I looked in his phone, not sure where to go from here…

[jesslynlee120]

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now and I have mixed emotions and I need another perspective. I am 25 and he is turning 33 by the way. I’ve never dated an older guy before. 

 

When I first met him it was definitely a “love at first sight” moment. We connected so well and were both really attracted to each other. He wanted to see me almost everyday, and it seemed like he was fast tracking the relationship. 2 weeks in he asked me to be his girlfriend and told me he loved me, and a week ago he asked to move in with me because he’s selling his house. I just feel like this is way too soon. I have trouble saying no to people so I didn’t really give a straight answer to it.

 

One night we went out drinking and I got pretty drunk and grabbed his phone thinking it was mine. Long story short in my drunken state, I saw he had a ton of flirty messages between him and his ex. Like reminiscing on old pictures together, and his ex asking to meet up for help with something. Then I saw he had a lot of explicit pics with him with other girls in his photos. These pics were about a month old. I know it was wrong to keep looking, but I couldn’t stop. I was heartbroken and confused. I can’t tell him I looked in his phone, and I really don’t want this guy moving in with me so soon. How do I go about talking with him about all of this?

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, jesslynlee120 said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month and a week ago he asked to move in with me because he’s selling his house. I saw he had a ton of flirty messages between him and his ex.  I saw he had a lot of explicit pics with him with other girls in his photos. These pics were about a month old

Sorry this is happening so many red flags from rushing the relationship to asking to move in to the "ex" the pics, etc. You need to end it. He's bad news.

[reinventmyself]

People who fast track you into a relationship do so in the attempts to hook you before you get to know the real them.

A healthy way to start a relationship is to take your time and once you have a chance to know them, decide whether or not to move forward.  

What is about him that he didn't want to you to take your time? Maybe because you would have found out all the things you just did by looking at his phone??

I wouldn't worry for a minute about what to say to him or how it might come across.  I would just decide to throw this one back.  

Now you have a pretty good idea why he was trying to fast track you to begin with.  He's got things to hide and had you taken your time they would have unfolded.

Next time be leary of the 'insta relationship'

[Kwothe28]

39 minutes ago, jesslynlee120 said:

One night we went out drinking and I got pretty drunk and grabbed his phone thinking it was mine.

Yes, totally "accidentaly" lol

Anyway, despite you being morally dubious and snooping his phone, what you found doesnt paint somebody ready for relationship. Ex baggage, other girls, the picture paints itself. Not to mention him "love bombing" and trying to swoop in to your home. That is a plethora of red flags in just a month. I dont think what you saw requires a conversation. You can easily leave that up when you break up. Just say that it is too soon and that you are not ready for it and that is it. And be done with him.

[Andrina]

If you have Netflix, watch the docudrama "Dirty John." It'll scare the bejeezus out of you. He, too, fast-tracked his way into a woman's life. Nothing but horror ensued. 

[Seraphim]

Love bombing is very very very scary. Please run away. These people become terrifying later . 

[reinventmyself]

I'd be very put off by somebody professes their love for me after 2 weeks.  Not flattered.  You can't possibly know me in that amount of time, let alone love me.

My next thought immediately goes to wondering what their agenda is.

[goddess]

You say you are "heartbroken" after dating this unsavory individual after only one month?  Get serious!  Save yourself some real heartache and run the other way.  Do not, and I stress not, let him move in with you.  That would prove disastrous.  You must know that deep inside. 

Also, if you become heartbroken after one month, it sounds like you are not ready to date.  Sorry to say this, but that shows immaturity of your part (I'm not saying this to be mean).  What are you going to do if something goes wrong after a six-month relationship or longer?  In any case, get rid of this guy.  He sounds like he some some hidden agenda.  

[Lambert]

I think you got loved bombed and that's what creepy people,with bad intentions do. They manipulate you through whirlwind emotions and feelings and omg its love at first sight! 

Couple of things.  I'm not saying love at first sight doesn't happen. But it's one of those things that you realize I'm crazy about this person. I better reign it in or I'll scare them away.  Then 25 years later you're telling your love story and one of you says,  as soon as I saw them, I knew! aww. love at first sight. 

Right now you are infatuated with an older man that is blowing smoke. Ditch this dude.

No offense to you, but when I was 33, 25 was a baby! lol. You have to wonder why he's not dating 33 year olds.. because they see his bs a mile away. So he can't do what he wants. 

take care of yourself. You're better off. without him.  Some loses are actually gains. This was a farce. Red flags everywhere.  He loves you? He doesn't know you. How could he? 

Raise your standards and you'll find a better guy.

[HeartGoesOn]

There's nothing to talk about, as his actions told the story.  After a period of only one month, he's basically a stranger.

My guess is he's looking for a a place to hang his hat, along with a roof over his head. He doesn't have your best interests in mind, and again he's a stranger who could be the re-make of Ted Bundy.

Time to think...

[MissCanuck]

This is way too much, way too fast. 

It's a big red flag when someone is fast-tracking the relationship. And it sounds like he's just rebounding with you anyway, and is still hooked on his ex. 

Get away from before the sun goes down today. 

[poorlittlefish]

10 hours ago, Andrina said:

If you have Netflix, watch the docudrama "Dirty John." It'll scare the bejeezus out of you. He, too, fast-tracked his way into a woman's life. Nothing but horror ensued. 

