Another Man Sent me Money and He got Mad at Me

[Blckbttrfly]

So I work in healthcare and it’s nurses week. Yesterday I posted a story saying that I needed some caffeine to stay awake at work. Just for fun. It wasn’t a cry for help asking people to pay for my coffee. I can pay for my own. I barely showed my face in this picture. I was bored and wanted to post something on Instagram because I was having a rough shift trying to stay awake. A guy I grew up with messaged me asking for my cash app and he sent me $15. I was very grateful for it and he acknowledged me working hard because one day I ran into him at my job because I took care of his mom, so he knows firsthand all that I do at work. I told my boyfriend he sent me cash app for my recognition week. He got so upset with me that another guy sent me money and he’s making up these scenarios that I like this guy and I talk to him on a regular basis, and basically want to be with this guy. He knows him as well! We all grew up together. Now he’s making me feel bad because I gave him my cash app and messaged him back. But he was just trying to be nice. My boyfriend blocked me on Instagram after the fact and I kept telling him I don’t want to be with this other guy and he’s not even trying to listen to me nor see it in a different perspective. I’m just so confused now, and I’m feeling bad about giving this guy my cash app. And now my boyfriend is barely talking to me.  

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Blckbttrfly said:

 . I told my boyfriend he sent me cash app for my recognition week. He got so upset with me that another guy sent me money and he’s making up these scenarios that. Now he’s making me feel bad because I gave him my cash app and messaged him back. But he was just trying to be nice. My boyfriend blocked me on Instagram after the fact 

Sorry this is happening.  How long have you been dating? How is your relationship otherwise? Is he usually controlling or jealous?

If it's a gift for nurses week there's nothing wrong with accepting it. It's unfortunate you can't share a simple kindness with your BF without this over reaction. Is the same man?

 

[Blckbttrfly]

6 months we’ve been together. Yes this is the same guy. I’m just so confused right now. I thought he’d be happy for me that I’m getting recognition and people are showing their appreciation 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Blckbttrfly said:

6 months we’ve been together. Yes this is the same guy. I’m just so confused right now. I thought he’d be happy for me that I’m getting recognition and people are showing their appreciation 

Yes, he's supposed to be happy for you but immaturity and jealousy like this are red flags.

[Batya33]

This is a red flag.  You are a nurse -thank you! - who took care of his mom - my mom had to go to the ER a couple of weeks ago after unusually passing out.  My voice shook when I reached someone there (we live 800 miles away) and  this man - I think he was a nurse or PA -was so -kind -despite being so very busy at an ER - I tried to maintain composure to get information about my mom but he sensed my -distress and he was so -kind.  Wow I wish I could have venmoed him a gift card!My husband would have been glad to hear it and hopefully this man's partner would have been too. We should all find ways to thank you and your fellow healthcare workers for your contributions.  

What did your bf do to recognize Nurse's Week??  I'd tell him that you are very concerned about his concern and you'd hoped he'd be happy for you being -rightfully -recognized.

[Kwothe28]

15 minutes ago, Blckbttrfly said:

I thought he’d be happy for me that I’m getting recognition and people are showing their appreciation 

I am sorry, but another man sending you money wont make your boyfriend happy. I dunno what made you think that it would. Its a completely shallow gesture and it spells how your “friend” has ulterior motives with you. Your boyfriend is maybe over exaggerating all of that, but your friend isnt really that innocent there. 

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I am sorry, but another man sending you money wont make your boyfriend happy. I dunno what made you think that it would. Its a completely shallow gesture and it spells how your “friend” has ulterior motives with you. Your boyfriend is maybe over exaggerating all of that, but your friend isnt really that innocent there. 

It's Nurses Week here.  People are suggesting to send nurses gifts of food because  they rarely hav time to eat etc.  She took care of his mother.  $15 isn't over the top either.  It's not like he sent her $ and then said -let's meet for coffee.

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, Blckbttrfly said:

6 months we’ve been together. Yes this is the same guy. I’m just so confused right now. I thought he’d be happy for me that I’m getting recognition and people are showing their appreciation 

Unfortunately he seems to still have all the possessiveness and red flags as before. It's perfectly normal to accept professional appreciation. Please don't let your BFs silly jealous snit ruin your day. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

People are suggesting to send nurses gifts of food because  they rarely hav time to eat etc. 

Still dont think it’s appropriate thing to do. For example, why not go to the hospital and get them all something, for example juices to refresh? Or even just order them a pizza? This is really just separating her from the rest. And it does smell like foul business.

Again I am not excusing him, still think its boyfriend who overreacted. But dont think its a clean business there with sending her money.

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, Blckbttrfly said:

A guy I grew up with messaged me asking for my cash app and he sent me $15.

