Jump to content

gizza

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    71

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by gizza

  1. gizza
    not been on the board lately whats the update then , sorted or still messed up ?
  2. gizza
    well just an update , she has pretty much convinced me nothing was ever going on now , but in a way that dont help , there was still the way it all was hidden from me , shes said she knew i would react badly to their friendship , but would have told me eventually , but that our relationship was coming to an end anyway . She added that we would both meet new people & propmtly told me that she already had . I must admit that even though i'm still jealous its easier to be jealous with someone i've never meet , shes been such a bitch though , saying it was never serous with us and it was just a friendship thing. Shes tried to be friends but i relly dont know how to call someone thats lied to me so much a friend .What really hurts now is seeing her all dolled up and meeting this new guy for lunch .....although in a way he has my sympathy as at this stage he no idea what a bitch she can be ! even though all this ,, when i see her i still fancy her , i really wish i did'nt ,we even had a laugh the other day about all this - this is why i still have feelings for her she can be fun ! i've told her how messed up this has made me & she seems to be in denile about her role in all this , saying - why ? what else has happened it cant just be this that has sent you crazy ...it is now with new guy on the scene its just a case trying not to let this situation mess me anymore , what a bitch !
  3. gizza
    hows it going , havent seen a post fora days now , cant give any new advise , youve heard it all i guess , but keep posting . I'am sure everthing isnt resolved in a few days for you man . If you feel it helps to keep posting its a chance to vent whats going on without any judgements .....thas what ive found anyway , all the best to you speak soon
  4. gizza
    i guess i really am at my wits end with this one , the relationship is pretty much over now anyway , shes been very clear that its nothing to do with him its just run its course. I want to move on i really do but theres still that demon inside of me saying theres something that just doesnt add up about all this , shes been very honest (if i believe her ) and has said that she doesnt want to cause me any pain , and that although she can understand why i flipped out over this there was never anything between them . She added that she would'nt put the burden on her 12 yo son , he comes into to work now & then and we talk football and stuff. I can see that would be a hard on the lad to keep secrets. Still its just the toughest emotional situation i ever had to deal with . She added i would meet someone else & she would as well in time & i would have to deal with that. it hurt to even think like that , i'd be happy just to get over this one at the moment . i told her i did believe her but would like some reassurance when this guys around , again she said there nothing new she can say , nothing ever happened! but would try to be consirate to my feelings . Thats it i just have to believe her , have to trust that she been telling the truth , except the relationship is dead & buried and concertrate on getting sanity back . I would still like some sort of divine moment when i have more than just her words to go , i mean everything she says could be a pack of lies & i dont suppose i will ever know 100% I do think sometimes that ive nothing wrong in any of this and life has away of sorting these things out . if only i could be sure ????
