pra_fool

I will be happy all the same, who ever smiled at me.

Well the first thing is You believe in yourself, believe that you are a wonderful person in your own way. Don't stress yourself trying to imitate others, don't measure yourself on other's scale. There is nothing wrong with you, only thing is you are using a wrong scale to measure yourself. Know this that You are a unique individual with your unique qualities. Before other becomes friends of yours, you have to your own friend. So Love Yourself, Respect Yourself and Appreciate Yourself. Also You will be desirable in unique company. So just try to find that unique company for yourself, like joing some club or group with same interests and activities as yours, where it will be easier to meet people on your interests. Don't try very hard, because it only makes you selfconscious and nervous and so hinders with your normal ways. Just be normal and relaxed. Mix with people, communicate and assert yourself. Also move on with life and don't stay stuck with past. It may be difficult now, but you will realise it only later that all was for better. So Best of Luck with if all....

Hello Friend......You are thinking a lot and assuming a lot...most of which is not true or real....If you really love your friend.....only thing you can do is still love her more and be patience with her.... accept her as she is and forgive her mistakes. She is not mature enough to understand your feelings or even be responsible for what mistakes she is doing. So you can just stay good friends with her for timebeing and be there for her..if and when she needs you....which she really will as she is getting herself in trouble by being in bad company. Also you be patience and give her her time to grow up and mature and to learn whats good and whats bad on her own...you can't teach her that....no matter how much you wish.... Take Care and Stay Healthy and Happy Always...

Don't worry friend....you are not going to loose anything thats yours. I don't have much to say. Only thing I want to say is...you cannot loose whats yours....and what you loose was never yours and after this only thing that remains is Real. Also, live in present....and not in past..don't let past affect your present or future....Living in 'past' and its experiences makes you expect from 'present' and expectations unfulfilled results in disappointments..and is making you miserable. It might be difficult to understand or apply..but its true..So only thing I say is live in present and don't fear loosing anything....becuase you will never loose whats yours. Take Care and Stay Healthy and Happy Always..

Ruiner, I feel that she is giving ample signs to you, that she needs time and space from you. So give her that....and yes you are doing it right by not pressurising or pushing her. Just let things drift for some time...and you will know better; If you haven't got it by now. So you just carry on with yourself.....and be cool..and if she needs you, she will automatically come to you. Else move on....

Oh...don't worry... its a common and natural thing. Everybody likes to look at others of opposite gender and beautiful people. So don't worry about it unnecessarily......its normal behaviour. And from now on enjoy your walk with girl friend...

Yes, I also feel lonely at times...even when friends and family are with me. I think everybody feels that way, lonely, sometime or other. We all need someone to talk to, about our most inner thoughts and feelings. Also we fear that the other person will not understand us, or don't even care to understand. And everybody feels so, no matter who they are. I don't understand why we have made this life so complicated and play games? Why are we all inhibited by our ego and consciousness that we can't communicate truly what we feel to others? There are always such people who like to pick on others and call names and in general hurt and trouble others. But they all, in reality, are themselves scared and sick and thus try to hide their own faults in that way. Also many a times, people trouble us, because we are not one of them. The best thing I think is just to be totally nonchalant and not to give any reaction. They can't bother me without my own consent. So they after sometime automatically leave bothering me when they see that it doesn't affect me anymore. On the contrary they themselves become more frustrated with every failed attempt of theirs. Also when I stop giving them any attention….I after some time don't even hear them, I automatically close myself towards them. But for this we have to be strong and have good deal of self control, because in the starting when their attempts to trouble us don't work, they will increase their intensity and harshness, but no matter what we have to carry on with our policy of not reaction and being inert. Why should I care even to get offended from guys who don't care for me? You can try this....and it works. Well, about other things, I understand why you start crying at times….I also feels like that sometimes. But I then think, why I am crying for? I can change things; I can change myself, my life, the way I am on. Because its me who is the most important person of my life. So why am I crying for? Things are in my control so let's start making them better for myself. And those which are not in my control, I leave them to God, who will take care of them, that's why he didn't give its control to me. I feel, that you are introvert like me. I will tell, You try to open up, try to be more vocal about your feelings to your friends. If there is any special friend whom you hope will listen to you, you can trust him/her with your feelings and thoughts, just try it. I am sure, your friend will respond positively and will him/her self open up to you. And don't worry if things don't happen exactly so, but never leave trying. You will surely find someone who will care to listen and understand you as you wish. But for that you have to first open up and speak out for yourself. Also you try to get into doing certain things which makes you happy and gives you any sense of satisfaction and achievement. It will cheer you up, build confidence and protect you from negative thoughts. Well and also keep learning and getting better…for yourself. And here on this forum or anywhere else you will be listened and understood…..you just need to speak up for yourself…that's all..