OP, this ^^ is what stood out to me, the fact you intentionally gave this guy your cash app to send you money.. I mean like what the heck? 

Regardless of this guy's motives, from your boyfriend's perspective it just doesn't look good!

I think it's great when people want to acknowledge your work as a nurse.  Could he not have simply sent a lovely bouquet of flowers to the hospital to thank you without asking you for your cash app?

And you giving it to him to send you money like women do on Only Fans or something? That's how it looks. 

And why would you tell your boyfriend?  

I'm not a nurse but at my job we have clients and after we prevail at court, I often receive flowers or a nice card thanking me for my help and contribution.

I would be appalled if a client asked for my cash app and if they did I'd never give it, it's not appropriate imo.  I'm not seeking money from clients for the work I do and help I provide. 

Why did you?  

It sounds like there may be more going on between you and your boyfriend, other issues with perhaps you seeking attention from other men, that may be contributing to why he's upset and blocked you. 

IDK, I'm speculating of course, the whole thing just seems really odd. 

JMO..

 

 

[itsallgrand]

I think it's unprofessional to be posting like that while at work. Text a friend or family if you are bored, watch videos, whatever. It comes off like soft soliciting to me. 

I think both you and bf have some inappropriateness when it comes to social media. He very obviously has a jealous streak and reading that past thread, double standards at play. 

But no you shouldn't be posting like that and accepting money. 

If he had come and brought snacks, drinks, whatever to thank you that's fine. 

Just my opinion. 

[Starlight925]

I think you all are wrong here.

You should not have posted asking for money, even though it was a joke.

He should not have asked for your CashApp to send you money.

You should have declined once he did.

Boyfriend over reacted.

But if I had to go with the least wrong?  Boyfriend.

[smackie9]

4 hours ago, Blckbttrfly said:

6 months we’ve been together. Yes this is the same guy. I’m just so confused right now. I thought he’d be happy for me that I’m getting recognition and people are showing their appreciation 

Obviously you have it all wrong...he's insecure and jealous. Get out now. 

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Obviously you have it all wrong...he's insecure and jealous. Get out now. 

I'm fairly certain by blocking her HE beat her to the punch..

My take is they both dodged bullets.

This is done. 

[Coily]

This on the surface would seem like solicitation to your BF. Jealous or not, a lot of guys would jump to that conclusion when it's done through social media. No matter how innocent it comes off that way.

Your BF over reacted by blocking you on social media. But he's not entirely wrong for viewing this negatively.

This to me says how overly reliant people are on for social media for validation.

 

[lostandhurt]

It was 15 bucks, not jewellery for goodness sake. An old friend sent you a gift that is all this is.  If it was a woman sending you this gift would we be discussing this?  No we wouldn't.

 Your bf is a child that threw a tantrum.  Are you sure you want to date a child?

You didn't do anything wrong so stop taking the blame for your boyfriends insecurities, jealousy and control issues.

Lost

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, itsallgrand said:

I think it's unprofessional to be posting like that while at work. Text a friend or family if you are bored, watch videos, whatever. It comes off like soft soliciting to me. 

I think both you and bf have some inappropriateness when it comes to social media. He very obviously has a jealous streak and reading that past thread, double standards at play. 

But no you shouldn't be posting like that and accepting money. 

If he had come and brought snacks, drinks, whatever to thank you that's fine. 

Just my opinion. 

I see.  I revise my opinion too in this context.  Maybe they've had other issues around use of social media etc so this was a trigger?

[TeeDee]

Your BF's response to a small kindness was a gross overreaction.  You need to spend some time thinking about whether you want to continue to dating somebody so immature who clearly doesn't trust you.  

[itsallgrand]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

I see.  I revise my opinion too in this context.  Maybe they've had other issues around use of social media etc so this was a trigger?

Yeah reading the past thread, he likes following and liking women on Instagram. She doesn't like that. But going by what she's written, she's super active on Instagram too. I don't think it's a jump that if she's posting as she's described and taking money transfers, she probably has guys like her bf following and liking her. 

They are two sides to that coin and feeding into each other negatively. 

[catfeeder]

It's only been 6 months, and you've already got enough drama to post about him twice.

This doesn't sound like a great match for you, OP. It's not adding loving generosity of spirit to your life, just the opposite. Speaking for myself, I'd consider the guy to be too much stress for me on top of an already stressful life. I'd dump him, heal, and go find someone who brings me joy, not tears.

[Blckbttrfly]

5 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

I think you all are wrong here.

You should not have posted asking for money, even though it was a joke.

He should not have asked for your CashApp to send you money.

You should have declined once he did.

Boyfriend over reacted.

But if I had to go with the least wrong?  Boyfriend.

