Met him at my worst

[Starlight925]

Wow, I'm subscribing to this thread for Daily updates just so I can see how this ends.

 

This is such a common scam. As so many others have said, please google it, or look up Dr. Phil's episodes on this.

 

I'm so sorry you're in a bad place right now, but I assure you, this is going to make you feel worse once it's all said and done, and you are out even more money, and no, a car is not going to arrive.

[j.man]

Jesus. Please rush to the bank, or call whatever customer service number they've got if they're not open. I admit I can be an ***hole but it truly hurts me knowing someone's praying on a person who's this vulnerable. Jetta, nobody could or should care enough about some random someone they've never met to send a car across the world to them.

 

Get that check cancelled and please, please, PLEASE don't even consider dating for awhile now. You're going to get taken advantage of, and apparently with minimal effort.

[LaHermes]

Is it any wonder that Jetta is in constant tribulation.

 

"I have no value in my family

They hate my existence and wish me dead. I'm having a very hard time coping with this. Nothing I do is good enough. Nothing. I don't know how to deal with this. I told my mom to take it up with God. In front of my daughter she said she brought me in and wished she could take me out.

 

This isn't the first time she's told me how much she hates me. I've been hearing it since I was 12."

 

The online scammers seem to be able to smell the vulnerable from afar.

 

This is terrible.

[RainyCoast]

jetta i apologize profusely for what i am about to say and i swear on my dog i don't mean it in a mean way- have you considered getting legal guardianship for yourself? just for a while, until you have sorted stuff out and recovered materially, psychologically and all? it is available, assistance included in guiding you to be independent, and it also includes protecting your assets. i'd look into it pronto. once you know someone has the legal and financial stuff covered on your behalf, you will likely feel less pressured and thus better able to recover at your own pace.

[LaHermes]

And with the same kind intention I endorse what Rainy just said. Jetta, you are awfully vulnerable and need protection.

[j.man]

I'll be completely honest, this thread is among the worst I've felt bad about on these forums, and it takes a lot for me to get emotionally invested in any way whatsoever. I love these forums but the very first to the very last response should have been nothing else but, "Jetta, put a ****ing stop on that check." I really regret not seeing this thread earlier, though I see many folks have stepped up today.

 

And please give Rainy's suggestion a thought. It's not as though getting taken advantage of is a rare theme in these parts, but at this level and by pretty much a near strannger-- I think everyone, yourself and your family included, would benefit in handling the situation by relinquishing some control. If there's any way you can strictly focus on being a mother and saving up money, I think that's the best route to go. And if there's any form of therapy you could pursue or continue to, that's all the better.

 

But, lady, you need to collect yourself.

[Jetta]

Okay I don't feel as vulnerable as you all think I am. I have an interview coming. I'm exercising regularly for the first time in years. I'm eating healthier etc. I do have a therapist, psychologist, and am in intensive therapy that's helping a lot. To their credit they say Facebook should be deactivated.

 

I'm not sheepishly following his orders, I am guarded but it's been said I'm too trusting. So that is something I need to figure out. They're helping me but not as fast as things come up in life.

[RainyCoast]

woman, you allowed yourself to be scammed for money when you desperately need it yourself (for your health, no less!), because you are hoping this is finally affection.

 

i applaud your efforts, your obvious progress on so many fronts, and am relieved to see you active and empowered like this, but pi$$ed off that some piece of scum set you back in this way- now, after all you've done to get yourself to a better place, and when you really need to protect and nourish your efforts.

 

do you really still feel giddy and infatuated??? do you honestly believe him jetta?

 

does it strike you as telling that you have spent years holding yourself back in dependency, and now that it appeared you can in fact be self-sufficient, you do this, send a complete starnger a check that'll get you in trouble, almost as if intentionally sabotaging yourself?

 

are you punishing yourself by not allowing yourself affluence or something?

 

it's called passive kleptomania btw, and is a form of self-injury.

[itsallgrand]

Did you go to the bank yet and stop the cheque?

[LaHermes]

You ARE vulnerable Jetta, seeing as how you so easily fell for this online scam.

You may say you do not feel vulnerable, but you ARE,

 

Can you not accept that.