Well shiny, you know and understand how that boy for whom you are suffering all the pain and hurt and wasting these precious days of your life which you are NEVER going to get again, have moved on and don't care a damn for you. He can't even see you in the eye, he has no courage or character to face you and discuss things, he uses text messages and phone calls instead of meeting you in person to end two and a half years of relationship. He is so impudent not to care for you and take a single sided decision when it affects you so badly. You better be wise and move on with your life then to waste is over such a boy. You ask does it get any better? I will say, yeah its so much better that he is out of your life, do you think it would have been any good, if he acted in a similar way later when you might have been more involved and with much more at stake. Also don't see this as any loss, but as new opportunity to learn and become wise and to choose a better boy to make friends with next time...Its all easy said than done, I know that, but tell me whats easy in life?, except wasting your life and mouring over the dead past relationship. Its not worth to waste these invaluable time of your life over such a boy. You ask, how can you move on like him? You will move on when you will accept the fact that its all over and don't stand there at the closed door, hoping it to open again, which is not going to happen. And also all this time you are not noticing the other doors which have opened for you. Also reading your message, I can see that you understand all this very well and are in your better senses, now you just need a little strength and impetus to move on...and thats all at your own calling... So at last only things I want to tell you is Free yourself from the past, accept the facts, gather your strengt to move on and live in present and you will see that there is a new and better world inviting you... Best of Luck ...

Frist of all I will like to tell you, Jessie, is to stop conatcting him anymore, no-contact, because as you both have got yourself in a vicious circle of hurting each other. So even if you try to make things such that the end of relationship is good, it will be interpreted wrongly, and thats what has happened. Also another thing is to stop living in past, live in present and care for present so that future is better. Bury the dead past. If a relationship has gone sour and your attempts to end it in good way have failed its better not to think about it any more and get along with life, caring about other things, and you have much more important things to care. Also you don't have to apologise for anything as you did your best to make it work. For any relationship to survive and work both sides involved needs to be committed to it. So no more apologising or explaining, because its already all over, and no amout of your efforts are going to make things any better. You deserve better than all this. About getting the blanket, you let the things to calm down a little. Don't hurry up just to hurt him more, because its only going to pull you deeper in the vicious circle of hurting each other. After things have calmed down, you can talk to his parents, if not to him directly and ask them to post your blanket. Or you can go with any of your good friends to his home, when he is not there (yes, avoid any contact with him) and ask your friend to go in and get your blanket, you don't even have to get in their home. Its not very difficult, if you get out of your past and live in present and consider your blanket more important to you than the inconvenience of facing them again.. So it all boils down to this, bury the dead past and live in present to make the future better. You did your best and if things didn't work out as you wished, its better to move on and care for yourself and those who are dear to and care for you. You deserve better and you can make it better, if you direct your energies and time towards more important things than a dead and hurtful realationship. Now don't allow yourself to be hurt anymore. Be strong and have courage and faith.....and things will get better soon...

