majord23

I've modified them slightly Girl Facts: When you break a girl's heart, she'll still feel like stabbing you when you run into each other 3 years later. When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind….most of them shoes. When a girl is not arguing, check if she's breathing. When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how drunk she was when she met you. When a girl answers, "I'm fine, " after a few seconds…run! When a girl stares at you, she is picturing you with a better looking face. When a girl lays her head on your chest, move away really quickly – she'll love that. When a girl says that she can't live without you, change the locks and hide the rabbit. When a girl says, "I missed you, " be careful, she could be re-loading…and she won't miss the second time. When a girl is mean to you after a break-up she wants you back, to torture. Guy Facts: When a guy calls u he wants to be with you…or he needs a ride home. When a guy is quiet, he's listening to you...or his ipod. When a guy is not arguing, he realises that if he didn't stop arguing he may never get to see you naked again. When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes, he probably didn't hear the question. When a guy stares at you, consider showing less cleavage next time. When you're laying your head on a guy's chest, be prepared for him to move away really quickly – he thinks you love it when he does that. When a guy calls you everyday, he probably has a really good cellphone plan. When a (good) guy tells you he loves you, he means it – until dawn. When a guy says he can't live without you, it means he can't afford a maid. When a guy says, "I missed you, " he's returning fire, duck!

Well sending roses is hardly sticking to NC mate And from your post it sounds as though you are sending the roses in order to ilicit a reaction (her calling). I'm not advising you on what you should or shouldn't do, but I always encourage people to visualise the worst possible outcome from a situation and then prepare for it. In your case, do not *expect* her to call and mentally prepare yourself for that eventuality...that way you are not setting yourself up for disappointment. Ideally, you should be doing this before you take any action in relation to your ex. Hope is fine, but if it turns out to be false hope then the subsequent failure of that hope to materialise is all the more devastating. Good luck.

And what happens if 3, 4, 5 months go by and you don't hear from her? Using NC to get a reaction, more often than not, ends in disappointment and with the original "No Contacter" increasing their contact in order to get the reaction that they thought NC would bring originally. In short, if you are seeking reconciliation - ask yourself this: Will NC resolve the problems that lead to the break-up in the first place, or just confirm to her that they still exist?

RIP Leah. Absolutely tragic news, and my thoughts are with her family.

usababe, Going back to the title of this thread: "Considering I would love to get back with him...", it is safe to say that not replying to him will have absolutely no bearning on the outcome of your situation. Jumping and replying to any crumb of contact he sends however, may make him feel secure in the fact that you are there for him. Don't give him that security, unless you are in the process of getting back together.

Male, dumpee: Lingering, but not strong: Betrayal Anger Overall: Fondness Satisfaction Acceptance.

But you're not ignoring him, he hasn't actually said anything for you to reply to. If he had forwarded an email and asked you how you were, then perhaps a response would be necessary. As it stands, he forwarded some jokes. I receive several forwarded emails a day from friends that I don't respond to - likewise I may forward emails that I don't expect a response to... ...it (the lack of reply) means absolutely nothing from either side.

I think annie is right on the money with her advice (no surprise there ). If he had something of substance to say or ask, he would come out and say it. I think forwarded emails are just a way of staying visible without actually saying anything OR are forwarded on because the sender genuinely believes that the receiver will get something out of the material being forwarded. Let this one slide.

I don't know why either hjc - it *is* absolutely pointless - especially for her to follow-up with a one-worded response. The positive is that she contacted you, you replied in a friendly manner and the ball remains in her court. You didn't give anything away hjc, and that's a good thing. You are also taking the high road...which is an even better thing. Stay strong and be proud mate - she has nothing and *will* have nothing to hold against you. Closure - your username is more than appropriate pal I'm definitely starting to appreciate the benefits of hardcore NC - maybe one day I'll have the intestinal fortitude to apply it.