Or listen to the podcast - both are brilliant.  It is a very scary but TRUE story. 

You may have "accidentally" picked up his phone, but you didn't accidentally scroll through his photos or read his messages.  Instinct told you something wasn't right about this guy and you were right.  Your answer to him is simple: "No".

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, jesslynlee120 said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for  a month and a week ago he asked to move in with me 

Run like hell.

[smackie9]

You looked because all this is too good to be true…..and your gut instinct is right it is. Guys like him are usually dangerous jealous controlling jerks. They love bomb you so hard you get caught up emotionally and end up doing everything they ask. It’s all a sham. Red flags 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩 are just a flapping in a hurricane here…..run for the frickin hills !!!!!

[Rose Mosse]

17 hours ago, jesslynlee120 said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now and I have mixed emotions and I need another perspective. I am 25 and he is turning 33 by the way. I’ve never dated an older guy before. 

 

When I first met him it was definitely a “love at first sight” moment. We connected so well and were both really attracted to each other. He wanted to see me almost everyday, and it seemed like he was fast tracking the relationship. 2 weeks in he asked me to be his girlfriend and told me he loved me, and a week ago he asked to move in with me because he’s selling his house. I just feel like this is way too soon. I have trouble saying no to people so I didn’t really give a straight answer to it.

 

One night we went out drinking and I got pretty drunk and grabbed his phone thinking it was mine. Long story short in my drunken state, I saw he had a ton of flirty messages between him and his ex. Like reminiscing on old pictures together, and his ex asking to meet up for help with something. Then I saw he had a lot of explicit pics with him with other girls in his photos. These pics were about a month old. I know it was wrong to keep looking, but I couldn’t stop. I was heartbroken and confused. I can’t tell him I looked in his phone, and I really don’t want this guy moving in with me so soon. How do I go about talking with him about all of this?

I can understand if you were in a decades long marriage but you’ve been dating for just over 30 days. Imo, there is nothing to talk about. He does what he does and there’s the evidence. This is what he is and this is what he does. 

Moving too fast is a red flag and he’s still involved with his ex and communicating in a flirty way. He’s not going to change who he is for someone he met 30+ days ago and has it ever occurred to you his wiley texting may be what caused his break up? It’s a path of disappointment and feeling grossed out with this man. That’s all you need to know. 

Take the time for a deep breath, then dump him civilly. “Thanks for everything but we’re not a match. I wish you the best.” Block him and don’t see him again. 

Don’t be lured in with the idea of playing house together. You’ll meet other men. Aim for someone more grounded and respectable.

[catfeeder]

17 hours ago, jesslynlee120 said:

I can’t tell him I looked in his phone, and I really don’t want this guy moving in with me so soon. How do I go about talking with him about all of this?

Looks like he's been shopping for a woman to take him into her home.

I'd just tell him that you're not in the market for a roommate, and you will not be inviting him to move in with you.

Period. No further explanation necessary.

From there, you won't need to say or do a thing--not a word about his phone or anything else. He'll be off to move in with the next target he has lined up, and won't she be lucky?

Head high, dodge the bullet, and you'll thank yourself sooner rather than later.

 

[boltnrun]

One of my friends met a guy and went on two dates with him.  She invited him over and he saw her lovely, nicely furnished townhome.  They scheduled a third date and mysteriously, that day he called her and told her he had to move out of the shelter he'd been living in and also "lost" his job, so she told him he could move in with her. That ended up being a huge mistake.  He kept "losing" one job after another so she was supporting him financially and he turned out to be a bigot who raged loudly about anyone who was what he considered to be an immigrant.  She then had to deal with getting him to move out, which took her over a year.  A year of absolute misery.  But, she told me, she was tired of being "alone" and badly wanted to be in a relationship, so she allowed him to fast track and move in before their third date.  She regretted that decision.

People who move this quickly have an agenda.  No way can he possibly love you no matter how wonderful you are, because he hasn't known you long enough.  But he knows a lot of women want to hear those words and fall for romantic fantasies so he uses that to his advantage.

Be wiser than that and tell him sorry but you won't be inviting him to move in.

[waffle]

I agree with the others; this guy has fast-tracked the "relationship" because he needs a place to live.  It isn't possible to overstate what a bad idea this is.

[Needinghelp101]

Hell, I'm glad you searched his phone. It finally forced you to listen to your intuition about this guy and you got to see him for the piece of crap he is. Definitely move on and I wish you much luck.

[SooSad33]

On 8/5/2022 at 4:33 PM, jesslynlee120 said:

When I first met him it was definitely a “love at first sight” moment. We connected so well and were both really attracted to each other. He wanted to see me almost everyday, and it seemed like he was fast tracking the relationship. 2 weeks in he asked me to be his girlfriend and told me he loved me, and a week ago he asked to move in with me because he’s selling his house. I just feel like this is way too soon. I have trouble saying no to people so I didn’t really give a straight answer to it.

Ahh no, was not 'love at first sight'.

you've been involved about a month?  Is called 'lust'. That's it!  No real meaning, no real anything.

No, you do not let him move in with you!  Sounds like hs'b basically using you. 

Back off, totally.  Tell him this just right for you at this time.