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  1. This is more of me needing to get things off my chest, so I can wade through a weekend and not get fed up. To start off my best friend of 30 years is finally getting married, and I couldn't be more excited for him! As it's a smallish wedding, myself and another were asked to stand up with him, no specific best man. Not my wedding, I'd have just been happy to attend. Now the annoyance. Myself and the other groomsmen decided to arrange a bachelor's party. We tossed around some ideas and then he went silent, we're both busy so I figured we'd coordinate later. Next thing I know is he's decided the group (all 4 of us) are going to Las Vegas. Initially no set plan as to where we're staying, no clue as to what we are doing or room arrangements; other than "it's taken care of." I ask a few probing questions, and at best I get vague answers. Both myself and the groom has expressed frustration over the lack of information, to no avail. Only the Groom's father knows details, and won't share with me either. I feel like the odd man out, and rather than let it get at me I am ranting here.
  2. I’m getting married in a few months. I don’t want a bachelor party. My fiancée wants me to have one. I have no interest in one. First I don’t want strippers. My fiancée says she is cool with it. I’m not. She said she has told my best man that I don’t want them, but she said there is a possibility they could get one anyways. She knows I’m the person who would just leave if one shows up, but told me not to leave. My best man and most of my friends live out of state. I don’t want to travel back home for a bachelor party. I don’t want to drag her brother out there with me either. He wants to go. I honestly would rather save the money. My fiancée has a birthday coming up and I want to take her out of state (a different state) for a concert. It would cost some money that we are trying to save up for our wedding and honeymoon. I really don’t know how to say to my best man I don’t want one, or tell my fiancée. I have already told her that I don’t want one at all, but She basically told me I need to have one. I think they are buying the plane tickets soon, but I don’t want to go. I don’t want to disappoint my friends and fiancée but I just don’t want to. It’s my choice right?
  3. I just read on this site one of the first steps in over coming Jealousy...is finding the cause....well….. I've been jealous as far back as I can remember, I remember being jealous of my brother when he would sneak out and watch the Benny hill show, I must have been 8 yrs old.....I have NO idea when / how / why it started It has ruined every relationship I have ever been in....it kills me emotionally....I can't let anything go....and Everything gives me jealous feelings..... I get jealous feelings when a bra commercial comes on if my bf is sitting there with me.....I don't get mad at him....but I get all tense/physically sick from it....or I shut down and 'punish' him by not talking to him….like it's his fault I feel this way? My bf is one dedicated trusting man, I trust him completely, I don't' fear infidelity, I just fear him seeing other women. we started dating a year ago, shortly there after, his best friend got married and they did the strip club bachelor party……my mind plays over what must of 'happened' ….what he must have seen….(all made up in my own mind) until I make myself sick and I start crying…..I do this regularly…..I thought once if I talked to him about it….maybe I could let it go…so I asked if he had a lap dance…he said no….I instantly felt better….until he said…but there was "this one girl that danced for me and "his friend" oh….that made it soooo much worse… Seriously tho….I won't get married out of fear of a bachelor party….. I won't go to the beach in fear of other bikini wearing girls…..I avoid A LOT of Living becuz of this….and I'm tired of it! It's ruining my life! Is there any possibility that this is in my DNA to be this way??
  4. Hey there! It's been a while since I've been on this site. It helped me in the past, and I'm hoping it will help now. I am engaged to a wonderful man. We are getting married in January. One of the many stresses I am having due to the wedding is my fiance's plans of having a bachelor party. His best man is already planning it. I know that they are planning on having a stripper, and he knows that I have mixed feelings about it. Actually, if it were up to me, there would be no stripper. Now, he's told me that he would never do anything to hurt me, and I trust him with all of my heart, but the thought of him being in close contact with another woman, who most likely will be naked at some point, and getting aroused by it REALLY bothers me. I have talked to other women about it, and read articles about it, and every woman feels differently. I've also read that a lot of guys feel that they don't need to have a stripper to have a bachelor party, and others don't want to hurt thier fiances. Why can't my fiance feel that way? I know my feelings are normal, but the whole situation just sucks. I just want some opinions on how I can make it easier on myself, and get through this without it lingering into the wedding day and ruining it for me(BTW I told him to tell his friend to try to plan it for the weekend before the wedding, so it does make me feel a little better knowing it's not taking place the night, or just two nights before). Thanks everyone!!!