Hey mate, She was obviously looking for (and found) an opportunity to contact and check up on you. If you want to text her back...and I probably would, keep it light and friendly. Something like Haha - wasn't drunk, just up late. I'm really good thanks, keeping myself busy It doesn't give too much away, lets her know that you weren't drunk and leaves it open for her to open a dialogue with you (without pressuring her to with questions). I've found that by responding in such a way (without questions, but also without final statements such as 'take care') it then doesn't haven't you second-guessing yourself if you don't receive a response. It leaves it open - and it is up to your ex as to what the next move is. Just my .02 hjc

You have ignored her contact, so she is 'upping the ante' to get a reaction out of you...that is all. She says that you won't hear from her again if you don't return her call - all designed to get you to react. Keep ignoring her, what will have changed bewteen you if you *do* respond? Nothing. BTW: If you do ignore her, I guarantee that it won't be the last time that you have heard from her.

Jayar, You sound like you are doing well and you are certainly stronger. I do have to ask a question though....why give him 17 days? Do you think that in 17 days that the answer will be a different one to what he would have given you last night? I am only saying this because to me, I see it as another 17 days that you have put your life in limbo for. Another 17 days of uncertainty and of you counting down the days until *his* decision. Why don't *you* make the decision *now*? Why don't you just say - "do you want me now, or don't you?" If he answers no....then at least in 17 days you'll be taking steps forwards instead of treading water. Just my 0.02...

Hey hawaii, I just read your thread....and it's altered my perception slightly. You say that she was distant for 2 weeks prior to the break-up and that you decided to tough out the pain and move on without her (hard, but great move pal). Her changing her mind in 2 days *could* be panic related. She may have expected to see you more upset and to beg her to stay, but on not receiving that she bricked it and came running back because the consequences of her actions were staring her right in the face immediately. Tread carefully pal, and don't ignore the break-up as if it never happened - she may be 'checking out' of the relationship but is finding it hard to do so. You also said that you realised that you could move on without her in those 2 days - that might be because she is causing more stress than the relationship is worth at the moment? Do you still want this relationship to work out?

It sounds like the break-up was a 'flash-in-the-pan' type thing mate - probably a decision made in haste which is why she regretted it so quickly. If you are happy with things are now, then go with it. If this is something that is happening repeatedly however, then you need to find out why it is happening and what you (and she) can do about it.

enol, It's a bit too 'Hollywood' for my liking mate....please tell me you're not thinking of doing anything silly

The reason that NC is so widely advocated on the board is because it is the first step to being in a position to analyse what went wrong in the relationship, and what part you played in it. There’s no point telling someone to have a good hard look at them self when they’re an emotional wreck and can’t go a few days without contacting their ex. THAT is why NC is stressed ‘way too much’ here. It’s the first step. I have always said that everyone should learn something from every failed relationship they have. I don’t see too many people here that place sole responsibility on a break-up on their ex (unless they are venting). Anger, a natural part of the grief process – don’t mistake it for genuine hate. The vast majority of posters who spew venom about an ex would take them back in a second…hardly an action of hate. Too general. Sometimes blame lies on one side, sometimes on both. Absolutely dumpees should be looking at their own contribution in a break-up, but to say that the dumpee is always at fault is (no offence) naïve. The truth lays somewhere in the middle. No argument there. I’m not getting you here. Again, no argument and something that is also widely advocated widely on the board. Each to there own mate, but it does kind of contradict your first statement about learning about yourself. GFTOW is all about distraction, not introspection – and that’s hardly a platform for growth. I’m not sure why you feel that ‘almost everyone on these forums’ is avoiding taking any responsibility? You seem to have the view that the majority of posters blame their exes entirely for the break-up and are not likely to grow because of it - not true at all. You post some good stuff, but seem to be opposing some decent advice on the boards because you have a misconception about the people that are posting it and reading it.

