sashas cat

I have the same problem sort of. Not really making friends, I can get along with anyone and everyone it seems like. But meeting people seems to be a problem for me. And I'm painfully shy at first. I dont know what to say and end up saying nothing at all, even when I want to. I dont know why I hold back so much. And I know that there are people who think that I dont like them because I dont talk much, hardly at all at first. Thats not true, but I can see why they think it. I one time sat with a group of people and hung out with them for many hours, I would say at least eight, just hanging out, but I said nothing other then answering yes and no to questions. I did become friends with them but only because of thier paitents with me. That was a long time ago. I am meeting a new friend for coffee saturday and I'm wondering how I will do. I'm hoping to be better about talking. I know that is my not talking much that has kept me from having many friends and Im trying to change that. So I will be watching this thread closely for any suggestions and tips as well.

thank for the quicks relpies!! the few ppl i have told, have siad that it is "abnormal", so thats what got me to actually sign up and post. I dont have a whole lot of friends where I live and no close ones. I get very depressed shortly after I moved here and only started coming out of it shortly bfore this happened (and oddly enough this has not pushed me back into but maybe even sped up the process). And I'm not that close to my family so I kinda havent told them at all. But the few ppl I have told have all said something along the lines of "thats not normal". I am working under the assumption that we arent going to get back together, so i am moving on, but it will take a bit more time. I dont think the contact is having that much impact on it, I know it has some, but I'm trying to minize it in my own mind. Thas why I avoid all talk about any feelings. what had said was that he didnt want to be with me, just friends, he pushed for that, and he doesnt love me, but loves this other girl. I never begged and after that left it alone. He had made the comment that "well i guess I made my decision and now i have to live with it" about three times, but I didnt respond to that, I'm not sure how to. I dont understand why he would even say that. So I let that go. As for no contact, I dont contact him, he calls me. And since I dont have anyone else here Im close to here I let him keep the key as a Just In Case measure so he can get in if i need him too. At first after moved out, he knocked, the last few times he just comes right in. He also has started to refer to my apartment as home again when hes coming over here, "do you want me to stop and get something on my way home". I dont think he realizes this, I dont think he even sees it. My own feeling is that he, for some reason beyond me, freaked out, felt bad and decided he actually loved this girl to relieve some guilt or something. But Im not about to say that. I dont bring her up at all. I will say it was always right in front of me, she even asked to talk to me several times when they were on the phone. The card and letter she sent was left right on the living room table and he read them in front of me. Nothing was hidden. He had even talked about her coming here to visit. I dont understand any of this, that or whats going on now. If i tell him not to contact I'm pretty sure he wont, ever. And I'm not the one doing the contact at all. So I'd rather not do that. I dont mind him calling, we were always good friends. And he does miss the cats, thats weak i know. LOL I'm just trying to figure out what it is thats going on, and I honestly dont think he sees what hes doing. thanks

Hi, Well first I'm new, so hello. I have been reading through all the post for about a month now but have not really found anything what I am going through/dealing with, so I got up the nerve and though I would post. Its a very long story but I think, hope I can keep it short. My exbf and I broke up about a month ago. We have been living together for almost three yrs now. I found out that he was cheating (not physically, phone relationship ??? diffrent state, no contact between them at all, is that odd ???) on april 7, big fight but he didnt leave and didnt change anything, still talking to her and right in front of me, the whole thing was right in front of me the whole time, the letter she sent sat on the living room table for two months. I trusted him so i never read it. He did say he thought I cheatted and looking back he may have, he did say something once or twice but said he was only kidding when i asked if he really thought that. Well living together didnt work out so well, he left after a big fight then wanted to come home after one night, i said okay. I got the whole "I dont love you anymore" so i let him go. I only wanted him to be happy. But it was very difficult. I didnt eat or sleep for two and a half weeks and drank constantly, not drunk just drinking for the last week. we had another big fight, over my drinking i think, and he left again. then told me the next day he was moving out. so he has been gone for almost three weeks now. Got into an apartment with two friends on may first, moved out his stuff on the third, well most of it. I guess that normal, the breakup and all. Anyway heres where it gets kinda abnormal. I dont call him, I dont ask him for anything, to do anything for me or anything like that. But I would say since april 30 there has only been one day we have not had contact, all of it started by him, i think i have called him maybe three times, 99% of it is him. I dont get this, he calls me, he asks to do stuff for me, he asks me to go places. When we do go out, it is like before, but more so, he is more touchy feely in public. When he borrows his friends car (we have not had one in a long while and there was tension before because money was very very tight) he opens the door for me and waits for me to get in to close it, he never did that before. Last week I went with him to see his mom in the hospital, they arent close so i said if you want me to go with you i will, and then instead of taking me home after the visit he wanted to stop off at the mall to look around (his idea) i went into a store and he followed me, i mean right behind me the whole time. I saw a bra i wanted but hadnt brought enough money with me (this came at a time when money was turning around of course and we would have been able to do all the stuff we talked about, go figure) and he tried to buy it for me, kept asking, i didnt think it was appropriate and said so, several times till we left that store. Yesterday the first time he called, i knew it was him so I didnt answer, the second time I did answer and he was upset that i hadnt answered the first time, well im not sure if he was or not, the first thing he said was hey, where were you? He then went on to tell me he was waiting for the bus ( it was raining, he moved to an apartment less then a 30 minute walk from mine) and that he was coming over to visit and see the cats (we have two that are very unhappy with things) and taking me to lunch and to the mall to buy the bra i wanted to get but havnet been out to get in the first place. He has spent the night here twice in the last week, friday night, and then last night. Last night he called to tell me he was going to stay at home, he had said he was going to come by for awhile after work, i said okay, no big deal. He asked me if i was sure i said yes im sure i just wanted to play a game but we could do that next time, he said, let me get my clothes (?? i didnt know he wanted to spend the night, we hadnt even talked about it??) and ill walk over, give me an hour. So he did. Also there has been sexual contact, not everytime he comes over, but more then a few times. I dont start it, i even try to keep distance, its just not that easy to say no because i do want to, but I do pull away a bit, at first. I aslo do not ever ever ever bring up the relationship, but has a few times. He askes me how i feel and thing like that, I just say, its not really important, you dont want to be with me, thats fine, and then change the subject. I dont want to fight, so I try to stay off that topic, but he brings up. Sorry that was longer then I wanted it to be. I dont understand what is going or why. He still talks to this other girl. And he is uphappy about his roommates, they were good friends before, but living with someone is much different and he is finding that out. Not only does he live with his friend he is also working with him, so thats hard. I just dont know what he is thinking. He didnt want to be with me, why is he doing this? I dont know what to make of the whole situation actually. If it was just for sex, which has crossed my mind, well then he doesnt need to do all this other stuff, and he knows that. I did say something the other day, and he said as much. also I dont understand some of the fights, he has accused me of wanting to get married, i have never brought that up. What i have said is that I always thought one day that I would get married again, but I never demanded or even asked him. He also said I was trying to take all his stuff (just before he moved out) because I said no not friday im not ready. I just wanted time. He got mad because when I locked the door after him he said he thought i was having someone over. None of these things have I done, and the only thing before all this was the marriage thing, which i never brought up. so im really confused. This is not going how breakups are supposed to go, at least not any of the ones i know of or have been reading about, so i would really like some feedback, comments anything. And if you are still reading this, Thank you. ps... sorry for the typos, that was alot harder to type then i would have liked.