Dougie_D Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 I had a great conversation with a woman. It was going smoothe I thought. Then she somehow got into feminism and starting to say how she hate men who "cat call" and stuff. Moments later she goes, do you smoke. I said no. Then she literally goes, well I'm gonna ask that cute guy behind you then. I turn around and he's some skinny dude with tatoos that looks cute but probably does meth. I'm thinking in my head " that guy probably has beaten a woman before and you want to approach him". Yes I'm judging but still, she literally said I want to talk to a cuter guy than you. Why can't women admit that looks can trump a good conversation? I feel like I get this a lot Link to comment
New2chevy Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Sounds like it's a good thing she isn't your girlfriend. Was this a woman you had just met, and was it in a bar? Was she intoxicated? Link to comment
missmarple Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Not all women are the same, you know Link to comment
SherrySher Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Yes, not all women are the same. People can be jerks..both male and female. She was very insensitive. Link to comment
limichelle Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 You are better off without her if she is going to act like that! It's not all woman it's just this woman in particular. Lisa Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 That was definitely rude of her but overall, yeah, it doesn't matter how good a conversation is, if someone isn't attracted to you, it's not going to pan out. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 I had a great conversation with a woman. It was going smoothe I thought. Then she somehow got into feminism and starting to say how she hate men who "cat call" and stuff. Moments later she goes, do you smoke. I said no. Then she literally goes, well I'm gonna ask that cute guy behind you then. I turn around and he's some skinny dude with tatoos that looks cute but probably does meth. I'm thinking in my head " that guy probably has beaten a woman before and you want to approach him". Yes I'm judging but still, she literally said I want to talk to a cuter guy than you. Why can't women admit that looks can trump a good conversation? I feel like I get this a lot Lol, what a good she was. Don't take her seriously Dougie. She was just out and talking smack, same as guys do on a basketball court, say. She was rude, buzzed, and full of herself. Let that roll right past you. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 My friends are finally telling me the truth about how it's difficult for me to have someone be attracted to me. They also tell me that I'm actually not doing anything wrong. Here's the difference. Some men can't find dates because they are too "chicken - dump" to approach women. That's nothing to me. I can approach women like it's nothing. The problem is that they just aren't attracted to me. Here's a story from last night. I traveled about 45 miles to see my friends band play. The same band I was on tour with. We went to get coffee around the venue and promoted right before they played (free show anyways). This woman decided to come out and watch the band. She was definitely DTF. You could just tell. Anyways, so my buddies were actually trying to pawn her off to me. I talked to her, tried to make moves, etc.. but she couldn't get the hint. My buddies kept rejecting her. But she wouldn't budge. She kept on telling one of them "you know if you need a place to crash, you are more welcome to stay over tonight". The reality is, I did nothing wrong. At times I can actually be super suave. But it's frustrating when I have friends that watch me interact with women and say "dude, you are doing a great job! keep at it".. but then they later say "sometimes they just aren't into you man, sorry." This is why I keep on saying it's more about my looks than anything. If I tell ENA a story how I'm being perverted, etc.. I'm most definetly overexaggering and by that time, I realize that's completely over with a girl. I would almost guarantee if anyone saw me out in public would think I'm one of the coolest guys there. I mean, who get's invited on a dancefloor and have bridesmaids and the "the bride to be" dance with me? I even got the silent "hey man, I'm working on these chicks, please don't block me" move. When I wasn't even trying. I was just trying to have conversation. Outsiders can see me flirt, talk, dance, etc.. but at the end of the day these women just are having fun with me and I'm not attracted enough. It's beyond frustrating. When chasing a bar hop, looks matter , and everyone has their own idea of good looking is. So, yes looks matter - more so when you are pursuing a connection that dismisses the rest of who you are. People whom we choose for random bar sex are often nothing at all like people we choose for a relationship. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Not all women are the same, you know If memory serves, all of the women that Dougie has interacted with have either rejected him or ignored him...so, in that sense, they are all the same. When one's only interaction with a group is always negative, well, it's easy to see where generalizations can come from. Maybe, someday, a woman will respond to Dougie in a positive way, and he'll have something positive to talk about. Until that happens, I can't blame him for being negative. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Here we go again. UGH. Have you sought therapy, yet? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 If memory serves, all of the women that Dougie has interacted with have either rejected him or ignored him...so, in that sense, they are all the same. When one's only interaction with a group is always negative, well, it's easy to see where generalizations can come from. Maybe, someday, a woman will respond to Dougie in a positive way, and he'll have something positive to talk about. Until that happens, I can't blame him for being negative. But, then she won't be attractive enough for him. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 I had a great conversation with a woman. It was going smoothe I thought. Then she somehow got into feminism and starting to say how she hate men who "cat call" and stuff. Moments later she goes, do you smoke. I said no. Then she literally goes, well I'm gonna ask that cute guy behind you then. I turn around and he's some skinny dude with tatoos that looks cute but probably does meth. I'm thinking in my head " that guy probably has beaten a woman before and you want to approach him". Yes I'm judging but still, she literally said I want to talk to a cuter guy than you. Why can't women admit that looks can trump a good conversation? I feel like I get this a lot What type of places do you hang out at? Maybe, if you went somewhere nicer, you could find someone. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 If memory serves, all of the women that Dougie has interacted with have either rejected him or ignored him...so, in that sense, they are all the same. When one's only interaction with a group is always negative, well, it's easy to see where generalizations can come from. Maybe, someday, a woman will respond to Dougie in a positive way, and he'll have something positive to talk about. Until that happens, I can't blame him for being negative. Agreed. If memory serves, there have been women who responded to him with the gift of friendship, which I think he receives as if it's a rejection. But it's a much bigger gift than superficial sex. And it sometimes leads to a relationship that is broader, sexual, and long lasting. When one is ready to receive the gift of someone else. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Agreed. If memory serves, there have been women who responded to him with the gift of friendship, which I think he receives as if it's a rejection. But it's a much bigger gift than superficial sex. And it sometimes leads to a relationship that is broader, sexual, and long lasting. When one is ready to receive the gift of someone else. And just recently there was the girl who kissed him and he freaked out. So, no, not all his interactions have been negative. Doggie needs therapy but I doubt he will seek it. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 And just recently there was the girl who kissed him and he freaked out. So, no, not all his interactions have been negative. Doggie needs therapy but I doubt he will seek it. Sometimes pain is a comfy blanket. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 But, then she won't be attractive enough for him. That's always an issue, for men. There needs to be some sort of chart that helps us with this. We put in our height, income, social skills, education level, etc., and then we find out how attractive of a woman we deserve. "I'm sorry: based on your information, you don't deserve an attractive woman. Please be willing to settle for this dumpy, heavily-medicated one, instead." If memory serves, there have been women who responded to him with the gift of friendship, which I think he receives as if it's a rejection. But it's a much bigger gift than superficial sex. And it sometimes leads to a relationship that is broader, sexual, and long lasting. Friendship is a gift in the same way that kissing one's sister is romantic. (Outside of Westeros and Valyria, anyway.) Sexual experience will help Dougie far more than friendship. He doesn't need a woman to feel sorry for him and pat him on the head; he needs something that will give him confidence and practical knowledge of women. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 If just kissing a woman freaks him out, Blue, how is he going to get sexual experience? Not being snarky, just wondering. To me, that sounds like a sensory or psychological problem. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 If just kissing a woman freaks him out, Blue, how is he going to get sexual experience? Not being snarky, just wondering. To me, that sounds like a sensory or psychological problem. My bad, I'd forgotten about that. My question would be...was that a one-time, inexperienced-based freakout, or is it an ongoing problem? A tiny percentage of us aren't super-into kissing, though. I find it to be merely OK. Little too sloppy for my tastes, frankly. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 That is true, kissing is not for everyone. You can have sex without it. Not sure if it was one-time or an on-going problem, my understanding was that it happened but he hasn't had the opportunity with another woman to try again, so it's hard to say. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 My feeling is that Dougie is like a little puppy that's never been around people, before. The first time that someone tries to pet the puppy, the puppy flips the **** out, because it's been completely isolated and has no social concepts. Dougie really needs to find a woman that will take the lead...but, sadly, in our culture, that's unlikely. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 I don't know what I'm doing wrong, except that I'm just not what a woman wants in a man based on appearance. I envy the men who don't approach and get approached. They'll say the same thing... "Why does she think she has a chance with me?"... That's the confidence I need Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 I sometimes go for women who I'm not even attractive to just to see where I am in the dating pool. It embarrasses me that those women give me the cold shoulder. At least I took the initiative. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted July 28, 2016 Author Share Posted July 28, 2016 The reality is that I feel like I can't accomplish anything in life until I've accomplished a woman that wants to love me Link to comment
John John Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 My feeling is that Dougie is like a little puppy that's never been around people, before. The first time that someone tries to pet the puppy, the puppy flips the **** out, because it's been completely isolated and has no social concepts. Dougie really needs to find a woman that will take the lead...but, sadly, in our culture, that's unlikely. Some women do take the lead, but that really only happens when they're both bold and REALLY attracted to you. I've been fortunate enough to have that happen to me a few times, and I have to say, it was a great confidence booster at the time (I'm thinking my young 20s). I also agree that Dougie needs counseling/therapy. It takes time, but it does help. I also think he needs a good friend (not quite sure about this friends.....sometimes I feel like they make Dougie the court jester of the group to make themselves look better) who will take him under his wing, give him a good dose of reality, and real tips that he can implement to improve his standing with women. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted July 29, 2016 Share Posted July 29, 2016 I don't know what I'm doing wrong, except that I'm just not what a woman wants in a man based on appearance. I envy the men who don't approach and get approached. They'll say the same thing... "Why does she think she has a chance with me?"... That's the confidence I need it does happen but its very rare. that's also not confidence, thats arrogance Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.