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GeeCee

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  1. GeeCee
    Raider - I do NOT assume anything at all. I always make a point of reading posts thoroughly before I answer them. I will say again, your tone is often aggressive and you appear to view others actions with disdain. IMO this is not a good quality. G xx P.S. Spatz - oh yes!!! You are surely coming out of the other side. Who cares how long the journey takes us?!? I am just happy that we are getting there!
  2. GeeCee
    Raider Whoa!!! Slow down tiger and read Spatz's post before you get on your proverbially high horse. He has SAID that he has been totally up front with the new woman. He has certainly NEVER said, to my knowledge that he is moving on (I shall be delighted when he does). He is trying to find some sense in all of his confusion, as far as I can see it, and if that means he spends a little time with another woman, that is all good. Raider, what are you suggesting that he do? Become a monk. Sit around waiting for fourteen months like you did. Has he not suffered enough. Time, at some point to START LIVING AGAIN. Spatz You are doing NOTHING wrong. You have been totally upfront with the woman. She knows the situation. Go out and have some fun. Chances are that it will lead to nothing and you will both go your separate ways. But remember Detemined's recent posts ...?!? That little thing called desire creeps upon us when we least expect it. And to both of you. If I thought that my ex was going to have an inflence on EVERY SINGLE move I made for the rest of my life, I might as well take heavy shot-gun and shoot self RIGHT NOW!! At some point, we have ALL got to move on, whether that point be six months, six days, or fourteen months. Raider, do try not to come accross as so aggressive in your posts. You have a lot of good advice. But everyone's situation does NOT directly pertain to the hurt YOUR ex put YOU through. G xx
  3. GeeCee
    LookingForAdvice I know that I am going to get slated here from some for what I am going to say, but it is only my opinion. I cannot fault you for having an affair. I genuinely believe that affairs are usually the fault of both people in the relationship. You clearly were not having your needs met by your wife over a consistently long period of time. You talked to her about your concerns, and she chose to do nothing about this. Yes, there are issues here that your wife needs to address. For whatever reason she is chosing not to do so. I am sorry that you have had an affair, and I am sorry for the effect that this has had on your wife. However, she, too, has to take some responsibility for her actions if this happened in the way that you described. I think that the two of you are going to have to sit and talk, very openly about what it is you want out of your future relationship. For me a relationship without desire would not be a relationship at all. But you have to decide what it is you both want, and whether you can both deliver. I think that professional counselling is going to have to be the way to go. Good luck. G xx
  4. GeeCee
    Spatz Take it nice and slow and stop analysing everyting. Inevitably you will make comparisons with the ex, even subconsciously. However, if you are up front with the new woman, you limit the risk of hurting her and take the pressure off both of you. Go out, see if you can laugh a little and enjoy each other - eat, drink and be merry!! Good luck. G xx
  5. GeeCee
    Emma None of us here can really advise you as to what you should do. You do, however, know the difficulty you face each day, bring up a child single-handedly. I think that the baby's father has made it clear what he wants you to do, now you have to be clear that you can live comfortably with teh choice that you make. I wish you luck. G xx
  6. GeeCee
    Rich That was not the issue for me - how much time you spend with your ex is between you and her. The issue for me was how she allows her son to be involved with you, to the extent of calling you Dad, even though she is unwilling to make a commitment. That was the thing that I was questioning. Rich, I am not a hypocrite. I would go to the woods with my ex. Damn right I would, and I would hope a bear scared us so I could leap into his sleeping bag, and he could comfort me ALL NIGHT!!! But my ex has certainly not put me through what your ex has demanded of you. As to the thing about us drawing conclusions. We can only draw conclusions and make judgements based on what you have told us. Of course, none of us can possibly understand the intricate nuances of your relationship, we know only what you have told us, albeit in extensive detail. And then we advise as we see fit. Not sure that that qualifies as a judgement. Good luck Rich. I really do hope that this works out well for you. G xx
  7. GeeCee
