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Buzz86

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  1. Thanks everybody for your help. I'm doing good right now, smiling non-stop, I'm positive, self-confident and enjoying my life right now. Why bother committing a mistake twice, moving on 💙.
  2. Not me. Not at all. the first thing I'm looking for is respect, mutual respect and I believe it's not a fair judgement if you are not living in here. Why would my past female friends, girl-friends tell me that I'm the best person that have ever met "Without" having an intention to initiate something sexual? (me 25 with 21 F , 28 F , 30 F , 26 F) I could tell you that they are just seeking for "attention". (definitely this is not something acceptable to hear (and I don't at all believe this might be good to say), so, our rights to choose.) Moreover, it's not about "they choose me". it's a mutual connection. I would or I would not choose a girl to initiate a relationship. That's my right. It's not gender specific. I can't blend in this culture and I DON'T want to involve myself and others into anything anymore, because I have my own right to choose, my own goals and don't want to make any other person frustrated only because I don't have any plan to marry here (they are solely looking for marriage and not friendship. Previously I wanted to befriend people here (the opp gender) just like anybody else would without any specific intention but I've realized it's not worth it for now) There's a girl (the girl I talked about), I know her games, I'm a senior, and she plays games to attract my attention, in the meanwhile, she's not really into me, rather she's looking for a "safety option for marriage" before the college is over. So, as a guy, such games are not acceptable for me, and this scenario is so popular in here. This is NOT being respectful, rather something annoying. I'm trying to change my phone number because of that, because that's really really annoying. Ah let's forget about it. I developed trauma because of overthinking about the underlying reasons why they behave like that way, I asked a female psychologist (who has lived abroad for years and currently is living here and plans to move abroad because she's going through the exact same problem) and she told me that I'm right, the thing is that we are within both cultural and economic crisis.
  3. Yeah, I made some parts of your comment bold. they are the key factors to consider. I want to concentrate on my study until I can move out from my country meaning I won't enter any relationship temporarily. Girls here in my country, actively engage in relationships that directly lead to marriage and they often refuse to enter relationships that are labeled as girl-boyfriend relationships. I have seen a few girls in the college approaching me with the sole purpose of getting me involved in a relationship that ends up in marriage, but meanwhile, they won't show any affection for now (until when I decide to pop the question). AND I don't have any plans to initiate a relationship that leads to marriage here. For example, the last year, I was in a tough situation because of some unexpected things that happened sequentially, and my female friends here were not at all supportive BUT I have had two female friends from the US that taken care of me to get past that stage, even one of them purchased a gift card for me to furthermore encourage me to focus on important things and the other one was emotionally supportive. So, I guess the best thing is to move on for now. Yeah, I wanted to tell you the exact same thing but you just said it , I mean I wanted to tell you that feels like I don't fit in the society around me when it comes to relationship stuff, because just as you said, western culture is not feasible in my country. Thanks for your guide, appreciate that 💙
  4. Ah yeah that's correct. I afraid to say that this one is something to be hardly to be found here. I wonder if people here where I live, ever know what reciprocation mean. I always treat others like the way I want to be treated. I respect other people much, without any discrimination. But here, in my country, based on its culture, being respective doesn't always end up good. I mean if you act with respect (especially the opposite gender here), they might think that you have some feelings for them that you have become respective! This is the common scenario in my home country. I think it's not debatable since that's a cultural thing. Men and women here do not respect each other because they are not aware of each other's attributes, needs... they argue a lot, they hold grudge, break up, divorce (The last year's rate was 40%) ... Let's forget about it and move on, no room for improvement here, it's not a type of culture I would like to involve myself in.
  5. Yep, the bold ones. That's true. The good thing is that now I can have more control over my relationships and that's a good thing. Got it, thanks for your time and advice, really appreciate that.
