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gizza

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Everything posted by gizza

  1. i know your right & will get through this somehow , its just so damnn hard she was great & would love to hear from her again but its not to be i guess more lonely times ahead to heal from all this pain , when i project forward i think if im ever really happy again its gonna be so great as ive been so down for a year now !
  2. just got a reply only took 3 days! 'sorry took so long been busy etc' still at least its not totally ignoring me i guess now do i reply or leave it 3 days all seems so childish i guess honesty is always the best policy - so i will reply & say ' what took yer so long' & see what happens !
  3. i guess we all go through stages , i love to get something from her but now thats it ive deleted all numbers and the ball is her caught so im gonna try to not even look at the phone i have no expectations!
  4. see my 'no contact i cracked' post was doing all the right things then i cracked and sent her a text etc was the wrong thing to do i know - but its out there now uuurrrrrggggg
  5. i cracked and contacted her ! I know it was the wrong thing to do but i had some news about a job interview and just kinda texted her about it , she replied and said 'good luck tell me about the job' , so i replied & said 'id happily tell her the news over a pint if you wanna' - no reply now its that horrible stage when you wait by the phone making excuses up for her - she busy , battery flat etc but i know really she would & could eaisly respond with a message even if it was 'maybe someother time' trouble is it makes all the no contact work of the last month pointless, i mean now i cant text again and even if i do i come over as weak just like the start of no contact ah rant rant rage motto is if you started no contact stick to it - i made a mistake!
  6. gizza

    so....

    i read somewhere that 'suicide is permenant solution to a temporary problem' . believe me i know how hard life can be for us all sometimes & when your in the 'zone' suicide starts to make sense ,but of course it does'nt really its just that overwhelming feeling of having no control. I regulary lie in bed a write pretend suicide notes in my head to people which seems to help me & the funny thing is there seems so many to write i dont know who should & should'nt get a note , ive even written a few then thrown them away . I think when i start to write down why i'm killing myself it seems like i dont have enough good reasons for people to forgive me. I wonder whether having the internet helps or hinders me sometimes i've spent so much time on trying to find out why i have these feelings that that i spent hours searching for answers online & all i can discover is it comes from within - All i'd say to you 'is look you've given it 2 months so you might as well enjoy those 2 months' & then you will hopefully give yerself another couple of months to get out of the 'zone'. and thats all it is , it blinds us from other positive emotions. hang in there
  7. i no how tough it is when yer desperate to speak & cant keep calling or texting , i think text are the worse because you know they have read it & decided not to respond, i mean who doesnt carry their phone all the time ! At least if you call you might speak & if you leave a message you can kid yourself their out or something if you hear nothing! i think that loads of ppl give good advise & i have tried to take it , unfortunately at the end of the day this girl will either make time for you or she wont , thats it NC can work but then again 'out of sight out of mind' similary calling & texting does always come over as weak no matter what you think you've said shes read it as - weak Dont wanna sound like these no hope but i do believe theres really not much anyone can do, its just so hard believe me i know how yer feel
  8. thats what ive been trying to do , the odd day has been ok - but mainly i get so stressed out about it , its been about 3 months since we had'the split up conversation' & she told me she was seeing someone else & i still think of her 1st thing in the morning etc the image of them two together kinda haunts me now - i wish i dint feel so bad , she really is a nice girl & i thought i could really have gone further with the relationship . Its saturday morning & i would give anything to hear from her , i cant call or text as she might be with her b/f or just get annoyed that get in contact. She said the classic 'friends' line but has not called or anything to say how you doing or lets meet up as friends, so its just this horrible misrieble time of waiting to either hear from her or getting to point when i dont want to - neither of which is where i am at the moment. the jeousley really hurts , she is a very open girl and discussed all sorts of things about her past with me which i thought was speical & meant we were comfortable with each other, we had a some great sex & said how imaginative i was in bed !i now imagine i have become another one of her ex's that she discusses with her new b/f ! can you imagine how that hurts , she had told me of men that had stalked her, left their wifes for her & constantly called her ! i told her i was'nt like that & would never behave that way - which i meant , but now i've probably been added to the list which she tells new guy about as some kinda of weirdo in bed! The thing that really kills me is how full on she was with me - i mean it takes 2 too tango right, i was'nt just me in bed. I cant wait to be over this jelously ,i just wish i knew what the hell was going on with her , its like a real bad dream thats with me every day & night whenever i try to find advice on the net about it always seems that woman are the dumped jelouse ones & guys are menat to not care as long as the sex was great- well i dont feel that way at all - i had agreat time with her & now iam consumed with jeloulsy ! please tell me i'am not alone here ! anyone had that , sure some ppl have
  9. i know others have it alot worse , all sorts of horrible illness etc & yer right i dont think anyones actaully said congratulations on the job & yer right about the first girl i know she was messing with my head , kept me stringing along but i stuck around basically because she was pretty & i always fancied her second girl i do like & i guess at least these been a second girl so soon even though its gone wrong dont want to come over as just moaning but yer gotta admit its not been a great year!
