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Everything posted by Cheetarah

  1. Ever since our state opened up about 4 weeks ago, we’ve gone from - few hundred cases a day to over 2000 a day now. My first instinct was to buy a bit extra toilet paper, make sure we’re good on masks, hand soap, hand sanitizer etc. 🤷‍♀️ First world problems but I’m not wiping my butt with a coffee filter again.
  2. Conference call was gathering information on possible…bullying, they didn’t use that word but I don’t remember what one they did, something very plain and non accusatory - of a fellow colleague with a developmental disability. I didn’t have any information to give as I don’t observe former friend and her together enough. This is a bigger fish to fry than me. I’m not sure what happened there nor do I need to be privy to it. I certainly do come in and sparkle every day, and do my job. Even when I’m mad I’m still laughing. It’s a fun place. And the parents coming in with kids, who knows what they had to deal with that day…I certainly wouldn’t want them to feel anything other than welcomed warmly. We’re encouraged to mingle with parents, to play with kids - the emphasis is on that vs. being cleaning machines. Heck, I got a good steak marinade recipe yesterday from a dad. We’ll see what happens. It’s not in my hands anymore. If it continues to a point where it’s affecting my mental health, I will leave. But we’re not there yet.
  3. It wasn’t the first off hand comment made about my body and others, from her. She previously said colleague with shorts was looking for “ a certain kind of attention”, another time she suggested I would be “showing more than what needs to be seen” if I wore such shorts. In each scenario I told her this was not workplace ethic, not cool and did my best to shut it down. So in this situation it was just bold, less vague and obviously she had no intention of stopping. Guys, I am going to update this in a bit. I have an impromptu conference call with my boss and one team lead in 20 minutes.
  4. I don’t see where you got that. I am 99.9 percent certain he will not fire her. That’s not a blip on the radar. What did I expect? Professionalism. It’s a documented complaint that she was written up for. She evidently is holding a sorts of grudge about it. Purposefully doing these things in a retaliatory way, in position of a lead is…bordering on illegal here. We weren’t friends anymore…that comment ruined it for me. But again, for the sake of a peaceful work environment I let it go. I did not alter my behaviors. I treated her the same as every colleague. Why shouldn’t I seek out constructive feedback on my performance? Why shouldn’t I ask if there’s something that needs to be addressed with her regarding my work? Where did I demand her fired? She’s got a documented strike, and that’s all on her. Clearly the first action he took didn’t alter her behavior so of course I would think he’d realize the first approach didn’t work and perhaps it’s time to take a different one.
  5. Very loose. Lol. I have great political connections, though. And two of these grants have been secured through officials I have previously worked with pre-pandemic/are casual friends. In fact, I brought them in to the museum. I do have a big card to pull out if I absolutely needed to. I know that sounds so snobby, and I don’t want it to. But if it got THAT BAD I would certainly consider using it. I did tell him yesterday that I’m not going anywhere. He said he certainly hopes not. But I did tell him I absolutely will not stand for a work environment with growing toxicity. He said you absolutely should not have to. He stated this is now his problem. I just hope he makes some good choices.
  6. No, not their fault. Finances are very transparent and they had just enough to keep the heat on when they were closed so nothing freezes over. They are coming into numerous grants now, which will speed up the process. I know the Secretary on the board, but I’m guessing as they are finances only it wouldn’t do much? I know my boss will follow through - he was on top of this yesterday. I just don’t know how he will handle it. I don’t think watching more closely is enough in this case.
  7. Thank you! Right now my boss(also the executive director) IS HR. Because of the pandemic, the museum was closed for 8 months. Our staff is getting filled out again. So we don’t have a janitor, we don’t have maintenance (my fiancée does volunteer though as she’s an engineer), and I know they’re going in order of pressing need. An HR department is at the top of the list. The whole museum team takes turns with cleaning, and my fiancée fixes things. So until that happens, the executive director said these types of situations should be brought to him. And indeed it was, when I say boss I am referring to him. We have a board of financial directors but that’s it right now.