  5. gizza
    i'm not sure if the fact that there just friends really helps anymore , even if i was totally wrong , she decieved me about that anyway . If there not having an affair she has cleared the way for it to happen now . This guy is so seedy , i cant believe he would'nt given the chance . yer see i think if she was having a fling she would keep it from me at all costs , so every denile is tempered by that thought . She would say that ! would'nt she . it just round & round in my head , all the possibles & what will happen if i keep to mad at work , surely one day it will all come out , which i know wont help anyone , least of all me . But its just dominating my life . Ive been doing a course at work and have an exam , ive done no work on it & will fail , stupid but i cant concertrate on anything else but her ....... i know its stupid & immature but i cant move on , even if i do find a way to make it work in my head all this has ruined the memory of a nice person & good relationship . If we'd have just split up becuase of other reasons i could have seen some logic. want different things , grown apart etc .....but this way is some seedy sales guy has turned her head , made me look stupid and i'm the one hurting while there just having there 'friendship' thing i could talk all day , post all night ! it does help & i do look out for yer response , i know you cant change the situation but i do take head of your words & thank you for time & imput . gizza
  6. gizza
    hi guys, the female perspective? god only knows!! its the same problem why we started posting , its the fact that ever little scene is played out at work , its easy so say nothing will effect me today but you see her .......and him it just all comes out right ! its been about a month and i too have got worse about the whole thing , i think initally i thought we could sort it out and find a way though , but as time passes it becomes more clear we wont & thats where the anger comes from , she said to me the other day it must be getting easier , i didnt want to sound like a drama queen , but had too say NO WAY ! its the fact that in most relationships after the break-up theres some space , bad as it , theres space distance and time to recover . Unless you seek out the ex you just dont see them , or if you do it might be a social occasion now & again, but in our case its every ******* day . They think its fine and have moved on and we are left with all these unresolved issues that there not willing to acknowledge , plus the added factor of the smirking new guy on the block. I have no advise anymore guys , but i wanna keep talking , we must be tough emotionally at some level to be handling this at all , even if not too well at times , we're still here right , still hanging in there & still hopeful to come through all this the other side ! keep me posted
  7. gizza
    steve , you made me think , would i do it all again ? if i know this would be the outcome? i like to think not but thats with hindsight & knowing the problems i have now . i suppose its the old 'better to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all' thing . it kinda works if i think of it that way , but i guess people that have never really loved & lost dont feel the pain of something they never had. Its just so tough at the moment , i'd settle for for the later i think !
  8. gizza
    if anything its getting harder ! i ve tried be cool , ive tried ignoring her , which is just about bearable . But its the times that thigs guy is around that really floors me . The other day i had to make an excuse to leave the building for 15mins just to calm down . It kinda worked but i saw her when i came back in , & she said where you been ? i could'nt help myself but said its that man i hate him when his with you i lose it ! she got all defensive and said this has got to stop . believe me i want it stop but its just raw emotions i cant turn them on & off . i have taken sometime off next week to try to distance myself from the situation but i know when i get back nothing would have changed. i just cant see a way around this , leave work would help in someways but any new job would suffer as i would feel pushed out & apart from all this **** its a good job & i have alot of friends there . I would have to cut off everything in case i heard from them something about her. I dont think that realistic , its just so tough . i feel like life is on hold and all i can do its take it day by day , but for how long aweek , amonth , 6 months etc its never gonna be really ok again . sorry to post on a downer but that the way it is, i am exhusted keeping my emotions under control eevry second , will there ever be a time iam truly relaxed ever again ? may sound dramatic but really thats how i see it ! thats it updated i have read your posts & did say id keep you posted Thanks
  9. gizza
    sounds tough , whats for sure is this cant go on , if you let it ride its gonna lead to bad stuff & if you step in it porbably will also lead to bad stuff , having said that it needs some resolve . With the kids involved it binds you togeteher forever ,so even if in the short term you lose her your lifes are never gonna totaly apart . I reckon you should put yer foot down tell her whatevers going on it stops right now & she cant handle that then she should leave. Gonna be messy i know , but it will resolve it either way . Furture down the line even she leaves & gets this out of her system she'l be back because of the kids . So many relationships are just unrealisitc to be sunshine & happyness all the tim , it might go back to your affair years ago , she got those red-hot-pokers that shes buried for years but never really went away , whatever you decide just think that lifes a marathon not a sprint and this wil come & go like everything else . One day you'll see things differently we all do , advise is just opinion and its up to you to decide what to do at the end of the day . Good luck & keep us posted
  10. gizza
    bring it all out ...yeah i've thought about , in fact i dont know if i'll be keep it to myself forever, but it having said that in my situation it would create havoc , at least the three people involed would be fired and friends i have there would be gone , It would be the last resort . we are all in different places of work with different attitudes about this kinda stuff , so i cant say for sure how yours would go , but for me its pointless. what i do know is that finding you guys has been good , dont get me wrong bad for you but i thought , god i must be only guy in the world that has to an ex and new guy at work to deal with in secret , its real tough keep me posted
  11. gizza
    i know you posted this months ago but i thought id look at some old posts and se if theres any update . So often it all pours out on the first couple of posts then no one reads them any more . If your still coming to the boards let us know who its going ?
