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throoawao

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  1. Hi Tinydance, Thank you for your response. So this is what he says sort of, "i want to marry you, you are the only person who i would want to marry, I just don't have anything to speak for right now, I don't come from money, my parents wouldn't be able to help out, I have to start everything off on my own, and right now I just have nothing to speak for. I don't have the money or the career that i want to be able to say with certainty that it will happen in 2 years, or 3 years, or 4 years, etc. It will happen eventually you would be the only person I want to marry but I just do not kn
  2. I want the latter! I want to feel more secure that we will marry eventually in a reasonable time frame. I dont want to marry now or get engaged now, or get promised now. i feel like these are pretty immature things to do and say. No one can guarantee life, and I can't make him swear on everything he believes in that that will happen. I want to work together towards the goal of getting married eventually in a reasonable time frame, which for me is before 30. (Just thinking of a woman's fertile age window). Then how else can I resolve this conflict? I'd love to do whatever else i
  3. How should I do that? I definitely don't want to be entitled towards this situation -- mind you, I am not doing it on purpose if I am. I want to make things work with this guy I just dont know the best way to approach it.
  4. Honestly that last paragraph is my biggest fear. Being at that point and him still being hesitant. Our relationship has been a little rocky for the past few weeks or so because of other fights, and this just added to the fire.
  5. We really both have no money to put into a wedding right now. He is the only one who works in this relationship but all his $ goes to his basic survival expenses or to spending it on himself or our relationship. It makes sense that we cannot get married right now, but I don't want that. You're right, the promise ring is a way to pacify me. I do feel insecure in the relationship given my cultural values.
  6. Thank you Cherylyn for your kind responses. you're right, if i am unhappy in this situation, i should opt out. i just can't help but wonder, have I done everything in my power to make this work? I don't know. This relationship was both mine and his first ever relationship, we had many problems that we learned from, and i'm sure we have so many more. it's a little hard being in my position and just leaving the relationship right now given that he is my first love and i am in love with him, and i know he is too. It's almost like the right person, at the wrong time. I also don't want t
  7. Thank you for this response. it really means a lot that you understand where I am coming from. and your background about your country's change really described me. And you are absolutely right, i do feel like in a way he does take that for granted and with special privilege. I have been withholding sex from him for some time as we resolve this issue, because I don't feel comfortable having sex with him until I know he is for certain the man I will marry, let it be a few years down the line, just as long as it is reasonable for my fertile window. And true, it is seen in my culture to marr
  8. Hi Pinkflower, Your situation doesn't seem rare. Most men are physical and visual people. They always like seeing new girls, new girls makes them feel young and empowered, and when the new girls give them attention, they get even more confident. What is abnormal is his defense towards the situation. He seems abusive in that state when he yells and insults you when you simply tell him it bothers you and its not normal in a long term relationship. Given that you two have been together for four years and he wanted a break in the past, AND took that time to talk to women instead of
  9. How do i know with certainty that this will not progress tho ? 😕 I want to know i have tried everything in my power before and if I leave this relationship.
  10. Oh boy. kick him to the curb. He does not deserve a gram of your love, attention, or your worry! if he has feelings for another girl while being with you that is not YOUR fault, it is HIS fault! Even if you had serious problems in your relationship, if he allowed himself to be not only attracted to her, but investing time to her, he does not love you, you are just comfortable to be with until he knows it can work out with another girl. Girl, f**k him. He doesn't deserve you at all. You should not be ashamed that HE has feelings, HE should be ashamed and guilty that he developed
  11. Oh boy, you sound like my boyfriend. we also met when i was 19 and he was 20. we are 22 and 23 now. he always feels insecure about me doing certain activities like you described, and his concerns are exactly like yours. What I learned from our fights, is that, you can't control other people, and you can't be scared of being cheated on, or protect yourself from that. if someone cheats on you, that is their loss, and your gain that you dodged that bullet, because if they didn't cheat on you at their party, they will probably cheat on your somewhere later down the line -- basically
  12. Hi Starstuff, I'm sorry to hear about your problem and your boyfriend's depression. He sounds like he is in a really bad place. Given that he wanted to cut ties from you would be the clue that you probably should. You did all that you can, you offered help, but you should understand you are not his therapist or psychiatrist or psychologist. Hell, even if you were one, you shouldn't be one in a relationship. Your relationship is about two people growing to be together, not one helping the other one grow. I can understand how sympathetic you feel for him, and he will always be gra
  13. Hi Timeout. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is definitely not an easy situation. After being in a sexless marriage and seeing your ex prosper without it, is brutal. I truly believe that talking your feelings out will help you. You need to get your feelings out and talk about what hurts you until it becomes so muted that it doesnt hurt you anymore (to that degree). I truly believe that is the best therapy. I believe that's exposure therapy (?). The more you talk about what it is that is making you break down and cry the more you will realize and accept it.
  14. you're right 😞 i did instill a lot of fear and pressure in the relationship regarding this topic. I truly believe it comes from the way I was raised and my insecurity in myself in the relationship. If i look from it from the side -- if we have been together for 3 years and will continue to be, why wouldn't we get married? It seems like a relationship OCD at this point bc i just don't feel secure in the relationship. I'm fine with the position I'm in right NOW, given that i'm not ready myself-- but in a way i am trying to protect my future .. yes i know that sounds awful,
  15. you're right 😞 i did instill a lot of fear and pressure in the relationship regarding this topic. I truly believe it comes from the way I was raised and my insecurity in myself in the relationship. If i look from it from the side -- if we have been together for 3 years and will continue to be, why wouldn't we get married? It seems like a relationship OCD at this point bc i just don't feel secure in the relationship. I'm fine with the position I'm in right NOW, given that i'm not ready myself-- but in a way i am trying to protect my future .. yes i know that sounds awful,
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