Jump to content

Blocked right after planning a date


WalterSobcha

Recommended Posts

So I've had an online match with a woman on a dating site, and for the past few weeks we had been chatting there. Everything going well, with daily good natured exchanges.

 

SHE ended up suggesting that we meet for coffee one of these days. I said good idea and offered to swap numbers and move on to whatsapp. She agreed to it and we started chatting there, everything still going well.

 

Then after some more chitchat I ask if she's free for that coffee tomorrow, she says yes and suggests a time and choice of places. I pick the place and agree to the time. And then after a few minutes of silence she says "actually I can't sorry" and proceeds to block me both on whatsapp and the dating site!

 

I don't have any idea what happened there. Why would people do that? I found this very rude and hurtful. As someone with chronic self esteem issues, this is just making it worse. I'll get over not going on the date but I am genuinely puzzled and hurt by this behaviour.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just one of the hazards of OLD. It happens. 9 times out of 10 I'd guess that's someone who's in a relationship and just wants the attention fix. It's a ****ty thing to do, but try not to take it too close to heart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I've had an online match with a woman on a dating site, and for the past few weeks we had been chatting there. Everything going well, with daily good natured exchanges.

 

SHE ended up suggesting that we meet for coffee one of these days. I said good idea and offered to swap numbers and move on to whatsapp. She agreed to it and we started chatting there, everything still going well.

 

Then after some more chitchat I ask if she's free for that coffee tomorrow, she says yes and suggests a time and choice of places. I pick the place and agree to the time. And then after a few minutes of silence she says "actually I can't sorry" and proceeds to block me both on whatsapp and the dating site!

 

I don't have any idea what happened there. Why would people do that? I found this very rude and hurtful. As someone with chronic self esteem issues, this is just making it worse. I'll get over not going on the date but I am genuinely puzzled and hurt by this behaviour.

 

You shouldn't get too emotional over this. This is OLD. Until you've gone on a few dates with her, that person is a complete stranger, and anything can happen. That is why the experienced online daters will keep the conversations short, while setting up the initial date.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, of course, it's rude. Grow accustomed to rudeness as it is the way of the world. There are a lot of rude people in this world. There are nice people and there are lots of rude people.

 

Rude people actually are doing you a favor. Their true character is revealed to you in the most unsavory ways and it's your chance to discover and discern their real selves. Whenever anyone exhibits rude behavior to you, you'll learn quickly whom to avoid and eliminate from your life. (With others, strong, healthy boundaries are enforced.)

 

There are some people who are predictable in a good way and whom you can trust unequivocally. Then there are others who give you pause to think and you'll become "thankful" that you discovered their true colors before they inflict more harm to you. Their rudeness prevents you from becoming vulnerable to receiving their same disrespect in the future. Change the way you think and consider people's rudeness as a blessing in disguise.

 

It was not all in vain. To the contrary, it was wisdom gained.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As others have said, it does happen. you'll never know the real reason. It's safe to assume its them. not you!

 

Now is a good time to work on yourself and your self esteem. To some extent, we can all get knocked around and our self esteem takes a major dive. But pick yourself up, dust yourself off, remember dating is an endurance test. Especially, OLD.

 

You gotta take a knock, counter it with self love, brush it off and move forward. Keep dates and communications in check... until you date in person several times, don't get to attached.

 

I know its disappointing. but you'll find better. You can't stop trying. take a rest, if its too much. don't give up. someone great is looking for you, too!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You need thick skin to do online dating and learn to roll with the punches.

 

Remember this: Until you actually meet face to face the person you have been talking to is not real. There are tons of people doing online dating for all kinds of reasons and they are not to meet someone for a relationship.

 

In the end you need to remember that it doesn't matter why she did this, only that she DID do this and it is over and it is time to move on.

 

There could be a hundred reasons why but they do not change the outcome even if you knew for sure which one it was.

 

I would guess she was some sort of catfish using men for attention and when the time came to meet she flaked on you. I have experienced it myself where they suggest meeting, then need to reschedule for some good reason and then ultimately flake.

 

It wasn't that you did something wrong, she simply flaked on you and you are not the first one and will not be the last.

 

Lesson learned. Meet sooner than later so you do not waste your time. If someone is serious they will want to meet you even if it is at a distance because of covid.

 

Lost

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OLD can be a great tool, but it's not wise to invest in any one potential date. Think of it like speed-meeting and consider that most people will NOT be our match. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds.

 

If you can think of how few friendships actually evolve out of all of the people you interact with each week, then it becomes easier to reduce those odds even further to not finding romantic simpatico with every person we meet, either.

 

Set up lots of quick meets for coffee, but don't sink too much time chatting and 'fantasy building' before that. Unless and until a person shows up to meet you, they are strangers and should be treated with the caution you'd hold toward any other stranger.

 

Head high, and consider any rejection as the limits of that person's vision rather than as any reflection on you. Not everyone can 'see' our value, but that doesn't make our value less.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear this. I agree with the rude comment. She may be in a different place than you and these things are unpredictable. Maybe you're also one of her first dates after coming out of a relationship? Either way, she probably shouldn't be dating.

 

I've been separated for awhile now and just started going on a few dates. I can empathize on both sides. Don't take it too hard!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It's not so much that I'm bummed about not going on a date with her, especially as I now know she is capable of being this rude and inconsiderate (I wouldn't want to be with someone who pulls this kind of crap), I'm just wondering what goes through someone's mind when they decide to treat strangers like garbage for no good reason. The consensus that this behaviour is not ok has cheered me up a little. On to meeting more interesting people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It's not so much that I'm bummed about not going on a date with her, especially as I now know she is capable of being this rude and inconsiderate (I wouldn't want to be with someone who pulls this kind of crap), I'm just wondering what goes through someone's mind when they decide to treat strangers like garbage for no good reason. The consensus that this behaviour is not ok has cheered me up a little. On to meeting more interesting people.

 

Nobody can explain a flake, police a flake or change a flake. One good use of encountering them is learning how to recognize them early and say no thanks.

 

Head high.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Sorry to hear that. There's too much chitchat and too many lateral moves. That in itself is a red flag.

Next time meet asap.

the past few weeks we had been chatting there. Everything going well, with daily good natured exchanges.

 

swap numbers and move on to whatsapp. She agreed to it and we started chatting there, everything still going well.

 

Then after some more chitchat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm just wondering what goes through someone's mind when they decide to treat strangers like garbage for no good reason. The consensus that this behaviour is not ok has cheered me up a little. On to meeting more interesting people.

 

They're not thinking of the stranger; they're thinking only of themselves.

 

She was rude, no question about it. I still think that perhaps she's not single and got busted. Whatever the case, it's better that it happened before even meeting her rather than having gone out a couple times only to be ghosted.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...