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  1. That's the most sensible thing I've read here. You are right. I don't love my husband AS my husband. And for now I should talk to him, let him down as gently as I could. Get a divorce and maybe one day I will meet someone special. I just hope I'll be able to put all this heartbreak behind me by then.
  2. I know that because he still tries to reach me through our mutual friends. Even though after my marriage I moved to another place. And, I wouldn't have left him if I thought him jumping off a cliff for me was normal. I wanted to be my independent self when I left him. And that's who I was for 6 months. I didn't miss him, I was fine in my life. I ignored all his attempts of reaching out for me. And even now I would be fine if only he wasn't still waiting for answers as to why I left him. But yes, then I met my husband and I accepted the proposal. I shouldn't have done that. That was a wrong decision. And divorce does seem like the answer but I don't want to hurt my husband. I know I have to talk to him though about all of this.
  3. Yes I'm afraid he will. He doesn't even know much about my ex. Or how close we actually were. And if I tell him now, it's going to be a disaster. Level headed and gentle he is but that's how he's with me, otherwise he's actually hot tempered. And his wife thinking about her ex is surely going to drive him nuts. But your point is correct, it does affect us both. And I can't be a chicken for the rest of our lives. I have to do something about all this.
  4. Yeah that's why I haven't contacted him. And yes I need to talk to my husband.
  5. You are right. I wish relationships were simpler.
  6. What I want to do is let go of my ex so I can love my husband the way he deserves but I'm failing at that. I want to get my ex out of my mind but I'm unable to.
  7. Your first paragraph is entirely wrong. He wasn't married and he didn't choose circumstances over me, I did. When I said madly in love, it was because when we were together, nothing else mattered to him than me. And he told me that even if I left him, it'd remain that way. At the time, I didn't think he really meant that but well, I believe him now. He also told me that maybe one day if he did let someone else in his life, he would never be able to feel as strongly as he did for me. But that was all if I left him, he didn't believe I would. As for the second para, I agree with you. I thought a gentle husband would float my boat but it didn't go that way. Obviously. And you are right. Missing someone and contacting them are two very different things. And I will try my best not to contact my ex, ever.
  8. Thank you for the advice. Talking about it here is making me realise how stupid my thought process really is. I married so fast because I was afraid I would let my heart take the lead once again and my relationship was too overwhelming (abusive as my family and friends believe) I wanted an out and that was marrying another guy. But abusive or not, I loved my ex. A part of me still does. And just like you said, letting him move on by not contacting him. That's what I've been doing for past 2 year's but he's still stuck in the same spot and it makes me feel so bad.
  9. I wasn't forced into marriage but yes my family liked this guy a lot more than they liked my ex. And you can say that their opinion mattered to me. As for the circumstances, my ex wanted to marry me. He was afraid my family would keep telling me to leave him and I will (that's what I did in the end, didn't I?) I told him I wasn't ready. We got in a big fight over something stupid and then I left. I didn't tell him why I was leaving. He kept trying to reach me but I was tired of the bickering. Now I know you'd be thinking why my family thinks that my ex wasn't good for me, it was because they thought it was an abusive relationship. He was too obsessed. He wanted to be with me all the time and he would jump off the cliff if I told him to. He told me his biggest fear was that I'd leave him for someone else. And when I broke up it was just because I needed space. But then I met my husband and I liked his gentle method of loving, so when he proposed I accepted. And I rushed things because I didn't want to go back. But fast forward to the point I am at now, I feel like I didn't do both of men justice. My ex is still confused as to what really happened. And my husband, he has no idea of what goes on in my mind either.
  10. My family introduced me to my husband, they thought he was a really good guy and they were right. But there was no spark. I didn't feel that strongly for him. If he wasn't as wonderful as he is, I would've already left him but he truly loves me and I feel so bad that I can't love him the same way. I am trying so hard to do the right thing that at times I feel like abandoning everything and running off.
  11. I was in a 4 year relationship with a guy I met online. We both wanted to marry each other but the circumstances didn't work in our favour. Now, I'm married to someone else. But I miss my ex. It's been 2 and half year's of our break up and 2 year's of my marriage. I feel like I rushed the marriage because I wanted to move on. My husband is a kind, gentle man but my ex was a possessive madly in love kinda guy. I know he still misses me and now I have this strong urge to contact my ex, maybe for closure or to remain friends. Idk what I should do? Is this a bad idea? Mostly I think I'm feeling guilty for leaving him.
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