  5. What is your opinion on this: My boyfriend and I plan to marry in the near future and his best friend already stated that the bachelor party is going to take place at the "Swedish Institute" which is well-known for hot ladies giving massages and finishing them (the guys) off with a hand-job (aka, "Happy Ending"). Ladies what is your opinion on letting another chick rub all over your man and pleasure him in that sort of way? Would you allow it? Guys What is your side of this? Should we (the gals) just see this as getting a relief treatment or is this going to far, even for any time of relationship?
  6. I need some advice. I am a 28 year old woman with two children. My hubby and I have been married 5 years. Since we started dating 8 years ago, porn has been an issue in our relationship. He had it, said he got rid of it, but it was a lie.....this was the beginning of many many lies to come. He once racked up $800.00 on our cable bill for porn. Then racked up another $250.00 4 years later. I have tried everything, I even tried watching it with him but when he knew all of the girl's names and began talking about them like he knew them I almost got sick. Needless to say that wasn't for me. So finally (he says) he has none because he knows how it makes me feel, but it is really hard to believe it. As a side note: He also grabbed the breasts of one of the strippers at his bachelor party and he has never admitted that it was wrong so i feel like he does not think it was wrong. Okay so here is the issue at hand. He is going to his brother's bachelor party in Portland soon. They are going to Portland (not Seattle which is where we live) because you can drink in all the strip clubs. I am so upset about it! I feel like it is cheating. I hate imagining that some other woman is rubbing her breasts and genitals all over him. It literally makes me sick. I don't want him to go...I feel like that stuff should be left behind when you get married. On the other hand I don't want to tell him he can't go to his brothers bachelor party, I think that would be controlling. Please help! I know I have self-esteem issues and I know that I don't have to greatest body image after having children but I still feel like my husband is crossing a line. First of all why go overnight to a completely different state and why does it matter if you can drink IN the club? I am very distraught....need some opinions.
  7. So, I think I need some perspective on a recent incident with my boyfriend. But first, a brief history on our relationship - we have been together for nearly 3 years now. About 2 years ago, I found out he had been cheating on me. Is there actual proof he hooked up with a few? I don't know, but I found out he had re-created a an account on OkCupid and other sites. I also found a few pictures on his photo gallery. I witnessed a girl texting him while we were out at dinner, he signed up to drive Lyft in hopes of picking up girls and such...but he begged and cried wanting to make this work. so it took a lot of therapy for me to learn how to get past and trust him again. We currently live together. The most recent event is - I found out he was at an all-nude gentlemen's club. I want to note that I don't have a problem with anyone going to strip clubs - people can do what they'd like and I understand going for bachelor parties, etc. He has for a friend's bachelor party before and I was good with that. But for him to go by himself, in the middle of the day, and spent an hour and a half...I confronted him about this and he admitted to it. He said he was sorry and he felt like he was good for a long time but had the impulse with his visual needs or something like that. I asked if he would've told me if I didn't find out, he said no... He said that there is nothing wrong with me but with him...he stayed to watch 4 girls dance and requested a private dance from one. If he felt bad, why did he stay so long? Now, I don't know how to feel about this or what to do...He apologized profusely, bought flowers, a card and made reached out to a psychologist's office to make an appointment... My feelings are a mix of sadness, confusion, anger, and some moments of "I don't give a f*ck" and will leave. I feel betrayed.But I also don't know if I'm overreacting? Is it reasonable for me to be upset? I've had some random moments where I just cry. I can barely look at him and the past weekend has been silent. Minimal small talk. He tries to kiss me but I give him my cheek...but we haven't really talked about it again...