  10. I just dont fit anty catagory as far as i can see - posted before -but in breif 3 things have happened that have left me devastated ............. devastation 1) ! had a relationship with a woman from work which lasted 6 years is was all in secret as she was married although separated but we didnt want all the office in on our little secret, then one day out the blue i go round her house to find a car i recognized in the driveway , i knocked the door but she came to an upstairs window & said i couldnt come in because the doctor was there & she was ill , she said this guy was leaving his car there whilst going away on business , he was in the house that moment waiting for a taxi. I had no chioce but to leave , phoned her the next day about 5 times , no answer - then asked her what was going on at work the next day , she says nothing & iam paraniod ........ anyway this went on for 3or4 months with him apparently leaving his car there for 1 night at a time , eventually she says she 'cant do this anymore' & i have to carry on seeing her & him at work! nearly sent me mental devastation 2 ) although could have been a blessing i got made redundant from that job of 13years , apart from the situation above!! i had lots of friends ther it was well paid & i was settled in my role. devastation 3) friend of a friend type situation in the summer i went to a bar-b-q & asked out this really nice girl , we went out for about 3 months and the she says she sees us being platonic friends & is really not into having a relationship at this point in her life ,although pissed off i give her some space & hope she see iam not putting any demands on her - about a month she calls & says do you want to come round tonight i go & she annouces she 'wants to tell me she seeing someelse before i hear it from anyone else' can you believe it !!! i ve got a new job but after 6 weeks i feel no commitmnet to it & have not been able to make friends as iam the boss and cant be one of the lads, i mean how can a new boss tell staff hes totally devasted - i have to be strong & in command- my boss is probably thinking who is this miserible guy ! thats 2 girlfriends & 1 job in about a year , when i started by saying i dont fit any catagory , 1 break up was devastating , but 2 & losing me job as well has left me totally depressed. friends are getting sick of me moaning about woman & dont even believe half the things i say - particulaly the most recent girl who i still like alot!! this is without doubt the toughest point of my life - by the by i turned 40 as well this year -most of my friends are married & have no idea what its like being dumped twice !!! anyone had a year like that ???
