Laurencesgur Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 I started dating a man who is 71 yrs old and I am 55 yrs old about 2 1/2 months ago. I was crazy about him. I noticed he was very sensitive about his age. But when I looked at him I didn't see age. We slept together about 4 weeks after we started dating. After our first time together he made a comment about how I probably was going to move on because we already had sex. Ughh. Then he started making more hurtful remarks. Just out of no where. He belittled my feelings for him actually the whole time we have been together. Broke up with me 3 times as well. Each time something happened my feelings became less for him. Now I barely have any thing left for him! He has alot of feelings for him though! I know he is hurting. And if I could turn a switch on and still felt all the passion again for him I would. I am feeling so much anxiety and stress that sometimes I just feel numb. I can't even look at him right now because I can't look at him the way that I should. Looking for advice on how to rekindle my passion for him? Any other feedback is welcome too! Thanks! Link to comment
Eliza50 Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 He's made hurtful remarks, he's belittled your feelings and he's broken up with you 3 times in 2 months. Why do you even want to rekindle the passion and aren't just glad you're over him? Am I missing something? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 2.5 months?? That's not long enough for hardly anything. If you're having this bad of problems this early on, call it a day. Seriously...huge reg flags all over the place that this is not going to be a good thing. Link to comment
HealingLight Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 This man has had 71 years to learn better. He's acting like a little boy, no wonder you lost feelings for him. I'd be more concerned if you still had feelings. You deserve better. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 Why on earth do you want to rekindle your passion for this jerk? Link to comment
poorlittlefish Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 It sounds like he's letting his past experiences colour his life with you. He went into it expecting you to make comments about his age, leave him after you slept with him etc and his guard was very much up to protect himself. He belittled your feelings because his self esteem is such that he cannot understand why anyone would want to be with him or experience genuine feelings for him. Sadly, at 71, it's unlikely that is going to change, so with all that drama in what should be the honeymoon period, it's probably best to cut your losses. You are quite a bit younger than him, so you have plenty of time to find someone better for you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 Ok 10 weeks of dating is a good time to realize you're not compatible and the attraction isn't there. Happens all the time. He has done fine for 70 odd years without you and he'll be fine after you end it. Don't string anyone along.I started dating a man who is 71 yrs old and I am 55 yrs old about 2 1/2 months ago. Broke up with me 3 times as well. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 OP, after 10 weeks it has been on and off three times. Run for the hills. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 He has a funny way of showing he's "hurting". He's "hurting" so his solution is to verbally abuse you? That's supposed to make his "hurting" feel better? Why do you cling to this man? Do you fear you won't find anyone else? Look, I am about your same age. I am, gasp, "alone". And no calamity has befallen me. I would rather be totally single than try to placate a verbally abusive man. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 Yup, time to move on. This isnt going to work. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 It has only been 2.5 months and you are dealing with all of this crap! Sister, you should have been done after the first break up or insult. Why have you allowed this? No one can be that lonely. I cannot believe you want to continue?! Do you usually choose men who treat you poorly? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 This has nothing to do with losing feelings. You are reacting to his horrible treatment of you by changing your impression of him to a negative one and not wanting to be around him. What's this "help" you're asking for? How to change your impression of his behavior to view it as positive?? "Losing feelings" to me means a situation where for no apparent reason one person doesn't feel the same about her partner - often it can happen because the person might be depressed in general or met someone else who sparked strong interest. But the key is "no apparent reason" - you have plenty of reasons why your impression of him changed. His age is irrelevant. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 Well, you don't reciprocate those feelings. Usually individuals come to the forum to work through their feelings. You already know what you're feeling so this reads to me as more of a venting post. If you do want more help or suggestions, is he open to discussion or does he shut you down/break up with you whenever you have something to say? Or belittled you how? If you speak more about the kinds of issues you have, I think you'd get more insight or tips on how to handle conflict. Not everyone has top notch 100% A+++ self-esteem and security in themselves. At 71, he's probably been through the wringer, his body isn't what it used to be, people have come and gone through the decades and he's seen the good, the bad and the ugly. Not a surprise. From the little you wrote, I don't have much to go on in terms of what to suggest to you other than to pay more attention to your feelings and ask yourself what keeps you there. Link to comment
goddess Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 "he started making more hurtful remarks. Just out of no where. He belittled my feelings for him actually the whole time we have been together. Broke up with me 3 times as well." No wonder you are losing feelings for him. More importantly, why on earth are you putting up with this ridiculous nonsense? Seriously? You should count your lucky stars that you've discovered how toxic this relationship already is. If he's like this now, well, you know the rest. Muster up some self respect and forget trying to "how to rekindle my passion for him". These are all red flags, IMHO. I would definitely run the other way but I suppose if you really want to rekindle your passion for him, perhaps you both should seek counselling. I will again reiterate that it's probably pointless. Do yourself a favour and leave. You don't need these issues in your life. Link to comment
goddess Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 I totally agree with this. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted December 8, 2019 Share Posted December 8, 2019 He's abusive, he's way too old and he doesn't respect you at all. Three breakups in 2 months? What the actual hell 😒, why are u going back to that sht. Stop digging underground. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 He's obviously not for you. His comments are repugnant. So what if he's hurting? He deserves it! He had the nerve to be impertinent towards you! Stop putting up with all of his _ _ _ _. You need to dump him as in yesterday. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 OP, do you have a pattern of these types of men (abusive)? What's with dating old men? Link to comment
ninjabib Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 OP this man is no good for you. Dump him! Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 The reason you are falling out of love is because he has excess emotional baggage. It's a sad thing to say, but some people have too much to be a good catch. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 I wouldn't have feelings for an emotional blackmailer, either. Next time he contacts me I'd tell him that he self-fulfilled his prophecy, and he's talked me right out of wanting to see him anymore. End of story. Link to comment
goddess Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 I think OP ran for the hills. She hasn't responded to any of us. Hmmm... Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 I think OP ran for the hills. I don't think she got the advice she wanted to her. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Another hit and run poster. Link to comment
Laurencesgur Posted December 10, 2019 Author Share Posted December 10, 2019 I'm miserable right now because I feel that he robbed him and I of something that could have been really good!. He.seems sorry for everything now that I barely have any feelings left for him. I guess he thinks that I can just turn on a switch and feel like I use too! Link to comment
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