Seraphim Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I think it's a post that is really offensive to PEOPLE. Whether male or female. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 If you even entertained any part of this conversation then you are not ready to socialize with new people, let alone date them. Don't stoop to those levels -if someone speaks about another person in that way find a way to change the topic/politely extricate yourself from the conversation. I don't need motivation to work out but I do like that when I do a certain DVD the main instructor is fit (and female - no interest in seeing a male work out) - BUT the other people in her class, on screen range from slim to a little overweight and from 20s-60s. That diversity is inspiring and motivating! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 She needs to pay a personal trainer to help her loose weight. That way she can choose whom ever she likes. It sounds like you went into this thing thinking you would have a workout buddy so why are you so upset? Would you have dated her? You didn't find her attractive either so why the issue? Getting rejected is never a feel good moment in anyone's life but lashing out at them is petty and small. It comes down to "mind over matter" you don't mind because she doesn't matter. Tell your "friend" not to do you any more favors... Lost Link to comment
Tinydance Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Well as much as the way OP described this girl is not very nice, he may have just said that because he was angry at her really awful behavior! First of all, all the posters who are saying they prefer their fitness instructor to be attractive, OP is NOT a fitness instructor (presumably). You have to pay A LOT of money for a fitness instructor and OP was willing to help this girl lose weight completely free. He was doing her a huge favour and he didn't even know her. Her size aside, she had no right to judge his appearance because it wasn't even meant to be anything romantic. And while it's wrong to assume that overweight women should just "take what they can get", nobody should be so judgemental and shallow, and least of all someone obese because they should understand what it's like to be told "You're not attractive". That's essentially what she did after OP was being really nice and doing her a big favour. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I never got the Brad Pitt or Mathew McConaughey thing, either. I didn't want to sound like an echo but I don't care for either of them because they both come off as grubby types. I think Chris Hemsworth is a better 'blonde' male than Brad Pitt. Matthew is just plain odd looking. He does have charisma. Something Brad Pitt lacks completely. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I have a different take on this. If I was 200 lbs - on my frame, that would be a lot. I am not a 6'3" woman. If my brother or male friend saw that I was frustrated with my weight and went behind my back and asked someone to be my workout partner, I would be offended. I might ask for a photo as a way of delaying my "no". But when I realized it wasn't a professional photo from their personal training website and was some dude or dudette that they just knew - I would throw it at them If you want workout partners, then what you should do is tell your friends you should go on meetup and start "tuesday evening jogging group" or "saturday morning hiking group" and tell people you would like to get a regular group of people together. Or if there is a board at the gym where you could post your interest in one. To me, a woman would probably more comfortable having a female workout partner or working out with a guy AND a girl so the guy doesn't get the wrong idea. There is a difference, too , between being portrayed as a Personal trainer "to help her lose weight" vs a workout PARTNER who is at the same level as she is and you work out together to motivate eachother, not to be "better than her" in fitness to try to "teach" her. The error was also made in the friend not saying "hey, if you want a workout partner, call my buddy" and letting the woman call you, rather than "my friend is going to show up at the park to meet you". Or I would have had the buddy and the woman both come to the park and you ALL go on a jog and if you two naturally decided to work out together next - great. But you can't count on a woman wanting to meet a man unknown to her at a park Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 btw, and why did you assume that this was a blind date? IF you start your own group, some women like the idea of seeing a guy in a leadership role to see how he operates. And it shows you as a confident person who has put something together. You might make a bunch of new friends and more friends are connected to more friends of theirs. Unless you portray yourself as Nathan Negative. Link to comment
