Arzs

LOL ok people have come out of the woodwork IMing me thinking I am asking for Cyber sex...PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS PEOPLE!!!!>>> I DO NOT WANT TO CYBER Thank you

I can relate to the drinking heavily and loosing everything you have due to it. I lost my house, 2 new vehicles and my fiance at the time. Not to mention a hefty load of bad debt now. Things got much much worse long before they got better. I never went to AA meetings or the such. In my drunken haze of a youth I found a young lady who was interested in me and saw my potential. She did not like my drinking and knew my past with it. She stuck it through and we worked on my drinking. after being with her for a matter of 3 months she came to me and told me she was pregnant. Then and there on that Thursday morning at 3:23 was the last time I thought about drinking alcohol again. You may say that I wasn't an alcoholic then, but I assure you that a quart a day is by no stretch a social drinker. I had a problem and I knew it. I guess it comes down to where you want to draw your line at. I had made a decision long ago that if I ever had kids then I would not drink a drop. So when my new girlfriend told me the news that morning I simply quit. It boils down to your will power and willingness to stop. I know my situation cant compare to yours and I am not you should just quit if you want to. I understand the urge and cravings all too well. I still crave a drink so often. Just find a good support system and hang in there. You know ou have a problem and that is the first step. You are on the right track. Good luck.

I want to give my point of view here. I am in no way trying to tear you down but sometimes things are better seen by a third party standing outside the mix looking in. I will not try to persuade you to stay or leave, but I will give you the honest view point from my end as I feel you deserve that. I have some experience in dealing with people of the same type as your husband as far as the manipulative part goes. You say that each time you are strong enough he pulls his tricks out of his sleeve and you are no match for him. Have you considered the fact that his mind tricks are the direct result in you believeing that he would never cheat on you and is so devoted to you. He can make you think he can do anything and has painted a picture of himself as being perfect in many ways "except one". Maybe there are more flaws he is compensating for by being manipulative and such. I do not know and hope this isn't the case, but you do not deserve the abuse. The reason I ask this is because I once had a relationship where I thought the EXACT same things about he woman I was with. I was so brainwashed I couldn't see the truth behind the matter. I literally thought she would never cheat on me and that she was devoted to the end of the earth. She was very sarcastic and mean and yet I still loved her. I took the abuse and took the abuse Until i couldn't any longer. I reached my limit. I was unhapy and it was wearing on me. I am not saying this is your case but in my case the woman was cheating on me and had been for quite sometime. Fortuantly I caught her and was then able to move on with my life after seeing her true nature. I hope for your sake you are able to overcome the abuse and do what you need to do to be happy and get out of life what you deserve. Good luck and hang in there.

Thank you for your response. Yes he have sought counseling and to no avail things are still the same. But I have managed to sit down and make a priority list. and that is seemingly to be working out fine. I am enorlled in school to finish my BS in COmputer Science and am actually considering enrolling in a secondary school for a few certs. Other things are pretty much the same. ya know dealing with the loss and the pain of living here with my "wife" and then the pain of not being with the woman I love dearly. Ughh...I will make it through though. This I know. Thanks again

Hi you two, I have told my story and it is somewhat similar to each of your situations. I am also in a long distance relationship and to make it even more interesting she is 13 years younger than I. I honestly do not see it working out no matter how much effort and sweat I put into making it work. I have spent an insane amount of money on phone bills and plane tickets and hotels as well as rental cars, not to mention the costs of misc things while out visiting her. The pain is incredible just being apart and when the realization sets in that you do not think it will work out or even such of the case with you Babelouee it is very overwhelming and really devastaing. One thing I have done is contacted my family doctor and asked for a mild anti depressant, which I might say does work wonders. It will allow you to be able to concentrate on one thing without having thoughts of unwanted things racing through your mind. Try making a goal for yourself and work toward that goal. For me I deal with the pain of not being around my young lady by setting personal goals that better myself. I have quit drinking as well as quit smoking. I am in better physical shape and so on and so forth. Main thing is to keep focused on your life and what surrounds you. Go out and be with friends no matter how tough it may be and regardless of how much you want to talk about your other, refrain and find a new topic. Find someone who can and will give you the support you need in a time like this as it is a very powerful feeling of loss and helplessness. I hope I have helped you in some way. If you want to speak with me more, feel free to PM me. Hang in there

Surprisingly enough, cyber sex is one way to play out your fantasies with whomever you like. You choose your current guy to do this with. SImply start off by using descriptive words and details about the surroundings and then procede to describe the situation and events you like as you visualize them. Hope this helps. Keep us posted and good luck!