  8. At my job, there is a(now former) friend that works there. She moved up the ranks rather quickly to team lead. There are 3 of them, and she’s not often a lead. Shortly after I started, she made a completely inappropriate comment. We have a relaxed dress code at work, but short shorts are on the no no list. No one has ever worn anything inappropriate since I’ve been there, but she took it upon herself to attempt to police it. One day, someone came in with shorts. They were a tad short but not a big deal. I am outside in the parking lot and I happened to glance at my colleague with the shorts. Former friend looks in the direction I am and states they are too short, and that she had already taken this up with another team lead. And in that conversation, she said “can you imagine if cheetarah wore those kind of shorts with her body? Crawling on the floor or squatting?” For reference, I’m overweight. I immediately told her my body has no effect on the ability to do my job, her comment was completely out of line and she has no business or right making any sort of comment like that. I took it to my boss. He took swift, corrective action. Former friend sent me an apology note in the mail. Said she did not want to discuss in person. I decide for the sake of work peace, I’m not going to walk around with a grudge so I opted to let it go. Ever since then, she has been finding everything wrong with how I perform at the job. None of it has ever been serious, most times it’s a non issue and because I don’t do it the way she does. The micromanaging is real, though. Now it’s gotten out of hand in the past week. I reached out personally to her to ask if we needed to talk about anything as she seemed short/angry with me lately. She wrote back two days later and said no, she’s just trying to get in and out with no BS. We had a staff meeting the other day, and after that I have several colleagues come up to me and ask if something is wrong with former friend. I tell them I do not know. They say they sense a tension from her to me and it’s making the work environment uncomfortable when she’s around. At this point, I decide to ask a higher up team lead if there’s a problem with my performance, and I tell them I’ve now been asked by colleagues about an escalating tension. She states no, but does bring up what she’s noticed. About a week and a half ago, former friend left in a tizzy. I noticed it but figured she was having a bad day. It was a day that she confronted me about our suggestion box. I was upstairs with another colleague seeing if they needed help at close and found a comment card, went to stick it in there. She told me not to, it had just been emptied by higher up team. I peered inside and told her there were more. I don’t have the key for the box. She ripped off her mask and snarled (literally) and asked me what I was trying to say. I put the card down and said okay, there’s a grumpy vibe up here. I’m going downstairs now. Well, evidently former friend went to higher up team lead and said she needed to leave early, she was furious. Former friend told lead that I had asked who empties the suggestion box. When I found out who it was, I had stated “well, it certainly will never get done in this case.” And told her that I think she doesn’t do her work. I told her my story, she called up the colleague I was with that day who told her an identical story to mine. Unfortunately, this now had to go all the way up to my boss because said team lead had brought it up to him. When the team was made aware and asked if they had any grievances , several people stepped forward and mentioned feeling mistreated by former friend, but primarily that they were uncomfortable with the tension in the air from former friend towards me. I think she’s gone off the rails. Evidently, she’s been sharing my social media with people and looking for “hidden messages” that might be about people at work. I don’t even post on social media other than memes. This has gotten so ridiculous, and because it was brought up that I was doing this amongst my coworkers, I had(well, he didn’t request it but I felt since it was an issue, I should) to send my boss a screenshot of one of the posts that was the alleged culprit - it was a meme I tagged my fiancé in about how when you start a new job, the first thing you do is look for a place to poop in private. Ok, embarrassing. Luckily my boss has a good sense of humor. YES, I unfriended her immediately. So we all had various phone conferences yesterday with boss, minus former friend. Boss was simply collecting information. He will be discussing with former friend next. This went from catty to nutty. Catty is one thing, something that’s affecting the whole team and getting just plain creepy, with blatant lies as a team lead who should be trusted to give accurate information - I mean, it’s bewildering. I’m under the impression this is carry over from the comment about my body. At the end of the day, that is HER problem and I would do it again in a heartbeat no matter who it came from. It feels…retaliatory. Im simply waiting to see what happens next. Museum is closed on Mondays, other than administrative which I am sure will be brought up to speed on this. I go in tomorrow, and yes former friend is on the schedule. You all know I’ve already been looking for another job. The thing is, I STILL love it here. I’m also of the mindset that no one is going to run me off my paycheck. Does it stress me, not in a way that’s affecting my mental health. If it was, I’d be gone already. But obviously it is bothersome. Now if this isn’t dealt with appropriately, I will leave as that’s poor management and I’m not staying for that. However, what exactly is dealt with appropriately in this case? What would any of you do in a situation like this? If you were in my shoes? Or even in my boss’s?
  9. I’ve always loved working for 501c3s. Their perks are typically so unique because they can’t pay much. This childcare piece is one of the coolest I’ve come across. The raise isn’t going to do much at all, but this piece will help a lot.