    Hmmmmm ... this is interesting Sayer. I would agree with all that has been said before. Of course, you have to talk through the problem, be creative and imagintive with your sex life, learn what does and does not turn him on. However, if you are reaching out on this forum, I would assume that you have done all of that common-sense stuff. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Do not let your self-esteem suffer as a result of it. And while I agree with Beec in the advice he has given. All of that would work in a healthy sexual relationship. You do not have that at the moment. I also think that there is an implied message that this is your fault. YOU need to dress up, YOU need to write him little sex notes, YOU need to be more imaginative. When in fact HE has the problem. And HE needs to get professional help before it ruins your relationship. I think that you have been patience personified. Sit him down for a talk, and insist that there is a problem that needs professional counsel to resolve. Good luck. G xx
  8. GeeCee
    Rich, as you know, I have children. This would be a real red flag for me. HUGE. This is not quite right. The boy has a father. He is in his life. You are not Dad. You might well be a father figure. But do not understand why he is calling you Dad. Of course, these are just my thoughts. And Rich, please, you have done enough soul-searching. No more, please. G xx
  9. GeeCee
    Ooooh Scout This is good. This is real good. You are right. Emotionally mature women DO NOT want an unavailable bad boy. Not for the long haul. I don't know about you, Scout, but I had my bad-boy flings when I was in my teens and twenties. Now safely ensconsed in thirties, I do NOT want a relationship with a bad boy!!! As for you Rich, what is most telling for me is your acknowledgement that you need the longing. Kudos to you recognising this and the need to address it. However, say the ex comes back, the longing dissipitates - where are you both then? Are you telling me that you will have satiated your desire for loning? That you will be comfortable if she comes to the table and says, right you got me. I am now not so sure. Remember you had commitment issues with the ex in the first place. Finally, from a personal perspective. Most women I know, KNOW what they want. Sometimes they are not so good at articulating it. Especially if they are going to hurt someone. And so they give them little hints - let's be friends, I am not sure what I want, I need some space. These are designed to let the partner down without any great emotional drama, but rarely work, because the other party does not know where they stand. They take the comments at face value. Sound familiar? Like Scout, I think that you have analysed this to the nth degree. You really need to take a back seat. Go to therapy, if you feel that will help. But MOVE ON, BUDDY. The idea that you are PROlonging this agony is worrying. But the biggest concern for me, is that the ex has involved her son in this game of cat and mouse, AND THAT IS NOT FAIR. All the while he is forming a deeper emotional attachment to you. Are you going to tell HIM that you can talk in the fall? Sorry if this sounds harsh. You know, Rich, that I wish you all the best. The fact that you are playing a dangerous game between consenting adults bothers me not a bit, but please, LEAVE THE KID OUT OF IT!! G xx
  10. GeeCee
    Rich I entirely agree with Scout. Your ex has issues with committing to you that no amount of devotion on your part has changed. This is very telling. Be very very careful. I am surprised that she is allowing her son to be exposed in this way. G xx
  11. GeeCee
    Dikaia What the hell is this about tiffs???? You and I have never tiffed, I am sure that I would remember THAT!!! And am sure that I have never ever told you to forget your ex. Cannot recall that at all. Hope you are OK, Dikaia. Have missed spatting with you, but I think you understand why I am posting less. G xx
  12. GeeCee
    Rich This is not about being optimistic. You have been doing all you can for four months now. She has not budged an inch. You know that. SHE HAS NOT MOVED ON THE ISSUE OF COMMITMENT. But you know that. G xx
  13. GeeCee
    Hi Confused Thanks for your PM. You are not really confused at all, it seems. Of the two options you have identified, I would definitely go with the first one. Tell your ex that you understand that she needs more time to herself, with her friends and such, but that you will also be moving on. And then move on!! No making calls to her. Answer hers and be civil, but be sure not too give too much away. Indicate that you are fine, and that you are willing to discuss strategies to improve your relationship when she brings something to the table. This is hard, but IMO it is the best way to make someone who is unsure really think about what they are potentially giving up. Good luck. G xx
  14. GeeCee
    Fantasia, not quite sure where you are coming from with this statement. Don't think that I ever indicated that I did not believe that people could not change or things could not happen. I think I was saying that people make their own decisions, we can influence them to some degree, but we cannot change whether they want to stay or go. I also think that, at 38, I would have a very different perspective on life than someone who is younger than one of my own children. Our life experiences could not possibly be compared. G xx
  15. GeeCee