Thanks for the replies everyone - and scruff, you're right to be livid mate - alot of it did come from you (even if you weren't aware of it at the time ). hjc (or should I call you eagle eyes ). Thanks for that - fixed now, I couldn't have people following the 'guide' to the word and then throwing that back in my face, could I?

This ‘guide’ has been written to give people here guidance on what to do after a break-up. This has been written using my own experience, and also drawing on the experiences of others in my personal life, and also from these boards themselves. This is the healthiest advice that I can give – both to help someone recover from a break-up and to give the best chance possible of being reconciled with an ex. There are no ‘games’ or ‘tricks’ contained here, it is not a quick-fix nor a magical solution – it is straight-forward and all about helping the dumpee heal and move on, with or without their former partner The Break-up and Reconciliation Guide Goal The goal of this post primarily focuses on two things: To maintain the dumpee’s self-respect and dignity To avoid being pitied by the dumper If these two (interrelated) goals are achieved, it will have a two-pronged effect. It will assist the dumpee in moving on It will increase the chance of reconciliation Stereotypical Post-Break-up behaviour When someone that you love unexpectedly, or even expectedly ends a relationship, then you may find yourself losing control of rational thought and entering ‘survival mode’. This can manifest itself in numerous ways, but the most common appears to be losing their inhibitions and saying *anything* in order to reverse the dumper’s decision. Begging, pleading and promises of change are high on the dumpee’s behavioural agenda. These behaviours do not work, and on the rare occasions they do, the second chance is generally short lived. Why? Because a dumper may return to the dumpee out of pity – and pity has no business in an equal, loving relationship. Another reason for failure is because the dumper may feel as though they are doing the dumpee a favour by returning, and thus it makes the responsibility they hold in making the relationship work significantly less – it is easier for them to walk away (again). It would be completely unreasonable to expect anyone, especially yourself, to be able to control the initial impulse to beg your ex for another chance. So if you have done so, forgive yourself – but vow that you won’t do it again. Today is the day that you take your first step forward in moving on. What to do differently If begging, pleading and promising change is the ‘wrong’ behaviour to exhibit, then it stands to reason that the ‘right’ behaviour is the opposite. So, what is the opposite behaviour? Well, let’s dump the begging, pleading and unreasonable demands you have made on yourself under a broad heading: “Undignified” – because that’s exactly what it is – undignified. So, the opposite is……that’s right, “Dignified”. As hard as it is, as much as your heart, head and soul wants to scream “Take me back pleeeeeaaaaseee…I’ll do anything….I can’t live without you…..” to your ex, you must NOT…and instead act dignified. By all means, let your ex know that you are upset and that you would like a second chance – there is nothing wrong with discussing your feelings and desires (initially). Once you have done so however, consider your side of the break-up complete. Do not rehash the conversation and do not throw things that your ex may have said back in their face. Telling your ex: “But last week you said you loved me, and wanted to be the mother/father of my children” will ultimately achieve nothing except cause conflict. An ex’s words are not a binding contract and as such, can not be used to tie them into an agreement that you thought you held with them. Arguing logic with someone who is making a decision based on emotion will prove fruitless. No matter how much logic you attempt to apply to an emotional decision, emotions will *always* win out. For whatever reason, your ex’s feelings have changed and they have made a decision based on that – respect that decision, just as you would respect decisions they made within the relationship….and accept it. “True love doesn’t need convincing, true love knows.” That means letting them go, and switching your focus to picking up the pieces and moving on – without them. What happens next? You will now find yourself at the crossroads – with a decision to make: Stay in Contact, or initiate ‘No Contact’. There are some situations where contact is a necessity (children are involved or you work/go to school with your ex). There may be others, but these are the primary ones. In these cases, keep contact to a minimum and remember that you have already told your ex about your feelings and your desire for reconciliation, so do not under any circumstances have these conversations again. Keep your interactions with your ex as brief as possible