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JandJMom

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  1. Well, I texted him last night just telling him that it was a long busy day but that I hope that he had a good day and that I was thinking about him. It was kind of late, around 1030 at night, so I wasn't truly expecting an answer. Well, he texted this morning, said that he missed me and that he was free tonight. I told him great, that I would text him when I got off and he said please do. Texted him after work, just telling him that I'd gotten off and if he still wanted to meet up to let me know and haven't heard from him. Sooooo, lol, it's fine. But I'm done with that. But thank you for all of your advice! I'm just going to not do this anymore for awhile 🙃
  2. I texted him last night just telling him that it was a long busy day (which it was, work, son's tutoring, and daughter's softball game) but that I was thinking of him and that I hope that he had a good day. No response, but it was kind of late when I sent it. How often should I text him? People have told me that if he wants to talk to you he will...I've never thought like that, but then people say that I'm chasing when I message them first. Lol, I just don't know how this works. If I text him good morning, but I texted him last night with no response, is that too much? I'm overthinking, lol. I don't know how to casually date, I like him, but at this point if he doesn't text me back, I won't be super hurt. But if I keep going a few weeks like this, I might. So I want to avoid that.
  3. Long story, as usual....but should I text this guy? Or did he use me? Well, I started chatting with a guy on OkCupid last week. We started chatting then I gave him my number. He called me after, we talked, I had to go, but he started texting me. We ended up texting until 2 in the morning. He texted me in the morning and throughout the day and said that he wanted to meet me that night. I honestly had plans already and told him that I was busy but he asked if I could just meet him for a few minutes. I agreed. He met me after I met with my friends and we sat outside of a restaurant and talked for almost an hour. I'll admit, physically, I wasn't attracted to him. But talking to him was very nice. It was really good conversation. He was very attentive, took my hand and held it, off and on. It was really nice. I had to go, but he said that he was very glad that I met with him and that he wanted to kiss me goodnight. I let him and the kiss was very nice. He asked if I was actually going to call him again, I said I would, and that was it. I agreed to go out with him again on Saturday. We went to lunch, then back to his place where we talked, a lot, but then ended up sleeping together. Afterwards, he asked me again if I was actually going to call him again, I told him I would. Of course, since then, we've talked for a little bit once a day, but not like before. Then I told him Sunday that I was free all day on Thursday and he said that he was, too, so we made plans to get together then. So, I'm kind of learning to not be so needy and not chase after these guys, so I've kind of adopted the "if he wants to talk to me, he will"...so one day, I didn't hear from him, so I didn't text him. He texted me late that night asking "why I'd been so quiet?". I just told him that I didn't want to bother him if he was busy and he said that I would never bother him. So anyway, Wednesday comes and he texts me saying that he had a long day and he had to go to Maryland for work (it's about 3 hours away). I told him that I was looking forward to seeing him on Thursday, but I understand how work is, and that it was ok. He said that he was pretty sure that he would be back sometime Thursday so we should still be able to see each other. Thursday comes and he texts me good morning and we chat for a little bit, but I don't hear from him most of the day. He texts me around 5 saying that he'd be home by 8, if I still wanted to meet up. I tell him that I can't wait. But then around 630, he texts me saying that he had to pull over because his car was making noises and that he'd have to take a rain check because the place that he had it towed to was closed and couldn't look at it then. That was the last that I heard from him. Sorry that I posted a literal book. I'm trying to get back into this dating thing, but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm trying to not make the same mistakes, lol. He's a nice guy and I'd like to keep seeing him, but I'd rather get rid of him before I start to have real feelings for him if he's lying to me. What do guy guys think? Did I get used for sex? Or do I not have to hear from him everyday for him to want to date?