[RainyCoast]

you should really log off and go to the bank now. i don't know what time it is in the midwest, but if they're not working they have an emergency number, like the one you use to report a stolen credit card.

[catfeeder]

Jetta, did you send the guy money?

 

I hope you'll pull the check from the bank and quit all contact with the guy--it IS a scam.

[boltnrun]

Did you go to the bank yet and stop the cheque?

 

I'm not sure where she is located (profile says "Midwest", so I'm presuming that's midwestern US), very likely banks are not open on Sunday.

 

Jetta, you can call the customer service line and explain you were the victim of a scam. Then follow their advice.

 

And please, cut off all contact with the scam artist, but be sure to forward his contact information to bank authorities and to the police so they can investigate him. I guarantee there are many, many more victims of this scammer.

[browneyedgirl36]

I'm wondering if we'll see an update on this. Like jman, I am worried for Jetta.

 

Jetta, I think it's great that you have an interview, are eating better, etc. -- but this doesn't mean you're not vulnerable. Even the most outwardly successful people -- with great careers, big houses, and lots of money in the bank -- can be vulnerable.

 

You say you're "too trusting," but this situation goes beyond that. You've invested emotion, trust, and now, potentially money -- in a guy you don't even know -- a complete stranger from the Internet, where people can say/do/be anyone/anything they want, and after what happened with your ex, it's hard to see you doing a very similar thing to yourself yet AGAIN.

 

I really think this has very little to do with being "too trusting" and a lot more to do with wanting love and acceptance so desperately that you ignore ALL signs that point to someone being bad for you -- in this case, yet another con artist/potential criminal. No one -- not one person in the world -- can save you or fix you but yourself. A relationship with a man is not going to fix the things inside you that need fixing. This is not a harsh judgement of you -- I had to learn the exact same thing, and I had to find things within myself to fix myself and not rely on the affection and attention of a man to validate me. It's a hard road, but it CAN be done -- it just takes work, and caring enough about yourself to fight for yourself, even if it means not dating or being in a relationship for quite a while (for me, it was about four years of being entirely single save for a blind date or two that didn't turn into anything).

 

The optimist in me hopes this situation is NOT what we all think it is -- that this guy is legit -- but the pragmatist/realist in me knows it is. I just hope that you can get yourself out of it in time, before you lose more money and cause harm to yourself -- financial and otherwise.

[Jetta]

The check was issued on a closed account. Info per the bank. Well I have a possible temp job have to pass the background check. Not thrilled about the job but it would give me much needed money. And closer than the one I interviewed at.

[abitbroken]

Jetta --

 

so the cycle goes. I did not read the whole thread yet - but think this applies.

 

You have had a series of awful men who have taken financial advantage of you. *that you allowed*. your ex husband who you were briefly married to took you to the cleaners and there have been others. I think you started getting attracted to a man on your job and then you thought better as well.

 

Everytime you claim that your mother is hard to deal with - and has a "told you so" attitude.

 

Stop dating. You have awful radar to weed out dangerous men or users. Zero.

 

I know you want to not live with your mom, but its a cycle - its almost like you look for these guys to escape from her house or think that somehow Prince Charming will solve things.

 

So get your financial situation right - you are ALWAYS vulnerable. And sign a pledge to yourself that you will not communicate with men online, go on a dating site, accept a phone number nor accept any form of a date for one while year. Then on that year anniversary congratulate yourself and sign on for one more year. Do not even accept coffee outside of work from a coworker. If a boss or someone wants to have a lunch meeting, you have it in the office or you make sure several coworkers are also invited. And no male "friends" either - only women.

 

 

And don't you want to set things up so you can at least get joint custody of your daughter??

 

At any rate - you have just got to stop this destructive path you have been on. Mom has helped you quite a bit and now you have to make some of your own wise decisions.

[catfeeder]

The check was issued on a closed account. Info per the bank. Well I have a possible temp job have to pass the background check. Not thrilled about the job but it would give me much needed money. And closer than the one I interviewed at.

 

Good luck with the job prospects, Jetta. Temp jobs are great opportunities to check out different corporate environments to see which are good fits. The role itself doesn't matter, because the goal is to learn whether you like it there overall, and then you can apply from 'within' for good jobs that are not published to the public.

