headbanger

Without saying sl*tts with a u where the astric is, fall into this category, if you have the chance to take her when you first meet or within the first date, you probably don't want her for a girlfriend. Another one I usually stay away from is the female who has to be the center of attention. Women who flip with thier decisions; don't even consider them, because they don't know what the HELL they want.

I odn't know if this helps you or not but I have been thrugh what you have before when I was in high school. I have tourettes syndrome and when I was at that age it was pretty bad. To make it worse at that point not to many people new what it was (I'm 36 now) so it was in the 80's. Not even the medical profession new much or where able to diagnose it. So all in all at that time I was a freak and found school very hard to and somewhat painfull to go through. My parents weren't helping my dad especially. I can recall one time I was at the dinner table and was having a ritual (thats what they call it when you freak out) my father got pissed and told me if I did it one more time he was going to put his fork in my chest. Well if you know even a little bit about tourettes you know someone with it can't really control it, so I did it and my dad followed through on his threat and I had a fork sticking out of my chest. My father really never seemed to get (he would chastise and make fun of me) until it I was diagnosed with tourettes. I only made it though because I would get pissed of and have to stick up for myself I did have a couple of very close friends to aid me. But with my attitude and there help made it through school. I had thoughts about ending it but I would say to myself that that would be the world and all the trash in it winning, beating me. I had to realize that I had the upper hand in my life and I was the one who could save myself. If you have to get mad (it sounds like you are) if you have to when the pieces of crap in school give you sh*t stand up and give it back (get a bloody nose if you have to) stand up and take some responsibility for yourself and you thoughts. Talk to your parents honestly and tell them how you feel and your fears and whats going on. Get some professional help (millions of people go to shrinks, counselors and theripist and millions more need to.) It's nothing to be ashamed of, I bet half the people on this site have been to one at one point or another I have it was a great help to me when I figured out I wasn't and abomination. Laugh at yourself sometimes I laugh at myself a lot because sometimes it's just damn funny the thoughts I have and the crazy actions I do. Your young and this time in your life sometimes sucks (believe me I know) but get through school. Go get a deree and get the hell away from your home town and everything thats happened there. I suggest moving away from the town you grew up in to anybody.

Um yeah, it's interesting that this was posted now because I think I'm in kind of the same boat. About a year ago my GF at the time went to the gyno because she thought she had HPV well it turns out she was right. She had a procedure to remove the warts, I in turn (even though I had none) went to the dr. to get checked out (he found nothing) and blood work will not pick it up. The dr. said it possible that I didn't contract it. Well we layed of sex for the recovery period and then some and she had no signs of the warts coming back. Then of course we started having sex again and kind of forgot it ever even happened. We broke up at the end of march, I have not been with anybody since. About a week ago Sunday I was in the shower and I noticed a bump/wart on the inside of my thigh up toward my groin. It has gotten a little bigger but has stoped growing. I've made an apointment to see the dr. but I'm sure that HPV is what I have. I realize also that HPV does not flush out of your system so the odds of getting it from her where pretty high (even though she has not had an outbreak, at least she hasn't told me) we are broken up though with the no contact in place and I don't really want to have to talk to her, it can get ugly and I have been with nobody since her. She knows she has it, is it imperitive that I contact her to let her know that I have now had an outbreak, or do you think since it's known to her that I can get by without informing her that she passed it on. What do you think. Sorry to steal this thread form you mikeyc but any advice would be a great help. thanx.

When is it we take responsibility for ourselve, she took responsibility for cheating (huray on her part) but what everybody is saying will most likely happen. She will do it again, she's already stood you up twice and one of those times she was doing another guy, who knows what she was doing the second time. Take responsibility for your future feelings, do yourself a favor and get her out of your life. You can't trust her, why be with her? You should be angry with the woman not (she has problems) guess what, they aren't yours. She can't even tell you it won't happen again. DUMP!

Tell her, but yeah, you have to be prepared for the worst, she will probably drop you (I would drop anybody who cheated). If you are able t keep her then next time if your thinking of cheating why don't you turn it around and think of Sara cheating on you and how misserable that would be of her to do to you and make you feel like everything she has told you means crap. Your HER FIANCE who she should trust and love, her heart she has placed in your hands . I too have no tolerance for cheating (the trust stops totally after an affair). At least for me.

