Jump to content

JandJMom

Bronze Member
  • Posts

    56
  • Joined

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

JandJMom's Achievements

Enthusiast

Enthusiast (6/14)

  • Dedicated Rare
  • Reacting Well Rare
  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter

Recent Badges

5

Reputation

  1. Thanks, everyone. Last night, I went over there and ended up having a really good night. We went to dinner and then he took me out for ice cream that we ate in the bed of his truck. Then he said that I need to stop being so hard on myself and so insecure about him. He told me that he knows I don't believe him but he wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to be with me. And that even if we're fighting, I've got to just tell him that he's being an *** because I will back down because I don't want to fight. He told me that he loves me and that I was worth all of it. He told me that I don't need to worry about his friend, ever. I honestly didn't even bring up the show that we were supposed to go to. I should of but I don't know, I wasn't mad about it anymore. He does definitely treat me like his gf. And when I'm with them, I know nothing is going on. I think I'm honestly just jealous at how close they are. I'm not going to mention them anymore, unless it's an actual problem. But I am going to make sure that if he starts to show that I'm not a priority to him, that he knows that I've got my own life and stuff, too. Not waiting around for him whenever I'm free.
  2. Ugh, but it's not all the time. Most of the time, he makes me feel so special. But any kind of conflict, he gets angry. The next day we can talk it over calmly. I just wish that I was one of those girls who could just drop people 😔 I feel like I give everyone 80 chances. Until they leave me and make me look stupid. 😫 I don't know how to break things off. Then I always feel like that was my last chance and I'll never find anyone again.
  3. I am going to focus more on my stuff. I've been trying to make him know that he is a priority to me. And he does come over, every now and then, he comes to my son's sports games, we hang out with the kids when they're not busy (my teenager works now and my son has football every night). He does do things for me. I'm just feeling very insecure about us right now. 😔. I do have a life outside of him, though. I've put it on the back burner a little bit because, I like to be with him. But maybe he needs to see that Im with him because I want to be with him, but I can certainly do something else if he doesn't see that.
  4. I really am trying to work on this. And my kids aren't super young. But I feel anxious anytime I have to change plans and maybe he's still mad at this. But stuff comes up and I shouldn't have to be afraid to tell him that I need to change them. Last night when we talked, I just asked him to be more aware of my feelings. And he said he'd work on that but asked if it could go both ways. I told him that I am working on it because he's worth it and that hopefully I am too. He told me I was. But now, lying about why he doesn't want to go on Thursday. Like 1, I couldn't easily check on that myself. And 2, like I would be upset that we didn't go. I'm cool for anything. Laying around watching TV or going out. I'm tired of bringing things up. Maybe I should let it go? It's not that big of a deal, but I hate that he lied to me and why?? I'm trying so hard to trust him. But I feel like I'll never be able to trust him because he'll lie about stupid stuff. 😫 I'm going to try to bring it up in a way that I'm not mad or whatever, just want to know why. But I feel like he's just going to get defensive and mad.
  5. Sometimes. I usually do, but I don't know what's happening now. I haven't been in many relationships. And my ex husband and I were married when I was 22 and I finally moved out when I was 36. I haven't been in a real relationship since and I don't know how it works. And now I'm so anxious because I don't know what's going on 😔
  6. No, I honestly didn't even mention her. I told him that I felt like he was ignoring me all day and then when I tried to talk to him he was basically like well, I was going to tell you about my day but youre not coming over anymore. And then stopped talking to me. That's when I went over there to see him, but his friend was over. I told him that what he said kind of hurt my feelings. One day he'll say don't worry about ever having to cancel because of the kids (which I hardly ever do) but on the other hand will be annoyed when I have to change plans. I told him that sometimes he doesn't seem like he cares about my feelings. Like when he asked if I was ok, I honestly wanted to ask him would it matter if I wasn't? I will say, he's not a feelings type of guy. He likes to show how he feels with touch, not even in a sexual way, but holding my hand, stuff like that. And he always tells me that he's not great with words. But still, like a quick text even just telling me youre busy is all that I need.
  7. Thank you everyone. I honestly don't know what's going on. We kind of talked about everything last night and he said he'd try to do better. Today I went over for a little bit and he was a little quiet. It felt like he might be a little mad. I just stopped by after work for a little bit and then went to hang out with my daughter for a bit. So it was only an hour or so. But he seemed a little distant. We were talking about doing more date night things last week and we were looking at a comedy show. I asked him if he wanted to still go and he told me that the show had sold out. I double checked after I left and it's not sold out. 😔 So I'm not sure exactly what's going on now. Tomorrow, I'll be over for our regular night out, so we'll have some actual time together. I guess we will discuss everything then. I don't want to break up with him. But I don't know, I don't know that he cares enough to talk everything through in a calm manner tomorrow. I don't want to fight.
  8. Yes. She's never hanging on him or anything. And we've hung out before. Like I said, I honestly don't think that anything would happen between them. And he helps her out a lot, but he's never been like "Hey, I've got to cancel on you because I've got to go help her do whatever". But he's defensive about her, whenever I say anything. I don't always feel like they spend a lot of time together. But the week of the 4th, he had to go over there to help her build a grill. Then we go to the BBQ, her friends asking who I was and oh "I thought you guys were together". He cooked the whole time we were there for her and her friends. Then the next day, he had to go over to help her with a fan or something. I mean, it's friend stuff, I know. But sometimes, it's excessive. And then to barely even talk to me all day and then I go there because I feel bad, she's laying on the couch was just too much I felt like. But maybe it's me