  6. Yeah sure, will take your advice; especially the part that made it bold. Thanks! @Rose Mosse @SooSad33@Wiseman2 Just one veryyyy important thing that I've been looking for; I want to read books on relationships and dating, and even the fundamentals stuff like how a woman feels, how should I behave, what things I should know and care ... Considering the fact that I grew up in a 3rd-world country where people are often having contemptuous attitude toward their opposite gender (because above 90% they fail in relationships) , I wanted to ask you guys to recommend some (as much as you can, the more the better, will read them all; curious, promise) good books on fundamental things related to initiating a connection, knowing the attributes of either genders and so on. Thanks
  7. Many many many things have changed during the past two days, I was thoroughly working on this for the past two days. The main source of frustration, the internal belief that it's not my fault. This happened almost every time, the opp gender here do not behave well, and yeah, I'm a human anyway, this feels bad, but when it comes to having a connection to any other female other than my home country, it's all ok, the behave with mutual respect, I mean I do not suffer at all. That's a good thing. I realized that I should move on, I'm investing my time and energy on my own friends; true friends that know how to reciprocate, they are truly fantastic and supportive. I talked to my friends and even my professors about such kinds of problems that I've gone through, and they helped a lot in many ways, from their advice to read books, control stress levels, focus on priority things, support emotionally. I had an unsolved problem swinging in my mind, and with the help of one of my friends, I overcame that. Also, the forum members here helped a lot with finding the roots of the problem. reading books, listening to relaxation songs, avoiding stressful situations, concentrating on positive things and people only, and one important thing that I guess helped a lot is that I ranked 1st again the college xD, got the results just yesterday, 8 A+ and 2 As. Believe it or not, I'm smiling non-stop like the way I'd been before. I have a few friends watching me get a few things done to avoid having such experiences again. (like checking if I've stopped thinking about the last relationship,etc)
  8. Let's just move on. It's been 2 months since the last break up, but I feel a loooooooot better day after day, I befriended a few people of the same gender and they are so supportive and genuine. I'm trying to change my phone number to stay safe(!) and remain anonymous.
  9. I'm gonna be honest with you, since my first topic on this forum (the last year), we (forum members including you) discussed this, and I took the decision that I won't involve in any more relationships here; in my home country. But, this girl approached me as a study buddy, but she never and ever talked about the study or anything related. I intuitively realized from her behaviors that she is with me because she is alone. When we were in contact, she was behaving happily in the community chats, even I could see that she was somehow indirectly bragging about being friends with me to the other girls in a group chat! But when it comes to our connection, she barely showed any affection. (A sign that she has personality issues) I committed this mistake twice, one the last year, which I broke up with her telling her that you are not supportive at all and that she should move on and never think of me again. After the initial break up, I befriended 4-5 girls, felt whole a lot positive during the period after break up. I was doing very good in the university and my performance attracted a few girls, and then I saw that this girl approached me again as "trying to get some study materials", and again it turned out to be something else, she was sending messages non-stop at the initial phase of the relationship just trying to get me to involve more. She is being jealous of me talking to other girls, but yet, the only thing she is looking for is just marriage! That's the typical of girls here; that's a cultural thing. Gradually I found myself involved, but again she was not supportive at all. she doesn't have any boyfriends or whatever. Safe to say has the most toxic personality that ever could be seen. I'm doing good right now, I have a friend from the UK and she is so supportive and I told her about my past problems and the girls I had been in contact with, and asked whether she can keep me accountable for getting a few things right, she accepted. OK, and the conclusion is that I will never again try to make friendships here (with the opp gender here (sorry ladies, definitely you are the best, I just want to make sure my mental health is my priority for now)), but once I get to my desired country, I will try dating somebody and I'm positive it will go just right because I've never had an unfortunate experience with the females outside my home country.
