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Losing feelings for my bf.. freaking out!


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I started dating a man who is 71 yrs old and I am 55 yrs old about 2 1/2 months ago. I was crazy about him. I noticed he was very sensitive about his age. But when I looked at him I didn't see age. We slept together about 4 weeks after we started dating. After our first time together he made a comment about how I probably was going to move on because we already had sex. Ughh. Then he started making more hurtful remarks. Just out of no where. He belittled my feelings for him actually the whole time we have been together. Broke up with me 3 times as well.

 

Each time something happened my feelings became less for him. Now I barely have any thing left for him! He has alot of feelings for him though! I know he is hurting. And if I could turn a switch on and still felt all the passion again for him I would. I am feeling so much anxiety and stress that sometimes I just feel numb. I can't even look at him right now because I can't look at him the way that I should.

 

Looking for advice on how to rekindle my passion for him? Any other feedback is welcome too! Thanks!

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It sounds like he's letting his past experiences colour his life with you. He went into it expecting you to make comments about his age, leave him after you slept with him etc and his guard was very much up to protect himself. He belittled your feelings because his self esteem is such that he cannot understand why anyone would want to be with him or experience genuine feelings for him. Sadly, at 71, it's unlikely that is going to change, so with all that drama in what should be the honeymoon period, it's probably best to cut your losses. You are quite a bit younger than him, so you have plenty of time to find someone better for you.

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Ok 10 weeks of dating is a good time to realize you're not compatible and the attraction isn't there. Happens all the time. He has done fine for 70 odd years without you and he'll be fine after you end it. Don't string anyone along.

I started dating a man who is 71 yrs old and I am 55 yrs old about 2 1/2 months ago. Broke up with me 3 times as well.
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He has a funny way of showing he's "hurting". He's "hurting" so his solution is to verbally abuse you? That's supposed to make his "hurting" feel better?

 

Why do you cling to this man? Do you fear you won't find anyone else?

 

Look, I am about your same age. I am, gasp, "alone". And no calamity has befallen me. I would rather be totally single than try to placate a verbally abusive man.

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It has only been 2.5 months and you are dealing with all of this crap!

 

Sister, you should have been done after the first break up or insult. Why have you allowed this? No one can be that lonely.

 

I cannot believe you want to continue?! Do you usually choose men who treat you poorly?

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This has nothing to do with losing feelings. You are reacting to his horrible treatment of you by changing your impression of him to a negative one and not wanting to be around him. What's this "help" you're asking for? How to change your impression of his behavior to view it as positive??

 

"Losing feelings" to me means a situation where for no apparent reason one person doesn't feel the same about her partner - often it can happen because the person might be depressed in general or met someone else who sparked strong interest. But the key is "no apparent reason" - you have plenty of reasons why your impression of him changed. His age is irrelevant.

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Well, you don't reciprocate those feelings. Usually individuals come to the forum to work through their feelings. You already know what you're feeling so this reads to me as more of a venting post.

 

If you do want more help or suggestions, is he open to discussion or does he shut you down/break up with you whenever you have something to say? Or belittled you how? If you speak more about the kinds of issues you have, I think you'd get more insight or tips on how to handle conflict. Not everyone has top notch 100% A+++ self-esteem and security in themselves. At 71, he's probably been through the wringer, his body isn't what it used to be, people have come and gone through the decades and he's seen the good, the bad and the ugly. Not a surprise. From the little you wrote, I don't have much to go on in terms of what to suggest to you other than to pay more attention to your feelings and ask yourself what keeps you there.

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"he started making more hurtful remarks. Just out of no where. He belittled my feelings for him actually the whole time we have been together. Broke up with me 3 times as well." No wonder you are losing feelings for him. More importantly, why on earth are you putting up with this ridiculous nonsense? Seriously? You should count your lucky stars that you've discovered how toxic this relationship already is. If he's like this now, well, you know the rest. Muster up some self respect and forget trying to "how to rekindle my passion for him". These are all red flags, IMHO.

 

I would definitely run the other way but I suppose if you really want to rekindle your passion for him, perhaps you both should seek counselling. I will again reiterate that it's probably pointless. Do yourself a favour and leave. You don't need these issues in your life.

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He's obviously not for you.

 

His comments are repugnant. :upset:

 

So what if he's hurting? He deserves it! He had the nerve to be impertinent towards you! Stop putting up with all of his _ _ _ _.

 

You need to dump him as in yesterday.

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I'm miserable right now because I feel that he robbed him and I of something that could have been really good!. He.seems sorry for everything now that I barely have any feelings left for him. I guess he thinks that I can just turn on a switch and feel like I use too!

Edited by Laurencesgur
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