 

Commute considerations are just as valid to factor into your choices as anything else. I'd keep things as simple as possible for a while, because a temp job isn't necessarily of lesser value than a perm spot. Lots of good companies use temp work so you can BOTH 'try before you buy' into a permanent relationship. Temping has never failed to teach me new and valuable stuff about the work world, and I highly recommend it.

 

Head high.

[Jetta]

Had an interview start the job next week! In the add they said they'd be stating quickly. Like the location and the pay is what I was making so I'm good. I'm learning slowly family is always right. But listening is hard. I don't do online dating anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to manage on my own.

[catfeeder]

Had an interview start the job next week! In the add they said they'd be stating quickly. Like the location and the pay is what I was making so I'm good. I'm learning slowly family is always right. But listening is hard. I don't do online dating anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to manage on my own.

 

Glad to hear this, Jetta, and congrats on starting a new job. Yes, managing on your own and learning how to find peace in yourself is the smartest and most crucial skill to learn. It will influence all else, but you need to be patient.

 

You are reactive and shoot like a rubber band to take on independence prematurely, and that's the vicious cycle that keeps taking you down. Your family is harsh on you because they are frustrated. You respond to their frustration with an attempt to flee, which lands you in jeopardy every time because you haven't built the financial stability to take on the expenses. Insecurity drives you to seek out men as rescuers, forgetting that people who present themselves as rescuers are actually predators who prey on the neediness of the insecure.

 

So in order to break the cycle, you need to stay put long enough to reverse your vulnerability to predators. This won't take forever, but it will take far longer than you've ever managed to stay put to resolve.

 

I can appreciate that your Mom and family tend to hurt your feelings, and I'm not defending them for that, but for the time being, their treatment of you needs to be less important than your ability to outlast the next urge to escape from them and try to make your fantasies happen.

 

Until you break that pattern, you'll just keep cycling back around again, with each time feeling more humiliating to return. So quit that, and stay put. Stop trying to win family approval, because that's going to be a long way off. Attention seeking with people who are already hostile toward you won't get you what you want--it provokes the opposite response, which only hurts you more and drives you to flee long before you've reached the stability to do so.

 

Consider skipping the struggle. That doesn't mean sinking into depression because you can't make your visions happen--just the opposite. It means relaxing into yourself to the degree that immediate notice and approval from others can be something you'll figure out later--AFTER you've gained enough stability to take on the social stuff.

 

My best growth and peace came when I began practicing the art of invisibility. This practice challenged me to relax and become an observer rather than an attention seeker for a day. I enjoyed the peace of flying under the radar so much that I did it again a second day--then a third. It became habitual over time, and it brought me a solidity and contentment that I could never have imagined before.

 

One of the benefits of invisibility, or 'observer mode' is that the people and situations that have always provoked you to become anxious will fail to impact you in the same ways. You'll embrace a peace and confidence that you CAN handle anything--including your Mom.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[Jetta]

I like the job but two people there stared at me and I'm not sure why. Both are men about my age. One I'm getting to know (he's a boss) the other I haven't met just was a walk by. I think I was having a weird hair day. But I noticed them noticing me. It hasn't happened since the first day but odd.

[boltnrun]

People are going to look at you, particularly since you're new.

 

Don't worry about it. Just do your job well and you have nothing else to worry about.

[sara-pezzini]

please don't think it means anything and especially don't think they are noticing you because they are flirting or whatever!

They look at you cause you're new, like everyone looks at the new girl or guy

Doesn't mean anything!

[abitbroken]

please don't think it means anything and especially don't think they are noticing you because they are flirting or whatever!

They look at you cause you're new, like everyone looks at the new girl or guy

Doesn't mean anything!

 

^^^ This is important. Not everyone is looking at you because you are weird or because they have the hots for you. People want to get to know the new person because they have to learn to get along with them for everyone to do their job.

[Heather Dawn]

Jetta, you can't see your vulnerability because you're in the throes of what has always seemed to me to be a severe mental illness. You DO need guardianship. You are unable to make sound decisions about anything in your life. You move from crisis to crisis and you're absolutely out of touch with the reality of your situation. You can't go on like this.

[fabact]

Jetta it's a scam. Total scam.