  11. harsh as it may sound, i dont think these much you can do - except concerntrate on yerself , go to sleep early never helps the red hot pokers that come out in the middle of the night. concerntrate on building up yer own self esteem dont bother with jelousy , u cant keep tabs on her 24/7 and if you try to she will resent it think you trust her etc really at the end of the day people always do want they want to not what their parnter wants them to do , and relationships based on fear & jelousy are no good for either parnter. ive been through it both ways an ex of mine was so convinced i was seeing this other girl she would drive by work to see if we were still there etc... eventually we split because of other stuff & i never did go out with the so called other woman , in fact i saw my ex some years later & she could'nt believe i had'nt ...truth was i never fancied her as i say done your side as well imagined all sorts was going on with other girl & i guy i sort of know eventually that went wrong as well- why because she said that had'nt had an affair but felt like i was watching her like a hawk ! so you see where iam coming from she maybe anit as perfect as you think at 24 theres loads of life to see yet just eat & sleep well your certinally not alone be lucky ! hope all turns out for yer
  12. your right it was probably boumd to happen but i was certinaly not prepared for it . i think i coped ok outwardly i was with a group who all knew waht had happened, i just kinda shrugged my shoulders & carried on , but left at the first oppertunity i have a bit of a personal breakdown. this morning i still feel a bit in shock but know all i can do is go to work & keep plodding on until the hurt has past . i suppose nothing really has changed except that now i know what her new boufriend looks like ive got a memory that i could lived without. Just gotta remain strong except that she was wrong for me & hope i meet someone thats right & put all this behind me !
  13. i really am in crisis point , look at other entries to detils of relationship - but i live close to this woman & i guess there was always a chance of this but ......i have just had dinner in the pub & saw her park over the road with my replacement fella- can u imagine the rage inside me right now - i hadtoo leave & come home gonna take a sleeping pill & try to block it out but i know hes there right now !!!!!!!!!!!! toughest ever for me this one
  14. your probably right but i cant just phone now & say how are yoy what you been up too? i mean at best shes gonna say 'o not much' or worse none of your business. The thing is its come on top of toygh year for me , i got made redundant & another longer term relationship ended last year. this girl was such a tonic for me & as far as she had told me was really happy for us to have got it together. All i have now is the long wait for the pain to go agian all over again. Ive read loads of other people relationship issues and always get the sense that once one person has moved on thats it. the trouble is ive never really dumped anyone , ive had 4 kinda proper relationships ranging from a couple of months to 10 years and every time its been me that has been dumped. I mean that does make me wonder if thats just unlucky or i really bring it on myself. this most recent occasion really has floored me , i beautiful girl helping me with redundancy and building my confedence now shes its over & i feel all the shock & pain of the other break-up & the redundancy that i'd coped with because i was seeing this terrific girl. its all been stored up i guess & now i feel theres no-one i really share all this with . my friends have been great at each crisis moment but having had 3 such moments in the last year i feel enough is enough. if i keep telling my friends how low i am i could become the sad old git that no-one really wants around. i have another friend who suffers from depression & ive always been there & supportive to who but i must admit some of those hour long calls when all she does is tell me how misirble about life do get a bit wearing . sorry i started rambling there , i think its obvouse though that this has really knocked me for 6 if you know that expression.
  15. i guess all my point is that because so shes so nice , when i say she was so perfect in previouse messages - she is Ive broken up before and although theres always been the hurt & turmoul and self doubt etc we all go through . This girl tells me she would love to be friends and had the best time ever going with me, she says i relised a side she didnt konw existed and loved every minute of it . I mean its not really surprising i didnt want to finnish it - is it? Now i know shes moved on and seeing some else and it hurts that a really nice person has kinda slipped through my fingers and i cant find anything in whats she said to me to see why ? I like her she says ditto buts thats it all over go figure thats my point
  16. my ex is so nice , she has always behaved without nastyness , the other day id texted her saying i miss her & would cook her dinner sometime- she text back saying 'dinner would be lovely lets speak soon' & in know she would like too as friends. not heard since , i feel like i cant phone her or text agian so i just look at the phone all the time - i know she will call & we will probably have dinner , the trouble is I know all she going say its - nice too see you but i really dont anything more which i do . i guess what iam saying is it might be eaiser if she was just a ***** and want nothing more to do with her. ahhhh relationships are they worth all this grief ! just ranting
  17. i had the most mad dream, just going through of a breakup- which hurts like hell , but i figure at least when iam asleep i dont think about her. last night i dreamt she was in weekend away with me & some other friends and they all know she was seeing some else & tried to make me feel ok about it , i had a row with a friend about it then had sorter sex with another even though i know i didnt want to , even dreant the name of the other guy who i know 20years ago in school! woke up this morning feeling exhuasted and knowing its not even safe to sleep. Thing is i dont even want her back now which theres no chance of anyway . so why cant i let myself just move on !!!
