20 min a day, often in silence. I try to initiate conversation and talk about things, but he’s often times too tired to engage. When he returns for a week, he often times spends about ~two days to recover from work. Knowing this, I try not to nag or bother and just let him relax. The remaining five days are weird. We spend a lotttt of time with his parents, maybe 3 of the 7 days he’s in town. We also spend a good amount of time with his friends, where he claims it’s for me & to try to give me a sense of normalcy. We rarelyyyy have intellectual and stimulating conversations. He’s a slightly obese and has expressed a serious interest in losing weight, but doesn’t seem to want to eat healthy or workout. He doesn’t seem to know much about anything, so I don’t feel challenged or feel like he’s “teaching” me anything. I tend to usually remind him of things regarding his own stuff, or his parents’ stuff— and sometimes even do both parties’ stuff for them (i.e. filling out paperwork, making accounts on various platforms, etc.)When I try to talk to him about just random things, like you do with your friends, he tends to not seem interested and often times has an ADD moment & interrupts me to change the subject. Sometimes I almost feel like a part-time mother, and not a full-time lover/friend/wife. I know most of you are probably wondering if I’ve ever brought up any of this to him, and for the most part, I feel like I’ve expressed most of the concerns mentioned. But when telling him how I feel, I can see his face changing and he instantly becomes devastated. He gets sad that “he can never do right by me”, and then I am full of regret and want to take back the moment I even opened my mouth. I don’t know, I feel like my thoughts are all over the place. It hurts cause I love him so much, but I almost don’t feel satisfied with my marriage and I’m a newlywed! How is it that someone SO NICE, SO CARING, SO LOVING can make me feel unhappy? Has anyone experienced anything similar, or feel like they have a piece of advice they can share with me? I cannot imagine my life without him, but I can see myself slowly deteriorating. I cry about this regularly and in secret, but I just don’t know what to do anymore.
  11. Last night, my girlfriend was on a dating app (on an account we both run. we don't do anything there, it was made just for fun because my girlfriend wanted to see "where she stands") and was talking to a guy. Now, for context, my gf and i had been fighting the entire day yesterday over a lot of topics, and it had gotten overwhelming for her and she was not responding to my texts, but was there on that app telling the guy about our fight, which was okay. Now, I don't mind her talking to people, i have no right to, im not like that. Now, the main fight between us started because my girl wanted to send a very sexual picture to her friend for an "ego boost", her friend regularly sexualizes her and her body. As for the picture: she was totally clothed, no face just her body. It had an ample lot of cleavage, and nothing else. just her body in a black top and pjs with 60% of her boobs visible. She asked me if she could send it for an ego boost and I had said that she can send but only if she covers the cleavage, which she barely did and said "if i do more the picture won't be aesthetic.", so i asked to make it smaller, the picture, so it isnt really that visible, but she refused and started fighting with me about it, saying how im "not kinky" and a "basic bf" and stop her from doing what she wants. While I had said no just because I wanted to be the only one to see her body and her pictures in its full glory, and because I didnt understand why she wanted someone else's validation anyway. So, back to the dating app guy. Now, she uses the app on her laptop while i had it on my phone, she had forgotten i could see the texts. It was a dating app, right? So the guy started getting sexual with her, sexualizing her and her body while my gf didnt respond to his tries but they eventually started talking about favourite sex positions, and then kinks. and then my gf started telling the guy about the fight and started telling him about the photo for contextual purposes. she said, verbatim, "now, my cleavage isn't like any other cleavage. my cup size is _, so it has more volume." She told the guy her cup size. So, I am accusing her of cheating because she allowed a person to sexualize her, participated in sexual conversations with him and told him her cup size. She does not think it was cheating. She things it was wrong, but not cheating. While I think it was wrong because it was cheating. (things wouldn't have been the same if i had told a girl about my *** size tho)
  12. Alright sorry for the novel but here’s the situation: I’ve been with my bf since high school, almost 10 years. We’ve had our ups and downs, our relationship isn’t perfect, and we’ve almost broken up a few times, but I love him very much and I’ve always pictured him in my future. Last week I was invited on a trip with my best friend and her husband and her husband’s best friend. We met only a couple of times before, but the best friend and I vibed pretty well, a little too well. He ended up pouring his heart out, confessing how much he likes me, and trying to kiss me. Now usually I would tell my boyfriend about an incident like that, but here’s the problem: I really ***in like this guy too. He’s all I’ve been able to think about since we got back. His words were so affectionate and genuine to me when he was telling me how he felt, which is one of the issues I’ve always had with my boyfriend. I had to lay my head down on his shoulder to sleep on the plane, and it felt so right. i feel like *** because I can’t stop thinking about him, and my boyfriend is so happy to have me back and has no idea. He’s been working on a lot of issues and we have a good relationship, he doesn’t hit me or put me down. I think about all his good qualities, we have so much in common, and the fact that I could put almost 10 years of my life into someone and still break up scares the hell out of me. But every so often I worry that I’m settling. I feel like we’ve plateaued and i think about all the things about him that I’m not a fan of. I think about this other guy and my heart starts to pound. Being around him just felt so right and I could really picture us together and our future. i asked my friend and her husband for insight and they basically said he’s a great guy but has a lot of baggage (I have no idea what that entails), and drama (baby mama issues) and it could be tough, but he’s a great guy and would be good to me. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to risk a 10 year relationship just to be ***ed around or regret it in the long run. My boyfriend is really my best friend, I don’t want to lose that for nothing. Does anyone have any insight on leaving a long term relationship for someone else? How should I go forward from here, or make a decision? this could be the best decision or worst mistake of my life.
