Beauty and the Beast

[Shesarayofsun]

So been casually dating this guy for about 2 months now, he tells me a couple weeks ago that I look completely different without makeup and that if he saw a pic of me without it first he wouldn’t have considered dating me. But that I look completely different with makeup and that he loves my personality and he’s attracted to me, ( even though I’m the first voluptuous woman he’s ever dated ). Was told tonight that he probably wouldn’t have sex with me if I didn’t have makeup on, that one really hurt. 
I’m trying to not make this a big deal, In my heart I know I deserve much better and I know I have bad blemishes and melasma on my face, but I also know I’m not horrible to look at. I understand if someone is not attracted to you, that is not their fault, but I also don’t understand why he keeps wanting to be with me. 
Am I making this into something it’s not ? 

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Shesarayofsun said:

 he tells me a couple weeks ago that I look completely different without makeup and that if he saw a pic of me without it first he wouldn’t have considered dating me. 

Dump him asap. He seems like a complete turd.💩

[Batya33]

36 minutes ago, Shesarayofsun said:

So been casually dating this guy for about 2 months now, he tells me a couple weeks ago that I look completely different without makeup and that if he saw a pic of me without it first he wouldn’t have considered dating me. But that I look completely different with makeup and that he loves my personality and he’s attracted to me, ( even though I’m the first voluptuous woman he’s ever dated ). Was told tonight that he probably wouldn’t have sex with me if I didn’t have makeup on, that one really hurt. 
I’m trying to not make this a big deal, In my heart I know I deserve much better and I know I have bad blemishes and melasma on my face, but I also know I’m not horrible to look at. I understand if someone is not attracted to you, that is not their fault, but I also don’t understand why he keeps wanting to be with me. 
Am I making this into something it’s not ? 

I went on a few dates with a man like this in 1993 I think it was. He was really handsome.  He told me his mom wanted to take me into the city for a makeover to learn how to wear more makeup.  I was really dumb and went on one more date with him (second date I think).  It was halloween and I was tempted to wear halloween makeup but I didn't). I regret seeing him again.  How obnoxious of him -how obnoxious of your date to say such a thing.  It's fine if he's not attracted but to try to control how you look so he feels more attracted?? Yes it's fine if your loving partner compliments a certain hair style, tells you positively "you look so good when you wear___ or when you do your hair like ____" - that's different from asking you to change so he feels like he desires you.  No no no. 

 if your face is blemished/scarred -then if you want -for you! - to get that fixed or resolved in some way then you do you.  If you want to. Not for him so he'll be attracted to you. 

I had bad stains between a few of my bottom teeth from an antibiotic I took I think -didn't get a teeth cleaning because of covid.  I avoided smiling.  It didn't show then.  I got it taken care of two weeks ago as I was finally able to get a proper cleaning . I am much happier with myself.  My son had noticed it but I told my husband and he said "Oh! I didn't even notice it!".

Husband compliments my hair when I get it done, compliments when we get dressed up fancy (not so often lately!), he always has. I compliment him too.  But it's like that -not "oh wow now I'm attracted to you so please dress that way/wear this/wear more makeup/lose weight  because if I'd seen a photo of you without ____ I'd never wanted to date you.  That's ridiculously rude and shallow.  Attraction has shallow parts.  Words you say to another person need not be so hurtful or tactless in the name of "honesty".

Please stop associating with him -you never know what this loose cannon will say to your female friends, your mother, someone's child "oh wow your baby is so cute when she has that hat on because it covers her chubby cheeks!"  What a cad.

Oh that guy I dated years ago at some point married a fashion designer who wore a lot of makeup. Good for him.

[Carnatic]

2 hours ago, Shesarayofsun said:

Am I making this into something it’s not ? 

Nope. Cos he's not just being mean for no reason, or shallow because that's all he is. He's trying to manipulate you and increase your dependency on him for self esteem so that he can get away with more down the line.

More red flags than a Chinese embassy , get rid.

🙂

[MissCanuck]

This guy is horrible. 

Get away from this bully as fast as you can. 

[SherrySher]

3 hours ago, Shesarayofsun said:

So been casually dating this guy for about 2 months now, he tells me a couple weeks ago that I look completely different without makeup and that if he saw a pic of me without it first he wouldn’t have considered dating me. But that I look completely different with makeup and that he loves my personality and he’s attracted to me, ( even though I’m the first voluptuous woman he’s ever dated ). Was told tonight that he probably wouldn’t have sex with me if I didn’t have makeup on, that one really hurt. 
I’m trying to not make this a big deal, In my heart I know I deserve much better and I know I have bad blemishes and melasma on my face, but I also know I’m not horrible to look at. I understand if someone is not attracted to you, that is not their fault, but I also don’t understand why he keeps wanting to be with me. 
Am I making this into something it’s not ? 