  10. The divorce rate here is around 40%, and by relationship, I mean the people who are involved in girl-boy friend relationships. The thing is that I did this but didn't go well. Consulted a psychologist and visited a doctor but they were of no help. I didn't mean to say aggressive like the way it sounds xD (English is not my native language) I meant to say I cannot talk with them about this problem and I have realized since I couldn't find a solution for this, I have become anxious and this somehow affects my relation with my family some times. Wait a minute. I become anxious when I initiate a relationship here (in my country) because neither genders know how to behave good. That's a cultural thing. I mean the symptoms (stress ,etc) start to appear when I initiate a relationship here. My heart beats fast (because of stress) when it comes to initiate a connection with the opposite gender "in my home country", mainly because they for sure do not behave good. (In my home country, since initiating and maintaining a good relationship is difficult and "taboo", either genders hold grudge against the other gender and I'm a victim of theirs and this is the reason I have high stress level when it comes to initiate a relationship here. I have had friends from other countries (US,UK,China ,etc) and they were awesome and didn't go through any problem at all. What is your advice to me? I mean in a year or two, I will be leaving this country to study abroad. Definitely I will consult a psychologist to tackle this problem but not here really, the main reason I'm having a spike in my stress level is that I consulted several psychologists and MDs but non of them could be of help (because they are not really regulated here and even the reason I'm having high level of stress is because one of them gave me wrong advice and even treated terribly not only with me but with many others)
  11. The thing is that girls, do look for independent boys (in any aspects). You seem to be overly attached and this is not something good to have. a scenario like this is happening right now for you: the relationship is over. you : I still want you the girl: doesn't care and moves on the girl: doesn't care and moves on and on (either looking for a new boyfriend or not) still you: I still want you the girl: seemingly got a new boyfriend still you: I still want you you would have found several other girls to initiate a relationship but yet...?! this is not being independent. you were/are somehow playing the nice boy role to get the girl back (I suppose you have done the same thing that led to a breakup, because that's not acceptable for girls)
  12. @SooSad33 I overcame this one. I was in an awesome shape during the last year (even placed 1st in the college for several semesters in a row xD), after some time from this old thread, i began doing what you told me, i placed 1st, it was awesome feeling that I had the last year. unfortunately in the middle of journey, several girls approached to me indirectly and i didn't involve myself in anything, BUT a girl just approached telling me want to study together. but later on it turned out to some other thing which again put me in another shi-t. I started another thread, please can you take a look at it? I believe still I can overcome this one too but takes time.
  13. That would be better to have a look at my previous thread as well.
  14. I had a classmate (a girl), and we were friends(?! not sure if I could recall that as "friend") (I would say not good ones though), she behaved terribly, I feel empty, without any self-worth. feels like having a big hole in my chest. can't sleep well, can't study, often nervous, my heart beats so faster than normal, being somehow aggressive toward my family(!?) without being aware of it ... I was in pretty good shape in terms of mental health back before meeting that person. I blame myself asking why did I waste my time with such a person? why did I allow somebody to be toxic to me to such an extent? why?????????? during our one-year friendship(?!) she "never"(yes! really never even once) said if she likes/loves me but she was doing that with her classmates (of the same gender) even as if she was not at all acquainted with them. I'm doubtful whether I could recall that behavior as being narcissistic or being "misandrist" because she had the same approach to other boys as well. What I know is that she has a bad memory from her last relationship several years ago. She definitely was not my favorite in terms of personality, but I want to know why? why would a person allow themselves to behave that way? What I saw from her behaviors and our talk, is that she doesn't have a good, supportive family, and her family is behaving her in a disrespectful manner. She has her family pressure on her, doesn't at all study, has the lowest grades. She once told me that she is thinking of committing suicide. I did my best, helped her and she felt a lot better and positive, but it had been several times that I wasn't feeling good and needed some support, and she was not at all paying attention, rather she told me some things that I never could forgive her because of those. never. I have become overly attentive to romantic behaviors in public (every single trigger, like even romantic profile photos, make my brain unresponsive for a few seconds, feels like a trauma) even my family without me telling them anything has become alert. the bad thing is that I cannot consult a psychologist for now, because they are not regulated in here. I have developed chronic stress over thinking to this problem. I live in a 3rd-world country and most relationships fail here (I would say up to 90-95% fails without any exaggerations) I feel empty because I contemplate whether something is wrong with me?! Well, I had an awesome girlfriend, awesome friends in the past, so kinda weird. The person I talked about, I'm 100% positive that she was trying to hold me as an option for marriage, which failed, I didn't let her do that, but seems she was trying to escape from family pressures.
  15. Yeah, you're right, I can relate to that. It's kind of difficult for me thinking back to those horrible moments, I mean they were all feeling good with me, smiling, their need being satisfied, but I guess they have never and ever heard about the reciprocation thing in relationships. It feels like a zombie eats part of your body gradually lol and you should try to heal your own injuries. Yeah, I just made some friends from the US and around the world, just realized that I should get over these memories as they were not intentional with their mistakes, just happens (How we grew up in comparison to how they did) It sounds easy to say, but actually, it's painful but I will try my best to overcome this. Thanks for hearing me out.
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