  13. We have had our issues in the past and I've been working on myself and going to therapy to improve. My boyfriend is still hung up on the past which is okay to take time to heal but because of it he sometimes gets a "negative vibe" from me. Even when I'm not trying to show anger he still thinks im angry. It's at the point where he is so cautious inthe mornings that he's cold towards me and really doesn't care. It makes me upset when he does this because it just creates negativity when there is usually none to begin with. It makes me feel hated that my own existence is just a problem. I've asked him countless times and reassured him that in the mornings I'm just tired and not really focusing on how I sound until I'm fully awake. And I've made so many improvements to myself and my previous anger issues. When I tell him how it makes me feel he gets upset and says that he hates it when i say things like that even when I approach him calmly. I'll admit today I was at my wits end and kinda said it more forcefully but I'm tired of feeling hated. I'm tired of not feeling special, honestly I feel like im just a good utility for him to keep. When he wants me I'm there but when he's done it's like I don't even cross his mind. I try to do a lot for him to make him feel special like I cook his favorite meals or I'll buy takeout. Sometimes when I go shopping for groceries I'll bring him back a snack or candy he likes. He doesn't really leave the apartment so he doesn't do those things for me and he doesn't cook unless I ask. I've asked him to always kiss me in the morning if he's not hung up on some deadline or to send me a cute text when I'm at work or write a note but he doesn't unless I ask or remind him. He has told me that he doesn't kiss me in the morning because of that cautiousness I mentioned before but I've communicated to him that I would always like a kiss and that it would make me feel really good. He didn't listen I guess and just usually says good morning and doesn't even look at me and carries on until I ask for a hug and kiss. Maybe I am asking for a lot, I'm not too sure. He feels he isn't good enough when I bring these issues up but I reassure him that I just want to feel special sometimes. Maybe im.not being understanding enough. The issues of the past have been addressed and resolved at least to my understanding for about a year now. The issues were anger issues that come from my traumatic upbringing which he knows about. I went to therapy and I control my emotions in a better and healthier way. We have been together for over a year and I usually take care of most things because my partner sleeps all day, plays games when he's awake, and does online school when he has to, other than that I'm usually on my own and when we spend time together it's just watching TV that he likes.
  14. Background: my boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, since our freshman year of college. It's been pretty serious, his family is like mine at this point, and I've made compromises to my future plans for our relationship. This is fine. Just noting that we're serious. A little over a month ago, I got an IUD inserted, after discussing this BC method with him. We've been talking birth control for probably a year by this point. Why not? Insurance covers it, and we'll stay baby-free! We talked about my gyno appointments and the side effects of the IUD. I'm currently feeling great with it! I have a little bit of daily spotting, but hardly any cramps and no heavy bleeding at all. However. My boyfriend refuses to even think of me in a sexual way. He's disgusted? Turned off? By my very light spotting that takes up less than a pantyliner a day. It’s essentially just tinted discharge at this point. Not even red, it’s mostly brown. I'm building up lots of resentment for this issue, and it has me crying myself to sleep nightly. I can’t stand to look at him right now. Though, it could possibly be easier for me to cry now bc hormones + antidepressants. But my feelings still stand. Obviously, I wouldn't cheat or leave him over it. But he refuses to even consider it. For me. What am I supposed to do? I've compromised on my future plans for him. I consider him in everything I do. I got the BC for us. I'm good at caving on lots of things (I know, this is an issue I talk about in therapy. I'm too soft/empathetic. People pleaser to the extreme end). I know this may sound trivial or childish. I don't know why a lack of sex bothers me so much but it does. My sex drive has always been higher than his, but I also view sex as a small emotional component. Plus it feels good. It's even better after a bad day. I know he's horny, because he asks me almost daily if we're "good to smash" that night. I've been good! For weeks on weeks! I'm literally going crazy and it is so upsetting for me. What kind of compromise can be made on this? I sit and suffer, while he goes about uncaring? Or he gets trapped into something he finds totally disgusting? How is it fair to either of us? Is he just really immature? I am red hot angry, and have been for days. Masturbation only gets you so far. I love my partner, I want my partner. We used to do it at least twice a week. He still wants me to stay over at his place lots of nights, but just to sleep. No sex. This could last for the next 3-6 months. I can't do it. IUD periods are irregular after that, too. It'll forever be a concern. All advice welcome. Thank you. TL;DR ranting about my frustration because my boyfriend won't have sex with me due to breakthrough bleeding.
