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browneyedgirl36 last won the day on March 30 2013

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About browneyedgirl36

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  1. I concur with both of the above replies; since you didn't really know this guy and never even actually spoke to him, you have to consider it more as "I was 'talking' to a guy online and he just stopped talking" -- NOT as the end of a relationship or as a rejection of you personally. That's part of what is exacerbating your anxiety and depression -- the idea this is somehow about YOU and something you did wrong. It's not. My guess is that this guy is either married or in a relationship; there are ways you can check into this by searching his first and last name online (if, in fact, he
  2. Yep. In regard to the to the bolded part: I was followed, while walking in my neighborhood, by some guys in a car when I was TEN. The driver, a guy I recognized as living in the neighborhood (at that time he was a teenager, maybe 18 or 19 -- I'm not sure, but he was old enough to drive) rolled down the window and called out to me to "come over here." For a half second, I was going to -- I mean, I was in my neighborhood, very close to my house ( I could, in fact, see my house from where I was), and this was a guy I recognized. so...no big deal right? He wasn't technically a stranger, and.
  3. This. All of it. I really feel like I need to comment on this. I don't date anymore, because I'm married now, but I was pretty cautious back when I did. I didn't live in fear of serial killers or anything, and I certainly didn't think every guy was a rapist, but...there's something to be said for being careful, and with all due respect to some of the men posting here, you really, really, really have no idea what it's like being a woman. I have a list of things I don't do by myself at night (I live in a fairly big city, and while crime isn't out of control, it's still an issue): Go to a
  4. A lot of men don't wear wedding rings, so don't ever take that as a sign. (My husband wears one, but my dad never has, and many of my married male colleagues don't.) It sounds like he's either still with his wife OR they've had a very recent split. Either way, steer clear of this guy. I'd say it's likely he's not available for a relationship. Edited to add: A lot of men don't wear wedding rings for a variety of reasons, including: 1) They're trying to appear single, and they know that's a sign women look for; 2) They don't like jewelry and just don't wear it; 3) They have occupations
  5. You're not stupid at all -- you have some good boundaries, but you just need to learn to exercise them a bit more confidently AND to be able to accept that a guy may want something different than what you want and be able to just let it go if that's the case. There's no need for a whole bunch of explanation -- just keep it short and sweet: Let the guy know that you're interested and want to get to know him better, but that you aren't going to meet at his home (or yours) right away, and if that's OK with him, then great, you can plan a date, and if it's not OK, then no hard feelings, and you
  6. I think it's very possible he was interested in sex, hence inviting you to his place when there really is no need for it this early on, but I also think there's a very real possibility that you over-explained, provided too many justifications for not being alone with him, and he may very well have been overwhelmed by it (especially as you two don't know each other well yet) and/or he may have felt like you were accusing him of something. (It's also perfectly OK for him to want sex on the third date -- it doesn't make him a terrible person -- but he has to understand that you are in no way ob
  7. Exactly. I have told a couple of friends pretty much this same thing when they struggled with wondering what was going on with an ex or a guy they were interested in who wasn't sending clear signals that he wanted to be with them: It's either something, or it's nothing. You're either together, or you're not. Anything that's not "yes" is "no." This has always been true from my experience and the experiences of my friends and others I know. And, If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer but just don't want to believe it.
  8. I understand the urge to want to keep in contact. It's a totally normal, human thing. You think that by keeping contact MAYBE you can turn it around -- that maybe he'll see what he's lost and want it back. But...you're torturing yourself by keeping contact with him, which just keeps you hanging on while he's...moving on. I've been through this myself a few times, and in one case, I hung on for *gulp* a few years because the guy kept in contact with me and wouldn't just tell me to give up. (He finally did, which prompted me to do so, but UGH...I wish it hadn't had to come to that! Hearing
  9. As a huge, huge cat lover (currently have one of my three sitting on my chair with me as I write this) I'm horribly biased here, I know, but...I wouldn't move in with him if a condition of moving in was getting rid of my cats. And, I'd be a bit wary of being with a guy who would even suggest it, but you know him, I don't, so...only you can decide whether he's a good guy otherwise. (Note: If he "hates" cats, I'd give him the boot post haste --no room for cat haters in my house OR life.) Giving them to family is "a" solution, but...is it really what you want? If you want to be with the
  10. Yes! I had so many "a-ha" moments. It was the most significant learning experience of my life, dealing with that ex (and I'm 50 now, so that's saying a lot!) I was only able to meet my now-husband after I'd not only completely given up on a relationship with my ex, but also after I'd completely changed my thinking about love, relationships, and...myself. There was a reason I was on that rollercoaster for so long, and it wasn't because my ex was some wonderful guy who was worth all that suffering (quite the opposite, actually -- not worth it at all!) but because I had convinced myself I
  11. I may be repeating what others have said (apologies if this is the case as I haven't read every post.) I have a tremendous amount of experience with nearly the exact situation; please believe me when I say this: It's not going to change. For the better, anyway. If it changes at all, it will only get worse. I spent 6 years bending over backward to "win" the love of a guy who was sometimes lovely, sometimes horrible (and even when he was "lovely" he was still, in hindsight, not all that great, and his "lovely" times were much less frequent than his horrible ones.) I did everything I cou
  12. I see your point, but...there are a lot of people who DO associate missing/broken/otherwise "bad" teeth with drug use, being "low class," etc. I have heard/seen a lot of "hillbilly" and "meth head" jokes about people with less-than-perfect teeth, and I remember when my mom had lost a couple of teeth (and put off getting them fixed because of severe anxiety about having a major procedure), she NEVER smiled because she knew people would ask "What happened to your teeth?" and people actually did. I 've had students who dealt with this as well. I'm not generalizing that all Americans think thi
  13. If you're certain they won't say anything to her face, I would leave it alone unless/until they bring it up with you afterward. If/When they do, shut it down immediately by saying something like "I'd appreciate it if you kept your judgements about [insert name here]'s appearance to yourself. It is not your business, and I am not going to discuss it with you. Please respect my wishes" and leave it at that. I had to do something similar a few years ago -- but I did it pre-emptively -- when some family members with VERY divergent political views were coming to Thanksgiving dinner. My par
  14. It sounds like he got quite "triggered" (for lack of a better word) by getting kicked out of a Facebook group (which definitely says a lot about his maturity level right there), and that's pretty much the impetus for this whole thing. He's being ridiculous, and any lawyer worth anything wouldn't entertain his nonsense for even one second, let alone represent him in suing you. You've got nothing to worry about. While I have no doubt he DID say he was planning to sue you, I doubt he'll do it, and even if he tries, he has little to no chance of success.
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