He is mentally and verbally abusing you and you're not recognizing it.

This man does not respect you, nor does he find you attractive.

If he did, he wouldn't make the comments he has.

Please have some self respect and stay away from him, delete, block and stop allowing this treatment to continue.

[Rose Mosse]

I think you should end this and never be with someone who makes remarks about you this way again. 

You may have normalized abusive and insulting comments about your skin or face all of your life and are accepting this treatment from a partner. You don’t have to. He belongs in a ditch. Go on and find a man who loves and appreciates you without the extra rhetoric and emotional abuse. 

[smackie9]

he's a jerk, send him to the curb!

[DarkCh0c0]

What a POS!

Honey, only date men who are attracted to you and who ARE RESPECTFUL and COMPLIMENT YOU!! Only date men who treat you right.

Honestly, don't let him lower your self esteem like that. Have enough self love and refuse such mistreatment. Block this jerk ASAP everywhere and move on to the good men. Higher standards please!

[tattoobunnie]

Once a guy told me he was attracted to me, but not beautiful.  I have realized over time that I'm HOT, and that guy was speaking about how he felt about himself.  This guy is a buttmunch that I would drop faster than a pile of bricks.

[DancingFool]

Yikes....this creep is literally actively working on destroying your self esteem. It's what the beginnings of abusive/controlling relationships look like.

He is feeding you this toxic drip that you are not attractive and that you are sooo lucky he is willing to be with you. RUUUUN!!!! Dump this loser today. Immediately. Like just tell him you are not into him and block and delete him and don't respond to any strange numbers or contacts you don't recognize. Danger danger danger......

You are beautiful and you deserve someone who sees that and appreciates that and values you as you are.

[Jibralta]

13 hours ago, Batya33 said:

He told me his mom wanted to take me into the city for a makeover to learn how to wear more makeup.  I was really dumb and went on one more date with him (second date I think).  It was halloween and I was tempted to wear halloween makeup but I didn't).

HAHAHAHA I wish you did!!!

14 hours ago, Shesarayofsun said:

In my heart I know I deserve much better

Yes, you do. Follow your heart.

14 hours ago, Shesarayofsun said:

but I also don’t understand why he keeps wanting to be with me. 

Don't trouble yourself with the twisted inner workings of this man. It will make a mess out of your life. Cut and run now, before you get more involved!

[waffle]

Oh my word.

It's hard to tell if this guy is being malicious/manipulative/abusive when he's telling you this.  Some men really are just stupid.*

At any rate, no, no one is going to suggest you keep seeing this guy.  You know you deserve better, so definitely ditch this clown and move along.

*before anyone gets their undies in a knot, yes women can be stupid too but this thread is not about comments made by a woman

[Tanzi]

Urgh, why are you still with this guy? He’s horrible and disrespectful. Don’t you want a guy to love you for you, whether you are wearing make up or not amd to say lovely things to you? He’s nasty … and this is just the start of it. 

[wealthydior]

Are you that in love with him that you bare to his comments? With him you can only be unhappy. He’s manipulative. Disrespectful behaviors like this can not be tolerated so dump him asap.

[melancholy123]

What a d1ck.  Tell him to hit the road.

[dias]

5 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

What a d1ck.  Tell him to hit the road.

 

[Andrina]

On 3/16/2022 at 6:28 AM, Shesarayofsun said:

if he saw a pic of me without it first he wouldn’t have considered dating me.

Tell him if you knew when he opened his mouth, such ugliness would spill out, that you would have never considered dating him.

The right man will make you feel like the special person you are. He's the opposite of that.

Abusive predators seek prey with low self-esteem. This is clearly the case, because anyone with a healthy self-worth would have immediately shown him the door the moment he uttered those toxic words. Make yourself single  and work on your self-love so this never happens again. Take care.

[catfeeder]

On 3/16/2022 at 6:28 AM, Shesarayofsun said:

he tells me a couple weeks ago that I look completely different without makeup and that if he saw a pic of me without it first he wouldn’t have considered dating me.

No brainer, I'd say, "Next..."

The rest is noise.

Head high, and hold out for the lover you deserve.