  15. Hi, I met with a girl who broke up with a guy a few years ago while she was engaged. She was refusing to talk to other guys and saying she is not ready for a serious relationship but she accepted to speak to me to get to know each other. She had a good reference about me from her family and friends. Everything went well first week, she was engaged and writing me back long messages. However, I thought she was losing interest and I was very passionate to get to know her and I felt like she is the right person so I told her that I’m thinking serious about this relationship and would like to have a long term happy relationship. She said that this message was very heavy for her and she hasn’t thought about a relationship for a long time. We messaged each other a few more days and then she said she is not ready to commit a relationship and she doesn’t think that this will lead more than a friendship and she doesn’t want to give me hope. I really want to get to know her as I feel like she is the right person. What do you guys think I should do? Do you think she is really not ready or she doesn’t like me? Thank you in advance
  16. Hi all! I'd really love some advice on a confusing situation so here's what happened: Ex and I dated for five great years, doing distance the last year and a half. We're both moving soon to new cities and were excited to make that jump together. Then last year, COVID hit, he lost his job, and started struggling with mental health. I've known before that when he gets stressed or overwhelmed he retreats from everything. I think when we were doing distance he'd take that lack of feeling and just assume it meant he doubted our relationship or that we were a bad fit. He ends things last summer (on the PHONE) saying he felt like he needed to be alone. We didn't talk for about a month, met up again, and had a big emotional reunion. I started going to visit him every 3-4 weeks and it was always great. However, I noticed some signs of trouble. When I was there he was extremely happy. But the second I left he'd go back and forth mentally with this push/pull of sometimes being really into it and sometimes pushing me away completely. I knew he was still struggling with mental health so did my best to be patient and talk through things with him. I knew he was struggling but I was still hopeful we were getting on the path to moving to the same place and that the distance/covid was the only reason we were in limbo. He FaceTimed me again about a month ago (after a great weekend and ~4 months after we reconnected) saying it was too hard and that we should stop talking. I'm not trying to minimize his feelings at all, but it really felt like a slap in the face to me after we had been rebuilding our relationship and looking at cities together. I feel like I've been discarded like it was nothing so he can live the single life with his guy friends and try to distract himself from his problems. He also has some commitment-phobic tendencies I've always known about, but I can't help but feeling t was his recent struggle with mental health that's caused all this to happen? I'm having a tough time moving on because I'm not sure if this is the kind of situation where he will eventually "wake up" and realize he was treating the person he claimed to love really unfairly and pushing me away. And I do know I deserve better at this point I don't even know what to think.