WOW...As I read your request for advice I found a lot of similairties in my own situation. Although the young lady I am interested in does not work with my wife nor is she friends but she is 13 years younger and I feel very strongly towards her as you do about your young lady. It was very difficult to tell my wife but never the less I did. Although my wife hadn't done 1 thing wrong, the spark just wasnt there any longer. Granted maybe we should have worked on putting the spark back, but the amount of love I have for this young lady surpasses what I had ever felt for my wife. My wife and I are seeking couseling to make the split as smooth as possible for our children. Surprisingly enough she is taking the whole ordeal very well. My advice is to sit down with your wife and explain to her how you feel. Be honest above all else. She deserves to hear the truth. Twelve years together is worth at least that. Confess your infidelity and suggest to her that you two seek counseling to try and work through this. Maybe not work for you to but for your children at the very least. Young minds are so fragile yet so forgiving. The love of children is unconditional. I hope that all works out for you. Keep us posted.

Well I can certainly say I have had my share of loss. I lost my son this past OCT to a heart defect and a botched surgery. After his surgery everything went down hill. He went into cardiac arrest 3 times and was brought back each time. The first time he went into arrest he was in the car with me while I was taking him to the emergency room for treatment of dehydration. We was considered dead when I brought him in and after 20 mins they were able to revive him. He was a strong little fella. I guess what I am trying to say is that even with my son passing at a mere age of 15 months the pain is still hard to deal with and cope from day to day. I know the key is to find someone who can relate about your everyday feelings of depression and such. I had my wife but even she needed a certain amount of support that even I couldnt provide and hence we are on tough terms. My problem only got worse. As I found someone who I could confide in, I found myself falling for her and eventually that lead to a growing relationship. One that tore my exsisting family apart even more. Its my fault for allowing myself to fall for her under such terms but it happened and I can ignore those feelings for her. My wife and I can not seem to put the death of our son behind us and it literally tore us apart. We tried to be there for one another but that didnt work. She couldnt provide the stability I needed and visa versa. I did tell her about the infidelity and she took it better than I thought. We are going to counseling over it and are trying to find a way to maintain a relationship for our other 2 daughters. I can't look at my wife the same. I see the hurt and pain in her eyes and she sees it in mine. We both know that we can not be the rock the other needs. It's sad that things have to happen this way, But I literally can not see an end to it all. I have stayed at home with my children since my first daughter , who is now almost 5, was 3 months. then Came along the second daughter and then came my son. I am not ashamed of being a man that stays home with his children. but now that my 2 daughters are now old enough for school I find myself in a position to wanting to get out of the house and get back in to the work force. But being the fact I stayed at home for so many years there are few companies that will hire me. SO i applied to go back to school and even that is falling apart. It is falling apart due to the fact of being under such a large amount of debt. Having a son in the hospital for well over a year is not a cheap thing. EVen having insurance pay for the majority of the expenses, there is still the amount that they did not pay that is well into a 7 figure amount. I do not see an end to this dilema. I feel as though I am stuck. I can not go back to school for the fact of being financially burdened. I can not get a job from being out of the work force for so long. And to top it off the woman I am in love with, is 13 years younger than I and I have no way of supporting myself. I mean where does it end? I have tried everything I know of. I have put in about 50 resumes in the past 2 weeks and am still trudging along with interviews and the such. But it seems that when they get to my work history and see that I havent worked in the past 5+ years they are completely turned away. This is going to have such a huge impact on my future. My wife is being as supportive as she can be and I am thankful. But she too needs her peace of mind as she so deserves. I have so much on my plate to think about and make desicions on. My decisions affect not only me but my 2 daughters as well as my wife and last but not least the woman I love dearly. I know that I should be working on making things right with my wife. But we have talked and she feels the same as to the fact that she doesnt see us working this out. It isn't because I fell in love with another woman it is more due to the fact that we can't look at each other without seeing part of our wonderful son in the each of us and that literally tears us apart. As it stands now I am still with my wife and 2 daughters trying to work things out so that we can make the split as smooth of a transisiton as possible. We want our daughters to know that we still care for each other but we just can not live together any longer. I just do not see how I am going to make it on my own. I can not get a job making the amount of money it takes to survive in the philly area and still maintain a descent place for my daughters to stay 50% of the time. It is really depressing and discouraging to say the least. Well at least I got this out and that is some help. If anyone has any advice........I ask for advice ..not criticism for loving another woman.

You should not be concerend over your scar. Allow me to explain why. July 3rd of 2001, My son was born with a congenital heart defect called,Pulmaonary Atresia with Turkus Arteriosis. With in laymans terms means he did not have an artery to feed his lungs for his blood to get oxygen. and what arteries he did have there was all in one big vessel. After his surgery things were never the same. His health dimenished and passed away in Late OCT of 2002. But as to your insecurity of your scar, I found that my sons scar was probably the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. And I am sure that if you show the world your mark that has made you the person you are, you will find that they will be more open and acceptable than you think. I truly hope you can overcome this as it is not something to be ashamed of.

In response to this. I recently had a venture with a vigin who was very much the same as your description. With one or two fingers was painful for her. You must not try to be quick. It very well may take a few times for her to be comfortable enough to relax completely. But Sabena is correct. I never considered myself to be "large" by any means of the imagination as I have always been insecure about that as most men are. But realizing the fact that I was much wider than 3 fingers and much longer gave me a new prospective on things with her. Give her time to relax. You do not want her first time to be painful. You want it to be perfect. After a few times, we didn't have any problems with penetration and to her it was much more enjoyable. With the combination of all these things put together I must say it was well worth the wait. Hang in there bro and let her decide when she is ready for penetration. Then you will find that things will take a more productive turn.