  9. I honestly think that this is it. And I'm trying really hard to accept it. Most of the time I'm fine with it. And honestly, I work a decent amount so I can't always do stuff with him. He doesn't see her that often, I guess. And I know I can't tell him "no, I can't go with you but you have to go alone". I'm jealous of their relationship, I guess. And she wasn't really a problem anyway until about Christmas time. That's when she was injured at work and she couldn't drive for a little bit and I feel like he's been spending a lot of time with her really since then. But still, I'm with him most of the time, when we're not working. But she does call and text him a lot. And even the comments of them being a couple, they probably thought they were a couple before I came around. I don't know. I know it's a me thing and I'm fine with it 95% of the time. I know that it's not really going to change though, so I either get over it or move on. A part of me wanted to tell my friend to start texting and calling more. I know my boyfriend would not like it. But that's just me being petty 😒😒
  10. I feel like we've had this conversation so many times. It's a little different. It has nothing to do with her. It's him not doing the one thing that I asked him to do. And if he even cares. I don't know. A part of me is scared to find out.
  11. I think you're right about that. Whenever we talk about it, he gets so mad. Asking me why I don't trust him and that he doesn't feel that way about her. But if she needs him, he's going to be there for her. He said she's important. And he would do the same for me, he's offered to help pay for things. When it's me and him or us and the kids, he's really good to me. And he does tell people he's with me. I just told him that I'm trying to trust that he won't lie to me. And maybe he just thinks it's not lying, but it's not telling me. I'm really just upset that he kind of ignored me yesterday and had an attitude that I wasn't staying over his house last night. It was through text, so I'm trying not to read into it, but I know he knew that he messed up when I showed up there. He told me I don't ever have to call or whatever to come over, so I didn't.
  12. He asked me about an hour ago if everything was ok. I don't know how to answer it, so I'm not yet. Luckily, I'm at work. A part of me wants to be petty and ask if it would matter if it was or not. I don't want to fight about it. I'm honestly just upset because he didn't even want to talk to me yesterday. Its fine if he was just busy. But if he was hanging out, even if it was being busy but with her hanging around and not even want to tell me what he did all day, that part hurts my feelings. But I don't want to fight, and I feel like he'll think I'm trying to fight. I don't know. How should I answer him?
  13. He does have kids and she helped him out with his kids when they would come stay for the summer. She helped him when he was going through custody battles and all of that stuff, too. His kids are grown now and live up north, near their mom. I will say, that literally I feel good about our relationship 95% of the time. I do get to spend a decent amount of time with him, without her. He hangs out with my kids, when they're not busy. We do stuff together. We just went on a week long vacation to his home town. I met the little bit of family that he does talk to, all that. He told me that I need to stop and that the only way that I'm getting rid of him is if I don't want to be with him anymore. He said he's only brought two other people up to meet his family and that that should tell me something. He tells me that he's happy with me. I am actually happy with him. But she is the only hiccup I have. And again, not even her, but him not being as transparent as I'd like him to be with me. A part of me feels like I am being crazy because I'm almost positive that I wouldn't even bat an eye if she was a guy. That's why I'm worried about am I overreacting? But I think a part of me knows that this is a weird dynamic though, too. I'm torn. I want to be with him. But it feels like he doesn't care about how I feel about it anyway. Thats the part that hurts. 😔
  14. Am I wrong here? I'm going to try to keep this short. My boyfriend has a very close friend. They've been friends since he moved here 10 years ago and she's helped him through a lot, with his ex and with his kids. They've never been together romantically or sexually. But, they would do everything together, so even now, there are people who think that they are together. I've known about her almost since day one, but didn't meet her until 9 months in, which he was kind of defensive about me meeting her. He said that he doesn't have much family and that she is like his family, so meeting her, his only friend, was a big deal and he didn't want me meeting her unless he thought we were staying together. We were at a BBQ at her house and people were asking who I was, and when he told them, they asked when him and said friend broke up? His friend laughed and said that they were never together like that. Just they're really close and that "he can't help how other people see them". My boyfriend and I have been together over a year. We had a kind of argument about it. She calls him for everything. It feels like if she needs a lightbulb screwed in, she calls her. If she has a problem with her kids, she calls him. She ended up getting hurt at work and was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury and he had to drive her around, she wasn't working, so he was buying her groceries. She went on vacation, he drove her to the airport 3 hours away, they stayed in the same hotel room. But he was telling me about it and at first he just kept saying he had to take his "buddy" to the airport. Then as the time came closer, I learned that it was her. I learned everytime he said "buddy" or "friend" it was her. Only her. I don't believe that anything is going on. I just don't understand why he can't just say me and said friend are doing whatever. We had an argument about it. One, I