  17. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years as of January and I moved in with him as of December. Our emotional bond is very strong however our sex life has been horrible making me very distant from him. I've been out with family more, and even with friends I otherwise wouldn't give so much time to. I find it hard to be home or around him at all lately because it just feels like a job. He's very lazy so I find it's easier to clean and fix things on my own. Despite all the laziness, at the end of the day I just want to feel loved and appreciated but am left feeling like a bitter husk of the person I know I can be. We have had many many conversations about the sex problems and he usually will just give me an excuse or tell me he's gonna work on it. I've taken many approaches to fix this and even turned on myself in the process. Talking to my father only gets so far when I can't truly express the full scope of the situation. I can't help but feel as though the hole I've dug myself gets deeper everyday and I just want it all to work out but I can't stand the frustration anymore. I've asked him how he feels and what the problem is but he says he's not depressed and he's going to fix this. I've been threatening to leave because my own mental health is suffering. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  18. Hi, I could use some advice on a girl that I like. Currently (24M) & she is (27F). We met at a summer job 6 years ago and we became best friends, I had just graduated high school at the time and she had just finished her second year of college and we were going to two different colleges across the state and I had gone on some dates with her that summer and we kept in touch. The next summer we worked at the same job and got even closer and became better friends but still did not attempt to date. I liked her, but because I was younger and wanted to enjoy college and didn't think long distance would work and she wanted to remain friends as well. I got a girlfriend while in college and started to reach out to her a lot less often but would still pray for our friendship and reach out randomly as a friendly catch up. When my friends would hang out with her she seemed jealous of my girlfriend. Whenever my girlfriend and I broke up it was my senior year of college and the girl I had met at the summer job began to reach out more and we rekindled our friendship. I still had a crush on her but I felt of her more of a friend at this point. But we began talking about what our dream date would be, future life that we want would be etc. and our other friend listened to our responses to one another and told me that I need to try dating her. I currently lived 2:30 hours away from her due to staying in the city I graduated in, but I began to reach out and go on dates on weekends when I would go visit her. All of her friends and even her sister have told me she talks about me and even at her sister's wedding her sister and her husband asked me when am I going to date her. I moved back to our hometown where we both worked the summer job and I continued pursuing her and I took her out for Valentines day in 2020 and we had talked about us. She said that right now she wants to focus on herself and not pursue a relationship with me if she can't give 100%. Which I respected and didn't want to ruin any friendship nor try to force a relationship. But what hit me hard was in that conversation she brought up that she had told one of her friends back when we worked together at the summer job years ago that she would date me one day. So hearing that from her made me more confused as I thought this was that "one day" she mentioned. But we moved on and continued growing our friendship as she is within a close knit mutual friend group. As 2020 continued her sister continued to egg me on about dating her and one our close mutual friends asked her one day if she liked me and she said yes and that she could see a future with me. Recently, her and I began getting closer to one another and started flirting more and went on a date and it was great. We went on another date and she brought up us again and basically said the same thing as before that right now she feels like she can't commit herself to a relationship. She has never once said anything to me, her sister, or her friends that she doesn't want to date me and when we both hang out there isn't any tension ever. We are even going with her sister and sister's husband on a ski trip at the end of this month. I think a big thing for her is the age gap, me being 24 and her 27 which to me doesn't matter but maybe for a girl does. Also, the fact we are such good friends and are in a close knit friend group, maybe she doesn't want to ruin a friendship. As far as what I currently know from what she has told her friends she has feelings for me and can see a future with me, just not right now.. So i'm wondering what should I do? Keep trying to flirt/take her on dates? Just be friends and let her make a move? My heart is pretty set on her and I've tried talking to other girls and honestly I only think of her so I don't want to date someone else out of spite, because that isn't fair to a new girl and also to myself.
  19. I feel crazy posting this to the internet but I need some advice so, what the hell. Sorry it's so long lol My boyfriend has lived with his family for years, including his 3 yr. old niece; who is just about his favourite person in the world. I moved in with them about 5 months ago, until that point he had such a strong relationship with his niece that they slept in the same bed. Now, I love children, I claim everyone's kid as my own regardless of whether I know them or not. However, from the point I moved in, my boyfriend's sister-in-law made it abundantly clear that she didn't like me and, in turn, didn't want her daughter to like me. This has changed somewhat over the past few months to the point where his niece is now obsessed with both of us, and follows me around just like she'd been doing to him for years. I know that ocassionally he gets jealous thinking that she loves me more than him, but I get jealous that he loves her more than me... or would love her more than our future children. I will admit, I'm a very needy and affectionate person; my bf knows this and he makes me feel loved almost 100% of the time, but sometimes when his niece is around he shows an utter disregard for me. Just an example: yesterday night we had a shower and then got in bed, his niece comes and climbs into our bed, my boyfriend starts to fall asleep.. I'm weird with sleeping and he knows that, I have to have the lights off and usually the tv on, cuddled up with him. She's in between us so I gently said "Babe, if you're tired then let's go to bed." He half-heartedly asked her if she was ready for bed, she didn't answer and he continued snoozing. I nudged him again and told him that I was ready for bed too, so he moved his niece from in between us and laid back down, thinking she was annoying me. It's basically just the fact that she's a toddler and gets to do whatever she wants, she's spoiled to death ; seriously, she cries if you tell her "no." She constantly wants mine or my boyfriend's phone, using it until it dies, or she wants to watch cartoons on our t.v. or draw in my notebooks. Basically she wants to be the center of attention in everything, and I have no freedom to do anything because I feel rude asking my boyfriend to get her out of the room so I can change clothes or go to bed. Also I forgot to mention earlier an don't know where to put it now, but he always holds her, plays with her hair and calls her cute names. He explicitly said to me "I'll love ours just as much," which bothers me because I feel like his niece and his daughter shouldn't be in comparisson. I wonder if our daughter will end up feeling the same way that I do or if he'll act the same with our daughter but still not me. Perhaps it's just that he knows that I know he loves me, regardless of the attention he gives me while a child wouldn't understand that. Not sure if y'all can offer me any advice or if this was just a large rant, but... Thanks, either way.
