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About Me

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  1. First time poster so be gentle! Been in this relationship for just under 4 years and we were committed to each other bought a fixer-upper house 6 months ago, moved closer to his parents and attended his sister's wedding as a couple. We have been talking marriage and engagement rings and had even started looking at where we'd like to settle down in the next 5 years Days after the wedding he gets FOMO of the travelling that people a couple of years older then him have done and how he feels like he is unhappy in life and trapped in the situation. Also distressed over personal issues - friends and family illness. We talk and make steps to travel more and complete the house ASAP to give him the freedom he wants. Days later he wakes up and says were incompatible and on different paths. To explain I'm studying and working so am pretty busy beyond a 9-5 but I've always included him in these decisions, and was also in the process of moving to a less demanding job. But rather than tell me how much this is affecting him and that he doesn't feel prioritised he allowed me to go ok thinking he was ok with it all. Anyway I leave that morning, no argument just go. Three weeks on I'm getting all sorts of mixed signals - i.e. he still loves and misses me, he wants to reconnect in a year and see if we realign, he needs to find peace and not be in a relationship, but is keeping the personalised necklace he made me, wanting to be friends, not knowing what he wants in the future and understandably my head's spinning. I feel like he just got fed up of waiting for me which makes me feel awful because I never knew he was waiting. After making plans to sell the house as soon as possible, I'm terrified that I'm going to lose him, he won't come back or review his decision, and that this decision was basically made for me whilst I still love him and have been honestly heartbroken crying everyday and struggling to sleep. Having spoken to family and friends everyone is shocked and just as lost as to where his head is as I am, and my question is what do I do? I want him back I know that but I also know he has to go and figure out what he wants in life and probably speak to someone about his feelings. I just don't know what to do at the moment. Is this just something men go through? I don't understand how he went from being so excited to build a new life and home, to stressed and pushing me away in 6 months. To me he just seems so confused but I can't pressure any decision he makes which is hard when it impacts me and my life.
  2. Hi all! I'd really love some advice on a confusing situation so here's what happened: Ex and I dated for five great years, doing distance the last year and a half. We're both moving soon to new cities and were excited to make that jump together. Then last year, COVID hit, he lost his job, and started struggling with mental health. I've known before that when he gets stressed or overwhelmed he retreats from everything. I think when we were doing distance he'd take that lack of feeling and just assume it meant he doubted our relationship or that we were a bad fit. He ends things last summer (on the PHONE) saying he felt like he needed to be alone. We didn't talk for about a month, met up again, and had a big emotional reunion. I started going to visit him every 3-4 weeks and it was always great. However, I noticed some signs of trouble. When I was there he was extremely happy. But the second I left he'd go back and forth mentally with this push/pull of sometimes being really into it and sometimes pushing me away completely. I knew he was still struggling with mental health so did my best to be patient and talk through things with him. I knew he was struggling but I was still hopeful we were getting on the path to moving to the same place and that the distance/covid was the only reason we were in limbo. He FaceTimed me again about a month ago (after a great weekend and ~4 months after we reconnected) saying it was too hard and that we should stop talking. I'm not trying to minimize his feelings at all, but it really felt like a slap in the face to me after we had been rebuilding our relationship and looking at cities together. I feel like I've been discarded like it was nothing so he can live the single life with his guy friends and try to distract himself from his problems. He also has some commitment-phobic tendencies I've always known about, but I can't help but feeling t was his recent struggle with mental health that's caused all this to happen? I'm having a tough time moving on because I'm not sure if this is the kind of situation where he will eventually "wake up" and realize he was treating the person he claimed to love really unfairly and pushing me away. And I do know I deserve better at this point I don't even know what to think.
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