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To cut a long story short I was in a serious relationship for 4 years - bought a house together and seriously talking marriage. He broke up with me citing incompatibility with what we want in life at the moment from understanding what he wants now this feels like a quarter life crisis where he's questioning himself and what he wants and making big life choices (selling our house, quitting his job, not wanting to commit to anyone and travelling for the foreseeable future). I now see he was right as I have a job and studying that I can't leave and at the moment I don't want a relationship, I want to work on myself and become the person that I want to be by pushing myself. Now he hasn't left for travelling yet so we are still tied by the house, and I've tried to set up boundaries to ensure that there's as little of this talk as possible as this is a sore spot for both of us. However, we still talk to each other at least once a week and im struggling because we still 'click' and can talk about nothing for hours. We always finish the conversation and i feel like there's so much more to say. I've asked him why he reaches out and he says its because he cares, i mean a lot to him, I'll always be close to his heart and that we are significant to each other. Now to me that sounds like someone with conflicting ties - one to freedom and adventure, and the other to love that they feel for someone. Thoughts? I've done a lot of introspection and know that where we were in a relationship last time was not at all what I wanted there was too much pressure on us and we're both in our 20s. I also know that I don't want a relationship either right now because I know I still love him and want to put myself first in my growth for now. I've asked him where he is at emotionally and he says he wants to focus on rebuilding our friendship and that he doesn't want any pressure for there to be anything romantic but that we have feelings for each other that are more than friends. My question is should I continue to keep in contact with him (he says he wants to talk on the phone once a week and text) because I'm really liking the person he's becoming and we both want and enjoy talking to each other? As a side note - We've agreed to keep checking where we both are and what we want emotionally in the future, so if we are misaligned we can pick up on it asap. Or should I cut all contact for the foreseeable for fear of being led on? Whilst cutting contact will hurt me and be very hard, I am scared that contact will keep us stuck in this position we've found ourselves in for good. And with his current life uncertainty there's no guarantee of anything in the future (but I guess that's life) - whether he'll come back it want a relationship in the future.
First time poster so be gentle! Been in this relationship for just under 4 years and we were committed to each other bought a fixer-upper house 6 months ago, moved closer to his parents and attended his sister's wedding as a couple. We have been talking marriage and engagement rings and had even started looking at where we'd like to settle down in the next 5 years Days after the wedding he gets FOMO of the travelling that people a couple of years older then him have done and how he feels like he is unhappy in life and trapped in the situation. Also distressed over personal issues - friends and family illness. We talk and make steps to travel more and complete the house ASAP to give him the freedom he wants. Days later he wakes up and says were incompatible and on different paths. To explain I'm studying and working so am pretty busy beyond a 9-5 but I've always included him in these decisions, and was also in the process of moving to a less demanding job. But rather than tell me how much this is affecting him and that he doesn't feel prioritised he allowed me to go ok thinking he was ok with it all. Anyway I leave that morning, no argument just go. Three weeks on I'm getting all sorts of mixed signals - i.e. he still loves and misses me, he wants to reconnect in a year and see if we realign, he needs to find peace and not be in a relationship, but is keeping the personalised necklace he made me, wanting to be friends, not knowing what he wants in the future and understandably my head's spinning. I feel like he just got fed up of waiting for me which makes me feel awful because I never knew he was waiting. After making plans to sell the house as soon as possible, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose him, he won't come back or review his decision, and that this decision was basically made for me whilst I still love him and have been honestly heartbroken crying everyday and struggling to sleep. Having spoken to family and friends everyone is shocked and just as lost as to where his head is as I am, and my question is what do I do? I want him back I know that but I also know he has to go and figure out what he wants in life and probably speak to someone about his feelings. I just don't know what to do at the moment. Is this just something men go through? I don't understand how he went from being so excited to build a new life and home, to stressed and pushing me away in 6 months. To me he just seems so confused but I can't pressure any decision he makes which is hard when it impacts me and my life.
I've posted a few times and recently about my boyfriend missing me. Ex and I dated for a year and we broke up almost 6 months ago. When he did, he expressed a lot of doubt and still does to this day. He cried too when we broke up. He was initiating a lot of contact recently, wanting to see me and clear the air but I declined. I ended up responding to one of his messages once and for all about 2 months later. He replied to what I said and then said it has 'been very difficult from his end. He felt it was the most appropriate thing was to break up, which has been really hard and he misses me all the time. But what's the alternative? He then went on to say that it's really difficult but he tries to leave me alone as he doesn't quite know what to do as he doesn't want to mess with me. I replied and said I hope one day we can be on friendlier terms but I understand if we don’t keep in touch. 2 weeks later he texted me saying he would definitely like to know how I am/how life is but he’s conscious of not lingering around and making things more difficult and he hopes everything is good and I’m happier now. That he of course feels the same but it’s just the nature of break ups. I responded, in a kind way that we should probably not keep in contact as I still like him. He responded, apologised for how long it took him to get back to me and said he still likes me and cares about me but thinks probably not talking at the moment is the right thing. I responded and said that I didn’t want to seem sarcastic previously but wouldn’t the alternative be to work through our issues like an adult, I went onto say that we meshed well so maybe that’s why it’s been so hard and wished him well. He replied days later, apologising again. Said he would rather not get into this discussion over text and would much prefer in person, agreed that we meshed really well and we had a similar sense of humour. Said he hoped I had a good trip and then he hopes my university has been going well lately. I said that maybe we can revisit it soon and talk in person and I felt the same regarding talking about this over text. He then went onto ask when my exams are and a few other things. Thing is.. it's his birthday soon and unsure whether I should acknowledge it especially if we were ever to get back together. Mainly because after we broke up, one of the messages I sent him was that he forgot my birthday (at that stage, we had been broken up - fair enough) even when I had mentioned it numerous times together. I told him that I still remember his. Would I be hypocritical/jeopardising anything if I don't acknowledge it?