  4. I feel like I've been alone for the past 3 years, but I haven't healed at all. I don't know how to heal or what to do because I see my husband all the time, too. I actually feel guilty for not wanting to be with him, or try to work it out. And, multiple people have told me that I'm just holding onto this guy to make myself feel better. And I probably am. And I have been stressing over it, but I can never just relax and enjoy what I have. I don't know how. I'm not even looking for anything serious, I know I don't want anything serious. I'd love to have this guy as like a nice friend with benefits, honestly. But for some reason, I can't relax and just enjoy what I have. Probably because neither one of us are in positions where we can relax. 😩
  5. I know that this is not going to end well, but I'm apparently a glutton for punishment. I've posted about this guy before, but didn't tell the whole truth about the situation. But I started talking to a guy at work, he told me from get go that we needed to take it slow, but things were complicated, but that was into me. He's married. Not happily. He sleeps on the floor in his 2 year old's room. His wife is not a citizen, they never got her green card and she can't work, and they can't exactly divorce each other, yet. She has another boyfriend and her plan is to leave and take his kids with her and move to Florida. Which he wants to fight her on. I'm also married, legally. My situation is different. Financial reasons and by the kids are the only reason we are still connected. I know, this is a disaster 😔 When we are together, it's so nice though. We're both off on Thursdays so we usually do something then. We haven't had sex, have barely made it passed second base because I'm so shy. Yesterday we were out, I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him. But I don't even know how to make those moves anymore. It's been so long. Plus, most of the time, we're with 3 little boys, all under 6. I love being with them. But, sometimes I feel like I have more feelings invested in this then he does. He doesn't really text me first anymore. I usually make all of the plans. I told him that if he doesn't want me to talk to him anymore to just let me know, and he always says no, he still wants to talk to me and to relax. That if he didn't want to talk or see me, that he wouldn't do it. The other day though I asked if he wanted to take the kids to the zoo and he said yes, but then he said that his wife wanted to come. So I told him that I couldn't do that, that it was awkward. I did text him and tell him that I feel like the gods are sending me a sign that maybe I shouldn't be talking to him anymore (sorry, we're pagans). He told me that our fate has already been decided and that there wasn't anything to do about it, we were just along for the ride. So I told him that that was fine, but I didn't know if I should be riding with him or not and that I felt like I was going to get hurt. He told me that I was a free woman but that he had no intentions of hurting me. Then I asked what his intentions were? Like what were we doing? He said that he was a trapped man in a marriage that wasn't even a marriage anymore. That things were so messed up and complicated and that he told me that from the get go. I told him that I didn't know what to do? Should I stop talking to him and move on? Still be friends? But not like we are now? He said to just live day by day. He texted me the next morning, saying that his son was asking about my son. I asked what he thought that I should do, he told me to come even if his wife did come, that we could deal with a third wheel. I told him ok. She didn't come anyway, so it was a nice day out, but I know what I want to happen probably never will. Plus, things already aren't the same as they used to be. But every time I tell myself that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore and don't contact him, he does something that makes me keep hope. Plus, I see him almost everyday. How do I even try to let him go if I have to see him all the time. Even when I try to ignore him and stay away, he always finds me and tries to make me smile. I don't know what to do or even do what I know I should do 😭. I can't let go of the feelings or him 😭. I even talk to other guys. I just can't.
  6. Honestly, this is what I'm going for. He told me that he's going to need someone through this, and I feel like he will definitely need a friend to get through that. I just need to learn how to slow it down and just see what happens. I honestly think that this could be an awesome friendship, if I can relax. We talked for 2 hours about making wands and nerd decals and starting an Etsy together. Eventually, I'll be fine. But sometimes it seems that other people can walk away from a relationship or possible relationship so easy, and I feel like I get so upset when I shouldn't.
  7. We did go out and he texted me when he got home that he had a really good time. We played mini golf and played at the arcade. But, I guess, I thought we'd spend the whole time off together, so that was me thinking more into it. I know that this is a temporary feeling for me. Yes, I'm lonely, but I usually have lots of other stuff going on. The pandemic is more than likely just giving me a lot more time to think about all of this. Plus, within my 3 years since my husband and I ended, I've only talked to two guys and that started in February. Usually, I'm running my kids to friends houses, meetings, sports, and seeing my friends, but we don't do much of that anymore. My daughter is starting back up with softball soon, so we'll be outside a lot more with other people. I know it will get better. I am going to start going to therapy, though. I thought about it before the virus, my then 5 year old started seeing one for behavior issues, and I'd talked to her about possibly going myself, but then they started doing zoom only and my kids were home full time. I honestly just feel like I need someone to talk to. I do have family, kids and friends. I just don't feel like I can talk to family because they don't understand feelings. They're not very emotional and, like I said, my mom is pushing me to get back with my husband just because "I'll be alone when the kids are gone". Most, or all, of my friends that I see on a daily basis are happily married. They're not close friends, just people I'd go to dinner with, I call them my mom friends, they don't even know that my husband and I aren't together anymore. I'm embarrassed to tell them. Especially now, since it's been so long. So I have to pretend around them that everything is good and that I'm happy. That doesn't help, I know, but I don't want everyone to know everything. 😩 Also, they're my daughter's friends parents, so I don't want her business out for the world either. So, again, I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this anymore, and I think it's starting to take its toll. In fact, the only ones who know the whole story are the two guys that I started talking to and one other friend. I started keeping a journal, so maybe that will help. But thank you. Hopefully, these feelings will all pass. Everything will eventually work out, but I'm just sad now.