    Yes you are absolutely right. We all have the right to our own opinions and the way in which we lead our lives. That is a basic human right. However, if you are the age your profile states, the chances are extremely high that you will feel very differently about your lost love in the next six months. I am imagining that you are experiencing the loss of a first love. Whilst that is a very powerful emotion, Never Let Down, most of us get over it and go on to conqueor and lose and conqueor other loves. You are very young, you cannot possibly talk from a position of experience. Whether you believe this or not at the moment, the pain that you feel right now will pass, and you will have other loves in your life, maybe one that is even more powerful than the one you have lost. G xx
  16. GeeCee
    Rich Be very very careful with your heart and your hopes. If nothing has changed for her in the last four months, why do you think two more will make a difference? And then you are back, but in a potentially even more difficult situation, because you have invested emotionally for another two months. Be careful. m At some point you have to let go or move forward. She does not seem capable of moving your relationship forward. As you said, you are not able to control that. Good luck. G xx
  17. GeeCee
    Hmmmm .... now this is a curious one. This idea that when you love someone you are willing to do anything. I am sure that to varying degrees many of us on this forum have done more than we would have hoped to get the ex back. There are stories of people bargaining, pleading, crying, screaming etc. Now this just heaps more humiliation onto shoulders alaready carrying a heavy burden. I am most definitely not 'willing to do anything' to get my ex back. At some point, one has to draw a line and say that they did all they could to persuade the ex to change their mind. But if it is not happening, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot force a person to come back to you. Most of the actions taken by dumpees force the ex to run even further into the hills. Good luck with your quest. G xx
  18. GeeCee
    I think that you have to stop chasing. Definitely. She has to make the decision as to whether she comes back or not. G xx
  19. GeeCee
    Sorry Detox if I was not clear. I think that in all likelihood your relationship with your ex may well be over. None of us know the answers, but what I was trying to say was that if she wanted to see you, she would make the effort to do so. While you are both in contact, that must give you some hope, but she will have to be willing to make some effort too. And the chances are that it will be very difficult to repair if you are doing more work than she is. Hope that I have been clearer this time. G xx
  20. GeeCee
    Which brings me to my next point. Raider5, I have followed a lot of your threads and posts. Whilst, I am aware that you are the 'greatest asset on this forum', I think that your valuable insights would have more kudos if they were laced with a little more compassion. IMO it is not good enough to say that you are passionate and thereforeeee your words are often heated. We are all passionate in varying degrees, but we are also all entitled to voice our opinion without being subjected to your 'pity'. From a personal point of view, I refuse to die for my ex, because I have children to live for. Does this mean that I love my ex less than someone who would take the grenade? I think not. Nor does it mean that I have not harboured the darkest thoughts from time to time. As I said, other things will keep me going during my heart-breaking moments. But I also know that I would not like to see my ex happy without me, because that would mean that he had made the right choice, and I do not think that he has, for either one of us. G xx
  21. GeeCee
    Ziggy Hope that you have not gone for good. You have a lot of great advice for people on this forum, that is neither judgemental or critical - that is INVALUABLE. I, for one, shall miss you. G xx
  22. GeeCee
    Detox I guess that it is a good thing that you have contact. However, I also think that we read too much into the slightest gesture made by our exes, because we live in hope. From a personal perspective (I raise my children alone and have a very demanding job that takes up a lot of my time), however busy one is, I think that they make time for someone if they want to. So, my gut feel is that if she wanted to see you ENOUGH, she would make the time to do so. However, this does not mean that this will always be the case. I fyou are strong enough to work hard at your 'game', could be that you can get what you want in the long term. But it will be a very arduous struggle. Good luck. G xx
  23. GeeCee
    Dikaia There will be a point where you realise that you HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR AT ALL. Call it an epiphany, a revelation, a thunderbolt. Whatever, when it comes, it brings clarity and relief. Thinking of you. G xx
  24. GeeCee
    You sound really grounded and ready. I disagree with Dikaia on this one - if you feel ready, you probably are. And as long as you are playing safe, you should have little to worry about. Enjoy - it's a wonderful new world you are entering! G xx
  25. GeeCee
    I'm with Majord on this one. But I would add sponteneity - not quite knowing what a person is going to do next is very exciting .... except when they dump you!!! Now THAT, is just tedious!! G xx
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