Well, its not a very complicated thing, but now I am in a dilemma and want someone to help me out of it. My problem goes like this.... I have been friends with this girl, she is my junior from my previous college, since last 4 years, and have always been there to help her whenever she needed, inspite of myself. Last July I moved away from home for higher studies, and since then we were in contact via emails and phone. I also have good relations with her father, mother and sister. They all treat me very nicely and have good opinion about me and whenever I call, I talk to them all. This past decemeber when I went home for a brief vacation, I called this friend few times, but she was never present at home and didn't reply to any of my messages. Just the day before I was to leave she called, and we nearly fought, for the first time ever. She never meet me, eventhough when she knew that after this we will not be able to meet till June 2005. After that I stopped contacting her, she wrote the first email, saying sorry. So I thought that everything has got fine. I let the things go thinking that she is still a kid, which she really is inspite of her age, and have done such stupid things earlier too. But her later emails were absurd and insulting. After sometime I told her to stop sendig me any emails if she keeps her sick attitude. She replied to it saying sorry and that she never intended it that way and I am misinterpreting it all. After that I again let things go and replied in good spirit. It was 2 weeks back, she haven't replied to my that email yet. My question is, tomorrow is her birthday? So what should I do, call her, wish her, sent any greeting? I always did that earlier. But now she is playing games and I can't tolerate it any more, she has to grow up and I don't want to give in this time. Also another question is, as my relations with her sister, father and mother is independent of her, that is I still talk to them when not talking to her; should I carry on with them?, inspite of her. I want things to drift away and end slowly.... Thanks for listening and any advice in advance......

Well, I will say, don't have any false hope. I have not seen anything getting back to normal relationship with ex once it gets bad and sour. All processes are irreversible. There will always be that little hurt and bitterness in your heart, that he/she left you. Everything will be fine when you both are going good. But real difficulty will be when, relationship will go through any rough times, and which will require great understanding, tolerance and faith in each other. Because, if there is even a little bit of bitterness or insecurity in your heart, it will come over to surface then, and things will be more difficult to tackle or normalize. And it will result in much more pain and hurt. There is a simple analogy, relation is like a thread, try your best to keep it intact, and if it breaks, you can join them, but knot of bitterness will always remain.. So I think its better to be over with ex for once and all and search for a more healthy and better relationship. Its not difficult to find, if one can get over looking back to past. Only learn from your past mistakes and be wise for future relationships.. But there are exceptions too.....and they depend of the people involved….. but they still remain exceptions....

Well, Dartanian, thats a common thing that happened to you, and what your ex did. And there can me many reasons for it, infatuation, competetion with her other friends to get that guy just to show who is more charming, or just for fun....well whatever the reason may be....But for you, now as she has stopped caring for you and have stopped all communications with you. Only thing that I see good for you is to leave her to herself and carry on with your life, there are more things to care for than a relationship gone sour. Also now its not a question of whether she will ever come back to you again, its so that even if she comes back to you in any future, will you be able to accept her? What you are going through now will never allow you to accept her, there will always be that anxiousness and bitterness and any future relationships will never be anything like normal. So its better to leave her. Also One more thing, stop expecting anything from her, even this that she may fall and regret. Because expecting that way, you make yourself dependent on a fickle girl lik her for your gratification, which will never make things any better for you. So the Only thing I want to say is, Leave her to herself......

Well I think, you are not over-reacting, infact your are doing pretty well and correct. Its difficult to control your emotions and not to bring up the subject for a open talk, but I would say don't hurry, for time being you can wait and watch what she do and say to you. Soon you will know more and exact what she wishes, whether to have relation with you or not. If she wish to be with you, she will be more careful not to do anything that may hurt you. So that will be good and you can leave off the past and proceed further with your relatoinship. But if she don't changes her ways and keeps doing such things regardless of how it affects you, I feel, its not worth to suffer all the pain and hurt for her then. See, if she wants to be with you, she will come to you, because you are there available to her, but if she doesn't want that, she may just play games and it will not be difficult for you to know that, so just wait and watch a little more....and soon you will yourself know what you have to do then.... Thats all I can tell you.....Best of Luck...