  18. well i still dont really know what happened , we saw each other for another couple of ments & brought up ythe 7am thing and she always acted weird about it . Then the other night she texts me to come over , i do are chatting pleasently enough than i say i best be off, and she says i got something i must tell you -' iam seeing someoneelse' what a body blow. i know things had cooled somewaht , i hoped by not bombarding her with texts & calls shed figure she had some space - but suddenly this . i chatted for a while told her i was sad & disappointed kissed her & left. that was 2 weeks ago so now its the old no-contact routine, i really hurts she live minutes away & i pass her road nearly everyday . i'd love her to phone to say hi how yer doing or something. thing is she really is a nice person - i cant start saying what a ****** or anything. the relationship only lasted a few months but i fell as bad as relationships that have lasted years & finnished .i think its cause she so perfect - i mean she beautiful fun & witty live 2 mins away and we got on so well. i kills me now knowing iam home-alone & shes out with new fella . not much i can do - just plod on until the pain goes i guess. shes in a circle of friends that go out now & agian and iam bound to see her at someponit , hopefully this relationship will go pear shape so at least i dont have play happy happy in some restuarant any time soon . just ranting !!
  19. been seeing this great girl for a couple of months & then after one night she stayed over i woke up at 7am to see her getting dressed & ready to leave .....she said nother was wrong but had a busy day ahead, she phoned later that morning & said the same thing again . Since then although weve seen each other she seems to a bit distant. I've kinda carried on and not read too much into it but i do like har and would like to know what the hell happened?
  20. just checked out some old postings are you guys still around , has the situation improved at all ? mine has a little , we are talking and not being quite so bitchy to each other , i've had to deal with not one new guy but it seems like these been others waiting in the wings , she doesnt really tell me , which is probably for the best , but it still hurts thinking of her going out with other guys when i know some must have been sniffing around before we split ! still let me know how yor going >
  21. ideal ? i'd say someone that 'gets it' , i mean that smart way of thinking that excludes everyone else except the two people who 'get the joke' its so great when you share that special way of thinking , its like its all that matters as other peole seem to be on the outside all the time , which bonds you even closer . all the other stuff as well but for me its the being in tune thing that makes it
  22. dont matter what you say or do , your partner will do what ever she wants , so think of it this way ...why beat yourself up about something you no control over , let her go out and make a fuss of her when shes with you , keep things fresh all the time , tell her you love her buy a pressie or two along the way , keep yerself busy when shes out , go out with your friends , meet up for half an hour mid evening , but move on quickly . really at the end of the day she will do whatever she wants , we all do and so we should , if you get to relient on being a couple you wont be yourself which is who she fell in love with in the first place . good luck
  23. tough break i guess its done now so time to move on & sort your own head out , people do such stupid stuff at times , try to think that shes the messed one here , many a deep routed issue to play such a hurtful game , she get hers in some way , life does that to people like that . if you want to carry on chatting i'll keep checking the board
  24. thanks for reading and replying , its funny now when i see her its almost like a bad dream that happened and i've still no real idea what went so wrong so quickly . Though all the little lies & mistruths its like its not easy to except she could have done that to me , now all this were just friends and it was'nt going anywhere stuff ! i wonder whether at some level she knows all this is rubbish and is jusitfing her behavoir that way . I know i'll move on now , i know it wont be easy and seeing her so much will always be tough but i would rather not have all this anger & jealousy to deal with ....it is subsiding slowly i would like to keep you posted as it helps , although i never helped you with anything so please let me know what brought you here gizza
  25. going to see her today , plan is to play it very cool , i really dont want anymore conversations about it with her , but given the fact i will have to speak about something it might all come out again ! just be cool i say myself .... this is a tough situation for us all , why does this seem to happen to men & not the other way around ?
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