Here is a ? I have concerning the N.C. deal kind of. Really it's more about why people fall back to calling when they are having a bad day. First let me say that N.C. is definatly the way to go. But I don't understand why my XGF feels the need to call when she is having a bad day or missing me. She knows her own mind I am sure of it. She says she has moved on and has said that about 3 weeks or so after the break. Why did she then contact me a couple of weeks later and say the same thing. She knows it hurts me, she knows she dosn't want to be with me, she knows I can't be with her. So WHY has she continued to contact me ever two or three week. We enevidably get into it and it just sets me back that much further, She will then opolojise for tje comtact and she won't contact me again. I do not contact her to tell her how good I'm doing. Now this was the most intence relationship I've had (marriage was in the pic etc.) But in the past with other XGF's I have not contacted them and if I did I certainly didn't tell them how great it is to have them out of my life. Thats just cold hearted. She hints around at being friends but then later in the convo. says not seeing or talking is what she needs to do. She knows my take on being friends (totaly against it). In the past she fell back on me and I allowed it but I have been firm this time and it would most likely be that if I did allow it we would get back at some point (thats how are history goes) I'm not up for in anymore though. So why does she do it when she know this is the best things?

mat About the running into her someday, I suppose on how long down the road it is you make the call, if it's next week I would reafirmate to her what you've decided on (not seeing each other). You'll have to play it by ear. What I said to my girl? Well like stated we went out for around 1.5 yrs. close to the end maybe the last 6mo. during an episode I told that I just couldn't take it any longer, she was so cold when she got this way and she would reason everything out (why it was a good idea, comparing our goals, and likely hood of succuss) she said it was for the best. I told her no contact (she didn't like it but agreed, I thought) in about two or three days she picked back up with the e-mail wanting to get back (she wrote how she wanted to get married, you know the bit) I'm a sucker for her I'll admit. She really pushed the marraige thing for a while though. Anyway in a nut shell this happened several more times and finally at the end of March I just could do it anymore. I asked for the no contact again and we spoke for about a week after and one night on the phone I told her how I felt and I asked her if she was ready for this (she didn't want to again) and we talked it out, we both cried and pretty much said everything we wanted to. And started on our separate paths. But the story dosn't end there a week later she text me and says she misses me (I think she was testing the waters), I didn't text back (that was so hard). She has attempted a couple of other times (but hell it's only been a month and a half since the break). So what I said to her was really nothing I just didn't answer her. But I you have to make her understand that the way things are going arn't what you want and don't let her con you in to believing she will change, (i fell for that a number of times) she will not change soon enough for this to work. Stay frim. The nagging feeling you will get or want to get back together is a toughy, I think it sticks around for a while. But just think of the heartache your saving yoursellf by not continuing this. You have to convince yourself that you don't want a relationship with her think about all the things you don't like about her she like my girl is a flake and they are/where stringing you and I along. Get a little angry with her if you have to and keep your distance. Because what she is doing is not right, it's not fair, inconsiderate to you. And is something that people just don't need in there life.

Mixed signals or no she is married and on top of that she said herself that you guys were very close friends. She's married dude don't be THAT GUY! You know the one who throws a monkey wrench in someone elses engine. If she is unhappy let her get a divorce then maybe you can step up after the decree is signed and she has moved on from her husband. But don't push for it. Don't be a smuch (not saying you are) just don't go out with a married woman man. not cool.

I know hanging around an ex is very difficult, I'm 36 and in the past late teens and through my 20's I had no problem staying friends with the ex's, of course after a while you lose track of them after you both have gotten in another relationship. Anyway my ex would like to be friends with me and I have noticed that it has been very difficult the last 3 or so relationships I've had to remain or want to be a friend to them. The emotions seem to take longer to go. With the recent ex she wants to be friends now after a month of no contact she was pushing for it. But I know that that is something I can not do. My problem is I almost feel I owe it to her even though she is the one who had the problems with the relationship. I feel like an A** telling her I can't. But I can't.

I don't see anything wrong with returning photos to her just tell her they are a painful reminder of what you had. But still this could back fire she still could think it's for sympathy. The best thing to do if you want to rid yoursellf of these painful reminders is just dump them in the trash. I had the same thoughts after my breakup. There were items littlered around the house cards she sent with beutiful messages on them that she wrote, pictures of her and us, cloths she had bought or picked out for me, a telephone she gave to me, a ring all this stuff after the break was put up in the closet. But it was still drawing me in and I would pull it down and scan over it all. I had had enough of it so one day I pulled it all out the cards, cloths, ring even the phone I unplugged went through it one last time and after I recovered from it, I took it and threw it in the garbage. At which point I realized thats exactly were it belongs. Yeah but then I had to go buy another phone. Good luck

Thank you Bri, but this morning I woke up and now feel very low in spirits. Almost like we just ended it last night, I can't get it together right now. CRAP! I was getting there and now I messed it up. I'm kicking myself for not just saying NO! when she called the first time. I keep thinking I want to send her an e-mail telling how crappy it was that she did this again, and how she needs to learne that people have feelings and you just can't play with them like it was a game. I felt so angry last night I couldn't think straight. Now I can't think straight because I think I'm depressed about it. Don't worry I'm not sending an e-mail. Thanks again.

Been there, the fact is I think that she has really just not gotten over the last relationship. If you were good and true to her (which it sounds like) you did nothing wrong. Sometimes people let good things go, sometimes they return, sometimes they don't and sometimes you don't want them to. As for her saying all those things I can't comment on what it is that drives them to this but I had and ex who would say all the same stuff (your the one, never leave me, I want to get married, I want your children) It would go on for a couple of months and then all of a sudden it ran cold with (I know we're great together but I'm not sure your the one for me, oh I want to focus on my career and other crap) for 2 weeks then she would pick up with the good stuff for a time then back and forth and back and forth. It really sucks though. I couldn't hang in after a 1.5 years it really got to me I never new what the next week would hold. If you do eventually get with her beware of the flip flop pattern. She will come on STONG with it and then bottom out. It's a roller coaster and at some point you have to get off.

