My ex boyfriend and I dated for about a total of 8 months. We were apart of each others lives for about a total of a year. Our relationship was extremely healthy overall. We were each others best friends, we were consistently making time for each other, we had never had any serious arguments. He was consistently buying me gifts and showing his appreciation for me. I had also been doing the same. In just days before the breakup we were consistently seeing each other. We had even had a conversation expressing how we could never imagine breaking up. This introduction is all for preface so that you can understand this relationship was everything but toxic.
In February, me and him had made plans for him to come over and hangout for the Super Bowl. We had been making these plans for a week and I was very excited because my family was going to be there and just overall I was happy to spend the day with him. The night before I was over at his house and had asked him what time he was going to be coming over. He responded saying something along the lines of "I think I will just be staying home." I wasn't expecting that response and felt really rejected. His reasoning was that he felt tired after his soccer game and had to much school to see me. These were issues he had never expressed before so I felt like he was making the choice to not see me because he really didn't want too. I overreacted and just started expressing my anger, I told him that I was upset and wanted to go home. I also expressed I didn't want him there if he didn't want to see me. Overall looking back at it I was hurt and just reacted in an immature way. Although I do want to note I never said anything that was to extreme for example saying I didn't care or didn't love him. I ended up leaving early and I could tell that he was hurt, it is important to note that he is a really sensitive person. After leaving, I got home and called him and apologized for acting the way I did. He was very cold toward me, in a way I had never seen him do before. I deserved it though, so I sucked it up and gave him the space he asked for that night. The next morning, I reached out saying I loved him and I a sincere apology. I also texted a few times with updates about my status in my day like I normally would. He didn't respond till way later in the day, even after I saw he was active on social media for hours. Again something he would never do, I understood I must have really hurt him. He asked to meet up, which I did. He basically stated that I was "not good for him" and that I didn't care about him or have empathy for him. Which the empathy statement, I could understand from how my actions were the night before. I was surprised he ended it, considering our relationship overall was so good. So, I went home from the meet up and never texted him.
It took two days for him to contact me. He reached out asking if I was okay. Obviously, I was expecting this since it was such a sudden ending. He continues to contact me all day everyday for a week, but doesn't seem to have an end goal in mind (getting back together). He simply just acts as if everything is sort of normal. I am hurt and anxious so I ask for him to call and basically decide wither he wants me to be apart of his life or to go separate ways because this random texting isn't fair to me. He acts very cold on the phone and tells me that we need to go separate ways. Again, I get off the phone and do not contact him.
Then two days later I hear from him again. He continues to contact me every night for a week around 8-10 pm each night. We have very deep heartful conversations each night. It feels as if we are actually hearing each other out and making progress in repairing this. He mentions that he felt that he was never listened to in the relationship, and that I didn't truly care about him. I also let him know that he never communicated this to me while we were together which he seemed to recognize, stated he felt that he wished "he had been fairer to me." One morning during this week, he called me out of the blue and asked to work this out and try and get back together.
We went sort of back to normal the best we could. I saw him for dinner that week and it was great, our connection was still there and I felt the love and so did he, I could tell through his actions. He seemed really happy to be trying this again. The only issue was as the week went on since we weren't "back together" it felt as if both of us didn't know how emotionally involved to be again. We still had not said I love you, or been completely emotionally involved like we were when we were together. But, he was still telling me things like " your perfect for me." One day during this week, he tells me that this is too hard, and its putting to much stress on him and he wanted to end it. He again mentions that I wasn't good for him, just a day after he's telling me how perfect I am. In total us "getting back together" lasted for about a week and a half. I again do not contact him.
He contacts me the next day telling me he has a ring that I left at his house, and was adamant about giving it back to me in person. So, I meet up with him to get the ring. We have a heartfelt conversation in my car where I express that I really wanted it to work out and just told him I valued all aspects of our relationship. Overall, it was a genuine real conversation. At one point we were laughing and joking around like the old us. He even made the advancement to hold my hand, which I did for the entirety of our almost two hour conversation. But, we still left and I never contacted him again after.
He contacts me a few days later expressing that he felt he didn't get to say everything he wanted too during our car conversation. He sends me a heartful messing expressing all the things he appreciated about me and our relationship as a whole. Things that I could tell he thought really hard about. It was so nice to hear this. He also told me that he will always love me even if we are not together and that he hopes we meet again in the future. I expressed to him, that I felt I didn't really understand why the relationship was ending because we still were so dedicated to each other. He didn't give me a clear answer, simply just kind of that he felt he needed time to grow as a person. It seemed as if he didn't really know either. The conversation ends and I do not reach out again.
I hear from him a day later. I have another ex boyfriend (H for just no names sake) who makes social media posts about his life. He reaches out to tell me H made a post saying that he still loved someone and that he always will, me and my ex both knew it was about me. He expressed it made him feel sick to his stomach that H posted that. I was just getting feed up at this point, it wasn't fair that we broke up and that he's telling me that the thought of someone else loving me made him sick. So, I told him that he should block H and that was the end of that conversation.
It has now been two weeks since that conversation and I have put a lot of effort into moving on. I just feel that deep down this breakup isn't meant to be. I still feel his energy in my life and truly feel that he ended it because he was hurt over that one fight and is now "in too deep." I understand I cannot make excuses for him but I do know he isn't the time to express his deep emotions easily or hastily. I do not feel that he really wants this breakup because of his actions and statements after it. I would hate to throw away an amazing relationship and great connection so easily. His birthday is coming up on April 9th and I am torn about wither to reach out. It will have been 30 days on the dot since I will have spoken to him assuming he doesn't reach out if I text him on his birthday. Another important thing to note is that my birthday is April 20th, so it is fairly soon after his. Please give me advice on wither I should reach out, or just anything else you believe I should do 🙂