  10. I guess the universe wants me to stay at the museum! It’s almost bizarre how this is working out.
  11. Thanks all. Would he stay with my friend’s daughter? Yes, but in the beginning he probably would be trying to rip open the door to my bedroom and stuff. When I am in the shower and such, no he doesn’t melt down. He is at the point where he keeps himself busy. I found out something awesome today at work - our museum got a very large grant. We will be seeing a (small) raise in 45 days, and apparently something I didn’t know is I can utilize the childcare even when I am not there. It’s part of the museum 90 day perk package for employees (im about to get my review in 2 weeks). You get a reciprocal membership, standard 90 day raise(this is separate from the raise coming from the grant) and access to childcare during museum hours as long as you are scheduled for at least 15 hours of the week that week(I always am). So this is really cool. The raise is not as big of a deal to me as the childcare. We can also watch remotely from our phones. So…I think picking up some flex gig or another PTJ is the way to go. Thanks again everyone.
  12. That’s the frustrating aspect…I can’t do a full time day time job until there’s money for that kind of childcare - and there isn’t, and won’t be on my current part time job. I, maybe, could conceivably pay a lesser amount to my friend’s daughter to watch my son while I sleep, until a couple checks have come from the new job and I can backpay her what she should be paid. I’d have to see if she would be willing. I wish I could make more where I’m at. It works so well, family-wise. That’s the second best part about it.
  13. It’s actually a non issue, she has no problems with it as that’s the first thing we discussed. We’ve worked out a lot of things. And also, even my part time job has helped contribute more financially to the household so we’re all less stressed and pressed (and less pissy/snarky).
  14. Yes, indeed I have BUT it was before I had M. I have no idea how my body will respond to it these days with the responsibility of having a kid. I got used to it quickly before - I did rely on melatonin and stuff, but generally I did fine with it. Yes, he’d be home with me. So until I could stash away some money for my friends daughter to watch him(about a month), it’d be cat naps. When I have her(and only through December until she moves), he’d still be here or they may be on an outing together but the goal is for me to get to sleep more than an hour at once.
  15. Do I need it? Well…of course the money, yes. The overnight part is what makes sense for us because of how time consuming it is to find a caregiver suited for my son(and of course, having to pay for it). With my friends daughter watching him while I sleep, the two of them have a good rapport but she will be moving in December. So she’s not a long term option for childcare.
  16. I made a previous post about my fiancé, and how I was looking for a job, hashing out responsibilities for my son, etc. I did take a job a couple months ago. It’s part time, i work weekends and 2 weekdays. My mom and my fiancé watch my son on the weekends, I am able to take him with me on the weekdays as we have free on site care for employees’ children(I work at a museum). I know exactly who watches him as employees rotate operating it. Pros to my current job: it’s fun!!! Obviously, the daycare, and the fact that I can check on him at any time(special needs) and I know precisely who he interacts with. My boss is incredibly flexible and easy going. It’s 5 minutes from my house and we walk it at times. Cons: the money is crap. Being that it’s a 501c3, it’s to be expected. A chunk of what I earn goes towards household bills, and a small amount in savings. The long term goal is to buy a home(we currently rent a house). Honestly, not much is going in the savings. Stuff is inflating. There’s also a ton of cattiness in the workplace. Every job has it but it’s rather excessive here. The job I am being offered pays SIGNIFICANTLY more. It’s full time with very good benefits. If anything is going to help dig us out of the pandemic hole, this would be it. It’s also overnight, and about 15 miles from my home. While that’s not far, my fiancé isn’t comfortable with my making late night treks alone to that neighborhood, and working in it. It’s not a “bad bad” neighborhood, but it’s definitely not as secure and safe as where we live. I feel fine about that aspect. We grew up a bit differently and I think that’s where we don’t see things the same. Another thing - I would be leaving 2 hours after she gets home and coming home 2 hours before she leaves for her job. She would need to do the aforementioned “med duty” if any of you remember my previous thread. I also would have to keep a weird sleep schedule for some time. My eventual plan would be to have my friend’s daughter come by during the day, pay her some cash to watch my son(keep him busy) so I can actually sleep. It will take me about a month to be able to do that. Maybe a bit more. So essentially, I’d have to sneak in naps during the day for a bit. And then there’s the fact that I’d be spending less time with both my child and fiancé with our opposing schedules. It wouldn’t be a forever job, as my savings goes various places(emergency expenses, house, and I’d save more for childcare). I’d eventually move to a full time day position(perhaps within the company)but not for a good year. That’s the hope, anyhow. Thoughts? This is ultimately what I was hoping to land, as it’s the best case scenario for our family right now. Not ideal but in our financial situation it feels like it makes the most sense.
