Jump to content

Cbshb

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    15
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Cbshb's Achievements

Apprentice

Apprentice (3/14)

  • One Month Later
  • Week One Done
  • Collaborator
  • Reacting Well Rare
  • First Post

Recent Badges

14

Reputation

  1. Wow well I didn't reach my goals in the relationship because I overworked myself and actually didn't make time for me because I've spent years studying and working, it genuinely had nothing to do with him and the relationship. And actually being in that relationship was what pushed me on my career goal hence the studying. I want to prioritise my health over any relationship now to get a balance in my life between work and having a life. I was too naiive to pull the plug then and didn't really consider breaking up as an option because of my feelings for him. Clearly there was a communication problem because he didn't encourage me to reflect on this whilst with me. I probably am more into him then he is me, but I don't see why he would continue to lead me on in such a way of he genuinely cared? You are all right he doesn't care about me and leading me on like this is downright cruel. How can any sane person expect to wave a new relationship in the face of an ex and expect them to feel nothing.
  2. We don't live together, haven't for 3 months. House is in the sale process, will take atleast another month. That's what I was afraid of - not growing
  3. To cut a long story short I was in a serious relationship for 4 years - bought a house together and seriously talking marriage. He broke up with me citing incompatibility with what we want in life at the moment from understanding what he wants now this feels like a quarter life crisis where he's questioning himself and what he wants and making big life choices (selling our house, quitting his job, not wanting to commit to anyone and travelling for the foreseeable future). I now see he was right as I have a job and studying that I can't leave and at the moment I don't want a relationship, I want to work on myself and become the person that I want to be by pushing myself. Now he hasn't left for travelling yet so we are still tied by the house, and I've tried to set up boundaries to ensure that there's as little of this talk as possible as this is a sore spot for both of us. However, we still talk to each other at least once a week and im struggling because we still 'click' and can talk about nothing for hours. We always finish the conversation and i feel like there's so much more to say. I've asked him why he reaches out and he says its because he cares, i mean a lot to him, I'll always be close to his heart and that we are significant to each other. Now to me that sounds like someone with conflicting ties - one to freedom and adventure, and the other to love that they feel for someone. Thoughts? I've done a lot of introspection and know that where we were in a relationship last time was not at all what I wanted there was too much pressure on us and we're both in our 20s. I also know that I don't want a relationship either right now because I know I still love him and want to put myself first in my growth for now. I've asked him where he is at emotionally and he says he wants to focus on rebuilding our friendship and that he doesn't want any pressure for there to be anything romantic but that we have feelings for each other that are more than friends. My question is should I continue to keep in contact with him (he says he wants to talk on the phone once a week and text) because I'm really liking the person he's becoming and we both want and enjoy talking to each other? As a side note - We've agreed to keep checking where we both are and what we want emotionally in the future, so if we are misaligned we can pick up on it asap. Or should I cut all contact for the foreseeable for fear of being led on? Whilst cutting contact will hurt me and be very hard, I am scared that contact will keep us stuck in this position we've found ourselves in for good. And with his current life uncertainty there's no guarantee of anything in the future (but I guess that's life) - whether he'll come back it want a relationship in the future.
  4. Thanks for asking, I'm actually realising I'm pretty mentally strong and managing my work-study balance has always been pretty easy for me. You are right that I need to put myself first and I have been focusing on self-care and seeing friends and just feeling better about where I am; it's just difficult walking away from someone when you can see their falling apart but refuse to get help themselves. But I guess that's his decision and I have to respect that.
  5. How do I stop missing him? He was my best friend and I'm worried about his mental health.
  6. Thank you all again, today is the first day I haven't cried about the whole thing and that is in part due to your advice. All ties will be cut and I won't even have to deal with the house directly with him. As hard as it is to walk away he already has and I'm worth more than to be an option in a year, I need someone who is 100% enthusiastic about being with me and right now that is not him.
  7. Will atleast he is human and feels something. Yes I think if he still wanted to be with me then he would be begging me at this stage. I know for a fact he hasn't processed any feelings though just distracted himself with work so atleast I'm a step ahead in healing