  8. Yes, you're right. But what if I never meet anyone again 😞 and maybe that's irrational, but that's how I feel. I haven't had anyone even look at me in 3 years. The odds are completely against me.
  9. I know. And I know this is my issue. My self confidence and self worth is at an all time low right now. I can feel it. I'm sad, all the time. Second guessing everything that I say to everyone. I'm insecure about every interaction and every decision that I make. I feel like anyone who is even half worth it, I have to cling to because no one else is going to even give me the time. I've been alone for three years and this is the first person that's shown any interest in me. There's a reason for that right? If I don't wait for him, then there is no one. And, also, I think that there is a reason for everything and everyone. What was the reason for this guy to come in and make me feel good about myself and then just to leave him? This is crazy unhealthy, but he told me the other night that he has tried to kill himself 4 times and never succeeded and that I must be his fate. Why are people out in our lives for no reason? This is me thinking it through. But, I think I need therapy. I just don't want to be alone my whole life. I look at statistics, I'm black, I'm 36. The odds are against me. I want to be ok with not having someone to love, but thinking about it just makes me sad. If my husband, who wasn't even this prize, didn't want me and could get someone else, and I can't. Then I was the issue. I used to be happy, but I just feel ruined now.
  10. So, I posted last week about me and a guy from work talking. It was so nice at first. He was flirty and cute and he actually liked me. But I can tell, it's fizzling out. And I'm sad. I don't get much attention from men. And it's been 3 years since I've had sex so I was really looking forward to it. I was pretty sure that this wasn't going to be serious. He has a lot of issues, as do I. But I thought it was finally just going to have a casual relationship that I needed, just to feel alive again. Not like the lonely, frumpy mom that I am. I'm sad. Lol. And I just wish that I was like other people, who seemingly would just be like "well, he's not worth it, time to move on.". I don't know how to do this. He does have other issues. He asked me to please be there for him when they start (he's about to go through a custody battle). I'm ok with being friends. I don't think he's in a headspace for a relationship. And honestly, since I'm sitting in my car alone crying, I'm not either. Do I still be there for him as a friend? I don't text him first, but we still talk as friends. I am less responsive to his texts. Should I just be normal though? I'm done with trying to flirt with him. I still have to see and interact with him at work. On Friday, I talked to him and told him that I thought that he was pulling away. Again, he told me that he wasn't pulling away, but things with his ex-wife were getting crazy. He told me that he did have feelings for me, but he felt bad for having them because he felt he wasn't good for me. He told me that I would know if he weren't into me, because he would "always be honest with me". I told him I that I would be here and I could wait for as long as he needed. He told me that he has schizophrenia and that he's difficult, but that he is into me. And that he had a good heart and that he's afraid of a rushed relationship, because they never turn out well. I also asked him to be patient with my insecurities. I can't deal with the feelings that people just talk to me because they feel bad and not because they actually like me, even just friends. Like I said, I have my own issues. But still, I feel like it's fizzling. We actually went out the other night, with 3 out of our 4 kids. It was really fun. The kids got along, we played mini golf and had fun at the arcade. But no kisses, as promised, no touches snuck. And he asked me to take off a few days with him, so I did, but that was the only time that we got to spend together. I asked if he wanted to take the kids to the park yesterday and he said that he couldn't. I told him that I was kind of disappointed that we didn't really get to spend time together this week, and I said "I know! I'm so sorry. I have a lot going on right now." And not to be sad. 😕. And really, he hasn't said anything flirty in a couple of weeks. A few comments here and there, but not like we used to. I even tried last night. He said he was going to take a bath and while he talked to me while he was there, I jokingly said I was coming to join him and he said "this baths not big enough". I was joking, he usually would have gone along with it, but no bite. My posts are all over the place, I'm sorry about that. I think I just need to step back, be there for him, and maybe get myself into therapy. I feel like I'm the problem, but I don't know how to get my feelings in check to not mess up everything.
  11. I'm not going to lie, I don't think I'm looking for anything serious with him anyway. He's a really nice guy, and I don't want to be mean, but he's not the type of guy that I can see myself taking home to meet my parents. The more I talk to him, the more I see that he's not the marrying type, not yet anyway. I'm just looking for a little fun, at the moment, so I guess I'm asking, if he still seems like he's interested in a casual relationship still, lol. We took off time next week together and at first he was saying all the things that we were going to do. But the other day, I asked if we were still going to hang out, and then he said as much as I'd like to do "things to you" I think it would be really nice if we got the kids together to do something fun. Which is fine, but I was ready to have fun without kids, if you know what I mean. So, I don't know. We have sons around the same age and we've talked about getting them together a decent amount, so it will be kind of a date. I don't know. I think I'm just desperate at this point. I don't even think I want to be married again, but I'm lonely and like to have the attention of a man. So it's been nice to have someone, that's seen me in person, lately, to be interested in me. I don't have the highest self esteem, so I feel like I need to take what I can get.