was uncomfortable about people always thinking they were together. I asked him what they were doing to make people think that they were a couple? That's when he said that he can't help what other people think of them. It's just not true. They're just really close friends and he doesn't have anyone he can trust like that. He said that if they would go shopping together for like a couch or something, they would act like they were married to get a better deal or something. He just bought a couch in February, I was supposed to go shopping with him for it, but the one day he asked, I had to do something with my son. So he asked her to go and they did it then. I know this sounds stupid, but I told him I was really uncomfortable with that. They sometimes do act like a married couple, but it's because they've just been doing stuff together for so long. I feel like an outsider to them. And sometimes, I really do feel like why aren't you with her, why are you with me? It does make me insecure. But he says I don't trust him and that it's my problem. I asked that day if he could just, you know, just tell me when they're together. A lot of times, he's with her and just doesn't say it and I just find out through him talking that something that he was telling me that he was doing, stupid stuff, shopping or whatever, he was doing it with her. He was actually mad that night but he told me that he just doesn't think about it but he will try to tell me. He told me, though, that he wants to be with me and that I need to trust him. That if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't. I need to stop stressing over us, because our relationship shouldn't add any stress to my life. It should make it better. He says that, but I just don't understand why he can't see it from my point of view? Leading to last night...We have family in town. I live with my parents to save up money, plus they live in the same town that my ex and I live in, so my kids can keep going to their schools. I had originally planned to stay over my boyfriends house and my kids were going to go to their dads. But my kids wanted to spend more time with their cousins and my daughter asked if I could stay with them, whatever. So I changed that. So maybe he was annoyed, but it literally would have just been to sleep there, like 10pm until 6am, and I'd get up and go to work. But maybe he was annoyed with that. I barely heard from him yesterday. I tried to ask what he was doing, but he didn't answer. I asked three times while I was at work, but I barely got any responses from him and he never would answer what he had planned for the afternoon. I was planning on going to see him for a few after work, before I went to my family's to have dinner with them. No big deal, it was Saturday and he was probably busy working on his truck and stuff. It was cool, I'd talk to him later. He texted me around 6 and said that he hoped that I had a good day at work. I told him that it was ok, it was crazy. I told him that I missed hearing from him and all that. I asked him what he'd been up to all day? I asked if he was working on his truck? And he just replied, "well, I was going to tell you all about my day when I saw you but I guess 🤷". And I was mad at that a little bit. We're not kids. But whatever, I didn't want to argue. I just told him that he knew I had family here and that I was actually trying to ask him what he was doing all that day, but he never answered. I told him that I just figured he was busy and would talk to him later. I left it at that. Anyway, I feel a little bad and I had about an hour before I needed to go pick my 16 year old up from work, so I go over to his house and call him to let him know I'm there. He comes to let me in and is just like "oh yeah, (his friend) is hanging out. She's on the couch". I just nod and laugh and go hang out. He doesn't say anything to me. I talk with her, I like her, I have no problems with her. But I realize that they've probably been together the whole day. That's why I've barely heard from him. I talk to her, i need to go pick up my daughter so I leave. I honestly try to leave alone, but he walks me out. He hasn't talked to me the whole time I was there, but it's whatever they were watching a movie I was talking to her. He laughs and is like, yeah she just was bored. I'm so tired of her though, I'm going to take her home now. I just laugh and say yeah yeah yeah and he kisses me and I leave. I know they're not sleeping together or anything. But for some reason, the way he just doesn't tell me when they're together, even though that's the only thing I asked, just makes me so insecure. I just don't understand why he makes a point to keep it from me. Is it because he thinks I'm going to get mad? Does he really just not think that it's a big deal? Is it in protest, because he doesn't want to see like he's checking in with me or whatever? My feelings are hurt though. Last night, he texted me goodnight and that was it. He just texted good morning, like nothing even happened last night. And I don't even know what to say? Maybe I shouldn't even be hurt by it. They technically weren't doing anything wrong. I'd never ask him to not be friends with her or not hang out. I'm not even asking for an invite or anything. I'm just asking that he just say "hey, me and so and so are going to get some food". It's just weird that he hides it like that. I really wouldn't care at all if he was just up front. But him not telling me is just annoying me. And when we talk about it, it always comes back to me not trusting him. I don't not trust him when it comes to them doing anyway, but I don't trust him not to lie to me about things and I don't like that. I guess what I'm asking is should he have to tell me that he's hanging out with his friend?
  15. So, when I asked that question, it was more of a sarcastic comment. I know that my kids come first and I'm super close to my kids. I think I'm just trying to figure out how to do it all, you know? I don't think that I know how to be a good parent and girlfriend at the same time? And I always feel like I'm neglecting someone. I feel bad leaving my kids the 2 nights that I do. I'm used to seeing them everyday, now it barely feels like I see them half of the week. Maybe it's my feelings that are just messing everything up. My kids always come first. Even last night, he didn't say anything about me spending time with the kids. I just want to know how to make time for all 😩
×
×
  • Create New...