  8. On it, I think it's in part keeping me trapped in thinking about him and hoping. Yes its guilty actions to try and rectify what he did. The necklace was just something he made me that I wore all the time, it's personalised so he can't give it to anyone else. I don't want it because of the memories but he's told me he's going to keep it which is just odd to me after all this. I don't think so, he had been cheated on previously and was very cut up about it, so told me for a long time it's something he could never do. From what his sister told me he has a history of making these kind of rash decisions where he just makes big changes to his life like he gets bored, but never to the extent where he's just up and left a relationship like this. He's never been in a relationship for more than 2 years prior to this.
  9. Now is it weird that he called my mother to explain after it happened - basically said I don't want her life to be ruined by my issues? Then texted her a few days later asking how I was and saying 'just so you know this is just as hard for me'. Is this just pure guilt? He also asked his sister (she's 30) to reach out to me and she's been checking in on me every couple of days over the last few weeks. And he's kept a personalised necklace he made for me. I know I can't contact him, but I don't understand why he's done all of these things.
  10. Thank you all honestly, this is what I needed to here - after so long and such a committed relationship his decision was selfish and disrespectful and me sitting around waiting for him to make his mind up is underselling myself. He should not be able to have me as his friend and support system because that is one sided and a completely immature request. I hope he grows up and realises what he's lost, but I've got to move on with my life.
  11. I'm so scared to cut him off and lose him from my life, but I guess it's about self-respect and not letting him take advantage of my feelings for him. I've always known I can't ever just be his friend not after so much life planning together
  12. Truth is he has had time to get it out of his system, he dated and slept with a lot of people before me. He's had the freedom to do as he wants, it just feels like maybe he felt trapped by me in the end. The hope that he has acknowledged that maybe we'll realign in the future is what's keeping me going and I know thats not healthy so I've gone NC because I'm not nearly as angry at him as I should be.
  13. Thank you all for your thoughts he definitely needed to go and find himself, and whilst he's said he's open to reconnecting in a year - I do feel like thats letting him off the hook for what he has put me through.
  14. Thank you Wiseman, he's 27 and has owned a property beforehand we had lived together for 3 years prior to buying our own place. I have negotiated that I will get more money back then I put in due to this being his fault and it being an investment property. Very weird situation, personally I think it's a quarter life crisis. As far as he's told me he was 'all in with me'. He hasn't lived with his parents in 10 years, but wants to remove the tie of a house/mortgage and bills so that he can find himself - basically no idea what he wants to do with his life in the future so is running away.
  15. First time poster so be gentle! Been in this relationship for just under 4 years and we were committed to each other bought a fixer-upper house 6 months ago, moved closer to his parents and attended his sister's wedding as a couple. We have been talking marriage and engagement rings and had even started looking at where we'd like to settle down in the next 5 years Days after the wedding he gets FOMO of the travelling that people a couple of years older then him have done and how he feels like he is unhappy in life and trapped in the situation. Also distressed over personal issues - friends and family illness. We talk and make steps to travel more and complete the house ASAP to give him the freedom he wants. Days later he wakes up and says were incompatible and on different paths. To explain I'm studying and working so am pretty busy beyond a 9-5 but I've always included him in these decisions, and was also in the process of moving to a less demanding job. But rather than tell me how much this is affecting him and that he doesn't feel prioritised he allowed me to go ok thinking he was ok with it all. Anyway I leave that morning, no argument just go. Three weeks on I'm getting all sorts of mixed signals - i.e. he still loves and misses me, he wants to reconnect in a year and see if we realign, he needs to find peace and not be in a relationship, but is keeping the personalised necklace he made me, wanting to be friends, not knowing what he wants in the future and understandably my head's spinning. I feel like he just got fed up of waiting for me which makes me feel awful because I never knew he was waiting. After making plans to sell the house as soon as possible, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose him, he won't come back or review his decision, and that this decision was basically made for me whilst I still love him and have been honestly heartbroken crying everyday and struggling to sleep. Having spoken to family and friends everyone is shocked and just as lost as to where his head is as I am, and my question is what do I do? I want him back I know that but I also know he has to go and figure out what he wants in life and probably speak to someone about his feelings. I just don't know what to do at the moment. Is this just something men go through? I don't understand how he went from being so excited to build a new life and home, to stressed and pushing me away in 6 months. To me he just seems so confused but I can't pressure any decision he makes which is hard when it impacts me and my life.
×
×
  • Create New...