  20. I'll put the TLDR at the top just to spare anyone who doesn't want to scroll through my ranting and raving (don't worry, I would too). In short: I'm in love with my best friend and he has a girlfriend. They seem really happy. But I've had multiple dreams about us together, fantasised about futures, written letters of confession that I've been too nervous to ever send, the whole number. Multiple days where I swear to myself that today is the day, that I'm going to tell him, and I never do. He lives in Australia and I live in the US, so if we do eventually have a spark it'll be online anyway. I keep finding more hints that he feels the same. Worst of all, I'm falling. Hard. Do I tell him or try to wait until it passes? In long: We've only really known each other since October, but we hit it off really fast. We would (and still do) chat online day and night, and in the first couple weeks he told me about this girl he liked because he didn't really know who else to talk to. I didn't think much of it, I told him I was happy for him and moved on. Now, when he came into my life I was at a really low point. I was nearing the end of a very toxic relationship that I'd finally get out of in early November, but when we met I was still blinded, I still thought I was in love with my soon-to-be ex. And then, in Mid-Nov, while me and him got closer all the time, I had a dream. I don't really believe dreams have prophetic meanings but I do think they can express your desires, and this one was VERY vivid. Like- to the point where I woke up, said good morning to him, and had to scroll up in our message history to see if what happened in the dream had actual happened or if it was just that, a dream. In the dream, he'd confessed he had feelings for me and I was surprised, but reciprocated. That's mostly how I felt then - just so surprised. I went through a period of denial, of course "I can't like him, why would I like him? He has a girlfriend. I just got out of a terrible relationship, and I'm desperate for something new. This'll blow over." Then it became rationalising, "He lives on the other side of the globe. Maybe you like him, but you'll never be able to have a future with him even if anything happens." To desperation. Making playlists, fantasising about what we could do, to crying over the whole situation, and to googling for advice and not being happy with any of it. It was too one-sided. There were the people saying just to go for it, and then there were the people saying to just not say anything and that you were a selfish a-hole if you said a word. I know it's early, and I know I sound naive. But I seriously think he might be the one. I've never clicked with somebody quite like I have him before, all of my relationships seemed deflated. I never showed the most energy from the start, it was rushing into it first, feelings later. And I've gotten hints that he feels the same way, too. Here's the thing, though. My brain needs to be told outright, a yes or a no, or it'll get so excited over the maybe that it just won't stop. On the other hand though, if I tell him and I do get a no, I'm afraid our friendship will just be awkward and I don't want things to change in that respect whatsoever. He's my best friend, after all. What do I do?