Maybe I didn’t clarify, but where in the world did I say in the post that I was asking for money? Hmm? Comprehension is key

[mylolita]

5 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

I think it's unprofessional to be posting like that while at work. Text a friend or family if you are bored, watch videos, whatever. It comes off like soft soliciting to me. 

I think both you and bf have some inappropriateness when it comes to social media. He very obviously has a jealous streak and reading that past thread, double standards at play. 

But no you shouldn't be posting like that and accepting money. 

If he had come and brought snacks, drinks, whatever to thank you that's fine. 

Just my opinion. 

I have to voice my agreement.

 

I hate to go off topic but we are told constantly how rushed health workers are, yet all my experience waiting and within hospitals, and having many friends and spouses of friends who are consultants and nurses is - they still have time on wards to gossip, post on social media (very unprofessional, sometimes even with the wards visible in the background and patients feet at the foots of beds) and drink tea and coffee. 
 

I personally don’t buy the hype about it. Also bear in mind after very long shifts like anyone else who works elongated shifts (truck drivers/factory workers/pilots and air staff etc) there is often a large amount of time to re-coupe. Over here in England it’s often referred to as “one on, two off” aka a 12 hour shift and then 2 days off work after. 
 

It all sounds unfortunately very unprofessional and whether he had alternative motives or not, it doesn’t look good understandably for your partner OP! 
 

I would actually thank him but send him the money back, say you made a mistake with the cash app, and say if he would like to donate or give thanks maybe send the ward or department a gift card or something the staff can share.

 

All the best,

 

x

[boltnrun]

I can see both sides. I went out to lunch with male coworkers multiple times and most of the time they insisted on paying. My husband would congratulate me on getting a free meal and ask what I'd ordered (and then teased me if I had a bowl of soup or a salad...he thought I should have gone with the steak sandwich!) No jealousy or feeling insecure or territorial or whatever. But I could also see that accepting money  could seem inappropriate. None of my male coworkers gave me money. 

I agree that there seems to be a lot of tension regarding social media use in this relationship. You two might not be compatible. 

[yogacat]

Sounds like he was trying to do something nice for you especially considering you took care of his mom!

What if in person, not via cash app, someone that you grew up with noticed you were having a bad day and bought you a coffee as a little morale booster pick me up?

Especially with the extra stress placed on your profession, you shouldn't feel guilty about this. But, I wouldn't be exchanging cash app info for it, I would have just said, thanks for the offer. 

In person? If someone bought me coffee because I was having a bad shift, I would be grateful and say thank you. I think with it being the cash app and sending money, it feels like a more personal/intimate thing and that's why it rubbed your bf the wrong way. But, if he knows the guy and knows he's just being nice, he should trust and believe in you.

In the future, maybe just politely decline any offers for money through cash app and thank people for their kindness in person.

[Tinydance]

17 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

I think you all are wrong here.

You should not have posted asking for money, even though it was a joke.

He should not have asked for your CashApp to send you money.

You should have declined once he did.

Boyfriend over reacted.

But if I had to go with the least wrong?  Boyfriend.

I agree with this. I read your previous post about your boyfriend and to be honest he does sound overly jealous and possessive. It just doesn't really sound like you guys are on the same page regarding having opposite gender friends or talking to the opposite gender. I think it's fine to have male friends and I have a couple. If you run into a male friend and have a quick chat, it doesn't automatically mean you were flirting just because it's a guy. Unless you actually were visibly flirting. Also you said your boyfriend follows a lot of random women online so that's actually different to having male friends or acquaintances. 

I think in terms of the sending money situation...Your boyfriend reacted very over the top and especially by blocking you. I guess a situation like that really comes down to whether your boyfriend accepts you having male friends and whether this guy actually is your friend. If he is your friend and he sent the money for an occasion (nurses week) then it's not as bad. But if he's not someone you know very well then it does seem odd that he'd send money unless he had some ulterior motives.

On your end though, I'm not saying you wanted to be with that guy or you're into him. But I do find it odd that if you could have easily afforded that coffee, why you sent him your cash app details for him to send you the money. It does come across like maybe you were enjoying getting attention. Whether it be because you wanted recognition as a nurse, attention from this guy, or both. But I guess if you took care of his mother and his mother really liked you or something, maybe he really was just trying to be nice.

I think you and your boyfriend just rub each other the wrong way. You both don't want each other to talk to opposite gender on social media, but yet you're both actually doing it. Like, if you don't want him following women on social media then you shouldn't really accept money from guys on social media. And vice versa if he doesn't like what you did then he needs to stop following and liking all these women on Instagram. I think it's just not a healthy relationship where you're constantly monitoring his Instagram and he flips out every time you speak to a male.