Hmm...Ya you have sure gotten yourself into quite the predicament. I find it admirable that you want to tell her and I think you should. If you really love her then you will not want her to make the move she is about to make and then dum this in her lap. That would be selfish. I have been in a relationship for well over 6 years now with the mother of my children. Recently I have found myself in love with another woman. I was in the same position you are in with the decision on whether or not to tell her. I decided to be a man and tell her. THe outcome was not as bad as it could have been. I am sure that it hurt the mother of my children a lot, but at the same time she told me she was grateful that I told her. We are working through the rough time and seeking counseling. Will it work out? I do not know. My point is, If you really love her then you will go to her and tellher face to face and not wait for her to make a move that she will regret. That will cause animosity and hatred. I am sure you do not want that. Just go to her and explain to her what happened and suggest you two get counseling. Good luck, keep us posted.

Well I feel that I need to comment here. Although i am in a realtionship with a young lady that is 13 yrs younger than I, I must say that it wasn't intentional. Love does not see age or color. But I do not see her as being younger than I. I see her as being my equal. That is so important that is major part of this type of relationship. With an age difference so many time the younger of the two will feel that they are being parented or controled. Howver, it very well may be the case that the younger has more life experiences than the older. Maturity level of each part involved is also a big factor. Both need to understand that neither is better or knows more than the other. We all have differents amoutns of knowledge on various things and in some ways we are each an expert in things that ohters are not. So respect that other person as see them as an equal. Now that I have completely gotten off topic, let me address what men MAY look for in a younger woman. Being male I would venture to say that men going through a mid life crisis may look for someone who is younger to give them a sense of feeling young. It gives them a new outlook on life in a way that they are no longer growning old. inevitably we all will grow old and need to accept that fact. But if I had to guess as to why, that would have my vote.

That was an excellent question you posed there. I want to say first off that I can understand where you are coming from. I am currently in a relationship with a 13 year age gap. I want it to be know and want her parents to know. But like you she is afraid of how they will react. I understand her concerns an willing to let her deal with them in her own way and shall wait for the right time to come out with the news. Being a male, an old fashioned one at that I feel that the parents have a right to know. I so want to be able to sit down with my significant others father and tell him I ma interested in his daughter and ask his permission to see her. I feel that if everyone in the relationship is being adults and have the adult mentality then all will see that love is not prejudiced toward age or race and in some cases sexual gender. While I do not support gay relationships I will not criticize them. But I feel that if you parents are willing to see you as an adult and trust your desicions then I believe that everything will be fine. Beside you can not help who you fall in love with. I hope this has helped you in some way. SHould you want to discuss this further please feel free to PM me.

Being in a long distance relationship myself I can somewhat speak from experience. Me being the male in the situation may or may not shed light on your circumstanes. I have been working on my relationship for well over 4 months now with my significant other that is 3000 miles away. We have met and have had a wonderful time together. I understand that she has a life as well as do I. She has her friends and I have mine. We both go out and do things and try to continue on with our lives as normal with the one exception that we will not get serious with anohter unless it is really what we want. Meaning should she go out with her guy friends as she so often does, and realize that one of them is more right for her than I, then we will go our separate ways. unfortunately, being in a long distance relationship will eventually come to letting theother person, one whom you care for deeply, make thier own decisions. It is the only way to know if they are serious or not. In the meantime you have to live your life as well. Go out with others and meet new people. Sex in a long distance relationship can and so often does cuase things to become foggy. Many people attach feelings with sex and so many times that isn't the case with another person. Maybe try seeing your significant other for a weekend or longer without sex. and SHould they remain interested afterwards then i think you may have a good thing. But if you are worried about them using you for sex then I would try to eliminate that part as a simple test of dedication and loyality. Hard as it may seem, if they truly care then it will all be ok and work out for the best. I hope my words give you some ease and ideas on how to better your position. Should you want to discuss this further you may PM and we will talk about your other concerns. Just remember, long distance relationships are a hard thing to work through. Have a good support system behind you to help you make it work.

Well bud..sounds like a tough position to be in. Not only forher but for you as well. I can say that I have been there and it isn't easy. First off I want to say you two need to sit down and tell each other what each of you want in a relationship and what each of you do NOT want in a relationship. Commnuicate with each other and be open. Never hide anything. I mean NOTHING! Do not tell a lie to spare the feelings of another, because should they find out it will only hurt them more. But talk about everything going on. It sounds to me that maybe she needs security and stability of knowing that you are there. Maybe the fact that there is a distance factor involved, that could be the source of the uncertainties. Just talk to her about it and try to find a resolve that both of you can live with and accept what she is saying. Do not pressure her into doing anything that she isn't comfortablewith. That will only cause animosity in the future. Take it slow. You both are young and have your entire lives to work things out. PM should you want to discuss this further. Like I have said I have been there.