and keep any conversation completely related to your reason for being in contact (children, work, school). This will be hard, but again, you have to remember your goal – maintaining your dignity and self-respect and avoiding your ex’s pity. Do not compromise these for even a second. Stay strong, and prepare yourself for each interaction with your ex: “Proper preparation prevents poor performance”. If you have no obvious ties with your ex, you are still at the crossroads – staying in contact or breaking contact. In the majority of scenarios, your ex will suggest ‘staying friends’ – they may even do more than suggest it, they may actually start to beg and plead themselves. Some dumpees are willing to enter a friendship almost immediately and some are emotionally ready to do so. Some relationships were built on friendship and many successful friendships have been born out of failed relationships – BUT, and I must stress this – these are the *exception* to the rule. I will say this again – the moment that you poured your heart out to your ex and expressed your desire for a second chance was the turning point in the break-up. That is the moment that your actions became motivated by one thing and one thing only – what is best for YOU….not for your ex, not for the hope of reconciliation – but for you, and you alone. You should never enter a ‘friendship’ with an ex as a means to ‘get them back’. If you have *any* desire to get back with your ex…even if you try to convince yourself by saying “Well, maybe one day but I’m happy with being friends in the meantime”. Don’t do it. The truth of the matter is that you are lying to yourself, and the situation will end with more pain (for you). Relationships (including friendships) are founded on equality – equality of feelings and equality of expectations. If one party desires or expects more than the other, it will lead to conflict and quite possibly the destruction of the relationship. You’ve already lost your intimate relationship, so why enter another one (friendship) that is doomed to fail from the very beginning? Being friends with an ex means being happy to hang out with them and their new boyfriend/girlfriend/person they are sleeping with/husband/wife. If the thought of that gives you an empty feeling in your stomach, don’t do it….at least not yet. Despite these warnings, some may decide that they want to stay in touch with your ex. You’ll tell yourself that you’re strong enough, that you can handle your ex seeing someone new, and that you don’t care if you don’t get back together with your ex – and some of you will be right. Some however, will be lying to themselves: Before deciding to stay in contact, or stay friends with an ex – sit down and have a really hard think whether it’s because you genuinely want to be friends, or because you are scared of letting go. If it’s the latter, don’t stay friends with your ex. This is about what is best for YOU remember, and sometimes doing what is best for you is the hardest choice to make. Letting go is hard, but is also the healthiest thing you can do after a break-up. Everyone will let go at some point after a break-up – some people will do it themselves and heal quicker, whilst others will fight and fight – until, in the end, the decision to let go is taken from their hands – and they *have* to do it. Let go now, while you have a choice to do so – it’s empowering and it also links in with the goals stated at the start of this thread. If you do decide to take the: “I think I can win them back by staying in touch” route, consider yourself warned and then… No Contact (NC) If you’ve read this far, then you are at least thinking about No Contact (NC)…so, what is No Contact? That thread covers a lot about NC and various scenarios, however it probably doesn’t stress one point enough: No Contact is NOT a tool to win back an ex. Again, everything you are doing right now is focussed on what is best for YOU. If you want to use NC as a tactic to win an ex back then by all means try it, but you will find yourself praying, hoping and wishing for the day that NC finally has its desired effect…and that day may never come. So initiate NC knowing that it is NOT to bring your ex back, it is all about allowing yourself space and time to heal. If you enter this period knowing that, the results will come – if you enter it expecting it to bring your ex to their senses, you face disappointment – and you may even find yourself resuming the ‘stereotypical post-break-up behaviour’ covered at the beginning of this post. No Contact is difficult and at times heart-wrenching – but healing will occur if you tough it out and hang in there. Contacting your ex may bring you temporary relief, but it only makes things harder in the long run – it’s akin to scratching chicken-pox. You will have an almost overwhelming urge to scratch and scratch…knowing that while it may make you feel great momentarily, it will ultimately delay the healing. What happens if I break NC? Quite simple – you start again. You don’t beat yourself up about it or dwell on it – what’s done is done. If you contact your ex, and the conversation goes well – ask yourself: “What have I really achieved?”, “Am I ready to be just friends?” or “Am I closer to reconciliation?”