  12. Honestly, I haven't had sex in 3 years. I wasn't looking for it for a long time, but now I'm ready to have a little fun. So I'm fine. I'm not looking for a serious relationship, at this time. We're both the same age, have a lot of things in common, I like talking to him. Do I think this is some long term thing? No. I think that I'm just ready to get out a little bit. So I think this is fine. Or maybe I'm just desperate for some kind of intimacy and I'm not that pretty, so Im just taking what I can get 😩
  13. At work, I was telling one of my friends that one of the other guys at work was my "type". Lol, he always stopped to talk to me about his kids, he's a really hard worker, he's funny, and he's so cute! Literally, the next day, he found me on Facebook and we've been talking everyday since November. At work, we don't get to talk as much. He works in a different area than me and our schedules are a bit off. We've gone to lunch together a few times, but at the moment he gets off before I'd even be able to take my lunch, so can't even do that now. We haven't gotten to hang out outside of work either. I've been working 50+ hours a week, plus we're both single parents. It's just been hard. But our texts were friendly, but soon turned flirty/sexual. But, early on, we had expressed, both of us, that we were going to take it real slow, see where this goes, and just get to know eachother. But sometimes, when he's drunk, he's talked about getting married, having kids, and he said he loved me. I know he was drunk though, and we've only been talking for 2 months. He doesn't even remember, more than likely, saying that stuff. The other night, he went to give his kids a bath (that's what he said when he got back), but I made a comment since he was gone a few minutes "you sick of me already? Find someone new to talk to? Lol" and when he came back he said that he doesn't have many friends that he talks to, just one of his friends from middle school. And said do I sense a bit of jealousy? And I laughed and said no. His exact words were "I thought we were just kicking back and taking things slow. Sexual tension is normal. Just roll with it. Don't try to make things happen.". But what does that mean?? The last couple of days, texts haven't been as flirty as they had been. I've said a few things, but he doesn't really come back at him like he used to. Could be the kids are around, or maybe I'm being too pushy?
  14. Sorry guys it's me again. You can read my old posts to see how much of a mess I am. I don't even mean to get into these situations. It's my friend again. We didn't talk for months, because of something stupid. I didn't block him, but I erased his number and unfriended, just to let myself get over him. But he's back, again, and for a few weeks, I was doing really well staying indifferent. I didn't text him or call him, if he texted, I would answer, but you know, I wasn't like I usually am. I did so good for awhile. And even now, I still have my guard up, but it's getting really hard. He calls me and texts me all the time. Then last week, we had this long talk about how he doesn't feel good enough for anyone and how he wishes that he could find someone that he could talk to and that it's so hard being alone. And then my dumb self told him that I would be with him if he were here and if I didn't come with so much baggage. But I told him that I wish that I could find someone like him and that I would be with him in a heartbeat (I'm so stupid and desperate, I know 😩😩). He didn't really answer, at first. Then he said that I didn't have that much baggage and that he could deal with it. Then he said "you never know what the future holds.". Then the next morning, he calls me at like 6, asking if I could call out of work, that he was going to come down. 😩. So had we been 20 still, I would have, but Im one a few leads at a retail store, we were starting our black friday sales and we're down a lead. I couldn't call out. And I felt so bad, I told him to come down anyway, but he said it was ok. (Ugh, I feel like I either dodged a bullet or missed out...I can't decide)... But I feel like I need to learn how to chill out and live in the moment. I feel like I always take everything that people say and run with it, sometimes ruining what could have been because I'm feeling desperate. A part of me, doesn't even want a serious relationship. I don't even know how to have one. I finally left my husband, but I'm at my parents house now. Barely have any privacy. Another part of me, is like, I could definitely use a little fun. Please don't judge me, but I haven't had sex in 3 years. A part of me would be ok if that's all this really was. I would love to talk to him for awhile and see how it goes...take it really slow...relax and just enjoy whatever I get out of this. But I always take little things people say and instead of letting it grow into whatever it may be (whether we grow closer or apart), trying to rush it. How do I learn how to relax and just take things step by step? I only get hurt because I try to rush things. I'm fine when I let things play out and we just grow apart. And I know, if you read my old posts, then you're going to be like please get your life together. Lol, I promise, I'm trying. I took the first step and I honestly tried not get involved with this guy again. But, you know...😩
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