j.man Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I don't see anything that suggests the coworker went behind the woman's back to ask people to work out with her. Nor does the OP suggest he saw it as a blind date. Quite the opposite. He didn't see the relevance in sending a picture because he didn't see it as a date. And he's baffled by the fact she needs to be attracted to someone to consider them as a workout partner. We don't know what went on behind the scenes between his friend and the woman, but the OP is quite rightfully put off that he'd be dismissed as a workout buddy due to attraction. I think as long as he's not hunting the woman down to call her a fatty, venting online is an OK recourse given the circumstances. Again, could have been a bit more sensitive with the language given how it might personally affect some on here, but he has a point nonetheless. But... it happens. Gotta swallow your pride. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 The relevance of the photo is because the friend was setting this woman up for a jogging partner that she never met and had to recognize what they looked like to meet them in the park without her friend. It is reasonable to do. I went to meet someone once and they were described one way - but yet when I got there, they had changed their appearance (it was a man, he cut his hair short - was told be had longer hair, and shaved and I was told he had a beard. It wasn't for a date, but just for id purposes). That being said, we didn't find eachother there that day because I was looking for someone who looked different and he thought I had been scared off because i didn't come up to him. I would say that maybe she rejected him based on the photo because she was uncomfortable already with someone she never met and because he didnt look like mr personal trainer, she had an out. Or sometimes you just get a vibe off a photo that they don't look friendly to you, or whatever. But whatever. If you want to meet people more successfully, i would try other things. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I think this is one of those threads that is very hard to comment properly on, because we just don't have enough information. There's too much context that's missing from the in-person he-said she-said. What we know is that the OP considers himself very physically unattractive, and I recall has even called himself ugly. He is an older virgin. (I find that all the older virgins on this site have various attitudinal and psychological problems that only secondarily relate to their virgin status [which they all refute].) We don't know what his friend's motives are, and how that discussion unfolded between them about the workout plan with said woman. And we know even less about the second-hand stories OP got from him friend, about the discussions his friend and the woman had. We just know that it seems she turned him down for his looks, knowing that he was NOT a personal trainer (and total strangers with fit bodies typically don't seek a workout with people who are just starting out), after the plans were already made. That seems at the face of it pretty inconsiderate of OP's time and effort (and feelings). On the other hand, I don't know if this friend was trying to "match-make" them, because he thought hey, my friend (the OP) has never had a girl and finds himself unattractive, and this girl is single and is not in the attractive category, so maybe they are a match. Maybe working out would be a chance to get them together. So maybe his heart was in the right place, but the way he went about it was to get two people who are self-conscious about their looks together because "a 200 lb fat girl" and "an ugly guy" deserve to have a shot at it together, and she saw through that mentality and felt really hurt. It also seems that perhaps the workout buddy thing was a pretext to test out "dating" potential, but was that a tacit understanding everyone shared? Maybe the friend told OP all this to try to encourage him to take better care of his own appearance? Who the heck knows. But if your friend, OP, is blurting out to you what this woman said in probable confidence, you have to wonder what your friend is telling the woman. How about, "My friend should jog with you. He hasn't been out with a woman ever, he's a virgin, and needs some motivation." Who wouldn't be offended on either side of this equation? Too much information is missing, but I think the one looking the worst here right now is the friend, now that I consider it more. Link to comment
j.man Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 "She didn't want to workout with me because she didn't find me attractive at all." Or she wanted to run with a guy who was both fit and hot and was let down. In which case, I wish her all the best in finding a fit and attractive guy to trail her relatively large booty pro bono. I don't know what else we'd like the OP to assume other than what he was told. What reason would his co-worker have to lie, and why would the woman be more comfortable telling her coworker she essentially found his friend ugly rather than flaking in a million other ways? I'd encourage him to grow a thicker skin for the future, an anonymous post on a message board isn't hurting her any. I will concede to wanting to know what he looked like for practical reasons. Makes total sense. Mind's a bit fried today. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 How I picture the OP: Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Honestly, I see both at fault here. 1) It was NOT a blind date. It was a coworker who was seeking a workout buddy. No romantic context. If attractiveness mattered (and clearly it did, she asked for a picture), why did she say that she was looking for a workout buddy? It's misleading. Also, very poor taste on her part to say "yuck, not attractive" to your coworker. Classless lady. Be glad you're not meeting up with her. Also, if she's looking for fit 'n' trim, she's likely not going to find it if she's rotund herself. That's just not how life works. 2) OP, sorry if this comes as a shocker, but "fat" girls aren't always desperate. You shouldn't expect that someone who you perceive to be "ugly" or "fat" would go for you just because they are. Maybe they have other standards. Maybe they don't actually find you interesting or smart or funny. Maybe they are taken already by someone else. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 OP, were you hoping this would turn into a dating situation? Is that why you're angry and are now referring to her as a "200 lb fat girl"? Off topic, Brad Pitt does nothing for me. Now, Patrick Wilson and Timothy Olyphant...hubba hubba. But I also like Vincent D'Onofrio because he's crazy intelligent and super talented. Smarts and talent trump looks for me every time. Link to comment