. If none of your answers are positive – resume NC and don’t look back. If your ex makes promises, but provides no evidence that they are going to back them up with actions – resume NC and don’t look back. If you attempt to contact your ex and your attempt is ignored, do NOT follow up with another call/email – resume No Contact and don’t look back. If the ball is left in their court (via your attempt at contact), leave it with them – they know how to find you if they do wish to contact you. What if my ex breaks NC? If your ex breaks NC and expresses anything but a heart-felt, genuine desire for reconciliation, you resume NC and don’t look back. If your ex states that they miss you, are confused, want to be with you “one day” etc, you resume NC and start again. Your ex, if expressing things such as though as stated in the sentence above, has entered their own version of ‘survival mode’ – where they are willing to say (almost) anything to get what they want – you in their lives. This is the dumper seeking what *they* want – you in their life, but not a relationship with you. Remember again, you are no longer doing what is best for your ex – you are doing to what is best for you – and if your ex is offering false hope when you want a solid promise, you resume NC and don’t look back. If you have already explained your reasons for NC to your ex, there is no need to do so again (no matter what your ex says) – a simple “We’ve already discussed why I need to do this, take care *click*” will suffice just nicely. If your ex continually breaks NC against your wishes, and expresses no concrete desire for reconciliation (if that is what you are seeking), then block their calls, emails…take any step you have to cut them out of your life. Again, it is about what is best for YOU. Avoid getting into a NC/Breaking NC cycle (regardless of whether it is your ex or you breaking NC). You are the only one that will have the power to stop it, your ex will (more than likely) keep the cycle going for as long as you allow them to. Be strong, cut all ties and maintain NC. Even if it means being rude. What do I do to help myself heal during NC? Your options are limitless – you are now a single person with no-one to answer to. Meet up with friends, take up a new hobby, work-out, go on holiday…do whatever it takes to make you feel good, and whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself. Do not sit at home dwelling on the past and do not think of ways of ‘accidentally’ bumping into your ex. In my experience, Sunday evenings are the toughest – work/school beckons the next day and the weekend is over. Try to plan an activity to keep you occupied on Sundays if you can – even if it’s meeting up with a friend to get some dinner or watch a movie (preferably a comedy). Should I date others? Only when you’re ready. Casual dating is great and can build self-confidence and also show you that maybe there is someone else that is just as nice, if not nicer than your ex. However, do NOT enter a relationship unless you are certain that you won’t go running back to your ex at the drop of a hat if they reappear in your life. A new relationship introduces someone new to the scenario – a person with feelings and desires, just like us all. They deserve honesty and to be treated with respect – so do not use anyone else to make your ex jealous or as a replacement for your ex….someone is going to get hurt, and it could be you – physically You may find that dating someone new, instead of taking your mind off your ex, actually makes you miss them more – that is natural, and normal – and is your sub-conscious telling you that perhaps you aren’t ready to date just yet. Hang in there; the day will come where you will be. Should I break NC for important events? No, nope, negative. There is no reason to do so, unless it is life-threatening. No good will come of it. What about Reconciliation? There are no magic fixes to a broken relationship, no tricks, no secrets and no guaranteed methods to win an ex back, but there is plenty you can do to *decrease* your chances. For some guidance, look no further than SuperDave’s brilliant thread Successful reconciliation is something that will not happen for the majority of people who have been ‘dumped’ – that is the cold, harsh reality of break-ups and indeed life. We don’t always get what we want. I can tell you this however, those who do reconcile successfully with an ex are those who ‘get themselves back’ before getting their exes back. The people who maintain their dignity, self-respect and avoid being pitied by their exes are the ones that bounce back quickest