I'd go at it being extremly skeptical, yes she misses you or else she would have spent 15 bucks and I have to add the c.d. was a nice touch on her part. But you have to ask yourself what kind of game is she running? Is she just in need of attention and know your a good source? Take it slow and don't get to caught up in it right now. Let her come to you if she will. I think that if there where good reasons for a break up think back, remember them and realize you've broken up before this time as well, what were the reason keep them in mind and you might see that if the reason where strong enough then most likely it would be another misfire and the cycle would start again. People offten feel they have made a mistake after a breakup then get back with the person to find out it really just wouldn't work. And then some people after a breakup especially after the no contact for a while say"hey whats up with this guy, he's not beating down my door, he really is over me" they get meloncolie (spelling) over it and think they want you back and then when they get you they turn the other way and boom! your back at square one. unfortunately some people treat it as a game and if they are satisfied in the end that you want them, it's enough to give them the boost they need to do the same thing again to some other person.

Hello everbody, I've posted only a couple of times on this (my XGF) so I hope this isn't to repeatative. Anyway, we broke up about a month and half ago and for the first month had no contact. Two weeks ago she called to tell me she was coming in town for her father wedding and sisters graduation and wanted to know if she could see me (I said we should play it by ear). Well the following Thurs. she called to ask if I could take her to the airport when she left I told her that wouldn't be a problem, but the she said something that kind of put a bad taste in my mouth "if you take me to the airport then I will definatly hang out with you sunday" it kind of made me feel like she felt as if she was doing me the favor. I said something to the effect of oh boy you will really hang out with me on sunday kind of sarcastically her reply was "never mind it's over" not really sure what that ment. So I told her I was just goofing on her and agreed to hang out and take her to the airport. She said she would call when she got here and "think of something fun we can do sunday night, but when she got of the phone for some reason I think she thought I was giving her attitude at the closing of the conversation when she said she would call me I just said "yeah ok" and hung up. Well she got here Wed. and I really wasn't expecting a call until friday the earliest but deffinatly I expected one on sat to confirm (no call) then I remembered that she does have a busy weekend with the wedding and graduation cerimony so was thinking sun. she would call (no call) so about 6 pm I gave her a ring and got her voice mail left a message something like I havn't heard anything so I am assuming I'm off the hook to get you to the airport tomorrow, if not give me a call, but if I don't hear from you have a nice flight. Still no call. The funny thing is when she originally called to ask if she could see me I was up in the air about it (leaning towards not) but when the call on thurs. came I had pretty much was going to see her (even though I was reluctant to do so) and was after we got of the phone looking forward to it. The deal is now that she didn't call I'm hurt, and wondering why she didn't call after she made the effort to contact me and set up plans for sunday and the airport. Why would she just not call at all. Now I'm having thoughts of calling her to see why she stood me up. I don't want to but I'm very close to picking up the phone. Her flight will land around noon E.S.T. Help! should I call.?

Alright, So she text me she was coming in town for a few days. No response on my part. Ring, Ring! at 1am, usually I check the call i.d. but seeing as how I was sound asleep I (on impulse) answered the phone. "Hi, it's me. Did you get my text"? "Yeah, I got them". Then a sudden change of subject on her part asking all the usual crap. How are you, have you been busy, how is your son, her reasons for coming in town, blah blah blah. Anyway to the point. I don't want to say she conned me into seeing her, but I feel that way. I know I could have just said no but instead i gave the "we'll play it by ear" response. A little more chit chat about this and that. We were saying our "alright I'll talk to you laters" and she said she would call. I didn't want her to think it was alright to call any time she pleases so I said "yeah, yeah, call me when you get in town" in the hopes she will understand that. So! the more I think about it the less I want to see her. As stated in an earlier response to my origianl post. I don't really want to know if she has been seeing, doing, or is interested in someone. And further more I have been dating a couple of different women (nothing serious, but they did get intimate) and don't really want to give that info up to her if asked. I have a bad habbit of telling the truth about things like that. I mean it is the truth and if she asks for it she will get the truth. I can go without asking her the same question. I have a feeling that one meeting will lead to a next while she is here. I probably worried about nothing really. She maybe just want to see me just to see me again and go. We broke up long distance and there really was no final kiss or hug or such. And even though it was her that couldn't commit to moving it was me that really took the yoke and ended it with no contact. But it was the things that she said that lead me to that decision such as wanting to focus on her career and she couldn't have a relationship and do it at the same time and that she just felt like it would never work out "but I do love you". I am under the impression that it was her that ended it for her words but after thinking about it she may have the opposite impression and think I did. Is that what you would call a mutual breakup?