  21. My boyfriend of 1.5 years called him about 5 months ago at 2 am and did not block her number. I answered the phone and she didn’t respond. She then continued to call his phone 3 or 4 times right after from blocked number he answered and she didn’t respond. He admitted to me that she would call him every now and then before we began dating just to say hi. He also admitted to me that she called him the first week we began dating and he called her back to tell her she needs to stop calling him as he is in a relationship now. After this phone call happened in September it took a toll on me and he told me he blocked and deleted her number so there would be no more contact from her. TWO days ago we hear one of our phones ringing at 1am and it’s his phone from “no caller I’d” no he didn’t answer bc he missed it but wouldn’t have answered anyways. All I can think is that it was her.. trying to reach him. I flat out asked him if his ex still calls him and he said no and I replied with she obviously does (hence the no caller I’d). Anyways it’s driving me crazy and has made me very insecure and unsure of everything lately making it hard to go back to normal with him. He is my best friend and I love him but something like this really rubs me the wrong way and I have a very hard time handling it. I know it may not seem like a big deal but her actions are causing problems in my relationship. I know he loves me but it still makes me second guess. On a side note, she is engaged to another man. I keep telling myself it’s nothing but it’s eating away at me
  22. Hello all, I am writing this because I am currently stuck in the middle of a large friendship that is going through issues with two separate groups. This might sound confusing but to give some context, in this situation there are 12 friends including myself. To keep privacy I will use fake names. There are 6 guys (Bob, John, Kyle, Jacob, Will, & Brad) and 6 girls(Ericka, Peyton, Jasmine, Hannah, Olivia, Amber) 3 of the guys are currently dating 3 of the girls. (Bob & Ericka, John & Peyton, Kyle & Jasmine) Within the remaining 6, Jacob & Hannah got a divorce, Will and Olivia used to date a long time ago but now are really good friends and Brad (which is me) is currently trying to date Amber. The tensions stem down to when Jacob started to date Hannah. She joined our friend group and the two of them got married. She began to become great friends with everyone within the group and 5 of the guys and 2 of the girls were in the wedding. She became very close to everyone and things were great. Things got bad however, when the two of them started to have problems. She began to rely on 2 of the girls (Olivia & Amber) and also myself to reach out for advice and just overall have someone to talk to. Jacob also reached out to me for help and advice, so I was stuck in the middle here but they ended up getting a divorce. This started a tear in our group as the only people who would reach out to Hannah was Olivia, Amber and some of the guys including myself. Everyone else in the group would never really reach out to Hannah. Jacob and Hannah have buried the hatchet and they both told each other they don't want our friends to pick sides and want all of us to still be friends. But the problem currently is this: there is this tension between the girls. Hannah, Olivia & Amber have gotten very close and they still really like the other 3 girls, Ericka, Peyton & Jasmine, but they feel like they are not welcome whenever they all hang out. Ericka, Peyton & Jasmine do not start conversations with Hannah Olivia & Amber and they have told me that they feel like they don't invite them to do anything. While Hannah, Olivia & Amber have told me that they feel like Ericka, Peyton & Jasmine do not like them. I feel like there is a big misconception between the two groups. They both have the same mindset and I believe it can be resolved. The most recent scenario which has caused me to type all of this was this past weekend. It was Jasmine's birthday and she texted me and Will asking us if we wanted to go and included everyone else besides Hannah, Olivia & Amber. Those three found out that Jasmine had a get together and are upset and feel like it is the cherry on top to their thinking that none of the girls or even the guys like them. Out of everyone, I am closest to Olivia & Amber. I go to them about anything and everything and they consider me their best friend as well. They've contacted me about whether the other girls like them or not and they feel like they are being pushed out of this friend group. The scenario is weird because I feel like in a divorce or even a breakup you lose friends and people move on. Olivia & Amber have become so close to Hannah through being with her during the divorce that they don't want to leave her but at the same time really don't want to lose the rest of us. I could use some advice on what to do because I don't want to lose their friendships and I really believe it is a misconception that the girls don't like each other
  23. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years and we got engaged a couple months ago before Christmas. When we first started dating, I never had any issues with his sister (I actually thought she was the coolest!). However, as time went on, I realized she really didn’t like me. She looked at me like the person taking him away from family because he was spending all his time with me (we moved in together, moved to another state together for work). She would make snide comments and just generally rude to me (to my face and behind my back). I let it roll off my shoulders because I’m not great at confrontation. When he told her he was planning to propose, she told him not to do it and basically that I’m an awful person to marry. Same thing when we got engaged- not a happy reaction AT ALL. It was tough to see someone so upset about us getting engaged when we were so excited to take this step together, but again, let it slide because it wasn’t worth the confrontation. We went to dinner with her, his mom and uncle to celebrate the holidays and at dinner they asked about wedding plans. My fiancé told them we were barely started with planning but had a guest list and were planning to have an adult only wedding (no kids). She took this incredibly personally (she has a 4 y/o daughter) and became very upset in the restaurant. LONG STORY SHORT... She got incredibly angry (honestly borderline pure rage) and blew up in the restaurant. She began screaming at me (blaming me), cussing at me, telling me I’m a terrible and manipulative person. I said nothing back because I was purely shocked by her reaction and in tears. I got up to remove myself from the situation (it was humiliating and quite a scene in the restaurant) and she then chased me out of the restaurant trying to physically assault me. My fiancé had to physically restrain her to prevent her from actually hurting me. I don’t know how to handle her and our relationship. I’m terrified of this person and the level of rage she is capable of reaching. She clearly hates me and does not support our decision to get married. Bottom line is I don’t want her at my wedding.... Am I wrong if I don’t invite her? Any thoughts?
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