and make themselves and attractive relationship prospect for the opposite (or same) sex. And that's why this guide has been so focussed on letting go and moving on - *genuinely* letting go and moving on, *really* taking back control of your emotions and your life - these are the things that give you the best chance of reconciling with an ex. Focussing on your own healing, rather than focussing on what effect your actions will have on an ex - these are the things that can bring an ex back. Sure, there are 'methods' that can be applied (The Perfect Plan Mach II) - and yes, some of them may bring an ex back. But this thread is about more than that - this is about *successful* reconciliation, not temporary fixes. Temporary fixes don't fix problems, they merely disguise them...and eventually, just like any 'make-shift' measure - they will fail. What if my ex wants me back? It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for – your ex contacts you out of the blue and says the words you’ve been wanting months to hear: “I made a mistake, I love you and I want you back.”. Brilliant – you grin from ear to ear, tell your ex that you love them and live happily ever after, right? Not so fast there kid – the hard work has only just begun. First things first – you have to evaluate *why* your ex has had a change of heart – is it because they genuinely miss and love you, or is it because they themselves were dumped and are returning to ‘familiar territory’? Or perhaps they are going through a but of a rough patch in their life at the moment? As with break-ups, each is unique but all have commonalities – and the above are seemingly the three main reasons that an ex ‘returns to the scene of the crime’. There may be all sorts of emotions to work through before it’s all smooth sailing. You may feel anger that your ex put you through such an emotionally draining, traumatic experience only to change their mind. You may be apprehensive – afterall, they dumped you before, what’s to stop them from doing it again? Some people can work through these issues, view the relationship as a new start and get on with it. Others may not be able to. Insecurity and anger are the two biggest issues to overcome (in my experience) when reconciling with an ex. Repeatedly bringing the past up in an (unrelated) argument can sound the death-knell for a second chance. Letting go of the emotions associated with the break-up (whilst not forgetting them) is the key to moving forward when reconciling. Only you know what you can deal with – and sometimes it won’t be apparent what you can and can’t deal with until you enter that ‘second chance’. As with reconciliation – there are no magic tricks to work through these issues, other than honest and open communication from both parties…and a resolve to work on the issues that lead to the first break-up. If you can’t work through them or get over them, that is not a sign of weakness on your part – it is a part of your sub-conscious that is protecting you from getting hurt again, and sometimes that sub-conscious has a point that should be listened to. Most importantly, if you do embark of a ‘new beginning’ – just as you should start any new relationship slowly, you should be extremely vigilant when reconciling. Jumping into the relationship too quickly, because you know each other so well, can see each party possibly falling back into the same old routine….and before you know it the issues that caused the first break-up are back. Slowly, slowly, slowly….that’s all I’m sayin’. Best of luck.

And not to forget Iraqi Civillian deaths: 42,000 - 46,000. A tragic day in history, and my condolences to everyone affected by it directly and indirectly.

Absolutely beautiful. Great post.

Are you seeing an Endocrinologist or Diabetic Nurse Specialist? They'd be the best to give you advice and help you with the decision - you *do* need to rectify the big gap in your food intake during the day however.

Good stuff. I think you'll find that once you get your diabetes stabilised, you'll not only feel better for it but it will also make it alot easier for you to lose the little bit of weight that you want (not need ) to lose. Your body is confused at the moment - it's using alot more energy than usual but is not receiving the fuel (via food nor is it able to utilise the sugar in your blood) As a result, it's doing it's doing it's best to maintain itself - and is storing anything it can get ahold of to keep your weight stable. That's an over-simplified way of looking at it, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

True mate By the way - I'm glad that you pointed out that your mate didn't lose any height using that diet pal

I'd definitely concentrate on getting your diabetes stabilised before trying to lose weight. Especially with your exercise programme and non-regular food intake - if your sugar levels are excessively high, you could make yourself incredibly unwell (DKA).