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  1. Yeah, you're right, I can relate to that. It's kind of difficult for me thinking back to those horrible moments, I mean they were all feeling good with me, smiling, their need being satisfied, but I guess they have never and ever heard about the reciprocation thing in relationships. It feels like a zombie eats part of your body gradually lol and you should try to heal your own injuries. Yeah, I just made some friends from the US and around the world, just realized that I should get over these memories as they were not intentional with their mistakes, just happens (How we grew u
  2. Yeah right, been thinking about this actually. To be honest I've been planning things out and everything looks fine EXCEPT the mental pain that I'm going through now. I'm having constant flashbacks from the previous relationships and how cruel they were to me, BUT yet, I can't criticize them for their actions, you know, I mean they're having hardships and my criticism could make anything worse, but in the meanwhile, I hardly can forgive them. How to let go of these thoughts? For the loneliness part I have found the solution; just befriending people around the world instead of relying on rela
  3. You know, perfectionism. I'm a perfectionist, it's insanely difficult to form good relationships or dating here. (The bad part: Most of the women here are misandrists and most men are misogynists, hence it comes about failures.) It has become a dream for me to have quality relationships (not even talking about sex! It's a religious country and sex is prohibited! They (The opp gender) expect me to put a lot of effort into the relationship, regularly contacting them and they refuse to say love you or have sex because it's I think a cultural thingy, I mean they don't trust in men and so they
  4. Not practical in Iran. I've tried many times but failed. Relationships really won't work here in Iran. It's not my failure either. The reason I mentioned "the last of them was with a married woman" was simply that I was disappointed by the opposite gender of the same age and the same marital status. I was given a piece of advice to stop making any new friendships or getting into relationships and I just tried to stick to that but it makes me feel worse, I know actually, you were trying to say but it simply won't work here. Listen, I'll be leaving this country in the future (but not as close as
  5. The title is self-explanatory, I have had a few unrequited love affairs and I'm feeling like a nihilist right now, overwhelmed with frustration and now I question the roots of this frustration; thoughts like everything around me is useless and has no definite meaning and so on. I had around four times this feeling of unrequited love sequentially, and the last of them was with a married woman. How to forget fast? I'm good at forgetting unrelated stuff though this one seems a bit tricky and need your help.
  6. Yeah, after months, I now understood what you were trying to say. Unfortunately a bit late with some pain. I have become friends with a girl in the university and she barely starts a conversation, barely message or calls me, barely opens up about her feelings, barely can depend on her promises... I was going to prepare a gift for valentine's day and now I'm really disappointed saying does she really love me? or I'm just her "classmate"? I'm mostly open about my ideas, how I feel, what are my concerns, and ... she tells me this every time: Do not worry, count on me. But again the same goes fore
  7. Well, a quick update, let's see how far I've progressed: 1. Is done. 2.Just thinking about this... I realized I should change the way I communicate. 3. Is done. 4. Is done. 5.The new source is : Me , I should get used to that. 6. This required me to put a lot of effort to stop thinking about it, but it isn't completely done yet, struggling now. I think all what I need is time. 7. Is done. 8. I should focus on my research for now, I really don't have the time for that right now, so I will keep this option for considering it later. I'm doing good actually, I'm concentrating on my rese
  8. Yeahhhh thanks , I feel a lot better, can't even describe it Well, the reason I asked such question is idk by my dumbness or whatever , just feeling bad when I think of her (my classmate). You know? it was 2 AM midnight and I was feeling terrible (again caused by another relationship with one of my classmates(which is her friend as well(my ex-friend's friend) and my ex-friend that I talked about in the last post, helped me to overcome the relationship angst giving me hope BUT the relationship itself wasn't at all worth it and since I broke up with her friend, that affected our relations
  9. Well,an update : This emoji might show my current mood better(from the moment I asked for your advice to right here commenting) : I feel beyond ecstatic. Full of hope and sanity. After leaving a few things temporarily, I feel overpowered, living my dream life I always wanted. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post a song here but : https://soundcloud.com/losectrlmusic/jay-reeve-the-nearest-star walk alone and work out and study at midnight. Now I've got a few very cool ideas, I'm working on them. Something is ridiculously intriguing and that is some of my negative attitudes have be
  10. Yeah couldn't agree more. As for the number 1, I will keep trying but it won't be my priority for now (contrary to how it was before this). Grise Fiord! I'm not really sure if I should tell my main very personal goal here but that's it. I really love the cold, quietness but didn't expect to be cold inside me. I should mainly think about new emotional energy source, for me, I think my brain has the capability to trigger myself, it hasn't need to be a pet or idk somebody to depend on to overcome the nihilism attitude. Maybe a mental friend that is always there and is my favorite person
  11. TBH I never thought of that females can be a support to get out of nihilism, but I just intrinsically realized that they have capability of having intense feelings that makes you drive forward and can help with my nihilism as well but yeah, you are right, and the fact that I'm not emotionally independent is something I should work on it. I'm into nihilism and nihilism means nothing, no emotions and the only way to move forward is finding a source of emotions but other than humans. Maybe tat was why Nikola Tesla was a lover of pigeon while he was some sort of atheist? So, I should find a new s
  12. Yeah I got your point. I think I should press the "reset button" once for a while. For me making connections is fairly easy but I'm so strict with the question who, as last question, how would it be if I postpone any attempt to make friends until when I enter another country? I afraid if I make another mistake I won't be able to focus on important things that affects my future. I have already stepped in but didn't get the outcome I was expecting.
  13. Well, they are muslim but not the radical ones, I can talk my own ideas and beliefs and we have the freedom in my family and siblings and my sister is supportive (luckily). I have talked with her about all the problems I have wrote in this forum and she told me : "You know how the situation is, so try to do your best and get an admission, we will help." and about the relationships my sister said : "Why don't you think of having friends? It's something crucial. but again after thinking about what you say, I do agree with you that you are making the best decision to stay away from these people
  14. Nah, I'm quite positive person and the friends I had were calling me fun, charming,supportive and enjoyful to be around but I quite lost hope in this country and its people. I have had manyyy friends from many countries BUT I personally I dislike this country's culture and specifically itself. The problems in my relationships started when I had my relationships here failed. Toxic relationships.This is not just me. I had a psychologist friend and she told me it is not me, the clinic she was working at was full of people having relationships problems way more than what it could be called "normal
  15. Thanks, yeah , exactly it is. I will take your advice and take a screenshot of it and just think, because it is a relief and I'm always obsessed whether it is me something going wrong or it is them? I'm not talking about fully isolating, but I tried to fill my time with valuable connections like my professors and a handful of friends(and about these friends, didn't went good cause again, we were not on the same wavelength, but kept my connection with my professors, my professors are my best friends but as you know you can't have intimacy with the professors right? But anyway somehow satisfacto
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