John John Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 How I picture the OP: This made me LOL so hard. Thanks Moontiger...I needed that!!! Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Yeah, that was a funny video. Not sure I know enough to peg the OP that way just from this thread, but it was funny anyway. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 This made me LOL so hard. Thanks Moontiger...I needed that!!! You're very welcome!!! Link to comment
Tinydance Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Yeah, I feel like something seems off here in terms that maybe OP's friend WAS trying to set them up. Maybe the woman asked, did he have any single male friends, or the friend knew she was looking for someone. So he told her to work out with OP and see what happens and her interest may have been primarily to find someone to date. Whereas the friend didn't say this to OP and then was totally tactless and rude and told him she didn't find him attractive at all. I think in that type of scenario, she was not necessarily being horrible because she may not have been saying OP is ugly, but just SHE'S personally not attracted to him. And as she thought it was a set up, she didn't want to waste time being set up with someone she wasn't attracted to. However, if her only motivation was just to lose weight and get fit, A) It's pointless and shallow to expect the person to be hot, as they are just your everyday person, NOT a personal trainer or professional athlete or anything like that. B) It's also shallow to think this way of a total stranger who is doing you a huge favour and you don't even know them. Like, they could be nice and awesome and already you reject them and don't want to know them simply based on their physical appearance. These types of attitudes are made even worse if you're someone who may be judged by society for your own appearance. It's like, if a person with a disability was bullying someone else because of their disability. You would think she would be more sensitive about these things because she would understand what it felt like to be judged like this straight away only based on looks. So depending on the context, this girl may or may not be a jerk lol Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Maybe it's just me, but I don't think there was ever a "200 lb fat girl looking for a workout partner." I think your friend made that up, maybe as a way to get your picture. And then he made up that stupid "your not hot enough" excuse so you wouldn't discover that the girl didn't exist. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 OP, are you coming back to clarify a few things for us? Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 OP, were you hoping this would turn into a dating situation? Is that why you're angry and are now referring to her as a "200 lb fat girl"? Off topic, Brad Pitt does nothing for me. Now, Patrick Wilson and Timothy Olyphant...hubba hubba. But I also like Vincent D'Onofrio because he's crazy intelligent and super talented. Smarts and talent trump looks for me every time. No, I was not expecting a date from this. Just a workout partner. Being rejected is sometimes hard on me because I have always been rejected since I was a teen, and in my 20's and in my 30's and I'm almost 40 and still today I have not been accepted because I'm different. I have lost count today, but guessing I have been rejected more than 100 times. I wouldn't be surprised if it is close to 500 or more. For the title post, I should used "overweight" instead of fat. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think there was ever a "200 lb fat girl looking for a workout partner." I think your friend made that up, maybe as a way to get your picture. And then he made up that stupid "your not hot enough" excuse so you wouldn't discover that the girl didn't exist. No, my friend did not make this up. He is not a joker or prankster. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Did you somehow think that she "should" have given you a chance, given her excess weight? Link to comment
sargon Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 I didn't read all the posts, so I hope I'm not being repetitive, but damn if a 200 lb fat girl takes a look at your picture and says "no thanks" I can't imagine what sort of girl IS going to be attracted to you. Overweight women by their very nature are unattractive to most men, they have few options, so they're going to have lower standards and know they have to settle for less. She won't even settle for you. That's bad. Maybe it was just a bad picture? We can only hope. More likely it has nothing to do with you. She's probably got mental issues, and low self esteem so she just said that as an excuse not to meet you. She probably smelled anyway. Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted October 16, 2015 Author Share Posted October 16, 2015 I didn't read all the posts, so I hope I'm not being repetitive, but damn if a 200 lb fat girl takes a look at your picture and says "no thanks" I can't imagine what sort of girl IS going to be attracted to you. Exactly! I don't know either but I truly believe deep down that I can't attract one girl at all. Maybe if I was in a different country it would be easier, but here in IL it is impossible. Link to comment
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