  8. So recently I have been put into a position where I feel like I have become the self conscious and controlling wife, which I hate! I grew up in a very conservative family and though I disagreed with some of the things my parents did, one thing I always admired was their love and respect for each other. My Dad was the typical wild boy who drank and may have even done drugs from what I’ve heard and my Mother was the straight laced girl who never took a sip of alcohol in her life. Despite their differences my Dad loved her unconditionally and completely straighten himself up for her and growing up I can’t think of a single time my Dad did anything to disrespect my Mom That being said, I have always strived to be in a marriage like that. I know they are far in few, but after several failed relationships due to past BF’s cheating or me finding out about very inappropriate things that went down with other women when they were out of town, it caused me to have 0 tolerance for that in future relationships. So I made a pact with myself to never put up with a man treating me that way again. Fast forward to my marriage now, I am with a loving and affectionate husband who I would never dream of disrespecting or doing something that could potentially hurt him. However, one of the few things we have never came to agreement on even before we became engaged was how society has made bachelor and bachelorette parties an acceptable way to cheat on your significant other before tying the knot. And I told him how I felt about this before he proposed (because I knew it was coming) and I wanted to make sure he knew that’s where I stand before asking me to marry him. At the time he agreed and acted as if he understood. After he proposed we talked about doing a joint bachelor/bachelorette party out of town. Since I hadn’t met his friends before (he moved up here and all of his friends were still back in his home town) I thought it would be fun opportunity to get to know them and we could have a fun night partying together, and he agreed! Not long after our conversation about the joint parties, I find he is planning a bachelor party behind my back in Vegas and when I asked him about what we talked about, he said his brother was planning it so it was out of his control and his brother was not thrilled of the joint parties ideas. After arguing about this because I felt he lied to me about being on the same page regarding the issue, he then proceeded to tell me he just wanted one last night out with the guys to DO DRUGS and go to the club and party! Considering we have never done drugs in our relationship, I was really upset he would even tell me this thinking I wouldn’t care. Now I don’t know his friends well, but during this time his best friend was also planning a wedding the same week as ours and also planning a bachelor party in the Key West. Once again I had to FIND OUT about this one because his friend was blowing his phone up one morning while I was still in bed and he was in the shower. All I see is texts coming through about booking his plane ticket, what day he would be coming down, how there were going to be raunchy parties all weekend and he should just expect to stay high the entire time. This party was supposed to be taking place in a matter of weeks and I had heard nothing about it. Finally I broke down and became the girl I never wanted to be and told him we should just postpone the wedding so he could get his needed partying out before settling down. He didn’t want that, so I told him I wasn’t comfortable with these plans he had been making and at this point I wasn’t sure if I could marry him if he went on these trips . I was clear long before he proposed that my outlook on those types of parties were very unacceptable for people about to get married. Also I said this because about 90% of my good friends cheated on their spouses on their bachelor/bachelorette trips because they got entirely to messed up. I grew up being taught that you just don’t put yourself in situations where it’s easy to screw up by getting to drunk or high on drugs. However, I tried telling him I still wanted him to see his friends and if he wanted a little less of a hardcore party weekend with the guys I was fine with that m. But instead he just canceled his bachelor party and didn’t go on his friends. It was like if titty bars, clubs and drugs couldn’t be apart of his weekend, then he just didn’t want to have it. Now let me say I am about to turn 30 and my husband is 31. So going out of town and partying hard really doesn’t interest me like it used to. However, I have just been asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding and the bachelorette party planning began as soon as she asked me to be in the wedding. When I first mentioned it to my husband, he shot it down and acted almost resentful that I brought it up. I told him I had no intention of going since he gave up his bachelor party for me and I understood we had a mutual agreement in our marriage that participating in that wouldn’t be appropriate in our marriage. Well he completely blind sided me and then told me he honestly doesn’t care what I do. If I want to go party with the girls on the beach he isn’t worried about it. That definitely was not the response I expected. And when I asked him if he ever understood where I was coming from in the past about why I put my foot down on the parties he was planning, he completely denied all of it and said I remembered it wrong. And might I add one more time, I told him BEFORE HE PROPOSED where I stood on bachelor parties. So wether anyone thinks I’m unreasonable or controlling, I did express my feelings on the matter before he we ever made that big step. Now I don’t know what to do. I still stand in my beliefs that it’s a very bad situation for a married person to put themselves in a drunken/high situation at a club or strip club. I have thought of telling him I’m not going even though he doesn’t care because I don’t want our marriage to be possibly jeopardized by us getting to messed up out of town (at least I can be honest with myself, I know I’ll be pressured to get entirely to drunk on this trip). But I also thought of telling him I WANT him to plan a guys trip sometime soon. So maybe I can prove to him that I do trust him and I’m not controlling. I just want him to understand the bachelor party plans he’s made did not settle well with me in the past. Any thoughts? And please please don’t judge me for disagreeing with bachelor parties, I know many people have different views on the subject. I also based my decision off of how my husband has acted drunk in front of me in the past and he is a very different person. So it’s difficult for a girl to not worry at all when she knows how messed up her man acts when he’s to drunk and also doesn’t know the any of his friends he is out of town with. Any thoughts? Go on the trip or no? If I don’t go I really do want him to plan a guys trip so he doesn’t think I’m just clingy.