  17. Stop informing him of everything you intend to do. 1. You don’t have to and 2. What do you want him to do, one of those no baby please things? Because if you don’t get the “I’ll ruin you” stuff you’ll get roses and empty promises. And just say, somehow, this turd managed to leave you with nothing(highly doubt it - it’s a classic response from a person like him) - You’d have your dignity and kids who didn’t pity and/or loathe you. I think that’s worth a hell of a lot.
  18. As invasive as his spew of lies are, you utilize all your resources to make a new train of thought to combat that. That’s what therapy, domestic abuse hotlines etc are for. You have to build an arsenal of new, healthy thoughts that eventually will make a LOT more sense than the junk that comes out of his mouth. It will not be easy and you will question yourself often, but you rely on that “toolbox”.
  19. Your kids are actually setting an example for you here. They have good boundaries. They realize they cannot control what their mother does so they make the healthiest choices they can given their ages. They should not ever have been thrust in this position, but they have and now it’s up to you to perhaps take a cue from your children…if nothing else.
  20. Just to update this...I did do a holter and I did see the electrophysiologist. I have PACs(premature atrial contractions), which are actually very common and pretty much everyone on the planet had 1ish per day, and then runs of them which is the SVT. The physiologist said with the duration of my palpitations(really short runs) and that I don’t sustain the arrhythmia longer than approximately 30 beats, I’m not a good candidate for an ablation. It’s not an arrhythmia he can induce with meds so I’d have to actively be in it, long enough for him to get me into the lab and well...it just doesn’t work like that! it’s an quality of life thing...it’s hard to tell myself “you’re fine”, even though I’m being told from every direction that I am. I’m focusing a ton of anxiety reduction, and that helps to a degree. Also figuring out triggers(too much caffeine, menses, wine and being even mildly dehydrated). Mostly they are very focused on my stress levels to keep the bouts at bay. There are more medication options foe the arrhythmia to explore if I want to go that route but I feel alright where I’m at, for the time being. They had increased my beta blocker and that’s helped moderately.
  21. Pippy my dear!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you the biggest hugs.
  22. I’m having the holter put on tomorrow, then a routine echo done next week. I’m also seeing an electrophysiologist tomorrow as well to talk about an ablation. Of course, I haven’t had any palps in a couple weeks(aside from tonight - I was a bit dehydrated so I wonder if that triggered it). I swear it better show up on there. LOL. I get both the “skipped beat” feeling and the speeding up and almost what feels like it’s resetting into sinus rhythm. I can also make it stop by coughing hard or bearing down. I’m told sometimes that simply IS a treatment if it’s infrequent, not sustaining and the heart rate isn’t super fast. But when they come, they drive me insane and I think it becomes a vicious cycle of palps triggering anxiety triggering palps! Which is why I really want to consider an ablation. I feel for you. Let me know how things go for you.
  23. Just an update, I’ve got the coolest part time gig. I’m starting this weekend, at a local children’s STEM museum. In addition to the ED being incredibly accommodating to weird schedules, I can bring my child for on site babysitting. I just cannot be one of the employees operating it when he is in it. It’s 4 days a week, weekends which my fiancée or mom will watch him, and the 2 days during the week, he will come with me. I was really surprised he called me back at all. I was upfront about my schedule and told him I understood that I do not have the open availability he’s looking for. He called me a few hours after my interview to offer the position and told me that’s the last thing I need to worry about. It’s 5 minutes from my house, we are former members so I know the museum well. It’s really exciting!
  24. Why? He made these choices. And she’s not here to be angry at. Be angry at the person responsible. He’s grown.
  25. Well, he had a choice to be the person to end that toxicity and cycle. We all see poor things modeled by our families; it doesn’t destine us for the same outcome. In this case, he normalized the behaviors. That was his choice. Not his choice how he was raised. But his choice to recognize what is unhealthy and he didn’t and doesn’t sound like he will. So that’s enough of an answer for you. Regarding mom, I don’t know I suppose it doesn’t matter now since she’s dead(not to sound cold), but clearly it was terminal and I can see him wanting to be near her as much as possible. There could have been other ways to do that that didn’t leave you on a floor and with communication shut down. You made the right choice.
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