  12. gizza
    i know that feeling , im busy busy but i a need a second to let my thoughts wonder and its all there again .its just real tough thats it ! dont beat yerself up about all the 'what ifs' it dont help anything , if he being all vague , roll with it . Dont wait for the call its not coming . the only advise i can give is what someone posted to ' god know all and has looked out for you for a reason and will help you though this ' i dunno it just hurtz ...right !
  13. gizza
    messy , very messy . I dont get the sex thing really if you can just sleep together then there must be some feelings on both sides , also the over the top politeness is him trying to show you hes a decent guy, but after 3 years you either think that or you dont ...right maybe no contact at all for a couple of months would give you both time to thinmk more clearly , just say.... look it too late too start buying me stuff & acting like a saint , the damage has been done i want some breathing space , dont phone me for a couple of months & we'al see how we both feel then. if he continues to not take you comments at face value chnage your number or something , you need sometime off this good luck
  14. gizza
    i come to the conclusion that relationships just suck , i know that sounds harsh but so many of us hurt so much because of other peoples feelings towards us . It seems that guys just are'nt emotionally as tough as our woman folk . I do agree with all the posts that say move on etc but its just not that easy is it ? I once knew a guy that was adament that relationships can never last & any that do are based on one or both parties being scared of the future, at the time i thought he was just bitter & twisted about his lot ,, but years later i can see where he was coming from ! only advise i can give is be yourself & act with pride , no begging , just say thats that over with then & take it day by day . be as strong as you can be
  15. gizza
    i think you have point , i answered your questions & apart from the one about loving some more it was NO ! yer 22 i'm 39 , & im split up from g/f 1 month after 6 years . when i was your age i split up from a girl i asked to marry me etc although ive not seen her for years she turned up a wedding last year , sister of another guy that was there . although we chatted ok i felt that i finally had some closer on it . It always bugged me & probably cost the relationship i hate directly after, as i always left a bit of my hart with her . It took 17 years but i was finally glad it had'nt worked out ! leave it now , no letters no calls no contact , if shes wants to drive it nothing you do will influence her , & all the 'we were good together ' stuff wont help . its just tough , but yer not alone
  16. gizza
    man thats rough having to live out of the car ! update on my thing - yesterday they were both in and i lost it a bit with her, ended up her saying this is the last conversation we ever have on this subject ! Today he was'nt in and altough we chatted a bit more civilised it was always under the surface , she seems to be in denile about the whole thing & says it would be good to be friends but if i cant handle that i should leave ! she might be right but , although i wont leave until i'm ready or at least have another job . What she seems blind too is why i react so badly to this guy, its as if he cant do no wrong and i brought all this on myself for no reason , she does doesnt get it ! how about you guys , whats the lastest with you ?
  17. gizza
    well i dont know for sure i cant , but from what ive read it seems like she has let you think that way as maybe its a test or something ,some woman do that ! if you senses are looking for something then everything become dodgy even when theres nothing in reality to worry about . Just think to yourself its cool & it will blew over , even if there is something ( which i dont think there is ) lie low on the questioing it might sort itself out .
  18. gizza
    i dont reckon she is cheating , forget the might be's , i mean your still sleeping togeteher right ! its gonna eat you up & she will pick up on it which wont help maters hang in bro !