  9. 2 years together, a month or so apart. I was at a bachelor party last night, and she was at a hens party (different cities, different weddings) So, last night I got a drunk text from her saying "All I want to do is come home to you and it's not fair" Last night I replied with "Haha I'm drunk too! Hope those hens look after you and you're having fun (tried not to engage in drunken relationship talk, but still tried to sound friendly and happy" It's been almost 24 hours and she hasn't followed up with anything else and I haven't either. I want to know what she meant by "it's not fair"... But I shouldn't pick the scab right? Help me assuage my desire to contact her!! Thanks for reading!
  10. Hi--i just have a quick question of you think will happen. I feel very uneasy about a b/f going to a bachelor party or being apart of those types of things etc. But i know--most guys feel its ok and dont want to be considered "whipped". I called my b/f today and then he just mentions we have a wedding to go to. His cousin is getting married. Its in a few weeks. His mother and his family will obviously be going too. I asked if you were close and he said its my cousin. I asked where he lives and he said upstate but he think the wedding will be located in NYC. He said he hadn't seen him for a few years after i asked that. I'm assuming 2 or more. Do you think my b/f would be invited to the bachelor party? Its usually the friends who plan something right? In a year and a half i never heard anything about his cousin so i am hoping this means my b/f wouldnt be apart of it or his friends wouldn't know to invite him unless the groom mentions him. I know some will say oh i should just trust but i'm sorry--i just dont like this even though i know guys will be guys and would wanna go to one eventually. If the wedding is in nyc--do you think the bachelor party would be too? I really don't want him to be apart of this. I know how i feel about it and i know he would go to one if invited so my question is do you think he would be invited if obviously they aren't that close. Isn't it usually close friends planning it or something? Please write back on your thoughts.
  11. I am engaged and getting married at the end of May. Here is something that has bugged me a little bit. My fiancee has a group of friends and they go out for a girls night out once a month or so and have a girl's weekend once a year. They are good together and I like that she does that. Now her girlfriends have arranged for a bachelorette party a few weeks before our wedding and her sister and another friend have set up a smaller one with just those three as the sister and friend don't really get along with the friends of hers. So, she has those going on. I have personally given about 5 bachelor parties in my past. Pretty tame, but fun. Now, about a couple of months ago, my best friend did some stupid stuff and got on the bad side of my girlfriend. I had to kind of defend her because he was saying some stupid things at the behest of his girlfriend (not sure where that came from). Anyways, I had to stick up for her and in the meantime, I haven't been hanging out with my friend all that much. I really don't want to and let him think what he was saying was alright (what was said was silly stuff and had nothing to do with the relationship). Anyways, now, I am not likely to have any kind of bachelor party and for the most part it doesn't bother me.......until my girlfriend says stuff about her doing hers. She isn't trying to be insensitive or anything, but she will get all giddy about the parties and our marriage she has been married once before and I never have. I know I am being a bit of a baby about this, but I always kind of wanted something like that. My other friends are nice guys, but not likely to put one on for me. I am trying my best not to bring her down when she says anything about her bachelorette parties. Any advice?
  12. So, it's about three weeks out for my wedding (girl) to my bisexual fiance. Well, at the bachelor party, it slipped out that he was that way, and my brother was there, who had not known that. He was surprised, but was like it's all cool bro. He then told my sister, but they both promised they wouldn't tell my parents. Well, one of them broke that and now my Mom knows. She's a very holy person, and is telling me that "this isn't a heterosexual relationship" and "not a Covenant with God," and "how can you trust him not to go cheat with a guy and hurt you later in the marriage?" among a whole host of things. She's going to tell my Dad, who is way worse and is quick to anger. I'm not sure how to respond at this point if he wants to talk later. I just want to cry. I feel betrayed mostly, but like I did not need this stress with less than a month to go! :(
  13. Just looking through some of the latest posts... Seems its "guys being guys" if they want to go to a Bachelor Party with strippers, and that women are suppose to just 'shut up and deal with it.' But, if a girl wants to go with some girlfriends to Cancun for a vacation, she's not 'dateable' because she 'parties too much' (Never mind that the girls might not even GO to a bar or have any desire to star in a Girls Gone Wild Video)... Sounds like a double standard - just opening this up for discussion....
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