  19. gizza
    wow thers alot to take in there , just my opinion but jealousy gets you knowhere , if you confront her its gonna be bad if you dont it will eat you up - best just think too yourself theres nothing going on & even if there is a row won't change things , my guess is there is nothing really but some flirting she wants to feel attractive to others as well as you . Sometimes no matter how many times you say nice things its nicer coming from someone else . If the relationship has run its course then its best to cut the ties now & move on . If the waiting for doom is too much too bare then take control of yourself & the situation , tough but better to make a clean break on your terms . Woman always have the power in the relationship in my experience even if it doesnt seem that way to them , but its true , guys are just not as emotionaly muture to handle this stuff. She certinaly playing mind games & quicker you say ' i cant do this anymore' to yourself the quicker you'll be free to clear your own mind. having said all that its tough when your in love to make the call , just in case she has a change of hart , my guess is she's as likely to have a change of hart if you act positivley than if you drift . I could be wrong , but eitherway good luck & be strong keep posting & let us know how it goes !
  20. gizza
    you are young , thats not to make light of your situation , but believe me life an't done at 24 , your gonna move on a laugh about it in years to come . i know it hurts now , just look after yourself , eat right sleep right & wait until one day you think of him & say to yourself 'oh thats first time i'd almost forgot the pain ' then your be fine . good luck
  21. gizza
    i agree with most comments , id just add the waste i feel afeter giving her 6 years off my life . i also have some negatives creeping into my thoughts , she was/is a great woman , beautiful fun & witty ...... that said she can be mean , manipulative , secretive & genearlly hard work to be with . I know if thats just me convincing myself , but i reckon if you look you find that this perfect girl has just as many issues as the rest ofg us . good luck , keep posting it helps me & hopefully it helps you .
  22. gizza
    tough one that , you have our thoughts. i've not had exactly the same thing but ive had a girl friend lie to me about mutural 'friend' , going for lunch etc i guess from what you said its the familiaraity thats brought them back together its the shared history , your ex is taking the easy option , its the comfry shoes routine , he has to put in minimium effort into this realtionship . all i can suggest is you just except it as its out of your control what his gonna do , keep focused on yourself & your son and let them get on with it , maybe set some ground rules , like she cant come run the house or your son can see him not her etc, if you take control now you have the power in a new group dynamic . good luck & be srtong we are all here with some issues & like to help keep us posted
  23. gizza
    sorry what was a funny question ? well all i can do its play it as cool as i can , ive no idea how its going to go , if i cant just let it wash over me or not , i appreciate your reply & will keep you posted if you like . thanks again & let me know if there anything i can help you with !
  24. gizza
    the friends things will only work if you truly have no feelings for her , if your harbouring a fantasy that this could be a way back it wont work , she will chat about stuff & all you want to do is bring the conversation around to 'do you love' do you want me' etc which will push her away if she doesnt . best to keep the no contact until either you have moved on or go into the friends things fully away that it could hurt all over again . just my opinion , its how i feel in this situation , doing the friends thing because i have to as i see the woman everyday at work , but whatever she talks about i end up saying something like ' we get on so well iam sure there still something there' she says 'no nothings changed for me' & i get more depressed that ive spent ages chatiing just in case ! good luck & keep posting it helps me so it might help you
  25. gizza
    hi we have a similar problem , i thought that no-one was going through what i been trying to deal with . Its not exacaly the same as in my case its a secret at work but the fact that i have to see her & this new guy its doing my head in . Its unbelieveable is'nt it haveing to see a loved one leaves very room to do the move 0n thing that we all have done after a relatutionship split .its like seeing the face of rejection every day which is so stressful, i think about leaving my job , but i dont see why i should , i mean i've not been unfaithful with someone else at work ! i feel for man i really do . my case was 6 years & although it sounds odd keeping it quiet that long it just snowballed & i thought we areed why we keep it like , it suited us both i had a single guy life without the responsibilties & she was married , but separated with kids , which meant she had support & love from me without any major life upheavle.... it worked ! but this new sales guy has worked his magic & hes married with kids as well , so i guess they chat about that & he flatters her work & apperance , which i can understands she likes, i do the same but its just someone new & different . love to chat on this subject with you please post a reply & see if we can help each other through !
×
×
  • Create New...